Day 89: International Crime Research: Mass Murderers Part 3: Reactions of Mass Murderers

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-88-international-crime-research.html


Reaction Dimension 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use emotions and feelings as the driving force - as energetic reaction - from which I will allow myself to become possessed into reactions towards another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the building-up of dimensions within me - where I allow myself to see, hear or perceive something within my world, which will then be based on specific value systems, I have attached to it, triggering emotion and feeling energetic responses - instead of me realising that it is not me responding and directing myself within my world, but an automated energy system, linked to information of how I perceive myself , others and the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this energy system as emotions and feelings to then become the highlight of my life - meaning where instead of realising that I have placed coping mechanisms to my world and people - I become obsessed with 'serving' these energy systems, as if they are real and as if they are the reason why i exist - thus further looking for arguments/debates and fights to protect my rights to experience the polarity cycles between feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing these energy systems to then become the directive principle of me, whereby I will give names to these reactions, based on the values behind them, and will protect, justify and defend 'my emotions and feelings' - regardless of the reality of why and how these reactions exist as program language to automate me in my world, towards what I perceive are safe or acceptable ways to exist in a world that requires of me to outsmart and out manipulate others, so that I may succeed and perceive myself to be 'safe and happy'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to program these energy reactions from childhood such as anger, sadness, joy etc - and throughout my life place conditions and trigger points around these systems, living my life to serve a system of survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive my world and others through these energy systems, where I will judge others who are different emotionally from me as either good or bad - and I will make life decisions based on my emotion/feeling reactions to things/people - regardless of the fact that I am therefore a programmable program reacting to other programs with programs - and this I call Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design characters and personalities according to my emotion/feeling reaction systems, whereby I will surround myself with things and people that allow me through perceptions to initiate and trigger my energy systems of happy/sad, good/bad, beautiful/ugly, special/nothingness etc

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuel these energy systems - with other adaptive/evolved/responsive/backup energy systems - therefore tying myself into a infinity loop of energy reactions, dependent on more systems to keep me going, which is why addictions are so difficult to over come, as the energy systems are self sustaining and always takes the person back to the same energy patterns, just with different words, places, ideas or experiences -for example:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use anger as a manipulation to change myself or others, to allow me to trigger the experience of happiness within me - this being an example of how I would manipulate life on this planet, to surround myself with people and things that allow ME, to avoid that which is unpleasant and seek that which gives me pleasure - not seeing and realising that the physical reality, literally takes the brunt, the fall and the abuse within a world system that uses the physical as consumerism to bring the human, 'joy and pleasure', to avoid negative energetic experiences.

And in the case of a 'mass murdering mind set'; I forgive myself for then accepting and allowing myself to first trigger a picture of me being harmed or harming another who I perceived harmed me, into an internal conversation of how I will 'stand up to this person', which then chemically-energetically triggers certain emotions/feelings - that I have already pre-programmed to drive me into action through emotions such as anger, resentment, conflict etc - to ultimately experience my own contentment, joy, safety - instead of creating a world within and as me, that stand for stopping these energy based reaction os resentment and conflict - which includes and starts with self honesty as self - and only from there will each one stand as the principle of equality and oneness living, when we stop deceiving each others out of fear of getting hurt.

Day 36: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 20

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-35-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“After another year Lucinda tells me one day out of the blue – that she has been seeing another man, whom she works with, and that she is pregnant. The shock hit me so hard that I simply sat there starring at her. Then the shock mutated into rage as I realized that yet again I was deceived by a woman into giving up my life and getting nothing for it."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the thoughts (backchat) around me ‘having to give up my life’ and ‘not getting anything for it’, as justification for fueling this pattern within me that I have been compounding – where I am allowing myself to become this character of rage.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ‘mutation of shock into rage’ – as my mind produced a backup system of ‘pent up’ emotions/feelings, reactions and backchat towards this one point – so that in the end I ‘mutate’ from initial reaction into rage as I am now fully possessed into and as this character I have been participating in designing for months/years.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by fueling this ‘rage character’ with backchat that was designed to make the other person look bad, and me look good – I was within dishonesty deliberately designing and premeditating my own possession into this ‘rage character’ – as the starting point of myself – in self honesty, was to become malicious and nasty towards the end of this relationship.

“I moved out of our apartment into a small one bedroom apartment on the other side of town – closer to my work. This is where I spent the rest of my time – from work I come home and I surfed the web, playing games until late at night. I used porn sites as I had done before, but now that I was living alone for the first time in years, combined with this seething rage – I started looking for specific porn. Rape porn and sadomasochism – were the only forms of pornography that gave me release. I enjoyed watching woman being abused and eventually only used hardcore porn sites.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately go down the path of revenge towards my partner, by deciding that I will from now on watch porn directed at being harmful towards the individual/woman.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pornography to exist in the first place, due to patterns like these where I as the human refuse to take self responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions and addictions – and through that manifest the consequential outflow within myself of ‘becoming a mind-monster’ and then supporting an industry that provides tools for me within my possessed state to be able to express myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from the original thought-moment of ‘seeing myself having revenge on woman’ to follow the backchat thought conversations with myself of ‘how I could hurt them or how nice it would be to see woman groveling’ to the reaction of rage into the physical reaction of sexual desire – which then directs me to the final decision where I step into the character of ‘surfing for porn’.



I commit myself to stop trusting the Mind as it takes me from a thought which represents my desired outcome in a specific situation – to the backchat patterns that one participates in to fuel ones own opinions, into a physical reaction which takes one into possession where you then lock down into that character and convince oneself you are making the right decision.



I commit myself to show how the outer reality we exist within, with its wars, politics, corruption, famine, pain, suffering and mind possessions –are all the end results or decisions made by people like myself, who followed an original thought and through thinking changed themselves until they physically acted on a history of backchat.



I commit myself to show how the physical reality does not require planning through the mind through pictures, backchat, feelings, emotions, and reactions – into a character that responds based on hidden agendas. The Physical Reality is here for all to Live, if we stop bringing the agenda of ourselves as the Mind into physical Living – which is how we have manifested all the fuck ups and human mind possessions – where we harm the physical while trying to please/protect what happens in the mind.



I commit myself to show that what ‘we’ as the mind wants as we have designed it – exist for all to see – openly in what is happening in the news, on the internet and in people’s lives – and that there is no separation between what we are seeing on the internet/news, the dramas in people’s lives and the reality of ourselves as how we exist in the mind and act out ‘the mind’.



I commit myself to show that what is happening ‘out there’ on the internet, or in other people’s lives – is not really ‘out there’ as ‘that’ individual who made ‘that’ decision to harm, kill, abuse, maim, lie, cheat etc. – is me and you in a character that has fully concluded its cycle – just like all mind patterns have a beginning and an end.



