Day 26: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 10

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-25-international-crime-research.html



Please read the following Blog with regards to the Development of the Secret Mind 

“…the Secret MIND is Creating the Main Character that Creates this Damaged World, as the Secret Mind is Created By Damaged Memories that Converged in a Hidden Dimension as Files creating Life as We Live it as the character of this World.”

Self-Forgiveness on:

(taken from Day 25 – Child pornography Part 9)

It was a sudden interest in the images that developed due to a response from my body, which was then fueled by my mind through justifications as to why these images are enticing. From there I experienced a combination of initial mistrust towards my own experience, but this did not last long as the energy of shame and guilt towards my own sexual reaction, turned to a new thought which surfaced where I simply knew that I liked it. Somewhere from within me, from within my mind I became more and more comfortable with seeing images of naked children, having thoughts about their flesh which I would normally have about woman and then empowering my mind through further thoughts which made me feel alive with energy, as I was pulled between morality and sexual pleasure. I identified within myself – that a part of me was seeing the child’s body symbolically – as if seeing the shape of their bodies and the innocence they represented, triggered an interest within me, which was channeled by me into sexual pleasure. The other part of me concocted images and combined them with irrational thoughts, which led me time and time again after that to seek the same experience. At times especially in the beginning I would experience shame after I masturbated, however if I then for a few days would stop masturbating to child pornography and attempt to use adult porn, then I would almost feel numb during the whole experience and once I would return to the images of naked children, it felt as if my body became ablaze with sexual energy. At times I would rationalize this to myself as ‘well it is happening to me therefore it must be a natural part of myself that requires expression’ or ‘maybe it is not about the child but about how the child represents the confined placed by society on sexuality – therefore I am responding to an image which is condemned by society, through which I may experience the ultimate release.’



After a few years of using basic imagery only occasionally – only enough for me to rationalize as acceptable and not ‘out of my control’ – I started thinking about whether different images contained different experiences. I wanted to understand more and see if I could open myself up more. I found a website after a very specific search and came across a link to a website where the owner would give out links to images depending on your level of involvement with the website. Obviously as a beginner I had to start somewhere – so I decided to push ahead and after a few months I received anonymous links to images that were very different to what I was use to. As I watched these pictures I allowed myself to feel what these pictures did to me. In the end I distinguished between specific images to which I had specific experiences and from this my fascination focused itself ultimately to the acquiring of specific footage and imagery that would stimulate me. I found my mind reacting to the images with short burst – which at times were unidentifiable as the thoughts moved so fast. All that I would experience were short sentences, followed by physical sensations throughout my body, and if I kept flicking through the images, I could build the physical reactions until I would have my orgasm. Something inside of me always drove my reactions to these images and therefore the game became about knowing which pictures meant what to me as I had come to know what sensations or thoughts triggered my responses to the images…”

The Secret Mind and Damaged Files.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge my hidden memories within my secret mind – where from childhood I placed all pictures, values, judgments and ideas pertaining to myself, others and my environment.



I commit myself walk in each moment as the breath, as my physical body, only considering what would be and is best for all in each moment, therefore eventually equalizing myself as what is best for all – as I no longer have to tie loop and live out the future as the past memories where I charged moments with values based on secret desires, hopes and fears.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a secret mind, which allows for the development of characters, within which I will live out my life as if these characters are real.



I commit myself to stop participating in the design of trying to protect myself from the future and in doing this – I also realize that for all to stop designing the future which is an attempt for all to avoid fear and death – in which we create the fear and death as we cycle through the creation of ourselves – I have to create a world where all can live free from fear, instead of fighting the mind for eternity - where we create spirituality as means to quieten the mind –while still forcing beings into life situations generating fear and mistrust.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the existence of a mind which exists in separation from the physical, as it’s purpose is to design characters for me to access, throughout my life, in which I get to avoid self responsibility by shifting dimensions into characters – so that I as ‘individual’ can seek happiness and avoid discomfort in life. 

I commit myself to learn and share how to direct myself in this physical reality and by doing so finding ways of working with the physical to sustain life here in the physical, without harming – so that we may clear the files and the systems through which we create these files, through which we created this damaged reality.



