Day 206: Relationship Dynamics | Part 1

One thing we can all relate to in some form of another is relationships or some failed attempt at having relationships. Every person has some story even back from when they were in kindergarten about some little boy or girl that they had a brief romantic encounter with. It is such a basic programming point for all of us as we develop into our adult personalities.

Therefore a subject that comes up often for people that I work with is either past relationship issues or current experiences. Whether one declares  celibacy or becomes a raging hormonal maniac over the opposite sex - there is always a story and a design behind what and how we choose.

So in these chats/discussions that I have with people I always suggest one key thing that I realised years ago as I was trudging through the thick mud of my own relationship designs. I always suggest to people to use past and current relationships experiences as a learning curve about self, and therefore to not take it personally but to rather sit down, write out the facts and change oneself so that as you move from current experiences into the future, you will be able to 'prepare the way' so to speak, for a potential relationship with another based on an effective relationship with Self. Therefore let ones relationships with others, be it romantic, family or friends show us what exist in our relationships to ourselves. Therefore one is looking at more 'real time' reflection on the outer, to understand the inner.

I decided to place my own understandings about my past relationships onto paper, to reflect for myself on what I have realised and therefore, to share with others who are perhaps facing similar experiences.

My previous blogs on 'Family Dynamics' and 'Experiencing Trauma' would definitely make a good introduction to these blogs, because in those blogs I speak about how I realized my own role in my family dynamics as well as insight into the strained relationship I had with my father.

Day 177: Transforming Family Dynamics: SiblingRelationships

Day 188: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 1)

Day 189: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 2)

Day 190: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 3)

Day 201: Experiencing Trauma Part 1  |  The Sleepwalker

Day 202: Experiencing Trauma Part 2  | Nervous Breakdown

Day 203: Experiencing Trauma Part 3  | Death

Day 204: Experiencing Trauma Part 4  | Out of body experiences

Therefore to understand the relationship I had with my father will allow us to understand how and why I made the relationship choices I did. It was the relationship with my father that mostly determined the types of relationships I went into... whilst it was the relationship with my mother that mostly molded my character within these relationships intertwined with my own personality designs, which of course determined my reactions and responses to what these representations of my experience with my father did or said (boyfriends).

To recap: if you read my blogs called: Experiencing Trauma, you would have gained a basic insights into my reactions to my fathers death but also some insight into the fact that he had a very strained relationship with my mother, myself and my sisters. My father had adult depression from his own childhood experiences. This resulted in him having children as all adults from the previous generations believed they had to do, but inside of him he did not have the connection to or passion for his children, because obviously his own childhood memories and adult depression caused him to not really 'feel' much for his children. Any person who understands or has experienced depression will realize that depression as the word indicates 'depresses you' - meaning that you withdraw inside yourself and numb yourself towards yourself, your life and others - whether it is a chemical reaction in the body or a mental aspects based on a point one is reacting to within oneself towards your life.

This distancing was obviously very difficult on myself, my mother and my sisters, as we all knew that his behaviour was not normal. But 'back in the day' obviously nobody really spoke about what happens behind closed doors, as I am sure we are all able to relate to our own family issues which we remember and we distinctly remember nobody talking about. I remember how tense I would feel around my father, I knew there was a distance between us, an uncomfortability from his side. This I internalised into unconscious and subconscious patterns in relation to my own self worth (being rejected by father meant no self worth) as well as how I picked boyfriends from there on based on these emotionally distant experiences I had with my father. In my next blog I will write about each major relationship and what I realised about my self.

Day 31: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 15

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-30-international-crime-research.html#


Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Person who watches child porn as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.

“When I reached pubescence I developed acne and no matter what creams my mother bought me, I would always have red marks and pimples on my face.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is a picture.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is a picture who is dependent on picture perfect skin, represented by the pictures of beautiful, clean, clear skinned people in the media and in my school and that if I do not match these pictures I am condemned to a life of shame and separation from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in emotional turmoil, creating physical tension within my body, which has the effect of creating physical conditions within my organs and skin which reflect my inner changes and conditions.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the skin condition of acne, to represent fear, emotional conflict and hormonal changes.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exists in fear and anxiety as a young person, as I am made to change myself into a representation of who and what I should be to fit into what my parents want, what society expects from me and how I should adapt my thinking to fit into society’s systems of being and self-acceptance.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mind consciousness systems to exist within me based on conflict and fear, wherein as soon as I am faced with emotional turmoil, another system kicks in and creates physical condition which systematically reflect the mind consciousness designs of who I am in my physical, emotional and mental processes’ thus indicating that the preprogrammed designs all come together to further exacerbates conflict as one is constantly bombarded with designs that challenge one further and further into submission, into the Mind.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the design manifestation of metaphysics, in which inner turmoil was linked to physically manifested conditions such as acne, and that in time these response systems within the physical became a point of profit as we spiritualized these systems and made alternate therapies out of them, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that through alternate therapies turning these systems into profit, we were not only giving permission to these systems, but were designing ways of maintaining the being’s ‘balance’ within these systems, thus as therapists and doctors condemning people further into the mind as systems -as we encouraged people to live according to the rules of the systems.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a self-definition of who I am as Life, based on the experiences and reactions I get from others, which I internalize into a design of character, as I try and become who society wants me to be, even if society rejects certain parts of me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people who have disabilities, conditions or illnesses’, using this as a scapegoat means through which we as individuals can feel better about who we are by bullying others and condemning them to exist in shame and ridicule, so that a state of perfection may be maintained – through which all of humanity constantly believe they are not good enough in mind and body and will do whatever it takes to seek some form of perfection.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing society to create this polarity game between perfection and imperfection, creating the perfect illusion from which capitalism can be designed, as the human will buy anything to try and perfect themselves.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge capitalism for benefiting and profiting from this polarity game of perfection, when it is me as the individual whom participates daily in thoughts around self-acceptance – based around how I perceive my self-worth to be dependent on how others see me, which is based on picture presentations of oneself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience depression, guilt and uselessness as I experience shame when the other people see my acne and I allow myself to think ‘they must think I am gross’ or ‘oh no they see my skin, what do they think of me’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize, see and understand at that stage that each thought that I allowed in response to how people were around me, was me designing the point of abuse around the acne point, as I participated in being the victim, playing the role of what I perceived others were thinking and then becoming the physical behaviors of low-self esteem/withdrawel/quietness/awkwardness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself into the role of depression, sadness, separation from others, as I allowed myself to use thinking to generate the experience for myself into which I allowed myself to become less of myself, based on how I believed I now should punish me from my physical appearance – thus contributing and designing abuse as it exists today.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the thought ‘oh no they see my skin what do they think of me’, into further backchat of ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I am ugly and useless’ and then allowing myself to physical become withdrawn and to generate the physical energetic experience of depression/sadness, until manifesting the character of ‘the outcast’, ‘the unwanted one’, ‘the guy/girl who is unpopular’.



