This is a continuation from:
Self-Forgiveness Part 2: Bipolar Disorder and ‘Expansiveness’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing situations in
which I doubted my ability to expand within myself due to fear and conflict.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
and doubt my ability to step beyond my fears and pre-programming from my
childhood, because I feared making mistakes and having to face my reactions
towards the judgments I believed others had of me – which were actually my
judgments of myself – projected onto others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
develop a fear of expanding within vocabulary, the ability to work with
information and a natural ability to work with my physical body, other people
and my environment, because I accepted judgment towards myself, through how the
schooling system teaches us to judge ourselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid
any form of self-development or expansion within self because I developed a low
self-esteem, based on my fathers depression – and through his depression
believed that I was inadequate as a child.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the schooling
and parenting system to program me into an insecure child who became afraid of
expanding myself, and therefore accepted and labeled myself as stupid, unequal
and unable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the concept and
the lie of schooling as a system of self punishment and self reward through
which I developed a personality of inferiority and fear and hope – from which I
developed myself into adulthood, looking for approval from others and hoping
that somehow I will be able to experience change without realizing I had to
change myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
develop secret backchat ideas and thoughts about expansion and for looking for
ways to expand myself so that I could be special.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come
to believe that in spirituality I will be able to expand myself and find a
reason for others to appreciate me, after which I will be able to appreciate
myself – creating a cycle of Bipolar Disorder in which I swung from the
polarity of happiness, elation and expansion based on how people viewed what I
did, to sadness and irritability if I did not meet the criteria of schools,
friends, partners and society.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
develop moods and states of being around which I could experience expansion,
such as spirituality in which I ‘felt’ like I was transcending and ascending
into higher states of being and into a higher state of me – based around the
idea that there is more to me than just me here as a physical being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
believe that we are all supposed to expand into something more, be it through
money, sex, beauty, achievements or status, until others respect me after which
I can respect myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
develop Bipolar Disorder in which I manifest myself as the mood of
expansiveness, to impress others and to be able to make money in the system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this ‘beingness’
as a way of surviving in the system, instead of realizing that the respect and
achievement I was attempting to attain through my perception of the view of
others was fake, because everybody was doing the same thing – seeking respect
from others to respect and accept ourselves. In doing this – I realized that
nothing we do within expansion is real or valid, because nobody is really
expanding into anything worth living, because our main focus is on survival and
to feel respected, which is an energetic experience based on what you believe others
are feeling about you.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this experience
of expansion to exist only in relation to my survival in the system, as a woman
towards males, within sexuality to appease the male and within the context of
competition with other people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create
and generate Bipolar Disorder within myself – as I programmed myself over many
years into the behavior of expanding myself in relation to money and
competition and survival, and feeling bad and depressed if I could not fulfill
this role – thus not meeting up with my standard and value I had come to
believe I should be in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar
reactions such as expansiveness, as how I lived my life, fighting for my self-definition
and for my survival in the system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the human
existence to have become Bipolar in which we have become programs that activate
in the presence of certain words, people and environments – where we go into
expansiveness in relation to survival and fear of loss – in which we do not
live, but simply live as a programmable reaction to our world based on fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder
to become the future of our children, in which I have set the example of
allowing expansion to be systematized based on survival of ourselves as the
mind based on competition and greed and to defend our fear of not surviving in
the money system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder
as expansiveness to exist within the system, in how each human is forced to
pretend to want to expand themselves – simply to have to make money – where
nobody lives or enjoys what they do, because the system requires specific
skills development based on profit.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing children to be
programmed into expansion, based on how the parents want them to be based on
competition with other families.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansion to
exist to appease the ego of the individual and therefore I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing situations where I have encouraged people to prove
themselves to me, prove what abilities they have and ‘who they are’ according
to ‘what they do’ within the system, before I will trust them, trust what they
do or accept who they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to force