I commit myself to see, realize and understand what it would mean to walk as self responsibility – so that I no longer accept and allow mind systems and mind files to exist in hidden parts, which serves no other purpose but to create characters that contribute to the damage of life as ourselves.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design the mind as a holding place for memories – from which I design characters for myself to access throughout my life, so that I never have to walk one and equal to what is really happening in this physical reality – and where I am able at all times to avoid conflict, pain and abuse I inflict towards others or that is inflicted towards me -to rather shift into another character that exists as the memories which take me into character – to best deal with the situation I am faced with.

This character to deal with the situation I am faced with, purely exists for the survival of myself as a mind system – therefore who I have become now is not what is best for all as myself – but a memory bank of information designed to protect the mind.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and share how we damage this reality through the hidden files that we store as memories in the mind – which consists of parts of information which have certain values – which cause us to blindly follow the information as it surfaces in moments called characteristics..



The secret mind of each is eventually created through all the Damaged Memories that Converge in a Hidden Dimension as Files creating Life as We Live it as the character of this World.



Therefore



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing damaged memories into hidden dimensions as files – through which I created me as pedophile –directed into and as the actions of abusing a child due to the energy charges I have given memories and the information and symbols they contain as the value system that each moment as picture or word is laden with.



I commit myself to defuse these energy charges through breathing and self forgiveness – until I exist as my physical body, breathing here, living – where I am actually here – and not stuck in my mind as repeating memories creating more memories trapping me further and further into dimensions of the mind.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as pedophile to place pictures from my youth into my secret mind based on the damaged moments I experiences, as I connected certain values of how I believed things should be, based on previous memories to the current moment and when my expectations were not met – the moment was damaged in that I judged the moment and placed the event into a file such as disgusting, avoid, shameful, embarrassing etc.



I commit myself to stop creating damaging moments, in which I allow abuse as myself towards myself and others which then programs the memories of those involved – until they too one day abuse as they become and accept the pattern, as they learn that apparently life is about trying to avoid pain and give oneself happiness at whatever cost – which in the current system always has a cost for another – as all are trapped in the same cycles of have/have not, with/ without – as capitalism and the principles of human greed dictates it so.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create files in my secret mind where these damaged memories were placed, simply due to the fact that all around me parents were acting out their secret mind damaged files with no self responsibility or solution on how to solve the world problems – which is everybody living our damaged files – which then becomes society as the living of damaged files.



I commit myself to stand as example to the children of speaking and living in ways that are self responsible and do not harm myself or others – where files of memories are created, in which the child grows up repeating the sins of the fathers and allowing themselves to merely exist as memories instead of here in their physical bodies – due to the example that is set.


Artwork by: Joe Kou
http://www.facebook.com/joekou

Day 2: Overwhelmed

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea and the belief that I am overwhelmed by allot of information in a book.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into the physical and mental trap of feeling overwhelmed as soon as I have to read a lot of information.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the idea I created that my psychology studies are overwhelming at times, thus creating a mind and physical reaction of becoming overwhelmed, which results in headaches.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself here as breath as consistency, to get through the material and the information.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move through the material in consistency, taking in what is required for me to learn to achieve the end goal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing any backchat thoughts and experiences in relation to feeling “overwhelmed” which fuel the experience even more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuel the backchat thoughts as a point of self-sabotage and self-abuse, in which I am not realizing that I am not assisting and supporting myself through the material – bit instead further compromising myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fluctuate between trusting myself to work with the information effectively, to not trusting myself and allowing self-doubt – thus creating cycles of self-doubt, because I am not proving to myself consistently that I am able to work with the information.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stick to the basics of why I am studying and the basics of breath and self-trust, to support me to move through the information, as I have proven to myself time and time again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing images and memories around ‘failing’ to influence my ability here now to work with this information and to get the work done.

I forgive myself for manipulating myself through fear of failure.

I commit myself to remain consistent in working with information.

I commit myself to remain consistent as my breathing as I work through the information, never allowing myself to give the information more worth or value than what it actually is.

I commit myself to not allow myself to influence myself with backchat thoughts into patterns of self-doubt and self-sabotage.

