Sunday, November 30, 2014

Day 180: The Paranormal Series part 36 - How Demon Possession works part 2

"In relation to how the demons would utilise these fear programs - is obviously back to the original point I made above about why demons grunted and groaned and screamed and flopped about and bulged their eyes etc etc. The demon is accessing the exact sounds and pictures the baby/infant programmed into themselves and therefore by the demon 'accessing' these exact 'trigger points' they would push the being into their fear - which would result in a massive charge of energy - which is the pure raw energy that the demon would then feed off of. That is why in so many demon possession movies, we have to scratch out heads at how the demon carried on - perceiving that it is the demon that is crazy, tormented, lost - but in fact the demon itself is quite fine and aware of what it is accessing (triggering within the human)."


*Firstly please note that when I refer to 'demon possession movies' I am not saying that what happens in Demon Possession style movies is factual - most of what happens in demon possession movies is Hollywood over exaggeration- however some of what appears in these films are based on historical facts. Obviously for those interested in demonology - you can Google historical events of demon possession - to stick 'to the facts'. 

Therefore you will notice in demon possessed cases that the demon will a) make specific sounds b) contort the body c) speak in weird languages or d) swear and cuss and insult people.

Also they did not only, as we all know trigger the fear of the person they were possessing - they were also triggering the subconscious fears of the people in the room. So here the demon would for example pick up on morality issues around sex and society and religion etc. Thus by observing the subjects belief systems - the demon would know how to best trigger their fears - by bringing to the surface all the hidden dimensions of how this individual has been programmed.

That is why the demon will trigger for example fears, suppressed anxiety or anger about sexuality -which is why one would see so many religious people being triggered by demons. Here of course various religions would argue that the reason why demons attack them is because of their true faith in God, and therefore the demon is trying to spite god etc etc. No, the demons were merely accessing the individuals fear systems, which come through strongly in the religious. Consider the following: The split that happens inside a young person when they are taught about religion - is where the person creates a mental connection to some higher being and thus in the mind splits themselves (to explain this loosely) where 'who they are' as 'Self' does not exist - because they are taught to exist as part of a connection to a higher being or force. Therefore instead of remaining as one complete being (which is what we are) the mind of the being places parts of itself separate into and towards this 'cosmic/godly' belief system - therefore in essence we separate ourselves from ourselves with regards to many parts of ourselves.

This is all created by the parent or religious institution teaching the young person to fear large parts of themselves, life and 'the world' - and therefore to place their trust and love, self direction and self decision making into the 'god' part of their mind - which obviously is perceived as an actual 'god/cosmic force' in the sky, but it is really just a construct placement in the mind. The parent/religious institution then teaches the child all the words and pictures and feelings through which to create this separate construct in the mind -which again is perceived as being something separate, out there, in the sky type of thing - but if you slow down the mind you will notice even though it feels like it is going out a bit and searching or reaching 'outward' towards some force, it is still inside itself - obviously or else one would actually experience yourself leaving your body and moving away from your body - which would not happen as the being/body would then die as the mind extracts itself from the body. There are people that would then claim they are in fact able to astral travel or move from their body - I suggest listen to the following interviews for more contextual info:

Seeing Dark Shapes/Figures (Part 1)

Seeing Dark Shapes/Figures (Part 2)




So, back to the point I was referring to above about the Fear that resonates in one from childhood. This was an interesting point, because I can definitely relate to this. Have you ever noticed yourself walking into a room and seeing an object in the room, or a colour, and you start feeling an anxiety or uncomfortability slowly coming up from your solar plexus? Have you ever met someone and as they start speaking, or you see a specific facial expression or behaviour or a change of tonality and you start feeling a slight anxiety around the person? We would come to a conclusion - which is again the mind protecting itself - where we would 'decide' as a 'thought' that comes up that there is something about that person, or room that is off, or that you felt uncomfortable around the person or uncomfortable going to that friends house or to that party etc. From here we make conclusions that it is the house or the venue or the place or the person that is 'off' - and one will even find reasons to say this by pulling on things that happened that one could use as justification.