I commit myself to show that the inner experience can be changed – so that we no longer accept and allow turmoil and self-abuse to exist.



I commit myself to show that Capitalism profits from the inner experience and could and would not exist if the human was not obsessed with thinking and with living as pictures.



I commit myself to show that thinking is how one creates an experience of yourself, therefore to stop the design of a character, we stop it in the creation phase by identifying the thoughts that takes one into the character and to identify how one manifested the thoughts in its design phase as memory -to identify who self was in the memory when one allowed the first thought.



I commit myself to show how all of what exists today, exists due to how the human thought it into creation, therefore to identify how and why abuse exists we must look into how the human thinks abusive tendencies and practices into existence.



I commit myself to show that no devil or demons are responsible for the evil that exists today – and that if one walks the time line of a character (human) you will always find the creation points of the character until the manifestation and creation of the abuse point.

Day 28: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 12

The Secret Mind of the Pedophile continued:

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-27-international-crime-research.html 

In Day 26: Part 10, Self-Forgiveness was applied on the existence and allowance of the Secret Mind. Now I will apply Self-Forgiveness on the Thoughts, pictures and Memories existent within the secret and conscious mind – of this particular pedophile character (taken from Day 26 – Child pornography Part 10)

“I identified within myself – that a part of me was seeing the child’s body symbolically – as if seeing the shape of their bodies and the innocence they represented, triggered an interest within me, which was channeled by me into sexual pleasure.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate the picture of a child with innocence and youth.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access the memory of myself as a child being happy, carefree and innocent – from which I connect these reactions I experience in response to the activation of the memory – to connect to how I experience myself now – whereby I look for ways in my mind to reconnect to happier times in my life to experience myself differently now.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define happiness as moments of free will in which one gets to do what you want, when you want – just like I remember myself being as a child.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect joyfulness to the image of a child – in which I sit sometimes and allow thoughts to surface from my childhood when I still experienced joy – whereby I pull myself into the dimension of that memory and its experiences as for a moment I allow myself to ‘zone out’ of this reality into the mind reality of my memory – and allow myself to ‘feel joy’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access all sorts of memories from my childhood in which I imprinted in those memories all the feelings and emotions and behaviors – for me to access ‘later’ in my life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to daydream, in which I allow myself to go to ‘better times’ whereby I attempt to avoid my current life situation and experience of myself



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use memories to shift myself out of one character or dimension into another dimension, so that I do not have to take self responsibility for the fact that I am generating experiences for myself in my reality which do not serve me and are not what is best for all.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use childhood memories as a safety net, into which I fall almost like a cloud of haziness where I will change myself into a softer gentler person seeking pleasure from innocence and from joyful beings around me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use dark, depressive memories from my childhood to invoke fear – through which I often will access these memories as a feedback loop back into my mind where I will generate energy of ‘the negative kind’ – after which I will cringe at my own depressive mood I have accessed – after which I will access habits and patterns which allow me to feel better.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as pedophile to use pleasant memories around my childhood as a reference point from which I touch myself and experience the joy of orgasm linked to the memories of my childhood – which in fact exists as me participating in the molestation of children – whereby I am not seeing that the reason behind my actions and decisions are systematic programmed moments I allow now due to the value I have given memories.



If the memory connections are based in Fear-based childhood moments:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw upon my childhood disappointments and fears in which I polarize myself into pain and fear after which I will seek pleasure and joy through various methods which hold the key to entertainment such as ‘risk factors’ and ‘being in control of society’ – such as in the case of the backchat of the pedophile who will draw upon risk and fear and cycle it back into reward – and the reward system being activated through sex and masturbation as the value we as society as the human have placed upon the power and exaltation felt during orgasm.



I commit myself to live here in every moment as if time stands still and I experience every moment afresh – thus not accepting and allowing myself to draw upon memories –which is how we draw upon the value systems given to moments linked into the secret mind of the character reality of self – which functions according to energy and becoming more powerful as the Mind for the being to overcome others and the environment within which one exists.



I commit myself to show how memories are in fact not ‘special’ and that memories are the foundation from which all abuse to life happens – because memories contain all previous moments as imprinted information, which together creates a dimension – where one accesses the ‘information’ and responds to ones present moment as a duplicate of the past moments. Therefore Abuse if only possible if we want something to be more like something else because we cannot Live unconditionally here In the physical according to self honesty and common sense practical living –and have come to use memories to define who we have to be in every moment based on survival of the fittest.



And due to the fact that we have already created so much abuse in the world, we now grow up learning to fear others and to fear the world, without any practical solutions on how to stop the inner battles through which we repeat the abuse, due to the fear of being abused.



Therefore I commit myself to show – how it is possible for all to stop living in Fear, by establishing and showing that there are ways to let go of the design of the human as a survivor – and to show that it is possible for us all to live together equally in harmony with the physical – as the living manifestation of what is best for all. To do this though we have to change what and who we have become as the layers of information we have manifested ourselves as, as our DNA and living selves – and to then clear out the world systems that supported survival of the fittest – to give to each an opportunity to live and breathe without it being about fear and gain and risk.



Artwork by: Andrew Gable

http://www.facebook.com/andrewgableartist

Day 25: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 9

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/this-is-continuation-from.html

Personality example of a user of Child Pornography:

Please refer to: Day 24:International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.

To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. I am not a user or producer of child pornography and do not condone or support the use thereof - by blog exists as a character evaluation - from which I apply self forgiveness, to deconstruct the design of the Child Pornography user/manufacturer. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up. I suggest - as you read the self-forgiveness and writings - and you have any thoughts or experiences - to add your own self-forgiveness in the comments section.