I commit myself to show that there are solutions to these Character Creations that we live as Patterns.



I commit myself to show that it is possible to remove or change the environmental factors involved in why a person makes the decisions he or she makes – but what is required of humanity to change these factors involved in parenting, the education system, the money system etc. – is a commitment and understanding of why and how we are changing, within the principle of what it means to do and Live what is best for all.

The DesteniIProcess Courses are Designed to take apart these Character Designs through various Stages. SRA 1 for example, is a simpler course which focuses on getting familiar with ‘what are characters’, how are they designed, what are feelings, emotions, thoughts and for one to start becoming aware of these ‘components' of the character through the tool of writing. In SRA 2, we focus on Mind Constructs – where we specifically go into the ‘how’ we created our Characters as they are Constructed within the Mind. For more information on SRA 1, SRA 2, SRA 3 and our Agreement course please visit: http://desteniiprocess.com/courses

For more Awesome Journey to Life Blogs: 7 Year Journey to Life Blogs

Day 33: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 17

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-32-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“During my teenage years the girls mostly ignored me and I learnt to accept that I was not handsome or cool enough for the girls I liked. By the age of 17 I dated a girl for a few months but she wanted to wait for sex after marriage so I did not score and therefore felt even more withdrawn from this reality that I felt I was supposed to be in with the other young men, bragging about their girlfriends and whether they scored with them or not. So I distracted myself during breaks to not have to watch and be part of the socialization of the horny teenagers outside, and followed my interest, which was to play on the computers in the library. I developed an interest in computer programming and after graduating I studied to become a computer programmer.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one should be handsome to others, in order for me to accept myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condition and response myself into and as the character of ‘not cool’ and ‘unattractive’ – therefore by accepting myself as these labels, I am creating and fueling my experience as I have now created the platform from which I develop further characters into experiences surrounding ‘not cool’ and ‘unattractive’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this conditioned response to be the true nature of myself as I plan and plot who and what I will now become as I allow my reactions to the responses and moods of other people to become me in living manifestation, while years later I blame others for who I became, not realizing that if I were to look back at my life I would see the time line of decisions made, in which I justified this conditioning because I have already allowed myself to exist as a Mind System that creates behaviors and exists according to pleasing characters.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself each step of the way as I experienced rejection from girls/boys to allow conscious thoughts in relation to what I initially experienced, followed by backchat conversations during which I would talk myself into a ‘realization’ of who I am in response to the information I was placing



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide who I would be in relation to past memories of what I had seen happen to other people who were rejected by the opposite sex. Therefore from there through the backchat conversations, I allowed myself to convince myself of my worth as a final decision based on all the information I had presented to myself about the conclusion within my mind of ‘I am this because of that.’



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to ideas I formed around the meaning of things where I would see, watch and understand something I saw happening to others, not from a realistic common-sensical perspective – but through the mind of judgments, fears, patterns, addictions, energy etc.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that as I made these ‘decisions’ about myself in relation to my experiences, I was not in fact using common sense reality based assessments of myself, but using pre-programmed values existent in society which are placed through the unconscious mind called ‘consciousness’as the rules by which humans exist.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the rules of what it means to be human, according to the thoughts that come up in my mind as I experience reality – not realizing for myself that these harmful, self-abusive thoughts in no way support me here as Life in the Physical, as a Breathing functional, Equal and One being to all others – but instead the information as my thoughts follow a ‘train of thought’ that take me into accepting myself as less than who I am.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become ‘a someone’, a character, due to the accumulation of thoughts based on the rules of what it means to be human, where I now years down the line have become a being I probably would look back at in disbelief if I were to step out of this mind and observe myself in self honesty for a moment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become this ‘somebody’ due to the accumulation of decisions I made throughout my life in minor moments where I would think or react or feel in relation to my experiences and then accept that experience and from there, make decisions based on the memory of information accumulated.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts such as ‘I am not good enough’ or to present pictures to myself of who I should be or why I am not good enough.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat conversations around why I am not good enough and how to avoid the experience of rejection or embarrassment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing reactions such as sweating, heart palpitations, looking away, anger, irritation etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing physical behaviors to develop such as avoidance, sitting alone, quietness, reclusiveness, spending all my time on the Internet etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make life or career decision such as ‘working with computers’ not as a natural self-expression, but as a coping mechanism originally used to avoid being around certain people or situations.



I commit myself to show how even a pedophile/sex addict exists due to a thought which if you open the thought up – you will find a history of memories that make up the present decision, whether it be a feeling that ‘overcomes the being’ or a specific thought or a physical behavior that kicks in.



I commit myself to show that there is support available for all who are equally in the same boat called the mind and how all patterns, behaviors, characters can be traced to its origin point and that the origin point is not some elusive evil spirit or evil god – but in our history and make-up – all to be found in memories and how we become characters in relation/response to memories (past events).

Day 32: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 16

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-31-international-crime-research.html


Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Person who watches child porn as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.

“By the age of 15, I knew that I was interested in girls and like most boys my age developed masturbation fantasies around girls in my school."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop masturbation fantasies of girls/boys and through this developed a false idea about sex and the physical body, as my reference point became about the energy and not the interaction with and movement of my and the other physical body in natural self-honest self expression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself through this false image of the body and the sex, to create a vast network from which I can create any picture to masturbate to as I got older, not realizing that I was opening the door to becoming an abuser as I trained myself form young to give permission to my mind to conjure and connect images to sexual gratification and masturbation.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in that moment as the decision I made to create and allow secret fantasies of others in my mind –to establish myself as the character of abuser within this world as I allowed myself within my mind – which is me – to exist as someone who secretly does things to others without them knowing – where in real life I would never admit to the person that I was doing these things to them within myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to within creating these fantasies to also create secret conversations, hopes, dreams and outcomes within my energetic relationships to these images, which did not match the reality of my situation – which further fueled my inner turmoil if I did not get in real life what I was already getting or hoping to get in my energy reality of my mind.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the world is in the state it is with mind possessions escalating, because the inner reality as the Mind is never Equal to what really happens in the physical - therefore people end up going into Mind Possessions because when they cannot have in ‘Real Life’ what they believed/imaged/desired themselves to have in the Mind.



Therefore; I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place so much value in what my Mind reality wants and can have, not considering self honestly that I am the one who created a world of conflict, abuse, war, terrorism, pain, inequality –because eventually we always inflict the desires of the inner reality (mind) onto the Physical Reality, whether it wants it or not. That is why people can watch war abuse, poverty, rape, murder, starvation etc without blinking – because each one already through thinking has forced our mind Realities of ‘I want!’ to such an extend within ourselves that we through backchat always win and always get what we want – therefore when we see this forcing happening ‘for real’ in the physical reality – we do not even blink an eye.



