Day 126: Crimes against Life: Pornography Part 2

This blog is a follow up on:
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/10/day-125-crimes-against-life-pornography.html

In this blog I would like to now start taking a look at the time line of events that lead up to the existence of porn user, distributor and the porn star. I will be investigating the various dimensions that lead up to why such an industry exist that has millions of people addicted daily, while at the same time existing due to an undercurrent of rationalisation and justifications by most of humanity – where pornography is seen as acceptable and an sexual outlet that is ok, even though the effects of it on both user and porn star is anything but ‘ok’. So by walking the time line of the life events behind why such an industry exists, together with the societal justifications behind why it ok for us to continue allowing pornography as a sexual outlet – we will be able to come face to face with who we have become as society, as the human beings that rationalise through thinking an industry like pornography into ‘existence’.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, we have drawn a line between child pornography as being ‘wrong’ but rationalise adult pornography as being acceptable. Then most do not bother to do the research about the real effects of pornography on both the user and the porn star and nobody bothers to research the assumptions and myths behind things like ‘porn stars must enjoy it’ and ‘but why can I not use it if I pay for it’. These rationalisations would not be used if we were talking about handing guns to children and would most certainly not be used if 50 years down the line we sold our wives and children into servitude to become porn stars.The fact that this already exists, but is more masked and hidden – does not fall into any category worth investigating – why – well lets be frank – what I have noted about myself and what I have experienced as I came face to face with letting go of and really looking at the effects of my addictions on the world and myself – is that as long as I did not see the harm it was causing – I really did not care. So as I say, for now woman are selling themselves into pornography either to survive in this monetary system or because they have been brainwashed by society and their peers/parents – to believe that abusing sexuality is actually a plus – where if you are really pushing your physical boundaries then it means you are a free spirit who is not limited by the religious and cultural limitations of the rest of society. So pushing oneself to really harm your physical body sexually is seen as a positive thing when it comes to pornography and in fact from my experience writing and speaking about this subject – the reactions from mostly males when mentioning these strange mind rationalisations – is to be attacked and told that I am frigid and lesbian and wont allow myself pleasure.


So lets start at one point here – discussing the female mind set around the ‘achievement accomplished’ to turn oneself into a  porn star. How does a girl/woman grow up to believe that to become a porn start is actually you expressing your sexuality freely? This reminds me of the type of language that is taught by a pedophile to a young child – where the pedophile has one thing in mind and that is to mold the mind set of the young child into his sex slave – therefore as research shows the pedophile will use compliments, comparisons to female and male adult roles and threats to control and subdue a child into the role desires by the pedophile.


So take a young woman growing up, existing as a physical body –and then she reaches an age where she starts noticing glamorous pictures of half naked woman in magazines, movies and billboards. Those who are closest to her such as her mother and sisters' support this image directed identity, by encouraging her to create a personal identity linked within  that which she sees around her. Specific words are used by the mother/sisters/peers to encourage the young girl to start accepting herself as not just female but a companion to a male – and this opens a who can of worms where the mother will imprint on the young girl the same journey she walked into molding herself into a sexualised object for the males. I remember growing up I was told to wash my hair and to start wearing make up and nice clothes etc – to become a nice lady so that one day I will find a man. So every step of the woman's process of growing up becomes about the picture perfect presentation to finding your mate – the make up the hair, the body, the mannerisms. All of ones existence becomes about fulfilling a role to please the male who will pick you to be his mate. Therefore woman plaster make up on their faces to present a fake picture that will match the pictures seen by people in magazines/movies – so that by doing so the woman creates an identity for herself by linking her image to the already desired images on tv/magazines..