“The thought to first start watching child pornography came up as a feeling in connection to a picture of a child’s naked body. At first I experienced a tingling within my body, which moved up from my groin into my chest, arms and down my legs. I had experienced this similarly to watching other pornography, but what started happened in my mind was that I experienced the thoughts which directed me further and further into the decision to watch child pornography – thought such as ‘their flesh is so young’, ‘is this wrong?’, ‘what if I get caught watching this?’, what if my parents see what is on my computer?’ and ‘would a child respond sexually the same as a woman?’ As I had these thoughts, I experienced myself becoming more and more intrigued and the intrigue stimulated me sexually. Somewhere from within my body, from my groin and moving up my spine until my neck felt numb – came an energy which I learnt to associate with the fear of getting caught and the primal shock I experiences initially as I asked myself the above questions. From there my interest in child pornography was not based on a rational choice, I found myself drawn in though the response I had to further questions within my mind towards other images, towards the potential threat behind me watching these images and my own uneasiness sitting there being faced with an image of a naked child – causing me to want to masturbate. When I first started exploring sexuality, I did not at any point react sexually to children (as I started exploding sex, masturbation and pornography - between the ages of 15 – 22). It was a sudden interest in the images that developed due to a response from my body, which was then fueled by my mind through justifications as to why these images are enticing. From there I experienced a combination of initial mistrust towards my own experience, but this did not last long as the energy of shame and guilt towards my own sexual reaction, turned to a new thought which surfaced where I simply knew that I liked it. Somewhere from within me, from within my mind I became more and more comfortable with seeing images of naked children, having thoughts about their flesh which I would normally have about woman and then empowering my mind through further thoughts which made me feel alive with energy, as I was pulled between morality and sexual pleasure. I identified within myself – that a part of me was seeing the child’s body symbolically – as if seeing the shape of their bodies and the innocence they represented, triggered an interest within me, which was channeled by me into sexual pleasure. The other part of me concocted images and combined them with irrational thoughts, which led me time and time again after that to seek the same experience. At times especially in the beginning I would experience shame after I masturbated, however if I then for a few days would stop masturbating to child pornography and attempt to use adult porn, then I would almost feel numb during the whole experience and once I would return to the images of naked children, it felt as if my body became ablaze with sexual energy.  At times I would rationalize this to myself as ‘well it is happening to me therefore it must be a natural part of myself that requires expression’ or ‘maybe it is not about the child but about how the child represents the confined placed by society on sexuality – therefore I am responding to an image which is condemned by society, through which I may experience the ultimate release.’

After a few years of using basic imagery only occasionally – only enough for me to rationalize as acceptable and not ‘out of my control’ – I started thinking about whether different images contained different experiences. I wanted to understand more and see if I could open myself up more. I found a website after a very specific search and came across a link to a website where the owner would give out links to images depending on your level of involvement with the website. Obviously as a beginner I had to start somewhere – so I decided to push ahead and after a few months I received anonymous links to images that were very different to what I was use to. As I watched these pictures I allowed myself to feel what these pictures did to me. In the end I distinguished between specific images to which I had specific experiences and from this my fascination focused itself ultimately to the acquiring of specific footage and imagery that would stimulate me.  I found my mind reacting to the images with short burst – which at times were unidentifiable as the thoughts moved so fast. All that I would experience were short sentences, followed by physical sensations throughout my body, and if I kept flicking through the images, I could build the physical reactions until I would have my orgasm. Something inside of me always drove my reactions to these images and therefore the game became about knowing which pictures meant what to me as I had come to know what sensations or thoughts triggered my responses to the images…”

Self-Forgiveness on:

“The thought to first start watching child pornography came up as a feeling in connection to a picture of a child’s naked body. At first I experienced a tingling within my body, which moved up from my groin into my chest, arms and down my legs. I had experienced this similarly to watching other pornography, but what started happened in my mind was that I experienced the thoughts which directed me further and further into the decision to watch child pornography – thought such as ‘their flesh is so young’, ‘is this wrong?’, ‘what if I get caught watching this?’, what if my parents see what is on my computer?’ and ‘would a child respond sexually the same as a woman?’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a pleasant feeling to seeing images of naked or sexually active children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a tingling sensation within the physical body, which is a system design that influences the physical whereby it superimposes itself into the physical senses, back into a mind pattern which associates the sensation as pleasant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a system, which manipulates me through unknown stimulus, to react to images of naked children or sexually active children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design my body and my mind into a system whereby I have attached certain pictures, memories, feelings, ideas, likes/dislikes and reactions/behaviors to the images of naked or abused children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a system out of sex, whereby I have taken all the points of stimulus from within the secret mind, and connected that through the sex system to my groin, whereby I will loose sight of the reactions I am really having from what happens in my groin to the stimulus response within my mind – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am allowing these images to stimulate me because I have already given permission to the system design existent from my mind to my groin and through the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts such as ‘their flesh is so young’ to exist within me and to trigger chemical reactions within my body of pleasure.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed thoughts such as ‘their flesh is so young’ to permeate through my mind for the first time, after which I as the participant allowed myself to give permission to me, with regards to what I will do with this thought and how in that moment I will sit there masturbating, thus energizing the thought into existence within my mind – as it now becomes a backchat pattern that will emerge frequently as part of my sexual gratification game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought ‘their flesh is so young’ to exist as a point of stimulus – because I had firstly created this system design based on the premise of positive feelings which I connect to words, ideas, people and images – whereby I now see, realize and understand that this system was designed by me fully conscious of how I used connection points between things to feelings – so that I may experience sexual gratification. Therefore I now realize that by – in the first place connecting ‘good feelings’ and pleasant reactions within my body as chemical responses to words, people, pictures and ideas – I am tacitly agreeing to the design of myself as for example ‘someone who watches child pornography for sexual gratification.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pre-programmed entity – which secretly connects images, people, words and ideas to my own sexual gratification – wherein my lack of self responsibility with regards to my thoughts indicates that I am responsible for myself becoming an abuser of children – and that no god or devil did this to me – because I already designed and implemented my reactions as physical responses to words, people, images and ideas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly design my own system of gratification and then blaming a god or DNA or some force beyond my control for who and what I have become as child abuser – not realizing that I in fact am able to trace my thoughts and how I created relationships between physical reactions and images, people, words or ideas.