I commit myself to show that as long as we have realities within which we exist in the mind, that we will always end up abusing the physical reality – as we have laced such value on what exists in the individuals mind that nobody is willing to stand up for the abuse we allow in the physical reality and to each other.



I commit myself to show that children are educated in how to exist in the mind, which becomes the starting point of ‘who I am’ through how parents teach them to follow the rules of culture, religion, family and society – with no regard for the outflow of a culture we have created where all get to abuse Life on this planet – as long as the abuse is justified in that it was part of the individuals rights to freedom of expression.



I commit myself to show that the family, religious and cultural systems are ‘protectors’ of the mind – where a young person is shown how to become emotional characters and are trained in how to manipulate others and self to get ‘what I want’ regardless of the effects on the world.

“I remember the one day I was sitting in class and I heard the girls sitting at the table behind me, talking about me. Shelly was asking Valerie whom she was going to invite to her birthday party. Shelly would mention people in the class’ names and Valerie would respond with a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or some personal insult to clarify her discontent towards that boy or girls and the reason why they definitely would not be invited to her birthday party. I was following their conversation, because I was intrigued to know whether I would be invited to this party. The only other parties I had been to were that of my guys friends and I had never been invited by a girl to one of their birthday parties. That seemed like something that was reserved for the semi popular/cool or attractive guys. The ‘nerds’ were only invited by other nerds and nobody paid any attention to who was being invited to their parties. This in itself caused a tingle in my belly, as I knew that being invited to Valerie’s party would mean the beginning of this phase where we now start treating each other in different context’s then mere ‘children’. As Shelly whispered my name my stomach tightened and I unconsciously held my breath. From all the nasty comments I heard Valerie make about some of the other boys and girls, I couldn’t help but wish that she would magically see me as someone cool enough to get invited to her shindig. Shelly whispered my name and Valerie’s response was ‘gross’. Shelly spurted out a short giggle and both girls tried to suppress their laughter into their hands before they continued onto the next unsuspecting victim. An ice-cold rod shot up my spine into my neck and face and a cold flash crept its way into my belly – as my worst fear had been realized: I was ugly and the girls hated me.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the game of self-esteem based on what others think of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts around hoping others will approve of me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in that moment to participate in the backchat conversation with myself of ‘hoping they would pick me’ and how I will experience myself if they rejected me – creating the character for myself of who and what I would become if I were to he rejected.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from participating in the backchat to then generate a physical tension in anticipation of how these two individuals are going to decide for me who and what I am – thus inflicting onto my physical the abuse character I was creating in that moment through my thoughts.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a character around what others were apparently thinking and saying of me and through this infusing into the physical a system design based on the moment, as the values, the pictures, my reactions, fears, emotions, feelings – all into and as a system that shot up into my spine and infused itself from my mind consciousness system into my spine and through the physical – thus predesigning my responses for the rest of my life, on how I would experience myself in similar situations.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to preprogram myself from the character of ‘rejected and hurt’ into someone who would then take situations in which I reacted and felt ‘hurt’ to further fuel the system, until I became an abuser of others because I built on this original memory from my youth where I allowed myself to take what was said personally and to systematically design my anger and resentment over time, into a system, which would then later on activate me into responding to my past by hurting others as they represented pictures, images, and symbols I then responded to in light of this system design.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a judgment of people who are not invited to parties by popular people and then living out the character of the ‘rejected one’ according to the judgments I created and participated in.



I commit myself to show how all relationships are created through thoughts and thoughts exists as a means of protecting oneself from others, therefore by the time you have created a relationship with another, you have designed it so as to exist as that which you want to protect about your characters.



I commit myself to show how relationship dynamics, is actually just another way of saying how we support the creation of characters to protect ourselves to not have to be self honest and thus relationship dynamic is how one moves yourself into character to appear as something more than what you are while only responding to the dynamics (character) within another that will compliment the character one is currently primarily existent within –whether this is what is best for humanity or not.

Day 27: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 11

The Secret Mind of the Pedophile - continued: 

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-26-international-crime-research.html


In Day 26: Part 10, I walked Self-Forgiveness for the existence and allowance of the Secret Mind. Now I will apply Self-Forgiveness on the Thoughts, Pictures and Memories existent within the Secret and Conscious Mind – of this particular pedophile character (taken from Day 26 – Child pornography Part 10)

“It was a sudden interest in the images that developed due to a response from my body, which was then fueled by my mind through justifications as to why these images are enticing.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see an image of a naked or abused child and to connect to that a physical sensation of pleasure.



I commit myself to stop connecting relationship lines between moments and myself to use later on as characters.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the damaged files of my secret mind where I have stored images and ideas linked to sexual gratification – to now in this moment experience sexual pleasure towards a child while looking at a the images through my secret mind which connects the image to the experience of wickedness, evil, control, purity, pleasure, to overwhelm, to need, to abuse, to inflict, to destroy, innocence lost, punishment, childlike, condemned, obscurity, manipulation, blame, etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself once I reacted sexually to the image of a child for the first or second time – due to how my secret mind connected gratification to the act of intimacy or harm to a child – to then become addicted to the energy and release of energy – whereby I then created the character of justification – as the voice that would come up inside – as that part of me that could manipulate me through specific words – to keep doing what I was doing – and that what I was doing were ‘my private moments’ – thus infusing into me my conscious participation as the weakness I had become as I decided to harm life – all for the experience of energy as addiction and the false sense of self-empowerment.

I commit myself to show how all symbolic experiences – which are all experiences we ‘give’ value to, which in essence separate us from the physical in self expression – is merely the mind as it programs the being into future reactions based on past memories that were given specific values – usually from within the secret mind where we store the information we experienced conflict towards from childhood as we saw, realized and understood that most of what we were taught was based in deception – as our parents lied about why and how we do things – because they were busy playing out specific characters that were trying to survive. Due to the fact that we as children were not trying to survive and were more ‘physical’ meaning here, breathing, expressing – and our ‘doing’ was not veiled in surviving – we could see, realize and understand with more clarity when our parents taught us their values, beliefs and ideas. Therefore I commit myself to not allow myself to teach a child any bulshit about why we exist, where we come from and who we are – and to stick to the basic common sense of that which we are here as a physical being on this physical planet – equally born to all other life – so that the only character the child becomes is that which is best for all.