To be continued

For further reading please see the following Blogs/pages:
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/pornaltdelete

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2432591/Porn-pernicious-threat-facing-children-today-By-ex-lads-mag-editor-MARTIN-DAUBNEY.html

Day 36: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 20

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-35-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“After another year Lucinda tells me one day out of the blue – that she has been seeing another man, whom she works with, and that she is pregnant. The shock hit me so hard that I simply sat there starring at her. Then the shock mutated into rage as I realized that yet again I was deceived by a woman into giving up my life and getting nothing for it."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the thoughts (backchat) around me ‘having to give up my life’ and ‘not getting anything for it’, as justification for fueling this pattern within me that I have been compounding – where I am allowing myself to become this character of rage.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ‘mutation of shock into rage’ – as my mind produced a backup system of ‘pent up’ emotions/feelings, reactions and backchat towards this one point – so that in the end I ‘mutate’ from initial reaction into rage as I am now fully possessed into and as this character I have been participating in designing for months/years.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by fueling this ‘rage character’ with backchat that was designed to make the other person look bad, and me look good – I was within dishonesty deliberately designing and premeditating my own possession into this ‘rage character’ – as the starting point of myself – in self honesty, was to become malicious and nasty towards the end of this relationship.

“I moved out of our apartment into a small one bedroom apartment on the other side of town – closer to my work. This is where I spent the rest of my time – from work I come home and I surfed the web, playing games until late at night. I used porn sites as I had done before, but now that I was living alone for the first time in years, combined with this seething rage – I started looking for specific porn. Rape porn and sadomasochism – were the only forms of pornography that gave me release. I enjoyed watching woman being abused and eventually only used hardcore porn sites.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately go down the path of revenge towards my partner, by deciding that I will from now on watch porn directed at being harmful towards the individual/woman.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pornography to exist in the first place, due to patterns like these where I as the human refuse to take self responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions and addictions – and through that manifest the consequential outflow within myself of ‘becoming a mind-monster’ and then supporting an industry that provides tools for me within my possessed state to be able to express myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from the original thought-moment of ‘seeing myself having revenge on woman’ to follow the backchat thought conversations with myself of ‘how I could hurt them or how nice it would be to see woman groveling’ to the reaction of rage into the physical reaction of sexual desire – which then directs me to the final decision where I step into the character of ‘surfing for porn’.



I commit myself to stop trusting the Mind as it takes me from a thought which represents my desired outcome in a specific situation – to the backchat patterns that one participates in to fuel ones own opinions, into a physical reaction which takes one into possession where you then lock down into that character and convince oneself you are making the right decision.



I commit myself to show how the outer reality we exist within, with its wars, politics, corruption, famine, pain, suffering and mind possessions –are all the end results or decisions made by people like myself, who followed an original thought and through thinking changed themselves until they physically acted on a history of backchat.



I commit myself to show how the physical reality does not require planning through the mind through pictures, backchat, feelings, emotions, and reactions – into a character that responds based on hidden agendas. The Physical Reality is here for all to Live, if we stop bringing the agenda of ourselves as the Mind into physical Living – which is how we have manifested all the fuck ups and human mind possessions – where we harm the physical while trying to please/protect what happens in the mind.



I commit myself to show that what ‘we’ as the mind wants as we have designed it – exist for all to see – openly in what is happening in the news, on the internet and in people’s lives – and that there is no separation between what we are seeing on the internet/news, the dramas in people’s lives and the reality of ourselves as how we exist in the mind and act out ‘the mind’.



I commit myself to show that what is happening ‘out there’ on the internet, or in other people’s lives – is not really ‘out there’ as ‘that’ individual who made ‘that’ decision to harm, kill, abuse, maim, lie, cheat etc. – is me and you in a character that has fully concluded its cycle – just like all mind patterns have a beginning and an end.



I commit myself to show that there are solutions to these Character Creations that we live as Patterns.



I commit myself to show that it is possible to remove or change the environmental factors involved in why a person makes the decisions he or she makes – but what is required of humanity to change these factors involved in parenting, the education system, the money system etc. – is a commitment and understanding of why and how we are changing, within the principle of what it means to do and Live what is best for all.