Therefore by stating that having physical reactions to pictures in my mind – I am indicating that I exist as an entity that secretly connects lines between memories of people, words, images and ideas in my mind – and through that generate energy to fuel my addictions – therefore becoming the leech that benefits from abuse – while I hide behind ‘free will and ‘individuality.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to specifically use fear in the form of thoughts such as ‘what if I get caught watching this? – to stimulate me sexually, through the release of energy throughout my body as I am faced in that moment with the ties that bind me as my own morality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my own morality of good/bad as a catalyst, from which I bounce in-between polarities, thus generating the flow of energy as I experience myself being pulled between right and wrong, which imprints itself into and as me as a pattern within my mind –which then becomes automated – as I play the victim to my morality – while wanting to experience gratification – thus using this character of conflicting morals – from which I allow myself to become an abuser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the polarity of right and wrong as I was taught in schools and by my parents –to experience sexual gratification and stimulus – as I go to the negative polarity – experience the energy of shame/repulsion and then use thoughts of happiness to pull myself towards acceptance of what I am doing. In school and in the parenting/family system I was taught the system of punishment/reward – as I was taught that to get rewards you have to first do something bad/be punished. Eventually doing something bad carried an energy of excitement or disgust – which is then by the nature of the cycle of the pattern – followed by ‘doing the right thing’ within the system – which is then experienced by me as I watch the faces of those who see me ‘doing the right thing’ and I would then experience the release of energy (later becomes orgasm) as I feel the energy of ‘doing the right thing’ and being accepted/saved within the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as child pornographer to use the face of the child who looks at me questioningly – as the face of the person who asks ‘why’ – which stimulates me into masturbating myself into the energy release as I give myself happiness – which I have equated according to the equation above as ‘the right thing’.

Therefore - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images of children looking sad or anxious while being photographed as picture presentation during which my secret mind uses the equation I was taught as a child – in which I now am being questioned for my bad deeds, which stimulates me to masturbate as I feel the energy of being bad which I have come to accept as a pleasant energy – due to me connecting fear and failure to an energy that build up that requires releasing through ‘good things – which is what bringing my hand to genitalia does for me – as the parent and director of myself in that moment – as I remove the negative experience through the up and down rubbing of the genitalia.

I commit myself to show how using memories and points of reference such as pictures, knowledge, words and people – within the mind only exist based on the character who wants to please self by using others.

I commit myself to show how not living here in the physical, practically in self responsibility – but instead creating vast networks of relationships with images, ideas and thoughts in the mind – eventually allows one to creates characters to participate with in separation form this physical reality – which then allows us to abuse life in the physical as we merely exist in these relationships in the mind.

I commit myself to show how the relationships we exist within and towards in the mind as the characters we have created are given permission to by all in the world – while the consequences as abuse happens in the physical reality to others.

I commit myself to show how humanity and all our ‘evil’ actions were designed by ourselves through the characters we created in the mind, whereby we created relationships in the mind to people, images and ideas – fueled the relationships through energy generation as the patterns of addiction through which we participate and then collectively give permission to each others characters – so that everyone can carry on living as characters and not have to take responsibility for the harm done to and within the physical.

Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-23-international-crime-research.html


Deconstruction of the Personality/Character of the Criminal.


In the next section, I will focus my self-forgiveness on the conscious ‘thought-processes’ i.e. backchat that a person follows from the point of becoming aware of an initial reaction towards for example imagery of children and how reactions coupled with thoughts, leads the person to the act by ‘watching child pornography.


What one will observe within how the mind functions, from the moment we have an initial thought, to the point where we act on our thoughts – is that there exists a line of information consisting of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, reactions etc. – until one gets to the final decision to act upon what one believes to be a single decision in ‘the moment’. Here one is able to look into the mind and follow the time line back from an action or thought (such as watching child pornography) to its origin and how one from the original thought participated in fueling further thoughts, pictures, feelings, emotions, memories and physical behaviors to get to the decision to the act on ones decision.


In my previous blogs I applied self-forgiveness around the scientific research and ‘facts’ around child pornography and Bipolar Disorder. Now I will write out the backchat design of the perpetrator/offender and from there apply self-forgiveness accordingly. The ‘backchat design’ which becomes the ‘character of the individual consists of all accumulated thoughts, which over time become the being as the physical movement and behavior.


The perpetrator/offender exists though as one dimension, one character within the major character of ‘child pornography’ as it exists as a ‘character’ of the world. Therefore if the world exists as it currently does as a conglomeration of ‘characters’ – called humans – then child pornography is an example of one characteristic of our current world. Therefore the Child pornographer is a ‘character’ within the world characteristic called ‘child pornography’. The child, its family, the reaction of society to the reality of child pornography, the police, the politicians, criminologists, psychologists and law enforcement – all exist as characters in the world problem of ‘child pornography’. Each ‘character’ responds in his or her way depending on the role they have come to accept themselves to be as and this is how we have all come to accept ourselves and everything that surrounds us – as characters playing in the game we call life.


Therefore my main focus is to show that all experiences in this world are based on humans playing characters determined by the script within the mind. If we stepped out of the role of character for a moment and looked at what was going on around us – we would be shocked and horrified that we have allowed ourselves to be mere characters in this play called life, instead of standing up for what is best for all.


One could ask yourself the question – why am I saying that we are merely playing characters and not standing and applying ourselves as life? Well – the fact that abuse and other crimes against life happen each and every day in the smallest and largest of forms in our families, societies, religions, politics, entertainment, capitalism, relationships, etc. – shows us that we are obviously not standing as life in the physical – because if we were life we would be and live what is best for all as life – and not sit by idly watching as life is abused on this planet.


So - that raises the question – if the human can sit by idly, continually accepting society and the world systems to function the way it does and not realize our responsibility to change the world – then where are we? We are tied into survival as the mind as characters, in which we have come to believe ourselves as real, however if one trace your life back to childhood – you will see that you have systematically been programmed by your parents, peers, educators, religion, politicians etc. into characters that are called human – but what are we really? We exist to survive according to the rules of the system, through which we split ourselves into millions of different characters to survive in society, the money system, relationships and the family system.