“From there I experienced a combination of initial mistrust towards my own experience, but this did not last long as the energy of shame and guilt towards my own sexual reaction, turned to a new thought which surfaced where I simply knew that I liked it.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use fear and morality, as a basis from which I turn whatever image I see into something that triggers reactions in me, which allows me to access my secret mind where I stored ideas of shame and guilt which we as children are taught by our parents and teachers as they stand as the examples of charging the mind by charging the positive polarities of good and negative polarities of bad – through the system of punishment and reward.



I commit myself to share how the education system teaches a child how to create patterns based on good/bad, right/wrong – where the patterns are fueled through polarities until the child designs themselves into a system – which cannot function unless it is being stimulated through fear, manipulation, pictures, words, hope, survival, etc – where eventually we do not live here in common sense as what is best for all – but instead live as character systems – that all have a trigger point, memories for information and a desired outcome depending on what was taught to the child the outcome should be. Most humans believe that they are following the outcome of comfort, achievement, intellect, family, acceptance, love, enlightenment, safety, god etc – but the outcome is actually dictated and designed by those who impulse human beings – which is greed, desire, comparison, ego, self interest, separation, conflict, fear, suppression, obsession, consumerism, etc – all characteristic of the perfect systems that wake up in the mornings – go participate in the money system and come home to the family where you design, create and educate the next generation of systems to serve as slaves to the world system – while all the while entertaining oneself in what we believe is individuality and human rights/freedom – but are all actions that further keep us trapped in the mind - which keeps us as unstable characters that are dependent on the world systems for our survival – where we will participate in the world systems and consumerism – as we attempt to alleviate our characters as we strive for resolution of that which we have really become.

“Somewhere from within me, from within my mind I became more and more comfortable with seeing images of naked children, having thoughts about their flesh which I would normally have about woman and then empowering my mind through further thoughts which made me feel alive with energy, as I was pulled between morality and sexual pleasure.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self-responsibility for how I allowed myself to compound my thoughts – not realizing that I was in fact building and designing my physical response as my living self from the thoughts I participated in – as eventually my thoughts became me as the living flesh -as I gave in and followed my thoughts into action.



I commit myself to see, realize and understand the relationship between what we input into the mind and who we eventually become. I commit myself to show how the mind is not ‘something out there, harmless and ethereal’ where thoughts happen to us and at the same time have no bearing on our reality –– instead to show that all actions can be shown to follow a line of information from creation point to action.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex as a feeling in the body that happens in reaction to images of naked people.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and to fuel my belief through how I have participated in sex, that sex is best experienced when a person finds ways to stimulate oneself and to become horny and then to chase a picture presentation of whatever will give one an orgasm.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to observe pornography and how this depicts sexual aggression and disrespect of the human form for profit – and from this to establish my starting point equal and one – in that woman (or men) are there to be fucked and that sex is so important that I must have it and if I don’t get it – that I will charge my mind through memories until I find material on the internet to masturbate to – not realizing that I created this character of masturbator myself, through participating in creating and fueling the value system around sex as it exists in this world currently – instead of taking self responsibility for myself within what I create in this world – of which one point is to realize that to abuse in the name of sexual gratification is not ok by me unless it is really ok by me – which again shows the character that I really exist as – as the real ‘Me’.

Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-23-international-crime-research.html


Deconstruction of the Personality/Character of the Criminal.


In the next section, I will focus my self-forgiveness on the conscious ‘thought-processes’ i.e. backchat that a person follows from the point of becoming aware of an initial reaction towards for example imagery of children and how reactions coupled with thoughts, leads the person to the act by ‘watching child pornography.


What one will observe within how the mind functions, from the moment we have an initial thought, to the point where we act on our thoughts – is that there exists a line of information consisting of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, reactions etc. – until one gets to the final decision to act upon what one believes to be a single decision in ‘the moment’. Here one is able to look into the mind and follow the time line back from an action or thought (such as watching child pornography) to its origin and how one from the original thought participated in fueling further thoughts, pictures, feelings, emotions, memories and physical behaviors to get to the decision to the act on ones decision.


In my previous blogs I applied self-forgiveness around the scientific research and ‘facts’ around child pornography and Bipolar Disorder. Now I will write out the backchat design of the perpetrator/offender and from there apply self-forgiveness accordingly. The ‘backchat design’ which becomes the ‘character of the individual consists of all accumulated thoughts, which over time become the being as the physical movement and behavior.


The perpetrator/offender exists though as one dimension, one character within the major character of ‘child pornography’ as it exists as a ‘character’ of the world. Therefore if the world exists as it currently does as a conglomeration of ‘characters’ – called humans – then child pornography is an example of one characteristic of our current world. Therefore the Child pornographer is a ‘character’ within the world characteristic called ‘child pornography’. The child, its family, the reaction of society to the reality of child pornography, the police, the politicians, criminologists, psychologists and law enforcement – all exist as characters in the world problem of ‘child pornography’. Each ‘character’ responds in his or her way depending on the role they have come to accept themselves to be as and this is how we have all come to accept ourselves and everything that surrounds us – as characters playing in the game we call life.


Therefore my main focus is to show that all experiences in this world are based on humans playing characters determined by the script within the mind. If we stepped out of the role of character for a moment and looked at what was going on around us – we would be shocked and horrified that we have allowed ourselves to be mere characters in this play called life, instead of standing up for what is best for all.


One could ask yourself the question – why am I saying that we are merely playing characters and not standing and applying ourselves as life? Well – the fact that abuse and other crimes against life happen each and every day in the smallest and largest of forms in our families, societies, religions, politics, entertainment, capitalism, relationships, etc. – shows us that we are obviously not standing as life in the physical – because if we were life we would be and live what is best for all as life – and not sit by idly watching as life is abused on this planet.


So - that raises the question – if the human can sit by idly, continually accepting society and the world systems to function the way it does and not realize our responsibility to change the world – then where are we? We are tied into survival as the mind as characters, in which we have come to believe ourselves as real, however if one trace your life back to childhood – you will see that you have systematically been programmed by your parents, peers, educators, religion, politicians etc. into characters that are called human – but what are we really? We exist to survive according to the rules of the system, through which we split ourselves into millions of different characters to survive in society, the money system, relationships and the family system.


One can trace your life back and record second by second how our choices were always made for us, by pre set rules and those who had control and power over us. We then grow up accepting that the way the world functions is normal and we become the characters necessary to survive in the world –so that we too can become the best we can be – however the best we can be is according to the predetermined, predesigned characters – that were designed by other characters who want to control and direct for the purpose of ‘my life’ and ‘what I want’ and ‘my happiness’. So – we are all creating ourselves into better, bigger, brighter characters to outshine ourselves in a system design, created by those who have gone before us – as they designed the system within which they had to survive according to the rules set by those surviving and fighting before them…. Quite a fuck up we have created. And this character game we call ‘Life’. So - it is not just a matter of observing the criminal/offender and their 'character designs - but to alos observe ourselves as society to see who and what have we become in the face of Abuse.