Ghost hunters are especially good at this - where the specific personality design of a ghost hunter' will pick the hobby of ghost hunting to go and experience their hidden fears - by 'feeling for ghosts' and feeling for 'energies'.
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Day 179: The Paranormal Series part 36 - How Demon Possession works part 1


The following blog is based on the following interview: 




Interesting interview, where Mykey explains more about how demons use to either possess a person in an instant - where they could enter the mind-body and leave at any stage, versus the demons that would for example integrate into a child/young person and stay with the individual into adulthood or an entire life time. In both cases the demon would accentuate the mind, and accentuate the personalities, to speed up how the person would normally fuel specific mind patterns and personalities such as anger, jealousy etc - through which this acceleration would result in more energy being produced by the mind from the physical resources (physical matter).

For example the demon would play on a mind experience or personality design such as getting angry at people - and here the demon would be the one inside the person accentuating experiencing, pushing the person further and deeper into these experiences. Again Mykey reiterates (as I discussed in a previous blog) that the demons did not have to create new experiences, meaning they did not from scratch have to come into a being and create a personality or mind experience, it would already be existent within the human - therefore as he says 'they used what was already there' - which was the emphasis that I placed on the previous blog in which I discussed the point - to share the understanding for those who research and have an interest in demonology - to realise that the demons (interdimensional) that use to exist, would merely piggy back on what existed within the mind-  therefore they would obviously pre-select the person whom they would possess either temporarily or for a life time - based on the specific mind experiences they saw were necessary for the creation of energy for the demon.

The next point in the interview that I wanted to share here, in relation to my own experience as I am sure we are all able to relate, is when he speak about how demons could tap into subconscious pre-existent thoughts, fears, pictures and sounds to express through the mind. Let me explain: remember when you watched a movie about demon possession, how the demon would scream and babble weird sounds and words and speak strange symbolic phrases - which would usually leave the people in the room perplexed at the sinister metaphysical nature of the demon? Well all of these sounds and words and 'dramatic points' that the demon would utilise  - again were all already existent within the mind of the being and usually came from words and experiences  that the child programmed into themselves as a baby.

He explained for example that babies hear sound frequencies and don’t have the ability at that age to interpret the sound - and therefore here the sound purely as it exist - which is very scary. For example the child would hear a sound as a high pitched, grinding sound - which would be more intensive with each 'intensive experience'. Anger for example as expressed by parents would be an example of these high pitches, very unsettling sounds which the baby programs into the subconscious. This generates fear within the baby as it would anyone and then later in life the individual will grow up with this underlying fear resonating in them to subtle and not so subtle emotional expressions that they experience around other people. So a child would grow up in a house hold where the parents shout and fight and will imprint this fear reaction within themselves to the sounds together with the sounds themselves. When the person grows up they would either then go into inferiority towards their fear, which they experience whenever they are around 'angry people' or they themselves will become an angry or even abusive personality - to not have to face the real fear experience within them.


In relation to how the demons would utilise these fear programs - is obviously back to the original point I made above about why demons grunted and groaned and screamed and flopped about and bulged their eyes etc etc. The demon is accessing the exact sounds and pictures the baby/infant programmed into themselves and therefore by the demon 'accessing' these exact 'trigger points' they would push the being into their fear - which would result in a massive charge of energy - which is the pure raw energy that the demon would then feed off of. That is why in so many demon possession movies, we have to scratch out heads at how the demon carried on - perceiving that it is the demon that is crazy, tormented, lost - but in fact the demon itself is quite fine and aware of what it is accessing (triggering within the human)...
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Day 178: Crime - Asking the Hard Questions

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Day 177: Transforming Family Dynamics: Sibling Relationships

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Sunday, November 23, 2014

Day 176: Living by the principle of self honesty Part 2

The rest of the 'Principled Living' series:




Continuing from:

"Therefore, using self honesty allows oneself to set yourself back to zero so to speak where you give yourself the opportunity to see ones mis-takes, to align them to how you see you would like to speak/live/act, and this allows one next time to speak/live the correction. For example sticking to 'I spoke and then realized I did so out of fear'. Once I use self honesty to initially see that this was my starting point, then I either use writings (will explore more later) to open up the design of how I got to 'speaking out of fear' and all of its various dimensions - which if un-cleared/undirected will keep the point existent in the mind, which will simply mutate itself into new patterns/behaviours. Therefore self honesty does not merely stop at the point where one goes 'oh I spoke there out of fear' - it allows one as I mentioned to look deeper into all the 'puzzle pieces' so to speak of this one design. For example 'speaking out of fear' - if I use writing or immediate investigation within myself (method 2) I will find the design aspects such as childhood memories/experiences, emotions, people involved, reasons, excuses, justifications, wants, desires etc…"


As an example - lets say with 'talking from fear', I realized that this habit came from a childhood memory where I was in class and the teacher started yelling at me accusing me of cheating on my homework and that I wrote down the answers from a piece of paper on her table etc etc. In that moment I knew that I did not cheat and did not write the answers down and experience bewilderment, embarrassment because all the kids now believed I am a chat, I experience anger and mistrust that a teacher would do this and so forth. All of these experiences as 'puzzle pieces' imprinted into my mind as a fear of communication , -where in the mind this experience was now used as a reference point as I started growing up. Therefore in similar situations where someone would ask me about the validity of what I have done, I immediately go into fear and access all of those points of anger and resentment, which throughout my life cause secondary consequences.

For example lets say further in my life I created conflict situations because now I from fear and resentment at being questions, attack people verbally or try and cut them short without explanation etc. This in itself as time goes by, as I am sure we are all able to relate - will compound into secondary patterns, where the conflict now grows further into fear around communicating with people. Eventually the mind builds coping mechanisms such as lying when confronted or avoiding jobs with greater responsibility because of the fear behind being held accountable or fear of confrontation. This furthermore creates consequences where to avoid having to communicate about certain points to people I see as authority, I will lie and then if I get caught in the lie, I will blame my actions on another person, which then leads to an authoritative personality to avoid people questioning why I think I can blame others. Therefore my personalities get louder and more abrasive and I find myself becoming a 'harder person' who others will 'fear' confronting or questioning. So here fr example the mind will build a fear creating personality to not have to face the fear within self….

So you see how one childhood experience can expand in the mind over the years into adult patterns/behaviours. And as time goes by we contribute new layers to the original pattern - all because of the minds inherent nature to protect itself - and therefore it adapts. So if one did not pick up on this behaviour - then think how differently conversations would turn out - the outcome would be a very different story then the truth behind what is really going on. And this is why we as humanity are habitually acting constantly out of self interest in the way we speak, act and think - because we have never really been taught the ability to be self honest about who we are and are never effectively taught methods of how to direct experiences, this mostly being due to the fact that nobody has actually assessed whether these experiences we call 'being human' or normal human behaviours is actually what is best. Therefore, in our child-programming platforms such as classrooms, childhood social setups, home environments, the effects of media, television, music on the development of children etc - all of these experience shaping platforms are all seen as 'normal' and 'acceptable' where we don’t trace the problems to these institutions.

Artwork: https://www.facebook.com/andrewgableart
Self honesty though, is also a choice and not a choice lol let me explain. Self honesty always exists - you are always what you are. I would say that 2 forms of self-honesty exist. If I have nasty thoughts about myself then I can tell you 'I have ugly thoughts about myself' - this is me being self honest. But then there is being honest about who self really is - the best self can be - and therefore by saying 'I have ugly thoughts about myself is not self honest - it is in fact self dishonesty - I am not honouring myself. So initially - when one starts to walk the process of 'self honesty - what I have found is that one goes through the initial phase of revealing to self everything that exist inside of self, ones true thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviours, feelings, possessions etc. Then one starts looking at what is it that I would like to live as 'my utmost potential', as that which is best for me, which is what is best for all - and this is where one becomes 'self honest'.

I could continue to live blissfully unaware of my words, thoughts and deeds and create a life for myself where I seek out in every moment to be the best, feel the best, live my utmost potential - in the world system, where the emphasis is on personal self-interest, or in self honesty I know that I cannot say the world is 'messed up' if I don’t start addressing me in the global soup of messed upness lol...