One can trace your life back and record second by second how our choices were always made for us, by pre set rules and those who had control and power over us. We then grow up accepting that the way the world functions is normal and we become the characters necessary to survive in the world –so that we too can become the best we can be – however the best we can be is according to the predetermined, predesigned characters – that were designed by other characters who want to control and direct for the purpose of ‘my life’ and ‘what I want’ and ‘my happiness’. So – we are all creating ourselves into better, bigger, brighter characters to outshine ourselves in a system design, created by those who have gone before us – as they designed the system within which they had to survive according to the rules set by those surviving and fighting before them…. Quite a fuck up we have created. And this character game we call ‘Life’. So - it is not just a matter of observing the criminal/offender and their 'character designs - but to alos observe ourselves as society to see who and what have we become in the face of Abuse.


In my next blog I start by looking at the different character designs of ‘producer of child pornography’ and ‘consumer/distributor of child pornographer’ –and by tracing the backchat/thought design of these perpetrators, I am allowing myself to take self responsibility for the components that come together to eventually lead to the mind of a child pornographer. By taking self responsibility for all parts of the mind of the child pornographer – I am standing One and Equal to to the design as myself, defusing it as myself within the self responsibility that I take and of course seeing where I am reacting to any thoughts and pictures that exist within the child pornographer as I walk the time line of the mind of the child pornographer.


Why do I walk the time line of the mind of the child pornographer? So that the pattern is fully revealed to me, in which no stone is left unturned as a behavior that in time if suppressed through fear or denial could mutate or project itself energetically into a ‘sexual addiction character’, due to my participation in the same thoughts, without understanding of how these addictions are designed within the mind. In walking the path of the criminal I am forgiving myself and deleting the character within myself – in whatever dimension it may exist, so that at no stage I allow these ‘characters’ that abuse life to ‘surface’ within me and become me. By doing this, we as the current generation and the bodies that will bring forth the future generations will no longer create and exist as ‘characters’ supporting abuse in this world, but to learn what it means to Life fully here in the Physical.

For more information on the Design of the 'Character':

Day 78: Stepping out of character

Day 79: Stepping out of character with LOVED ONES

Day 22: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 6

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-21-international-crime-research.html


Research taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/


USES OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY – continued

5. Blackmail: Sexually explicit images are used to ensure the lifelong silence of the victimised child by threatening to show the pictures to parents, peers or others. Child victims will not always report pictorial records--even if they report sexual abuse--because they may be ashamed of what happened to them as well as of their participation in the pornography.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing blackmail within this world, due to human greed and self-interest – through which by the sheer nature of blackmail we accept ourselves as the abusers of others.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blackmail people as a means of requiring money instead of taking self responsibility for myself within providing for my own means – whereby I will align myself to abuse for money instead of Self responsibility.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing blackmail, whereby I am disregarding the experienced for the other person, and only looking out for my own self-interest.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing blackmail to exist around the principle of secrets, whereby someone can blackmail me based on revealing my secrets to the world.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing secrets to exists within my world, where I act in ways that I would not reveal to others due to my actions not standing as what is best for all.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world where blackmail has become such an extensive means of obtaining money due to us having conflicting moral within society, where we will judge certain actions as so immoral, that we have to hide these actions, even though as the high incidence of blackmail shows - we still live out these immoral actions, but as a society approve of the action of hiding or suppressing what we do.

6. A medium of exchange: Child pornography is used as a means of establishing trust and camaraderie with other pedophiles and molesters and as proof of their good intentions when establishing contact with other exploiters. It is a medium of communication with fellow exploiters in public and private sex markets.

7. Access: Some exploiters exchange pornography to gain access to other markets and to other children

8. Profit: Although most do not sell child pornography, there are some paedophiles and child molesters who sell home-made videos and photos on a one-to-one basis. Some child exploiters sell their self-produced materials to finance trips overseas to popular sex tourist destinations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have minimized the quality of life to simply exist as something that I can sell and trade for my own self-interest and greed.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing capitalism to turn everything into profitable material – and by accepting and allowing this I have admitted that I have no worth, my family has no worth and anything I do has no worth, as it all gets equated to a point of profit within capitalism.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only complain about life being equal to profit – if it affects myself or my family, where I will cry and moan, but if I see it happening all around me to billions of beings each day, I turn by back and pretend I did not notice or pretend that it is not me that is responsible as I am the one that profits from living in this system that uses life for money.




THE CONNECTION BETWEEN CHILD PORNOGRAPHY AND CHILD SEX ABUSE CRIMES

Some social scientists interpret the research to indicate that the use of child pornography is a precursor to other sex crimes and that child pornography is fuel to feed the obsession of paedophilia; Child Pornography and Sexual Exploitation: European Forum for Child Welfare Position Statement, 3 (Nov. 1993) [hereafter EFCW Position Statement] (citing studies that support this thesis). others conclude that it is a safety valve that prevents such crimes.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification of allowing child pornographers to use child pornography as a safety valve – where I say that at least by only looking at pictures the abusers are not actually abusing real children – not understanding, realizing and comprehending the type of world I am creating where I mask these abusive intention with clever words and justifications, to protect my right to abuse.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse of ‘at least they are only masturbating to pictures of children’ as an excuse to justify the reason why I can masturbate to picture of people, creating a world where we mask our inner behaviors with reasons and excuses – without properly investigating mathematically how abuse unfolds from the abuse we allow within.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing child pornography to continue existing on the Internet, even though research indicates that child pornography exists in most cases as a prelude to the actual act.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate the actions on the internet from reality – not realizing that the actions on the internet reveal what people are really doing inside and out – and is not merely just a make believe world.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give permission to the internet as a secret reality that is apparently only 3d- where I allow others their secret fantasies as long as they allow me my secret fantasies – where the internet has grow to such an extent that anything and everything is allowed under the guise of ‘its only a virtual reality and not real.’


I commit myself to show how the human has allowed itself to separate its actions into realities that are always justified as acceptable by society due to it existing in a bubble called religion, internet, culture, family, relationship, sport, entertainment, individuality, free-will – and to show that these bubbles are how we protect the deception that we clearly see and understand – however never want to take responsibility for equal and one to its existence.