The DesteniIProcess Courses are Designed to take apart these Character Designs through various Stages. SRA 1 for example, is a simpler course which focuses on getting familiar with ‘what are characters’, how are they designed, what are feelings, emotions, thoughts and for one to start becoming aware of these ‘components' of the character through the tool of writing. In SRA 2, we focus on Mind Constructs – where we specifically go into the ‘how’ we created our Characters as they are Constructed within the Mind. For more information on SRA 1, SRA 2, SRA 3 and our Agreement course please visit: http://desteniiprocess.com/courses

For more Awesome Journey to Life Blogs: 7 Year Journey to Life Blogs

Day 30: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 14

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-29-international-crime-research.html


Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.


To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Person who watches child pornography as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.

“ Growing up I had difficulty around woman, I always found myself from about the age of 11 onwards, to be aware that girls are different to boys and from what I had read and been told by my older brother – apparently girls would one day be a very important part of my life. Becoming a teenager, I brought with me the memory of pictures I had seen in porn magazines and ‘adult education’ books – where a man meets a woman, takes her to dinner and bangs her brains out. According to romantic novels he might later on marry her.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the pre-programmed personality design of myself as ‘experiencing a difficult time around the opposite sex’



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my pre-programmed design to consist of the pre-programmed nature and characters of my parents and their parents, as those characteristics they accepted and allowed within themselves, which did not stand as what is best for all – but instead became “conflicted experiences” within the Psyche of the being, through which the mind created more characters to deal with the conflict, which outflows into global problems as we all fight against our characters by fighting with each other.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to align myself from a young age to the thoughts around ‘other young children of the opposite sex being different, strange or making me feel uncomfortably.’



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to influence children into believing that the opposite sex has a special value or is somehow to be treated differently at different stages of my age-development, through which I teach children to develop experiences as character responses towards other children, which in essence is not necessary and simply becomes part of the game adults play around sex and sexuality as they fight their own sexual repression, and obsessions and maintain the separation between man and woman which is tied into the value system around having money and safeguarding ones surviving within the institution of family as the passing down of ones genes – which is the survival of ‘my’ characters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on the conflict my parents experienced in relation to man/woman, as I copied how they were either uncomfortable around the opposite sex, desired the opposite sex or had some hidden agenda towards the opposite sex as they planned and schemed to lure in a partner who would ensure them a safe comfortable life according to the financial status that would be obtained once the partnership/marriage was designed.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, through media, allow myself to imprint into my character of ‘young male or young female’ the discrepancies towards being male or female which would result in obsessions, lies, abuse, suppression, and character formations – insisted upon by the individual as we force each other into ‘sex specific roles’ to please the ego and the pocket – as we decide from young which partner we want depending on how wealthy we want to be, how much sex we want to have, the breeding of specific charactered children and so forth. Thus in designing and living separation and judgment towards ‘the other sex’ and how this is lived through how we develop relationship and marriage – we are programming our children from young to become the next generation of abusers as they too will adopt values, copied from the parents based in inequality and self-interest.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts around the opposite sex and myself in relation to them being more than, less than, special, not special, with or without, hating, loving, needing, rejecting, where in the end I manifest myself as uncomfortable in the presence of the opposite sex, due to my participation in the backchat conversations based on fears and ideas I copied from watching my parents, siblings and the characters in movies.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the opposite sex is somehow different to me, simply because we have different genitalia, due to how my parents treat each other within inequality and how society treats gender as a platform for the allowance of abuse such as in the case of religion, culture, politics and the family system.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images found within pornography to create an idea about sex and the opposite sex, as if the images portrayed are real and have an actual practical bearing on sex and how it practically functions within the physical.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to teach my child about sex, through allowing pornography and the media to become the number one education tools from which children learn about sex, obscuring the way in which they learn about the body and sex, until all that remains is the child becoming another abuser of the physical to chase the experience of energy and self-glorification as is promoted through pornography and the media.




I commit myself to show how using pictures as a point of comparison, only leads to a world in which we will never be satisfied with the physical reality, because there is always a better picture in the mind of what or how we could/should be.



I commit myself to show that the education, family and religious institutions of this world only exist to develop characters of fear, self-doubt, self-abuse and dependency/slavery and to design the individual in such a way that we will forever remain addicted to characters to try and alleviate the fear that was inserted into us by these institutions through words, images and the example of physical behaviors.