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Day 175: Living by the Principle of Self-Honesty Part 1

In this blog I will be continuing with the 'Principled Living' Series. Here are the previous blogs in this series:



Next Principle:


Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa


Ok, so in the previous blogs I have discussed why I live and apply these principles - in which I realize myself one and equal to the rest of the world and thus realize the inter-connectedness between myself and what happens in my 'outer reality'.

The next question is how or what do I utilise to make sure that my thoughts, words and deeds are purified - that who I am is living and applying and thinking according to 'what is best' for all, which would imply that what I allow inside of me must be a representation of what I have realised is the best for all people to be living and thus what we live and speak as humanity. I use self honesty to asses myself, my words, my actions and my thoughts.

For example - throughout my day, I observe myself. In conversations I observe during and after that which I said and I use self honesty to assess where what I said came from. So for example self honesty will allow me to see that for example I spoke from fear or to try and impress someone. If I was not using self honesty in that moment, based on my previous principles of living to my utmost potential and living by the principle of what is best for all - then I would have assessed that my words were fine, because I would have used my mind and its defense, self protection mechanisms, to justify why I said what I said.

Therefor if one makes a decision to live, speak and do what is best for all, then one makes the decision to utilise and live self honesty as ones 'companion' you could say, which always sets the mark so to speak of one getting to know thyself in every moment so that from there, one is able to self forgive (discuss in another blog) and take responsibility for (in another blog) what I had actually done, and change what I did through the application of the tools of self honesty and self correction.




Therefore, using self honesty allows oneself to set yourself back to zero so to speak where you give yourself the opportunity to see ones mis-takes, to align them to how you see you would like to speak/live/act, and this allows one next time to speak/live the correction. For example sticking to 'I spoke and then realized I did so out of fear'. Once I use self honesty to initially see that this was my starting point, then I either use writings (will explore more later) to open up the design of how I got to 'speaking out of fear' and all of its various dimensions - which if un-cleared/undirected will keep the point existent in the mind, which will simply mutate itself into new patterns/behaviours. Therefore self honesty does not merely stop at the point where one goes 'oh I spoke there out of fear' - it allows one as I mentioned to look deeper into all the 'puzzle pieces' so to speak of this one design. For example 'speaking out of fear' - if I use writing or immediate investigation within myself (method 2) I will find the design aspects such as childhood memories/experiences, emotions, people involved, reasons, excuses, justifications, wants, desires etc…

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Friday, November 21, 2014

Day 174: The Paranormal Series part 35 - Demons vs. Angels part 22

This blog is a continuation from:

Day 173: The Paranormal Series part 34 - Demons vs. Angels part 21

"So again the reason why I share this part of my story is to show the developmental phase of myself as I was trying to turn myself into a worker of god, a doer of good. This exists in all of us, the inherent desire to be able to either live out our angelic self or express our demonic self. So this yearning of mine was obviously quite apparent for me to have walked the path I did in create this right hand of God personality lol. Obviously years later as I started investigating myself and my past - I realized that again, as with all religions this was my way of trying to empower myself. To try and make myself more than my fears and more than my actual life, the reality of my life which was starting me in the face every day…" 

This following of positive experiences to avoid the negative experiences within myself was how I lived most of my life up until around the age of 28. I wrote about most of my experiences in a book, but to summarise I would like this blog to emphasis what I am saying about what I realized about all the years floating in between light worker god's right hand person to demon possessed rebellion. Most people, as I am sure you are able to relate express addiction to positive experiences in for example consumerism, family, romance, relationships, friendship, careers, having children, socialising etc and equally so with express negative experiences in this like jealousy, competition, anger, nastiness, gossiping etc - all types of characters that we can feel come up within us, usually in cycles that fuel themselves between the positive to negative poles of the polarity.