Further Reading:

Success and Reward

The Visible and Invisible

Day 53: Slavery Exploiting Sex, Life and Labor in the Consumerism Concentration Camp

Day 21: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 5

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-20-international-crime-research.html


Research taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/


USES OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY - continued

“3. To lower a child's inhibitions: Child abusers use pictures of other children having sex to assist in the seduction of a child and encourage reluctant children to freely participate. Images are often used as a way to show a child what the offender wants the child victim to do. Pornography may be used under the guise of "sex education" to create sexual arousal in the child.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lower the inhibitions of the person who I am sexually attracted to through manipulative words, behavior and the use of alcohol.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to trick someone into having sex with me, which by implication shows that I am not effective in communication and that I have created a world where people are so judgmental of each other, that we need to trick and persuade according to status and money to get some one to have sex with us.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn myself into a picture representing pornographic images, which I believe will please the person whom I want to have sex with.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to the pictures existent within the media and pornography, through which I evaluate my self-worth as I allow the value system of society based on beauty vs. ugly to become the value of me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change my behavior around the opposite sex, to change the picture of me, so that the person will evaluate what they see through mathematic equations relating to value systems within their minds based on fantasies.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that each time when I am shopping for clothes etc – that I compare myself within the clothing to that of a beautiful, attractive woman – I am in fact separating myself from myself into a picture loaded with sexual value.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value into the image and behavioral patterns of celebrities, placing value in what they wear, not because I really care about the material or the shape of clothing – as we have seen fashions deliberately becoming sillier and sillier – but instead their success as pictures are equated to worth which is equated to money – therefore:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to also want to feel self worth by experiencing the worth of money I have equated within the clothing worn by celebrities.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the education system to exists as schools where children are forced into categories based on popularity and status, through which they compound sexual energy towards each other, and by doing so – prepare the way for themselves to become sex systems, dependent on pictures and societal status to achieve arousal and to engage in sexual activity towards the perception they have of each other.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the education system, therefore to not educate children on the value of the physical and how to live and breathe practically in your physical body – but instead turns a blind eye to the dynamics that play out in the schooling systems based on comparison, ego, sex, judgment, achievement – where the school become the educators and perpetrators of the human ego – which goes out into the world prepared by knowledge and information on how to best abuse life on this planet.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to use the way children participate in sex to further perpetuate sexual abuse in this world – where I will stand by and watch as my secret sexual desires actually play out right in front of me as my children become addicted to pornography and sexual abuse towards each other –while doing nothing about it because I believe this form of ‘evolution’ or ‘growth of the child to be natural – when in fact there is nothing natural about becoming dysfunctional and watching as the future generations become even more dysfunctional as they copy and modify the already abusive tendencies existent within dysfunctional humans.

4. Preservation of the child's youth: Child pornography ensures that there will always be an image of the child at the age of sexual preference.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing sexual preferences to have become the reason and purpose for why people can cheat, lie and deceive.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat, lie and deceive people to have sex with me based on my sexual references which I have designed in my mind through years of watching pornography – which by its design does not align with how the physical really functions during sex and is purely based on the secret mind which derives energy from stimulating the mind through pain, punishment, power, submission - everything which is abusive towards self – and therefore creates energetic reactions within the being as we react sexually towards that which is ‘wrong’.


Therefore;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to equate the value of the physical simply to a tool that can function in how I energetically charge symbols and images in my mind to get as much sexual energy from my interaction with another as possible. Therefore other people become purely symbols to give me my sexual rush, while I lie, cheat and deceive with special words and gestured to lure the partner that I really want – based on these ‘sexual preferences’.


I commit myself to reveal to all – how charged simple, societally accepted words are like ‘sexual preferences’, ‘likes’, ‘dislikes – and how we have energetically charged what we see each day – to fulfill the secret mind sexual fantasies – where sex is no more than seeking the greatest rush and not about physical interaction based on physical self expression.


I commit myself to no longer allow energetically charged words, pictures and situations within my world, to create an environment where everything is based on practical common sense to support Life here Equally, instead of the systematized, hidden world of energy addiction, through which we have willingly allowed all forms of abuse to be justified due to our addiction to energy.

Day 20: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 4

This is a continuation from:  http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-19-international-crime-research.html


Research taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/


USES OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY

“Experts cite several reasons why individuals collect child pornography. U.S. Senate Report, supra note 7, at 10-12.
1. Arousal and gratification: Individuals use pornography to stimulate their sexual drive and to aid in sexual stimulation. Some may only fantasize and others may use it as a prelude to actual sexual activity with minors.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images of people, things or animals to stimulate myself sexually


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images of people, things or animals to stimulate myself sexually, without realizing and understanding that in doing so I am creating an energetic entity within myself with which I have to keep participating to experience sexual gratification, instead of establishing effective sexual relationships with myself or a partner, which is established in self trust, intimacy and mutual respect for the expression of oneself in the physical.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the physical body, it expression and the abuse that occurs in the world to each other and the innocence of children, we if secretly believe we can participate with these energetic entities created within the mind, which knows no limit as we have proven within how the human abuses life to entertain the mind.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue justifying why I get to participating in the generation of pictures within my mind until I am addicted to masturbating to these energies that overwhelm me, while refusing to see, realize and understand that the same energies that flow through, up and within me as the energies I claim to be addicted to and have no control over and must masturbate to – or else it will drive me to distraction and the inability to function property, are the energies existent within each and every other human who watched child pornography, rape pornography, bestiality and other forms of sex abuse – that I claim to separate myself from and judge the other for.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider for a moment the responsibility we all have as equals within this mess we have created, to go and explore how the mind really functions, to develop an effective self-honest understanding that the world is not facing the extent of sexual abuse, simply because satan is making people do it – but instead it is each one of us as the human participating together within what we accept and allow within ourselves – that contribute to the permission that is given equally to the world as it is.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make such statements as ‘child pornography must stop’ while refusing to see, realize and understand that I too have a responsibility then to look at my own secret mind behaviors and to clean myself equal and one to the child abuser, until NO-ONE abuses the physical to entertain the mind as energy.