In my next blog I start by looking at the different character designs of ‘producer of child pornography’ and ‘consumer/distributor of child pornographer’ –and by tracing the backchat/thought design of these perpetrators, I am allowing myself to take self responsibility for the components that come together to eventually lead to the mind of a child pornographer. By taking self responsibility for all parts of the mind of the child pornographer – I am standing One and Equal to to the design as myself, defusing it as myself within the self responsibility that I take and of course seeing where I am reacting to any thoughts and pictures that exist within the child pornographer as I walk the time line of the mind of the child pornographer.


Why do I walk the time line of the mind of the child pornographer? So that the pattern is fully revealed to me, in which no stone is left unturned as a behavior that in time if suppressed through fear or denial could mutate or project itself energetically into a ‘sexual addiction character’, due to my participation in the same thoughts, without understanding of how these addictions are designed within the mind. In walking the path of the criminal I am forgiving myself and deleting the character within myself – in whatever dimension it may exist, so that at no stage I allow these ‘characters’ that abuse life to ‘surface’ within me and become me. By doing this, we as the current generation and the bodies that will bring forth the future generations will no longer create and exist as ‘characters’ supporting abuse in this world, but to learn what it means to Life fully here in the Physical.

For more information on the Design of the 'Character':

Day 78: Stepping out of character

Day 79: Stepping out of character with LOVED ONES

Day 21: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 5

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-20-international-crime-research.html


Research taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/


USES OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY - continued

“3. To lower a child's inhibitions: Child abusers use pictures of other children having sex to assist in the seduction of a child and encourage reluctant children to freely participate. Images are often used as a way to show a child what the offender wants the child victim to do. Pornography may be used under the guise of "sex education" to create sexual arousal in the child.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lower the inhibitions of the person who I am sexually attracted to through manipulative words, behavior and the use of alcohol.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to trick someone into having sex with me, which by implication shows that I am not effective in communication and that I have created a world where people are so judgmental of each other, that we need to trick and persuade according to status and money to get some one to have sex with us.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn myself into a picture representing pornographic images, which I believe will please the person whom I want to have sex with.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to the pictures existent within the media and pornography, through which I evaluate my self-worth as I allow the value system of society based on beauty vs. ugly to become the value of me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change my behavior around the opposite sex, to change the picture of me, so that the person will evaluate what they see through mathematic equations relating to value systems within their minds based on fantasies.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that each time when I am shopping for clothes etc – that I compare myself within the clothing to that of a beautiful, attractive woman – I am in fact separating myself from myself into a picture loaded with sexual value.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value into the image and behavioral patterns of celebrities, placing value in what they wear, not because I really care about the material or the shape of clothing – as we have seen fashions deliberately becoming sillier and sillier – but instead their success as pictures are equated to worth which is equated to money – therefore:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to also want to feel self worth by experiencing the worth of money I have equated within the clothing worn by celebrities.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the education system to exists as schools where children are forced into categories based on popularity and status, through which they compound sexual energy towards each other, and by doing so – prepare the way for themselves to become sex systems, dependent on pictures and societal status to achieve arousal and to engage in sexual activity towards the perception they have of each other.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the education system, therefore to not educate children on the value of the physical and how to live and breathe practically in your physical body – but instead turns a blind eye to the dynamics that play out in the schooling systems based on comparison, ego, sex, judgment, achievement – where the school become the educators and perpetrators of the human ego – which goes out into the world prepared by knowledge and information on how to best abuse life on this planet.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to use the way children participate in sex to further perpetuate sexual abuse in this world – where I will stand by and watch as my secret sexual desires actually play out right in front of me as my children become addicted to pornography and sexual abuse towards each other –while doing nothing about it because I believe this form of ‘evolution’ or ‘growth of the child to be natural – when in fact there is nothing natural about becoming dysfunctional and watching as the future generations become even more dysfunctional as they copy and modify the already abusive tendencies existent within dysfunctional humans.

4. Preservation of the child's youth: Child pornography ensures that there will always be an image of the child at the age of sexual preference.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing sexual preferences to have become the reason and purpose for why people can cheat, lie and deceive.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat, lie and deceive people to have sex with me based on my sexual references which I have designed in my mind through years of watching pornography – which by its design does not align with how the physical really functions during sex and is purely based on the secret mind which derives energy from stimulating the mind through pain, punishment, power, submission - everything which is abusive towards self – and therefore creates energetic reactions within the being as we react sexually towards that which is ‘wrong’.


Therefore;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to equate the value of the physical simply to a tool that can function in how I energetically charge symbols and images in my mind to get as much sexual energy from my interaction with another as possible. Therefore other people become purely symbols to give me my sexual rush, while I lie, cheat and deceive with special words and gestured to lure the partner that I really want – based on these ‘sexual preferences’.


I commit myself to reveal to all – how charged simple, societally accepted words are like ‘sexual preferences’, ‘likes’, ‘dislikes – and how we have energetically charged what we see each day – to fulfill the secret mind sexual fantasies – where sex is no more than seeking the greatest rush and not about physical interaction based on physical self expression.


I commit myself to no longer allow energetically charged words, pictures and situations within my world, to create an environment where everything is based on practical common sense to support Life here Equally, instead of the systematized, hidden world of energy addiction, through which we have willingly allowed all forms of abuse to be justified due to our addiction to energy.

Day 15: International Crime Research - Bi-Polar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 8

This is a continuation from:


http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-14-international-crime-research-bi.html

Self-Forgiveness part 6


Bipolar Disorder and Family.