others to act within Bipolar Disorder, to act out expansiveness and elated mood
according to what I like and dislike – perpetuating the cycle within them and
myself based on wanting to be accepted by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder
to exist in how I have accepted and allowed the existence of ‘likes and
dislikes’ to exist – and through this forcing myself and others to adapt our
moods to become elated and joyous to please ourselves and others and the idea
we have of what looks good and what is ‘pleasant behavior.’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the development
of Bipolar Disorder, due to how I hide some behaviors and personality
characteristics and ‘bring to the fore’ other states of being as personality
designs - where moment to moment I
believe I be acceptable to others, depending on the situation I am in –
therefore adapting and switching my moods to be acceptable – therefore going
into polarity opposites and therefore programming my minds to ‘switch from one
mind state to the other’ – thus creating Bipolar Disorders – that eventually become
an automated response – which later in life ran automatically in the background
of my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this automated
cycle of Bipolar Disorder to have become so automatic by the age of 28 that I
was stuck in Depression because my Mind was moving so fast in the cycles of
‘elated mood, expansiveness, irritability and hyperactivity (Bipolar Disorder)–
that eventually by the age of 28 my Mind ‘froze’ in a perpetual phase of
depression because I no longer found anything exiting to elate my mood and to
make me feel ‘expansive’. Therefore by the age of 28 my mind had closed the
cycles in on itself and only extreme experiences of elated mood or expansion
could excite me. This was where I looked for more meaningful spiritual experiences,
greater sex and developed an idea of belongingness in the form of finding a
life partner and having children (the perfect life).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this automated
Mind System to become the directive principle of me where it adjusted itself according
to my memories and likes and dislikes unit eventually I found myself in
conflict between polarities as my mind used my behaviors and patterns to
generate energy for the mind – while I struggled to find peace within myself while
I realize that my mind was directing me, while I became simply existed in the
body being directed by the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this polarity
program to exist for my entire life, eventually pushing me into fast moving
cycles of Bipolar Disorder, because I was no longer able to live a month or one
week without crashing from happy elated moods to depressed or anxious/sad
moods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder
to exist in how I have accepted and allowed the existence of ‘likes and
dislikes’ to exist – and through this forcing myself and others to adapt moods
to become ‘expansive’ – and through this proving myself as a good person who
works hard and shows an interest in what I am doing or within my job, to ensure
my survival within the money system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use
the justification of ‘lazy people deserve to be poor because they don’t ‘expand
themselves within the system’ – not realizing that I am justifying the system
of Capitalism, which forces people into abusive work situations at minimum
wages, year after year – no questions asked – simply to feed the pockets of the
rich.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
believe that expansion is applicable to survival in the system, while disregarding
our ability to expand from this point within which we exist as humanity where
we serve only our self interest as greed, while disregarding the world we have
created.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of
spiritual expansion, in which no common sense expansion is considered to find
practical ways to sort out this mess, but instead to
expand into the energy of
the mind, where we hide from this reality to not have to face what we have created,
but instead to have the easy way out by expanding further into the reality of
the mind as consciousness – further and further into separation from the REAL
reality which we exist in as the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of
expansion as knowledge and information and to use this as an excuse to remain
in my mind and not to expand myself into practical common sense self movement –
to sort out this reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansion to exist
as the idea of philosophy, in which we will think and think and think, while
the world around us shows us we are not expanding but merely existing in self
interest and greed, while projecting and blaming others for the problem – while
we as the equal inhabitants of the planet participate in and give permission to
the abuse that exists, because we are the one benefiting from the Capitalistic
System everyday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ideas of
expansiveness to be the justification and excuse used for why we can abuse others
and the planet, while abuses the resources and withhold the resources from
others, to expand our own self-interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansiveness to
exist as it does above, from generation to generation, eventually systematizing
expansion into what it is now as a mind system within which I exist. This mind
system is then called Bipolar Disorder when it manifest in a clinically
measurable way – after an individual is found to not be able to function in
accordance with the system any longer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder
to be something we analyze and categorize in Science and Psychology, only once
a being is unable to participate in Society effectively (within the context of
‘expansion’ mentioned above) after which such an individual is judged as
‘potentially harmful to themselves and others’ and unable to live effective
lives – which basically means such a person is not living out expansion
effectively within the context of support the system as humanity.