I commit myself to show that if the education, family and religious institutions were really about what is best for all – then the individual would represent what is best for all and not become dysfunctional organic-character robots, driven by symbols and images used through media by the groups that benefit the most from the individuals remaining trapped and dependent on being characters.



I commit myself to show that what we call beauty, love, acceptance, relationship, accomplishment, intellect – are all just mechanisms used by the characters who control others to make the individual believe we are accomplishing something with our lives – while what we are really doing is becoming the characters addicted to consuming and entertain the systems of the mind.



I commit myself to show that what is considered to be a ‘well adjusted human’ – simply indicates societies acceptance of the human as a character – and that for us to accept a child as fearing or obsessing or desiring while being impulsed through the media to participate in Capitalism due to the hidden symbols and pictures – indicates that we are not fit as parents as all we bring into this world are slaves to each other’s financial, emotional and mental agendas (characters).

Further Reading/Viewing in similar Subject matters:

Pornography


2012 God created Vaginoplasty!


The perfect Vagina

Day 26: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 10

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-25-international-crime-research.html



Please read the following Blog with regards to the Development of the Secret Mind 

“…the Secret MIND is Creating the Main Character that Creates this Damaged World, as the Secret Mind is Created By Damaged Memories that Converged in a Hidden Dimension as Files creating Life as We Live it as the character of this World.”

Self-Forgiveness on:

(taken from Day 25 – Child pornography Part 9)

It was a sudden interest in the images that developed due to a response from my body, which was then fueled by my mind through justifications as to why these images are enticing. From there I experienced a combination of initial mistrust towards my own experience, but this did not last long as the energy of shame and guilt towards my own sexual reaction, turned to a new thought which surfaced where I simply knew that I liked it. Somewhere from within me, from within my mind I became more and more comfortable with seeing images of naked children, having thoughts about their flesh which I would normally have about woman and then empowering my mind through further thoughts which made me feel alive with energy, as I was pulled between morality and sexual pleasure. I identified within myself – that a part of me was seeing the child’s body symbolically – as if seeing the shape of their bodies and the innocence they represented, triggered an interest within me, which was channeled by me into sexual pleasure. The other part of me concocted images and combined them with irrational thoughts, which led me time and time again after that to seek the same experience. At times especially in the beginning I would experience shame after I masturbated, however if I then for a few days would stop masturbating to child pornography and attempt to use adult porn, then I would almost feel numb during the whole experience and once I would return to the images of naked children, it felt as if my body became ablaze with sexual energy. At times I would rationalize this to myself as ‘well it is happening to me therefore it must be a natural part of myself that requires expression’ or ‘maybe it is not about the child but about how the child represents the confined placed by society on sexuality – therefore I am responding to an image which is condemned by society, through which I may experience the ultimate release.’



After a few years of using basic imagery only occasionally – only enough for me to rationalize as acceptable and not ‘out of my control’ – I started thinking about whether different images contained different experiences. I wanted to understand more and see if I could open myself up more. I found a website after a very specific search and came across a link to a website where the owner would give out links to images depending on your level of involvement with the website. Obviously as a beginner I had to start somewhere – so I decided to push ahead and after a few months I received anonymous links to images that were very different to what I was use to. As I watched these pictures I allowed myself to feel what these pictures did to me. In the end I distinguished between specific images to which I had specific experiences and from this my fascination focused itself ultimately to the acquiring of specific footage and imagery that would stimulate me. I found my mind reacting to the images with short burst – which at times were unidentifiable as the thoughts moved so fast. All that I would experience were short sentences, followed by physical sensations throughout my body, and if I kept flicking through the images, I could build the physical reactions until I would have my orgasm. Something inside of me always drove my reactions to these images and therefore the game became about knowing which pictures meant what to me as I had come to know what sensations or thoughts triggered my responses to the images…”

The Secret Mind and Damaged Files.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge my hidden memories within my secret mind – where from childhood I placed all pictures, values, judgments and ideas pertaining to myself, others and my environment.