I commit myself to stand as the physical support of myself, within sexuality, to no longer accept and allow myself to follow energy as addiction, but instead to establish effective touch and intimacy within myself towards myself and/or a partner – to no longer accept and allow judgments and fears to separate me from participating with the Physical Body.

“2. Validation and justification of pedophile behaviour: The paedophile uses pornography to convince him/her self that their behaviour or obsession is not abnormal, but is shared by thousand of other sensitive, intelligent and caring people.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider my behavior within my addiction to pictures and to energy as normal, because all humans function the same way within sexuality, due to no human being self honesty about how the mind functions within the physical and how thus far that has always been the directive principle within sex, with no regard for how we abuse in the name of these beliefs.


I forgive myself as humanity for grouping together within the lie that has become sexual expression, and together to justify each other’s addictions and misuse of the physical for the purpose of individual sexual gratification.


I commit myself to learn how to work with the physical body, as this is the key to effective self-responsible sex, which will stop sexual abuse, because by indication – effective self-honest self-expression, free from addictions – is how we stop all physical abuse.

Day 10: International Crime Research – Bipolar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 3

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-9-international-crime-research-bi.html

Self-Forgiveness Part 2: Bipolar Disorder and ‘Expansiveness’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing situations in which I doubted my ability to expand within myself due to fear and conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and doubt my ability to step beyond my fears and pre-programming from my childhood, because I feared making mistakes and having to face my reactions towards the judgments I believed others had of me – which were actually my judgments of myself – projected onto others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop a fear of expanding within vocabulary, the ability to work with information and a natural ability to work with my physical body, other people and my environment, because I accepted judgment towards myself, through how the schooling system teaches us to judge ourselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid any form of self-development or expansion within self because I developed a low self-esteem, based on my fathers depression – and through his depression believed that I was inadequate as a child.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the schooling and parenting system to program me into an insecure child who became afraid of expanding myself, and therefore accepted and labeled myself as stupid, unequal and unable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the concept and the lie of schooling as a system of self punishment and self reward through which I developed a personality of inferiority and fear and hope – from which I developed myself into adulthood, looking for approval from others and hoping that somehow I will be able to experience change without realizing I had to change myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop secret backchat ideas and thoughts about expansion and for looking for ways to expand myself so that I could be special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come to believe that in spirituality I will be able to expand myself and find a reason for others to appreciate me, after which I will be able to appreciate myself – creating a cycle of Bipolar Disorder in which I swung from the polarity of happiness, elation and expansion based on how people viewed what I did, to sadness and irritability if I did not meet the criteria of schools, friends, partners and society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop moods and states of being around which I could experience expansion, such as spirituality in which I ‘felt’ like I was transcending and ascending into higher states of being and into a higher state of me – based around the idea that there is more to me than just me here as a physical being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that we are all supposed to expand into something more, be it through money, sex, beauty, achievements or status, until others respect me after which I can respect myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop Bipolar Disorder in which I manifest myself as the mood of expansiveness, to impress others and to be able to make money in the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this ‘beingness’ as a way of surviving in the system, instead of realizing that the respect and achievement I was attempting to attain through my perception of the view of others was fake, because everybody was doing the same thing – seeking respect from others to respect and accept ourselves. In doing this – I realized that nothing we do within expansion is real or valid, because nobody is really expanding into anything worth living, because our main focus is on survival and to feel respected, which is an energetic experience based on what you believe others are feeling about you.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this experience of expansion to exist only in relation to my survival in the system, as a woman towards males, within sexuality to appease the male and within the context of competition with other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and generate Bipolar Disorder within myself – as I programmed myself over many years into the behavior of expanding myself in relation to money and competition and survival, and feeling bad and depressed if I could not fulfill this role – thus not meeting up with my standard and value I had come to believe I should be in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar reactions such as expansiveness, as how I lived my life, fighting for my self-definition and for my survival in the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the human existence to have become Bipolar in which we have become programs that activate in the presence of certain words, people and environments – where we go into expansiveness in relation to survival and fear of loss – in which we do not live, but simply live as a programmable reaction to our world based on fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to become the future of our children, in which I have set the example of allowing expansion to be systematized based on survival of ourselves as the mind based on competition and greed and to defend our fear of not surviving in the money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder as expansiveness to exist within the system, in how each human is forced to pretend to want to expand themselves – simply to have to make money – where nobody lives or enjoys what they do, because the system requires specific skills development based on profit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing children to be programmed into expansion, based on how the parents want them to be based on competition with other families.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansion to exist to appease the ego of the individual and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing situations where I have encouraged people to prove themselves to me, prove what abilities they have and ‘who they are’ according to ‘what they do’ within the system, before I will trust them, trust what they do or accept who they are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to force others to act within Bipolar Disorder, to act out expansiveness and elated mood according to what I like and dislike – perpetuating the cycle within them and myself based on wanting to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in how I have accepted and allowed the existence of ‘likes and dislikes’ to exist – and through this forcing myself and others to adapt our moods to become elated and joyous to please ourselves and others and the idea we have of what looks good and what is ‘pleasant behavior.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the development of Bipolar Disorder, due to how I hide some behaviors and personality characteristics and ‘bring to the fore’ other states of being as personality designs  - where moment to moment I believe I be acceptable to others, depending on the situation I am in – therefore adapting and switching my moods to be acceptable – therefore going into polarity opposites and therefore programming my minds to ‘switch from one mind state to the other’ – thus creating Bipolar Disorders – that eventually become an automated response – which later in life ran automatically in the background of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this automated cycle of Bipolar Disorder to have become so automatic by the age of 28 that I was stuck in Depression because my Mind was moving so fast in the cycles of ‘elated mood, expansiveness, irritability and hyperactivity (Bipolar Disorder)– that eventually by the age of 28 my Mind ‘froze’ in a perpetual phase of depression because I no longer found anything exiting to elate my mood and to make me feel ‘expansive’. Therefore by the age of 28 my mind had closed the cycles in on itself and only extreme experiences of elated mood or expansion could excite me. This was where I looked for more meaningful spiritual experiences, greater sex and developed an idea of belongingness in the form of finding a life partner and having children (the perfect life).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this automated Mind System to become the directive principle of me where it adjusted itself according to my memories and likes and dislikes unit eventually I found myself in conflict between polarities as my mind used my behaviors and patterns to generate energy for the mind – while I struggled to find peace within myself while I realize that my mind was directing me, while I became simply existed in the body being directed by the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this polarity program to exist for my entire life, eventually pushing me into fast moving cycles of Bipolar Disorder, because I was no longer able to live a month or one week without crashing from happy elated moods to depressed or anxious/sad moods.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in how I have accepted and allowed the existence of ‘likes and dislikes’ to exist – and through this forcing myself and others to adapt moods to become ‘expansive’ – and through this proving myself as a good person who works hard and shows an interest in what I am doing or within my job, to ensure my survival within the money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification of ‘lazy people deserve to be poor because they don’t ‘expand themselves within the system’ – not realizing that I am justifying the system of Capitalism, which forces people into abusive work situations at minimum wages, year after year – no questions asked – simply to feed the pockets of the rich.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that expansion is applicable to survival in the system, while disregarding our ability to expand from this point within which we exist as humanity where we serve only our self interest as greed, while disregarding the world we have created.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of spiritual expansion, in which no common sense expansion is considered to find practical ways to sort out this mess, but instead to expand into the energy of the mind, where we hide from this reality to not have to face what we have created, but instead to have the easy way out by expanding further into the reality of the mind as consciousness – further and further into separation from the REAL reality which we exist in as the Physical Reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of expansion as knowledge and information and to use this as an excuse to remain in my mind and not to expand myself into practical common sense self movement – to sort out this reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansion to exist as the idea of philosophy, in which we will think and think and think, while the world around us shows us we are not expanding but merely existing in self interest and greed, while projecting and blaming others for the problem – while we as the equal inhabitants of the planet participate in and give permission to the abuse that exists, because we are the one benefiting from the Capitalistic System everyday.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ideas of expansiveness to be the justification and excuse used for why we can abuse others and the planet, while abuses the resources and withhold the resources from others, to expand our own self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansiveness to exist as it does above, from generation to generation, eventually systematizing expansion into what it is now as a mind system within which I exist. This mind system is then called Bipolar Disorder when it manifest in a clinically measurable way – after an individual is found to not be able to function in accordance with the system any longer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to be something we analyze and categorize in Science and Psychology, only once a being is unable to participate in Society effectively (within the context of ‘expansion’ mentioned above) after which such an individual is judged as ‘potentially harmful to themselves and others’ and unable to live effective lives – which basically means such a person is not living out expansion effectively within the context of support the system as humanity.