(The above self-forgiveness statement contains a
classification of ‘abnormal behavior’- Sue, Sue and Sue, 2010).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the labeling of Bipolar
Disorder only once a being is no longer supporting themselves as the role they
play within the system, in support of humanity as a ‘expansive system’ –
instead of scientists identifying how all humans already exist as Bipolar Disorder
and not truly living – because life has become about the system of survival. (In
this I have realized that humans are products of our memories and programming
from childhood – and adapting according to the requirements for us to Survive
in the system and as the Mind. Therefore as humans – no one has actually had
any real experience, because all are simply exiting as self-regulating and
adaptive mind systems based on memories, experiences and pre-programming – from
our DNA and parental and societal programming. Therefore to understand how we
have ever made decisions – we need to follow the time lines of moments to see
how decisions were made and what moments, memories and events influences our
decision making.)
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to
realize that within the current economic system – ‘expansion’ is only truly
possible if you have money – in which case one can buy yourself all your
requirements to make it look like you are ‘expanding in material good and
wealth’ or to have all your basic needs such as food and shelter covered so
that one may focus on the spiritual and philosophical expansion of the mind.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to
realize that if I do not make it possible for other beings to live fully and to
meet their basic needs of food and a place to live, then how is it possible for
others to experience any expansion at all, because by forcing people to live in
fear of survival – we are limiting the human existence to the limitation we
have come to accept now according to having or not having pieces of paper
called Money –
Therefore
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to
realize that no expansion is possible for me or humanity as a so called
‘expansive’ human, if all are not able to expand and if I through my greed and
inability to take all life into consideration force others into situations of
‘not having’ simply by forcing them into economic brackets where I withhold
pieces of paper from them, thus withholding resources from them to have their
basic requirements met, therefore limiting any change in this world currently
of ‘expanding’ in any way.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to
realize that by withholding resources from others, which limits beings in
expanding from situations of survival into having a
dignified life equal to myself, I am in fact not expanding as a being but devolving into a ‘de-evolution’
or ‘backwardness’, I have created for myself with no way of expanding into
anything more than what I am if I do not change what I am doing to others as
myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to
realize that I have equated expansiveness to the value of things that you can
buy with money – therefore it is not me that is expanding but a temporary
experience that I have thanks to the paper I can give for that experience – and
in a moment if I justify withholding that same money as ability to have access
to resources from another – than I am admitting that my expansion does not
truly exist, but merely exists as an energetic experience in which I am used -
by the Elite to participate in capitalism so that they can be truly rich –
while fooling me through spirituality, the idea of an afterlife and the media
that I am ‘expanding’ myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be
brainwashed into religion, culture and spirituality – in which I participate in
the belief of an afterlife – where I ‘think’ I will expand into another state
of being – without questioning who and where this information came from – who
has investigated this information and why I should ignore the direct reality I
am creating, while following this unverified belief of myself within an
afterlife.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder
to exist in all Culture, Spirituality and Religion – where by the action of
participating in your mind reality where you are expanded into a higher state
of ‘beingness’ – we are in fact proving that humans already exist as Bipolar Disorder
– through which we attempt to run away from our physical reality by creating
fake realities in which we can compare how expansive we are in this fake unseen
realities, which only the believer can verify through the pretty pictures in
his/her mind as the illusion that is shared by others who have similar
make-believe realties/pictures in their mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself over the
generations since the beginning of Mankind to develop and imprint the Disorder
of ‘Bipolar’ into the Mind – which surfaces in some humans as more severe
conditions which leaves them unable to function effectively, while existing in
all humans in varying degrees, while we who are still able to function –
program the next generation as our children to become Bipolar either in its
subtle functional form within the acceptance of how the system works, or the
more severe forms where the person is rejected from the functioning of society
– where the person is classified ‘Bipolar’ and submitted to therapies and drugs
– to ‘balance’ the symptoms – until the person is better able to continue
functioning within accepted, manageable levels within our societal Bipolar
Systems.
Abnormal Behavior:
Sue D, Sue DW, Sue S (2012). Understanding Abnormal Behavior.
Boston. Wadsworth.
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