I commit myself walk in each moment as the breath, as my physical body, only considering what would be and is best for all in each moment, therefore eventually equalizing myself as what is best for all – as I no longer have to tie loop and live out the future as the past memories where I charged moments with values based on secret desires, hopes and fears.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a secret mind, which allows for the development of characters, within which I will live out my life as if these characters are real.



I commit myself to stop participating in the design of trying to protect myself from the future and in doing this – I also realize that for all to stop designing the future which is an attempt for all to avoid fear and death – in which we create the fear and death as we cycle through the creation of ourselves – I have to create a world where all can live free from fear, instead of fighting the mind for eternity - where we create spirituality as means to quieten the mind –while still forcing beings into life situations generating fear and mistrust.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the existence of a mind which exists in separation from the physical, as it’s purpose is to design characters for me to access, throughout my life, in which I get to avoid self responsibility by shifting dimensions into characters – so that I as ‘individual’ can seek happiness and avoid discomfort in life. 

I commit myself to learn and share how to direct myself in this physical reality and by doing so finding ways of working with the physical to sustain life here in the physical, without harming – so that we may clear the files and the systems through which we create these files, through which we created this damaged reality.



I commit myself to see, realize and understand what it would mean to walk as self responsibility – so that I no longer accept and allow mind systems and mind files to exist in hidden parts, which serves no other purpose but to create characters that contribute to the damage of life as ourselves.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design the mind as a holding place for memories – from which I design characters for myself to access throughout my life, so that I never have to walk one and equal to what is really happening in this physical reality – and where I am able at all times to avoid conflict, pain and abuse I inflict towards others or that is inflicted towards me -to rather shift into another character that exists as the memories which take me into character – to best deal with the situation I am faced with.

This character to deal with the situation I am faced with, purely exists for the survival of myself as a mind system – therefore who I have become now is not what is best for all as myself – but a memory bank of information designed to protect the mind.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and share how we damage this reality through the hidden files that we store as memories in the mind – which consists of parts of information which have certain values – which cause us to blindly follow the information as it surfaces in moments called characteristics..



The secret mind of each is eventually created through all the Damaged Memories that Converge in a Hidden Dimension as Files creating Life as We Live it as the character of this World.



Therefore



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing damaged memories into hidden dimensions as files – through which I created me as pedophile –directed into and as the actions of abusing a child due to the energy charges I have given memories and the information and symbols they contain as the value system that each moment as picture or word is laden with.



I commit myself to defuse these energy charges through breathing and self forgiveness – until I exist as my physical body, breathing here, living – where I am actually here – and not stuck in my mind as repeating memories creating more memories trapping me further and further into dimensions of the mind.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as pedophile to place pictures from my youth into my secret mind based on the damaged moments I experiences, as I connected certain values of how I believed things should be, based on previous memories to the current moment and when my expectations were not met – the moment was damaged in that I judged the moment and placed the event into a file such as disgusting, avoid, shameful, embarrassing etc.



I commit myself to stop creating damaging moments, in which I allow abuse as myself towards myself and others which then programs the memories of those involved – until they too one day abuse as they become and accept the pattern, as they learn that apparently life is about trying to avoid pain and give oneself happiness at whatever cost – which in the current system always has a cost for another – as all are trapped in the same cycles of have/have not, with/ without – as capitalism and the principles of human greed dictates it so.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create files in my secret mind where these damaged memories were placed, simply due to the fact that all around me parents were acting out their secret mind damaged files with no self responsibility or solution on how to solve the world problems – which is everybody living our damaged files – which then becomes society as the living of damaged files.



I commit myself to stand as example to the children of speaking and living in ways that are self responsible and do not harm myself or others – where files of memories are created, in which the child grows up repeating the sins of the fathers and allowing themselves to merely exist as memories instead of here in their physical bodies – due to the example that is set.


Artwork by: Joe Kou
http://www.facebook.com/joekou

Day 25: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 9

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/this-is-continuation-from.html

Personality example of a user of Child Pornography:

Please refer to: Day 24:International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.