(The above self-forgiveness statement contains a classification of ‘abnormal behavior’- Sue, Sue and Sue, 2010).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the labeling of Bipolar Disorder only once a being is no longer supporting themselves as the role they play within the system, in support of humanity as a ‘expansive system’ – instead of scientists identifying how all humans already exist as Bipolar Disorder and not truly living – because life has become about the system of survival. (In this I have realized that humans are products of our memories and programming from childhood – and adapting according to the requirements for us to Survive in the system and as the Mind. Therefore as humans – no one has actually had any real experience, because all are simply exiting as self-regulating and adaptive mind systems based on memories, experiences and pre-programming – from our DNA and parental and societal programming. Therefore to understand how we have ever made decisions – we need to follow the time lines of moments to see how decisions were made and what moments, memories and events influences our decision making.)

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that within the current economic system – ‘expansion’ is only truly possible if you have money – in which case one can buy yourself all your requirements to make it look like you are ‘expanding in material good and wealth’ or to have all your basic needs such as food and shelter covered so that one may focus on the spiritual and philosophical expansion of the mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I do not make it possible for other beings to live fully and to meet their basic needs of food and a place to live, then how is it possible for others to experience any expansion at all, because by forcing people to live in fear of survival – we are limiting the human existence to the limitation we have come to accept now according to having or not having pieces of paper called Money –

Therefore

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that no expansion is possible for me or humanity as a so called ‘expansive’ human, if all are not able to expand and if I through my greed and inability to take all life into consideration force others into situations of ‘not having’ simply by forcing them into economic brackets where I withhold pieces of paper from them, thus withholding resources from them to have their basic requirements met, therefore limiting any change in this world currently of ‘expanding’ in any way.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by withholding resources from others, which limits beings in expanding from situations of survival into having a dignified life equal to myself, I am in fact not expanding as a being but devolving into a ‘de-evolution’ or ‘backwardness’, I have created for myself with no way of expanding into anything more than what I am if I do not change what I am doing to others as myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have equated expansiveness to the value of things that you can buy with money – therefore it is not me that is expanding but a temporary experience that I have thanks to the paper I can give for that experience – and in a moment if I justify withholding that same money as ability to have access to resources from another – than I am admitting that my expansion does not truly exist, but merely exists as an energetic experience in which I am used - by the Elite to participate in capitalism so that they can be truly rich – while fooling me through spirituality, the idea of an afterlife and the media that I am ‘expanding’ myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be brainwashed into religion, culture and spirituality – in which I participate in the belief of an afterlife – where I ‘think’ I will expand into another state of being – without questioning who and where this information came from – who has investigated this information and why I should ignore the direct reality I am creating, while following this unverified belief of myself within an afterlife.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in all Culture, Spirituality and Religion – where by the action of participating in your mind reality where you are expanded into a higher state of ‘beingness’ – we are in fact proving that humans already exist as Bipolar Disorder – through which we attempt to run away from our physical reality by creating fake realities in which we can compare how expansive we are in this fake unseen realities, which only the believer can verify through the pretty pictures in his/her mind as the illusion that is shared by others who have similar make-believe realties/pictures in their mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself over the generations since the beginning of Mankind to develop and imprint the Disorder of ‘Bipolar’ into the Mind – which surfaces in some humans as more severe conditions which leaves them unable to function effectively, while existing in all humans in varying degrees, while we who are still able to function – program the next generation as our children to become Bipolar either in its subtle functional form within the acceptance of how the system works, or the more severe forms where the person is rejected from the functioning of society – where the person is classified ‘Bipolar’ and submitted to therapies and drugs – to ‘balance’ the symptoms – until the person is better able to continue functioning within accepted, manageable levels within our societal Bipolar Systems.

Abnormal Behavior: Sue D, Sue DW, Sue S (2012). Understanding Abnormal Behavior. Boston. Wadsworth.