In society we have come to accept all forms of these expressions as acceptable - the positive ones we obviously enjoy and actively seek and usually go hand in hand with what money and resources one have available. The positive polarities also exist within us as our inherent emotional mind designs. These also come up inside of us as part of our mind consciousness system designs. For example a husband and wife will 'fall in love' with all the positive feelings and thoughts that go with that and a year after getting married will start having what we call 'backchat' or internal conversations about each other, set in negative patterns such as 'fucking idiot why cant he put down the toilet seat' or 'why cant she just let me watch my rugby and have my beer, she is always nagging. ' Eventually these couples end up 10 years down the line, sarcastically referring to each other at parties in derogatory terms such as ' the old bag' or 'the old fart' - all words that seem funny enough on the surface, but underneath we know these words are loaded with years and years of resentment and habitual patterns crammed into one name.

My experiences were extreme in a way because I really went to the opposite polarity of allowing myself to become possessed by my darkest demonic self - literally and figuratively. Therefore on the surface for those who have read my story - it might appear 'out there' - as any person would experience a slight shock or bemusement at hearing that someone has been demons possessed. But actually if I look at it, I see my experience as no different to the possessions we see around us every day. Only difference is we have not labelled positivity possessions or negativity possessions in any particular way, and seems to 'mollycoddle' each others behaviour in society. When we hear about a husband stabbing his wife to death because she 'pissed him off' - we raise our eyebrows because we think 'shit, that got out of hand' but really most of our lives are simply drawn out time lines of events where we focus on seeking positive experiences to avoid negative experiences and in doing so - we polarise between the two - which means they become dependent on each other and thus we keep creating the negative to have the positive.


This I found years ago when I asked but why would we want to keep capitalism the same way if we see how much death and suffering it causes each day - and here I reminded myself of how trapped I was in my cycle of self punishment - how I perceived life as experiences one must have and attain, where one battles against the bad. Therefore in Capitalism, the excuses will always be that life is about learning about ourselves, and who would we be if we did not know suffering and blah blah blah. Really just possessed by allowing each other suffering and pain, for what? So that we can maybe possibly at some short stage in our lives have a short burst of happiness? While in-between we fear the next day, fear having to pay our bills, fear that some maniac will drive into us, fear that our partner will leave us and most people currently do come face to face with what society in general consider to be worst case scenarios.

There are the elite few that make up a small percentage of the world population, but the rest of the population are constantly subject to survival. With survival we have come to accept the seeking of the good to over rise the fear and pain. Is this really how we want to live our lives? Is this really what we want to bring our children into - generation after generation will be born from our off- spring and we are bringing them into world where we live to survive - and that is it. Unless of course you are one of the lucky Elite -but don’t count on it. So - unfortunately I had to place myself through hell, to get to a point of saying STOP - enough. Then from that I realised that playing games with human (or any) lives as part of some sick survival mechanism of the human race, which we call evolution, or competition or 'reaching our fullest potential' or whatever -is just not Life. So yes I put myself through that, but came out sober. Unfortunately now we are in the 'demonic phase' of humanity, and lets see how bad we let things get until we say stop.

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Friday, November 14, 2014

Day 173: The Paranormal Series part 34 - Demons vs. Angels part 21

This blog is a continuation from:



"These guides came from various different religions, so for example they explained that they were Wiccan guides who specifically worked with Wiccans who summoned them and asked them for support. Therefore each guide would be placed with a human according to where they were in their spiritual 'path' so to speak or according to their religious choosing. In the end - as they explained it - the guides knew that all of it eventually came together to create one point as Life, but that different religions were created based on how people perceived different aspects of Life and that the guides were there to work with a being according to how they were developing specific aspects of themselves - which would then be based on whichever religion the person chose to work with. For the humans who were more receptive to 'everything' they would obviously draw guides who would assist and support them in expanding their knowledge. But it was not the purpose of the guides to push or influence a human before they were ready because the whole point of 'spiritual development' was that the human was responsible for developing ourselves."