Please refer to Day 9: International Crime research - Bi-Polar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 2  for background information on Family Dynamics and Environmental factors as primary cause for Violent Behavior in people diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing family to become the breeding ground for dysfunctional humans.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing family to exist as the platform from which information is passed along from dysfunctional, dishonest humans into our children.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the family environment to contribute to the dysfunctional behaviors of children, without it being questioned and without parents receiving effective education and evaluation before and during the period of raising children – and that myself as a member of society has come to accept the dysfunctional human as natural and acceptable.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the dysfunctional human to exists as a time line of influences based in DNA, environmental factors, ineffective education, ineffective examples as the current human and the contribution of the general mind fucks that mold our children into the adults we see today.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing parenting to exist based on Fear of survival, competition, greed etc. – in which we prepare our children to fight for survival in the system and with each other.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to raise children according to the current human values such as beauty, fame, jealousy, ignorance, blame, addictions, abuse etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame other parents for fucking up their children, without considering and realizing that unless I am teaching my child in all ways how to act within self responsibility and common sense as what is best for all – and I too force my child to develop its mind according to any form of illusions – then I am also responsible for the world as it is as I am shaping the generations to come and holding the past in place.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the family environment to exist as the place where I teach my children how to exist based on polarities of good and bad, where I take the child from being born into the physical and encourage the child to develop a mind system based on beliefs, backchat, emotions, feelings – until by the age of 4 or 6 the child is already existing purely as a pre-programmed system.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condition my children through reward and punishment to believe what I want them to believe and do what I want them to do, simply because this was done to me by my parents and simply because I exist in such fear of the world, that I enforce my fears on my children.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forgot that children can be a fresh start into and as life and instead of me preparing the world to support my child, I mold my child to become a personality that will survive in our current world system, regardless of the fact that I can see how abusive the world has become.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to teach children to attach values to this physical reality, even though I have seen from my own experience the abuse that exists in this world because of the values we have given ideas, beliefs and pictures, in which we honor the mind as energy, with no regard for the abuse that happens as each defends their self-interest.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subject my child to my behaviors and pattern of backchat and dishonesty, without realizing that the child is busy copying my behavior.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing violence, abuse and dishonesty to exist in the family environment, and by doing so I am molding my child from a being born into the physical – to a copy of my behaviors, while I profess that I love my children.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing environmental factors to mold my child into depression, irritability, elated moods and expansiveness, as attempts by the child to either avoid pain, discomfort, punishment, disappointment or as an addiction to the energy system I trained them to become from young. This energy system I developed within my child by attaching energetic reactions to things, places, pictures and people and then training my child to react in similar ways. The child then gives the things, places, pictures and people a value according to how they experience themselves, and then learn to abuse all life in the name of judgment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my home and family environment to become a breeding ground where I teach my children about conflict because the child observes the parents in conflict over money and their inner battles.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the home environment to be the foundation from which the child learns the behaviors that are eventually diagnosed as Bipolar, while not seeing that the home environment, schools and the environments within the system I accept for my child is directly responsible for who and what my child becomes. Within this I also realize that my DNA was the starting point from which the child came into this life and that if I do not clear myself within who I am – and simply regard myself, my past memories that influence me and my living expression as suitable without really considering what this means - my child will grow up into a dysfunctional being trapped in layers of information from myself and that which I subject them to while in my environment and within society.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the word Love to teach the child how to manipulate others, through feelings and emotions, for their own self-interest.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate the word Love with family, in which I teach my child that if they love me they will do as I say and that for me to love them I have to manipulate them into becoming and being the perfect soldier within the system, to protect the family name and to not embarrass the family by doing anything that could be judged by others.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate the word family with trust, in which I teach my child that they cannot trust themselves, because they have to trust the parent who is a living copy of their dysfunctional parents and to trust a god who supposedly placed them on this planet to allow and endure suffering without any solutions. Thus, I teach my child to trust abuse and suffering and to trust the family unconditionally, in which the child starts to accept the world system as it is and even starts participate in it willingly as a means of winning in life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use words and behaviors to manipulate the child into changing themselves to please the parents, whilst not realizing that everything I as the parent believe, think and feel is programmed into me through my parents, the media, myself as my fears and desires.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to teach my children that love is conditional and to only Love those things that bring them personal enjoyment, regardless of the evidence before us that this behavior which all currently practice is having a direct impact on the world, as countless beings are abused daily in the name of profit and personal enjoyment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to teach my children to seek pleasure in life while avoiding discomfort, which inevitably means that we create a system which is designed around seeking joy to avoid discomfort, regardless of the fact that this directly results in us creating a world where we argue and fight amongst ourselves as we seek enjoyment at the expense of others.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have children regardless of the fact that I am unable to support the child within my environment or financially.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid taking responsibility for this planet, whilst adding to the population, not realizing that unless I change what is here now, my children will either end up suffering or end up being supported within the Capitalistic System which causes suffering for others.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the family is there to support each other to become the most effective, functional beings on this planet, instead of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become now.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support my family in realizing themselves as Life, but instead I have accepted myself and my family as subject to what has already been accepted about humans as human nature – thus opening the door to allow ourselves to repeat the past while evolving more and more into mind possessed humans.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subject myself and my children to inner experience I feel I have no direction within, instead of walking within common sense application, equal and one to my child to no longer accept and allow inner experience to influence who I am here and who my child becomes.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a world where children and the experience of children, is subject to money.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a world where children become accustoms to having to stake their claim for attention and fame and through this defining themselves according to the mind.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a world and a family system where my children have become accustomed to using depression as a means of manipulating themselves and the world, according to attaining their desires, based on what they see through the media, in comparison to others and where they have placed their self worth according to what others say and think.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the family environment as a teaching ground where I develop the child’s mind into that of a fully functional system, where the child no longer is able to fully express itself without is being locked into a societal value system according to which all function.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop the child’s mind to respond and react to certain stimuli – thus programming my child from the physical into a system, based on various factors such as fear, desire, jealousy, emotions, feelings, self ineptest, survival etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate children in such a way that eventually the child only functions according to elated moods to avoid the polarity opposite experience of sadness based of self judgment, taught to them through the adult as the adult attempts to mold the child through rules, values, culture and religion into ‘the perfect human’ as it is currently understood and lived.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design situations within which I place my children, which eventually due to its impact on the child, forces the child into behaviors to align themselves or avoid the point – which then get labeled Bipolar disorder or ADD or ADHD (and various other childhood behavioral problems).



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to observe why my child has a behavioral or mood disorder and the cause of it within SELF-HONESTY, and instead to describe and justify the reason as being ‘some scientific reason’ or ‘gods will’ or ‘an imbalance in the brain’ – instead of deconstructing the disorder/behavior – even as far back as the parental DNA time lines – to find the building blocks as events that have imprinted itself onto the child’s mind – causing the mind to program into itself the living behavioral manifestation of a ‘behavioral problem’. By doing this I am placing the responsibility here with myself as parent and within how I have not effectively cleared my DNA – so that the past stops repeating itself within my child and me.

For further Reading:

Day 18: Day 18: Dementia – The Rotten Child Syndrome



Day 19: Rotten Love



Day 21: Success and Reward



Day 43: Parenting Patterning Fear and Control



Day 46: TRUST ME!