To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. I am not a user or producer of child pornography and do not condone or support the use thereof - by blog exists as a character evaluation - from which I apply self forgiveness, to deconstruct the design of the Child Pornography user/manufacturer. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up. I suggest - as you read the self-forgiveness and writings - and you have any thoughts or experiences - to add your own self-forgiveness in the comments section.

“The thought to first start watching child pornography came up as a feeling in connection to a picture of a child’s naked body. At first I experienced a tingling within my body, which moved up from my groin into my chest, arms and down my legs. I had experienced this similarly to watching other pornography, but what started happened in my mind was that I experienced the thoughts which directed me further and further into the decision to watch child pornography – thought such as ‘their flesh is so young’, ‘is this wrong?’, ‘what if I get caught watching this?’, what if my parents see what is on my computer?’ and ‘would a child respond sexually the same as a woman?’ As I had these thoughts, I experienced myself becoming more and more intrigued and the intrigue stimulated me sexually. Somewhere from within my body, from my groin and moving up my spine until my neck felt numb – came an energy which I learnt to associate with the fear of getting caught and the primal shock I experiences initially as I asked myself the above questions. From there my interest in child pornography was not based on a rational choice, I found myself drawn in though the response I had to further questions within my mind towards other images, towards the potential threat behind me watching these images and my own uneasiness sitting there being faced with an image of a naked child – causing me to want to masturbate. When I first started exploring sexuality, I did not at any point react sexually to children (as I started exploding sex, masturbation and pornography - between the ages of 15 – 22). It was a sudden interest in the images that developed due to a response from my body, which was then fueled by my mind through justifications as to why these images are enticing. From there I experienced a combination of initial mistrust towards my own experience, but this did not last long as the energy of shame and guilt towards my own sexual reaction, turned to a new thought which surfaced where I simply knew that I liked it. Somewhere from within me, from within my mind I became more and more comfortable with seeing images of naked children, having thoughts about their flesh which I would normally have about woman and then empowering my mind through further thoughts which made me feel alive with energy, as I was pulled between morality and sexual pleasure. I identified within myself – that a part of me was seeing the child’s body symbolically – as if seeing the shape of their bodies and the innocence they represented, triggered an interest within me, which was channeled by me into sexual pleasure. The other part of me concocted images and combined them with irrational thoughts, which led me time and time again after that to seek the same experience. At times especially in the beginning I would experience shame after I masturbated, however if I then for a few days would stop masturbating to child pornography and attempt to use adult porn, then I would almost feel numb during the whole experience and once I would return to the images of naked children, it felt as if my body became ablaze with sexual energy.  At times I would rationalize this to myself as ‘well it is happening to me therefore it must be a natural part of myself that requires expression’ or ‘maybe it is not about the child but about how the child represents the confined placed by society on sexuality – therefore I am responding to an image which is condemned by society, through which I may experience the ultimate release.’

After a few years of using basic imagery only occasionally – only enough for me to rationalize as acceptable and not ‘out of my control’ – I started thinking about whether different images contained different experiences. I wanted to understand more and see if I could open myself up more. I found a website after a very specific search and came across a link to a website where the owner would give out links to images depending on your level of involvement with the website. Obviously as a beginner I had to start somewhere – so I decided to push ahead and after a few months I received anonymous links to images that were very different to what I was use to. As I watched these pictures I allowed myself to feel what these pictures did to me. In the end I distinguished between specific images to which I had specific experiences and from this my fascination focused itself ultimately to the acquiring of specific footage and imagery that would stimulate me.  I found my mind reacting to the images with short burst – which at times were unidentifiable as the thoughts moved so fast. All that I would experience were short sentences, followed by physical sensations throughout my body, and if I kept flicking through the images, I could build the physical reactions until I would have my orgasm. Something inside of me always drove my reactions to these images and therefore the game became about knowing which pictures meant what to me as I had come to know what sensations or thoughts triggered my responses to the images…”

Self-Forgiveness on:

“The thought to first start watching child pornography came up as a feeling in connection to a picture of a child’s naked body. At first I experienced a tingling within my body, which moved up from my groin into my chest, arms and down my legs. I had experienced this similarly to watching other pornography, but what started happened in my mind was that I experienced the thoughts which directed me further and further into the decision to watch child pornography – thought such as ‘their flesh is so young’, ‘is this wrong?’, ‘what if I get caught watching this?’, what if my parents see what is on my computer?’ and ‘would a child respond sexually the same as a woman?’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a pleasant feeling to seeing images of naked or sexually active children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a tingling sensation within the physical body, which is a system design that influences the physical whereby it superimposes itself into the physical senses, back into a mind pattern which associates the sensation as pleasant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a system, which manipulates me through unknown stimulus, to react to images of naked children or sexually active children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design my body and my mind into a system whereby I have attached certain pictures, memories, feelings, ideas, likes/dislikes and reactions/behaviors to the images of naked or abused children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a system out of sex, whereby I have taken all the points of stimulus from within the secret mind, and connected that through the sex system to my groin, whereby I will loose sight of the reactions I am really having from what happens in my groin to the stimulus response within my mind – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am allowing these images to stimulate me because I have already given permission to the system design existent from my mind to my groin and through the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts such as ‘their flesh is so young’ to exist within me and to trigger chemical reactions within my body of pleasure.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed thoughts such as ‘their flesh is so young’ to permeate through my mind for the first time, after which I as the participant allowed myself to give permission to me, with regards to what I will do with this thought and how in that moment I will sit there masturbating, thus energizing the thought into existence within my mind – as it now becomes a backchat pattern that will emerge frequently as part of my sexual gratification game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought ‘their flesh is so young’ to exist as a point of stimulus – because I had firstly created this system design based on the premise of positive feelings which I connect to words, ideas, people and images – whereby I now see, realize and understand that this system was designed by me fully conscious of how I used connection points between things to feelings – so that I may experience sexual gratification. Therefore I now realize that by – in the first place connecting ‘good feelings’ and pleasant reactions within my body as chemical responses to words, people, pictures and ideas – I am tacitly agreeing to the design of myself as for example ‘someone who watches child pornography for sexual gratification.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pre-programmed entity – which secretly connects images, people, words and ideas to my own sexual gratification – wherein my lack of self responsibility with regards to my thoughts indicates that I am responsible for myself becoming an abuser of children – and that no god or devil did this to me – because I already designed and implemented my reactions as physical responses to words, people, images and ideas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly design my own system of gratification and then blaming a god or DNA or some force beyond my control for who and what I have become as child abuser – not realizing that I in fact am able to trace my thoughts and how I created relationships between physical reactions and images, people, words or ideas.

Therefore by stating that having physical reactions to pictures in my mind – I am indicating that I exist as an entity that secretly connects lines between memories of people, words, images and ideas in my mind – and through that generate energy to fuel my addictions – therefore becoming the leech that benefits from abuse – while I hide behind ‘free will and ‘individuality.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to specifically use fear in the form of thoughts such as ‘what if I get caught watching this? – to stimulate me sexually, through the release of energy throughout my body as I am faced in that moment with the ties that bind me as my own morality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my own morality of good/bad as a catalyst, from which I bounce in-between polarities, thus generating the flow of energy as I experience myself being pulled between right and wrong, which imprints itself into and as me as a pattern within my mind –which then becomes automated – as I play the victim to my morality – while wanting to experience gratification – thus using this character of conflicting morals – from which I allow myself to become an abuser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the polarity of right and wrong as I was taught in schools and by my parents –to experience sexual gratification and stimulus – as I go to the negative polarity – experience the energy of shame/repulsion and then use thoughts of happiness to pull myself towards acceptance of what I am doing. In school and in the parenting/family system I was taught the system of punishment/reward – as I was taught that to get rewards you have to first do something bad/be punished. Eventually doing something bad carried an energy of excitement or disgust – which is then by the nature of the cycle of the pattern – followed by ‘doing the right thing’ within the system – which is then experienced by me as I watch the faces of those who see me ‘doing the right thing’ and I would then experience the release of energy (later becomes orgasm) as I feel the energy of ‘doing the right thing’ and being accepted/saved within the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as child pornographer to use the face of the child who looks at me questioningly – as the face of the person who asks ‘why’ – which stimulates me into masturbating myself into the energy release as I give myself happiness – which I have equated according to the equation above as ‘the right thing’.