So they explained that with my specific spiritual path, I would from now on be working specifically with Gods, who would be training me to be able to do 'Gods work' on earth, specifically bringing across a message to humanity and working with healing. I was obviously quite shocked and experienced a slight bit of excitement that finally my focus and dedication to my spirituality was taking a direction. They explained that I would be working with 4 Gods each one representing a specific part of 'God' from which I would learn. Now I started feeling nervous - I mean I was about to come face to face with actual Gods -all of these thoughts rushed through my head - what if I was not good enough, what if they did not like me, what if I was to slow or dumb for them etc etc. You know all of the ugly thoughts we have about ourselves where we place ourselves as less than other people. I asked my Wicca guides these questions and raised my 'concerns' and they of course did their best to put 'my mind' at ease by explaining to me that the Gods were already fully standing equal to me in their task - therefore firstly they had no judgment towards me because this was their existence, and secondly because judgment did not exist in them as part of their 'design'.

Now I felt really exited as the guides asked me if I was ready because the Gods had arrived. I could feel the air buzzing and becoming thick. I felt a ball of anxiety develop in my stomach and I would one moment be asking myself all these questions about me versus them and all the what if's and the next moment I would be trying to calm myself down with my assertive tentative voice, reminding myself of what the Wicca guides had said, to not allow self judgment. I had to really calm down my mind, my 'true self' from constantly speaking out these worst thoughts about myself, while at the same time worrying that the Gods would obviously be able to hear me ranting on at myself to myself, which of course did not help things much. Therefore I could feel myself waning between anxiety and confidence all the time; oh how fragile the mind is.

The first God introduced himself and called himself Deos. He explained that he was in essence the leader of the 4 that would be working with me and that he would be mostly working with me as the one that will be training me on most aspects I need to know/understand/be able to do. So each God introduced themselves to me and explained what they would be teaching me. I felt very humble and very small at that point lol.

So again the reason why I share this part of my story is to show the developmental phase of myself as I was trying to turn myself into a worker of god, a doer of good. This exists in all of us, the inherent desire to be able to either live out our angelic self or express our demonic self. So this yearning of mine was obviously quite apparent for me to have walked the path I did in create this right hand of God personality lol. Obviously years later as I started investigating myself and my past - I realized that again, as with all religions this was my way of trying to empower myself. To try and make myself more than my fears and more than my actual life, the reality of my life which was starting me in the face every day...
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Day 172: The Paranormal Series part 33 - Demons vs. Angels part 20

This blog is a continuation from:




"when I would ask them about why 'they' allowed this person to come into my life, they would answer that - and here things get even funnier - that it was because of my specific role in the 'design of heaven'. One day I am again angry and frustrated and hoping that somehow my guides would help me to change things by telling me what to do or by miraculously being able to change my reality from some greater 'scheme of things'. But again the guides tell me that my suffering up to this point had been a very specific part of what was to come in my spiritual training and that now was the right time for me to be told what this special 'spiritual path' was, as they could see that I had dedicated myself to my spiritual life and was at peace one could say with the fact that I would never really fit into the 'world system'."

So, with the boyfriend things carried on. I had introduced him to my spirituality and he decided for the most part to participate in Wicca as well, and obviously this created a great 'hope' in me, a positive feeling that perhaps things would change. Perhaps the guides would be able to intervene and assist him to sort out this dark side of himself- this madness.

Time went by and nothing changed. As I mentioned in previously blogs the guides mentioned to me one day that they had been preparing me for the beings that would be arriving to take over my spiritual training. So on this particular day that they opened up this point to me, they explained to me that there existed a hierarchy of spirits in the heavenly existence between God and the humans. By God what they meant ofcourse was not a big guy in the sky with a beard but more the life force which was responsible for and created everything. They explained that this Life Force or as some would call it 'God' created actual beings that would represent him in a form that could work with and communicate with humans.

Each form for example represented an aspect of 'God' and each form was a combination you could say between a human and God - therefore the God force or life force was placed into a beingness similar to that of a human spirit. These were called 'Gods'. Then underneath them so to speak you had your guides and masters and such beings who existed in the heavenly existence. Guides for example were human beings who had crossed over and after many years of dedication to the work of 'Heaven' and 'God' these souls would become guides to help humans.