I commit myself in realizing that I am able to work with the information, no matter how much there is and that I have all the tools as myself to support myself through getting the work done.

I commit myself in support myself effectively each step of the way by drinking enough water, taking enough brakes and not allowing backchat sabotage thoughts through which I may influence my ability to work with the information.

I commit myself to remain focused and diligent in the work that requires to be done, not allowing myself to give into a pattern of procrastination of ‘giving up’ which is based on fear of self-movement/fear of failure.

 I commit myself to not allow any illusion around the point of studying such as “I cannot do it”, or “what if I don’t get the work done in time” as a backchat point on which I fall into self-doubt.

Day 1: What is my Journey?

As I walk my Journey to Life, I identify daily patterns, within which I exist as a pre-programed being, according to how my parents lived and how Society expects us as Humans to exist – where there is no or little regards for who we have really become. I have come to realize from myself that most of my experiences have been based on fear, survival, envy, competition, desire, addiction to energy etc. All of these patterns suppress the life within me and the Life within all living on this planet as we live to appease our current designs, instead of fully living without fear, without judgment, without being dependent on energy of the mind; for each to get to a point where we live here in our physical bodies, fully supportive of ourselves and each other as Life, not as Systematized beings, who live to survive.
By identifying my own patterns and applying self-forgiveness I clean the slate of what I have been, to align myself into a being that lives what is best for all life. The writings will consist of the identification of the pattern, the self-forgiveness and the commitment to and as self of change, to be spoken and lived as a self-directive principle of self.
This process will continue for a minimum of 7 years and no part of self-forgiveness will stand alone as it forms part of the whole as what we have accepted and must be read in the context of all the billions of patterns that requires self forgiveness and deletion and correction with effective life willed commitments.

For support see all the videos and join the forum.

Do this for you as only you are responsible for you.

Understand that I do self-forgiveness here for all patterns regardless whether it form part of my immediate life. To expand to be equal to what is here in every way, one can only be so by actually becoming all the parts and placing yourself at the very least in a position that if you ever should encounter such point, you will be able to direct it in ways that are best for all life in response to the directive commitment you place. Self-forgiveness thus is the Giving to yourself within the context of a space time reality, the power, authority and responsibility and ability to walk and participate in every relationship that may ever exist as Life in every way with the effect and outcome as that which is best for all life.

If you are not ready yet to join is in this project, read the blogs from the many that are walking this for themselves till you are ready and then join us in the journey to life. – Only you can give you life that is best for all life.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of all ideas which I adopted from my childhood, which have not serve me within what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as all the parts that currently make up this world as the abomination that it is to it exists within me, as anger, spite, rage, jealousy, greed, desire, hate, secretiveness, abuse etc

If forgive myself for accepting and allowing the world to exist as it does, because I accepted myself as abused and not worthy of life.

I forgive myself for growing up accepting myself as less than what I can be and for accepting the world in this way as well.

I forgive myself for not taking self-responsibility for who I had become while judging the world for being a place I do not want to live in.

I forgive myself for judging others for their words and actions and for how they create the world, instead of realizing I am equally responsible for creating the world as it is and am therefore fully responsible for my words and deeds in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have not considered that if I place any person or thing above me as the directive principle of me, then I am creating myself as a slave to my world, instead of walking as the creator of my world in full self-responsibility within what is best for all

I forgive myself for disregarding what is best for all, simply to survive in this world and to feel save within the current world systems.

I commit myself to investigate myself and the effects of self-forgiveness as a commitment to myself
I commit myself to addressing my fears, judgments, behaviors and allowances, to find out who I am within what is best for all, and to find out and change that within my world which serves life as what is best for all.
I commit myself to consider that with taking self-responsibility through self-forgiveness i will in fact expand and become able to direct and be responsible for that which I currently belief is beyond my ability to direct.
I commit myself to become the image and likeness of life and to walk that which is best for all, in all ways.
I commit myself to honor all life in all its forms and through this I honor myself as well.
I commit myself to investigate my past, my patterns, my beliefs and how I function, to find the best way to live, here as the physical and to delete that within me which does not serve me as life