Day 13: International Crime Research - Bi-Polar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 6

This is a continuation from:



http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-11-international-crime-research_15.html

Self-Forgiveness part 5

Bipolar Disorder and Depression

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use depression as a state of being when I am angry at a situation or myself, as a means of manipulation.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression as a means of punishing myself when I perceive that I have done something wrong.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this pattern to develop from childhood, where I would go stand in a corner and look saddened by what I have done – which is how parents and teachers train children into depression as a means of self-punishment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self punishment to exist in a world where all punishment and reward always exists around obtaining what we need within self interest and where we manage to obtain this through the reward system of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression as a means of withdrawing from myself, when and as I feel that I am overwhelmed by my life or a particular situation in my life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use depression as a means of withdrawing myself form other people and situations, due to fear.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to withdraw from situations due to fear, wherein I have not yet taken self-responsibility for myself in my world.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression as a genetic trait – in which I have been told from young that my father had depression and therefore when I started experiencing depression, allowed myself to go into the experience, until it became a complete pattern, to which I added places, names and situations that would be the cause and trigger of depression – instead of realizing that I triggered the depression myself in each situation through the thoughts I allowed and through allowing myself to become the energetic pattern of depression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression to exist within my partners, due to me developing an inherent belief that I was no more than my past and no more than who I had become as depressed person.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression to exist as a polar opposite to happiness, which become a cycle that I lived as throughout my entire life – where ‘me’ as the being no longer existence, because after years of diligent practice – all I became and existed as -was this pattern of depression followed by me attempting to achieve ‘happiness’ after which I would spiral back to depression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in depression as a condition, which was prescribed through parents, teachers and doctors and by implication indicated a world and a beingness which we could not change and had to accept.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to be a classification system according to which we categorize those who exists within the mind in states of being that are not functional and which reflect to us the dysfunctional nature of human beings we have come to accept as normal.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Depression as an experience where one gives up due to having no solutions to ones life problems, instead of finding solutions to the problems we face.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give life to myself as a life worth living here on this planet, by standing up and for equality and oneness in all ways for all beings – to stop the inner battles of depression and Bipolar disorder – as a direct indicator of the nature we have become as victims to our own allowances and the evolution of the Mind.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression to exist in my world, where I would much rather accept the labeling of depression, then to look into why people experience depression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression as a title we give to experiences that we create – by giving power to our minds – instead of learning how to direct the mind, so that depression does not exist.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression to exist, which eventually manifests within the DNA of the being, which is then passed down from generation to generation as an acceptable form of mind possession.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by my mind through emotions and feelings, until I depress myself into a form less than human = de-human = demon.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depress the beings with which I share this planet, by allowing an economic system which abuses all life as it has no regard for what is best for all – but instead only serves what is best for those with money.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depress the beings with which I share this planet, until nothing is left and then I blame others and hope for a god to save me, instead of realizing that the only way I will change what is here is by actually changing myself from depressed to life and by changing the world to support me as life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression, as a means for people to shut up and accept the current life we exist in.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression in which we suppress ourselves through the norms of society, culture and religion to fit into a picture of ourselves as the fear of humanity.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression as a teenager, where I accepted that the only way to avoid pain as the experience of the mind based on the illusion of pain, was to avoid the experience instead of transcending it, and to give it power by submitting myself further into a form of submission.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach certain words to the experience of depression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘become depressed’ if and when I hear these specific words, to which I have attached certain values, which protect my ego, through the avoidance system of depression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘become depressed’ if I see certain pictures before me, to which I have attached certain values, which are either in alignment or contradiction with my secret desires – after which I will use thinking, feelings and emotions to ‘become depressed’ and to fuel my depression with justifications from within the Mind.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘become depressed’ when I experience loss or bad luck or disappointment – which are all experiences carved by capitalists to ensure that I remain addicted to the pleasure of seeking enjoyment through obtaining goods.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design depression throughout the generations, where I forced beings into life situations that were not fully supportive simply to appease the go of the individual.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design depression due to generational conflict within beings, as I forced more and more beings to submit to the will of culture, society, religion, politics, sexuality, individuality, free will, capitalism, until we have reached this point where most experience some form of depression automatically as the memories of the cells ignite under stressful circumstances.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to program depression into my DNA for the future generations each time I submit myself to self manipulation to please others and to remain trapped in a system of politics and capitalism, which I claim I don’t want to change because I have already accepted depression and victimization as human nature.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to program depression into my DNA for the future generations, each time I play mind games with myself through backchat where I devaluate myself in the image and likeness of self deception.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to program my DNA with Bipolar Disorder, thus ensuring that the future generations are also trapped in the same patterns, simply because I have accepted it so.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use energy within my body, to manipulate myself into moods.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself into moods, as I have accepted myself as less than self responsibility and self honesty within doing what is best for all.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing chemical imbalances to exist within the brain, as a system of pre-design which inflicts onto the human a life subject to a design which neither the scientist or religious people are able to direct.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use abdicate self change to a god, while at the same time not questioning this god why he designed a mind that has depression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame a god for giving me depression, instead of realizing that all aspects of the human mind and human design is here for me to understand, unless I use money and control as an excuse to not investigate the physical and how the human is designed.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the veil of deception which exist as science to exist as the apparent reason why we cannot fully support people with depression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing science to exist as the front from which capitalists keep people sick so that money is made from the medical industry.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing science to withhold research necessary for us to understand the design of the physical and for me to allow money to be the reason behind why information is withheld about the human physical body.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worship science, while admittedly they are unable to fully understand the pre-programmed design of the human, to understand all cases of depression and to self honestly highlight how a being participates in depression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worship science as an authority on depression, while admitted scientist and psychologists do not fully understand how a person participates and experiences depression because they self honestly do not want to admit how the money system for example affects people and how human feelings, emotions and thoughts affect us.

More stories and material related to depression:

41 -aggression and depression


Being Fat or Skinny - That's The Question


Day 40:Mania and Depression


Day 48 -Walking Myself Out of Depression


Day 49 - Walking Myself out of Depression pt 2


Day 1: Stopping Depression - Part I


Life Review - Why I Accepted a Life ofEnergy Disorder


Self as Origin Taking Responsibility

Day 12: International Crime Research – Bipolar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 5

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-11-international-crime-research_13.html

Self-Forgiveness part 4:

Bipolar Disorder and Hyperactivity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat thoughts around excitement as a trigger point, through which I access and highten the energy within myself, to allow myself for a moment to experience greater levels of energy.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use hyper-activity as a means to encourage myself to move myself into action, to complete a task based around fear of survival – instead of moving myself without fears as backchat directing my every step.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the energy within myself to compound around procrastination, which then comes to a point days or weeks later where the compounded energy around guilt and regret manifests as the energy of hyper-activity, after which I crash back into the old pattern of procrastination, not caring and laziness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Hyperactivity as the original design to begin within children where we use energy to hype the child into a state of hyperactivity by pushing them through trigger words linked to likes versus dislikes and fear – to become exited and hyperactive, instead of teaching our children to live practically in the physical, moving oneself here as the breath, treating all situations and places and people as equal, not valuing one situation or face more than another.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the adult to develop this pattern of hyperactivity within children by exiting them through words, pictures and behaviorisms and through this teaching the child to attach certain values to certain things in our world, which teaches the child that it is ok to ignore, disregard or abuse other things/people, because it does not give the same energetic feeling.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the above pattern to develop in our children, which has developed the consumer-child, as they learn to immediately attach values to everything they come across and to react energetically within judgment to people and things – while they consume the energy they experience from participating in consumerism – eventually requiring more and more to experience more energy.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the above pattern to exist in our children as we turn all things on this planet into consumer products for the energy experience we all desire as ‘heightened energy or states of hyper-activity – through which we have learnt to completely disregard what we have done and become and to place everything only according to brackets of energy consumption within ourselves, instead of its equal and one value as life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing children to become addicted to energy through which they then become hyperactive, as the ‘chemical substance’ that is used to control the consumer market into greater levels of addiction.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to program the physical from childhood into chemical reactions, designed around pleasing others in an attempt to appease my mind, which from childhood was taught that in order for me to accept myself, others have to accept me – therefore within myself I developed Bipolar Disorder as I rush and push myself through backchat as I worry if ‘others like me.’



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing children and adults to be brainwashed that food is good for you if it is sold in the shops and advertised on tv, with no investigation of the real effects that food sources have on the physical and how it directly compounds within the beings to eventually rewrite the beings into a chemically induced system that responds to words and pictures linked to the energy rush experience – thus making it easier for corporations to manipulate people through images and words linked to the energy experiences – previous programmed into the being from childhood.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the existence of ‘hyperactivity’ within me as a state into which I possess myself when I try and manipulate myself into feeling ‘good’ about doing something, and to avoid the negatively associated feeling with what I am doing.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing scientists to avoid the real issues behind why adults and children become hyperactive, and instead labeling the person, describing methods to deal with the symptoms and medication – while accumulating a nation of energy addicted beings, who will abuse all life on this planet, as we are currently doing and have always done for self interest and greed.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not directly see what is happening to our children as they go through experiences of hyperactivity and instead of labeling it as ‘normal childhood phases’ to actually investigate the source and origin of the child’s behavior due to energy addictions and food, to find solutions to what we are doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to encourage hyperactivity in children through encouraging such energetic and sugar induced behavior, because I believe that hyperactivity is actually me encouraging and allowing my child to ‘live fully and express themselves’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to encourage hyperactivity in children, because as an adult I believe that to encourage my child to express themselves fully, regardless of which behaviors they are copying or acting out and what the real design is behind how the child is behaving – allows me to feel more alive if I see a child running around and laughing, playing, expressing – which means that even if the child’s behavior goes into hyperactivity I still feel that the child is the manifestation of Life, which I have somehow lost and am now living through the child.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish within myself and within my expression, due to me believing that adults must express themselves a certain way – thus forcing life as a fake behavior of movements, and sounds and ideas into my children, who then become addicted to energy as I watch in appreciation of what they are apparently living ‘for me’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to encourage hyperactivity in children, because as an adult I believe that children are apparently free and without worry – which means that children can get away with any form of expression, regardless of the fact that most children these days are developing ADD and ADHD and other behavioral problems – which is directly showing me that how I am designing the expression of the child – has become systematized and in the end manifests in some children as dysfunctions – which then later manifests as adults who abuse themselves and life as they live according to the designs of what the parents were really thinking when they educated the child and encouraged the child in its expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to encourage hyperactivity in children, because as an adult I use memories of my past experiences where I either attached good values to my experiences or negative values – either way I am filtering through to my child, my own fears, and judgments about life and expression – thus turning my child into a copy of myself as those aspects of myself that I am actually regretting, fearing, wanting or the hidden parts of myself which I have denied, but which manifest within my child as their DNA. Therefore the child in most cases manifests as a ‘little demon’ because it exists as the information I have not effectively processed within myself or taken responsibility for but instead ‘suppressed’ within my mind – which now exists as the core information from which the child is designed – leaving the child unable to understand or even direct their experience – because they are not yet aware of how they are designed as the DNA of the parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to encourage hyperactivity in children, because as an adult I allow my child to manifest in DNA as a copy of the aspects of myself that I did not effectively direct within what is best for all – and instead of taking self responsibility for myself using the child as a mirror – to effectively support myself and the child equally – I run and  hide behind more adult deceptions while professing to the child that he/she ‘must not do what I do’, thus teaching the child that inner conflict is acceptable to fear and hide from self responsibility – thus creating Bipolar disorder within the child as I ‘train’ him/her to avoid certain experiences of the mind by shifting yourself in the mind to more pleasant ‘happy/fulfilling’ experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing science to exist behind a veil of deception, where they claim to be those who ‘understand how the mind works’ yet they cannot directly speak the truth of what we are doing to the children and ourselves.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing scientists to lie and deceive by lying about the causes of mental illness, because what they say is done in such a way, to protect the system and to protect capitalism, which I have realized, simply by being self honest in my observation, but allow in anyway because I protect capitalism as well, do to a fear of death.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept what scientists say as they protect Capitalism, because I trust the Scientists and what they say as the ‘authority’ of how people function, without standing equal and one to who they are – as people stuck in the same fear of survival as I am – thus giving myself the opportunity to stop participating in the lie – and to see directly through what is being allowed – to speak up and stand as the solution and the voice to the solution.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Hyperactivity to exist as the manifestation of the design of myself as I have taken ‘activities’ – which are the basic practical points that require direction in our world for us to live – and sped them up to become more and faster – thus Hyper – so that more deeds can be performed each day by the slaves within capitalism to make sure that we get money for our actions.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop and design Bipolar disorder through generations of programming these behaviors into and as the mind as a life application which first exists as the personality of the being and then becomes the DNA of the being, to be passed down to the future generations, through mother and father together.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop and design Bipolar disorder through generations of programming these behaviors into and as the mind, due to my allowing the Fear of Self, and Fear of Survival, and to allow thought based patterns around which I go from seeking the experiences of elated moods and expansion to avoid the negative emotions and experiences – which becomes an energetic mind pattern which drives me through fear into hyper-activities, where I am always living according to this cycle.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop and design Bipolar disorder through generations of programming these behaviors into and as the mind – through which I have participated in the points mentioned above which make up and construct my mind in its entirety, which then gets called my personality – which is then accepted by myself as it is accepted by other people – simply because ‘it is human nature’ or ‘how god made me’ – which is how we as humanity allow ourselves to become dysfunctional and how over the generations we have designed and manifested Bipolar Disorder due to the previous generations and how we construct ours minds into a Pre-Programmed Design.