These guides came from various different religions, so for example they explained that they were Wiccan guides who specifically worked with Wiccans who summoned them and asked them for support. Therefore each guide would be placed with a human according to where they were in their spiritual 'path' so to speak or according to their religious choosing. In the end - as they explained it - the guides knew that all of it eventually came together to create one point as Life, but that different religions were created based on how people perceived different aspects of Life and that the guides were there to work with a being according to how they were developing specific aspects of themselves - which would then be based on whichever religion the person chose to work with. For the humans who were more receptive to 'everything' they would obviously draw guides who would assist and support them in expanding their knowledge. But it was not the purpose of the guides to push or influence a human before they were ready because the whole point of 'spiritual development' was that the human was responsible for developing ourselves.
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Monday, November 10, 2014

Day 171: The Paranormal Series part 32 - Demons vs. Angels part 19

This blog is a continuation from:




"Obviously this did not work either because after a  few days he was back to his usual self. So the reason why I am sharing these smaller stories is to show how far along I went into and got consumed with spirituality to try and solve my problems. I am therefore walking the time line of events, or at least those that pop up for me in my memories, so that in my sharing I am obviously firstly for myself seeing and reminding myself of how change has to always be self and not a 'band-aid' method that works with good feelings to avoid negative feelings. That in actuality - all those years as I stuck to the really odd-ball situations, choices and people I chose to live with and for - this was really who I had become and the answer was always all along to change myself to no longer accept myself as for example 'abused' or vulnerable' or 'in need of guidance' or 'spiritual' etc..."

Secondly in my sharing I obviously would like to also assist other people who are faced with choices to make the changes required, but like myself are facing the point of absolute fear and denial, and would rather cling to hope and religion than do the actual legg-work of real time changing. So obviously the changing I am referring to is and was not only on a physical level - for example leaving the abusive boyfriend or pushing myself to become self supportive - yes practical changes are an absolute part of the changing process, but what I am also referring to is the 'self-changing' required and this as most are able to relate, is the most difficult part. Using the 'inner child' analogy as an example - I am not saying we have an inner child - this use to be white light constructed designs within the mind conscious system and therefore were merely placements through which the human was controlled through and by 'the white light' (heaven) according to our 'pre-programmed life designs'.

But the reason why I use this inner child here as an example, while we are on the topic is to show how for example even though the advice from the 'guides' were in a sense practical - in that he had to change himself and ultimately let go - which was why we did on a symbolic level the merging of himself to his supressed inner child while also stopping the addiction to the 'entity' which represented all his anger and jealousy. But what this in essence would have meant - had he and myself really understood 'self-change would have meant forgiving self for having accepted self for becoming the anger and jealousy and thus creating from that a 'backup system' per so - or shall we call it a protective survival personality. Therefore the key would have been to take responsibility for his creation in full understanding of what he allowed and to therefore within himself no longer accept and allow himself to further participate in the design and allowance of such personality designs. So obviously what was missing from what we did, which we did not understand was that changing oneself is an absolute statement and 'gift' of self forgiveness - in which one takes responsibility for what you have allowed, while giving oneself the power and awareness that you are the one that lets go and that within this you are in essence giving yourself back to yourself - where one had stood back and allowed experiences to determine who one is throughout ones life. Therefore one literally 'goes with the flow' such as in this case where he became possessed by this 'entity' or personality design because he did not know that 'self' is already here- meaning me as complete here, no parts missing or dependant on some force or special technique to bring it back.

So funnily enough what all these little spiritual techniques showed me upon introspection, was that we are obviously from very young taught that who we are is very much dependent on developing ourselves into completeness -and this is done through firstly the education system, our parents, religion, and the roles we accept within society - and that for each this will depend obviously on ones religious and cultural choices (or upbringing). Therefore in most forms of philosophy about 'who we are' very few modalities will say 'I am here' full stop. Meaning who I am is already here as this physical body and that therefore I use knowledge but I am not determined by knowledge (the mind). Currently our understanding is that it is exactly the other way around that the physical is merely a vessel for 'I think therefore I am'

So looking back at that whole little exercise - as I mentioned before, it allowed me my own insights into how we have a whole song and dance literally for amalgamating parts of ourselves, instead of realizing - I am HERE.
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Friday, November 7, 2014

Day 170: The Paranormal Series part 31 - Demons vs. Angels part 18

This blog is a continuation from:



"The trigger as I mentioned could be anything. We could be talking about the weather and I would say how I enjoyed cooler days because then I could go walking in nature and he would all of a sudden change in his body posture and facial expression to 'something else'  - almost as if he was breathing in a demon - and then he would reply 'yes I bet you love going for walks in nature with your male friends because then you can have the privacy to f*ck them' and BAM this would then simply escalate into accusations, death threats, insults and physical abuse. His favourite was to threaten to kill myself, my fiends or family. Sometimes he would get on the phone to a friend of his whom he claimed worked as a bouncer in a night club and on the side he worked for money laundering companies who would have people physically beaten up for not paying their debts back. So often, he would in the middle of one of these arguments get on the phone and call this guy and 'ask' him to come and 'take care of a problem for him' and this would then mean hurting one of my fiends or family. Obviously, because I did not know what either him or his 'friend' were really capable of, at first I would try and laugh it off, but the one day he called the guy and after ending the call said 'ok he's on his way' and after a while I started panicking that this could be for real and started pleading with him to stop."


Continuing from the section above:

I eventually tried different approaches to calming him down in these situations. I obviously in the beginning started with anger, telling him to stop and pointing out that what he was doing was abusive. This obviously did not work, so from there I would try pleading and begging and all kinds of negotiations and tactics, to see if I could link in or 'tap' into some part of his mind that would be appeased by a specific tonality or approach. Where from trying to 'stand up' to the abuse, I would go to just trying to tell him what he wanted to hear.

The one evening, when he was in one of his better moods, he explained to me that the reason for his jealousy and anger was because his previous girlfriend who he had been with for 6 years and nearly got engaged to cheated on him for almost the entire time, and with one of his best friends. So I tried to explain how 'loyal' I am and that it is not in my nature to cheat, but obviously this did not work. At this stage I had started introducing him to my spirituality and he started joining me on the Ouija Board, to communicate with my guides. I asked these guides if they could help him and they said that they could assist up to a point, but really that he had to let go of the past, the mistrust and the anger and live. They also said that his 'beingness' had become corrupted so to speak and that is why he would find himself now 'being taken over' in essence by this hatred and jealousy as it existed almost like a dark force inside of him - just like an entity. What would usually happen is that after D would abuse me, he would remain in this strange trance like state, like a demon with his lips almost always pulled slightly back like a demonic snarl and his shoulders would be scrunched forward. Like I said in my previous blog - it would be like something would come into or over him. Then after the abuse - like a few hours later he would snap out of it all of a sudden and would most often not even remember being abusive towards me or would only remember parts of it and then of course be very apologetic and want to 'make it up to me' with niceness and gifts and compliments They suggested that for him to 'find himself' - his innocence, which would allow him to clear the slate, he could try and connect with his 'inner child' lol. Anyway, this basically meant that the guides would work 'through me' and show me how to assist him in seeing his 'inner child' within himself and to speak the child back into him from a suppressed state, due to this entity manifestation within him. So we did this and he spoke to the child and a little voice came through his mouth which obviously was very intriguing and it spoke about how it was hiding because D had made the decision to allow the anger and possession to consume him. D then told the child that he was ready to let go and embrace the child again and D did some form of visualisation (as per my guides suggestion) of how to embrace and connect again with ones inner child.


Obviously this did not work either because after a few days he was back to his usual self. So the reason why I am sharing these smaller stories is to show how far along I went into and got consumed with spirituality to try and solve my problems. I am therefore walking the time line of events, or at least those that pop up for me in my memories, so that in my sharing I am obviously firstly for myself seeing and reminding myself of how change has to always be self and not a 'band-aid' method that works with good feelings to avoid negative feelings. That in actuality - all those years as I stuck to the really odd-ball situations, choices and people I chose to live with and for - this was really who I had become and the answer was always all along to change myself to no longer accept myself as for example 'abused' or vulnerable' or 'in need of guidance' or 'spiritual' etc...
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