Therefore - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images of children looking sad or anxious while being photographed as picture presentation during which my secret mind uses the equation I was taught as a child – in which I now am being questioned for my bad deeds, which stimulates me to masturbate as I feel the energy of being bad which I have come to accept as a pleasant energy – due to me connecting fear and failure to an energy that build up that requires releasing through ‘good things – which is what bringing my hand to genitalia does for me – as the parent and director of myself in that moment – as I remove the negative experience through the up and down rubbing of the genitalia.

I commit myself to show how using memories and points of reference such as pictures, knowledge, words and people – within the mind only exist based on the character who wants to please self by using others.

I commit myself to show how not living here in the physical, practically in self responsibility – but instead creating vast networks of relationships with images, ideas and thoughts in the mind – eventually allows one to creates characters to participate with in separation form this physical reality – which then allows us to abuse life in the physical as we merely exist in these relationships in the mind.

I commit myself to show how the relationships we exist within and towards in the mind as the characters we have created are given permission to by all in the world – while the consequences as abuse happens in the physical reality to others.

I commit myself to show how humanity and all our ‘evil’ actions were designed by ourselves through the characters we created in the mind, whereby we created relationships in the mind to people, images and ideas – fueled the relationships through energy generation as the patterns of addiction through which we participate and then collectively give permission to each others characters – so that everyone can carry on living as characters and not have to take responsibility for the harm done to and within the physical.

Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-23-international-crime-research.html


Deconstruction of the Personality/Character of the Criminal.


In the next section, I will focus my self-forgiveness on the conscious ‘thought-processes’ i.e. backchat that a person follows from the point of becoming aware of an initial reaction towards for example imagery of children and how reactions coupled with thoughts, leads the person to the act by ‘watching child pornography.


What one will observe within how the mind functions, from the moment we have an initial thought, to the point where we act on our thoughts – is that there exists a line of information consisting of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, reactions etc. – until one gets to the final decision to act upon what one believes to be a single decision in ‘the moment’. Here one is able to look into the mind and follow the time line back from an action or thought (such as watching child pornography) to its origin and how one from the original thought participated in fueling further thoughts, pictures, feelings, emotions, memories and physical behaviors to get to the decision to the act on ones decision.


In my previous blogs I applied self-forgiveness around the scientific research and ‘facts’ around child pornography and Bipolar Disorder. Now I will write out the backchat design of the perpetrator/offender and from there apply self-forgiveness accordingly. The ‘backchat design’ which becomes the ‘character of the individual consists of all accumulated thoughts, which over time become the being as the physical movement and behavior.


The perpetrator/offender exists though as one dimension, one character within the major character of ‘child pornography’ as it exists as a ‘character’ of the world. Therefore if the world exists as it currently does as a conglomeration of ‘characters’ – called humans – then child pornography is an example of one characteristic of our current world. Therefore the Child pornographer is a ‘character’ within the world characteristic called ‘child pornography’. The child, its family, the reaction of society to the reality of child pornography, the police, the politicians, criminologists, psychologists and law enforcement – all exist as characters in the world problem of ‘child pornography’. Each ‘character’ responds in his or her way depending on the role they have come to accept themselves to be as and this is how we have all come to accept ourselves and everything that surrounds us – as characters playing in the game we call life.


Therefore my main focus is to show that all experiences in this world are based on humans playing characters determined by the script within the mind. If we stepped out of the role of character for a moment and looked at what was going on around us – we would be shocked and horrified that we have allowed ourselves to be mere characters in this play called life, instead of standing up for what is best for all.


One could ask yourself the question – why am I saying that we are merely playing characters and not standing and applying ourselves as life? Well – the fact that abuse and other crimes against life happen each and every day in the smallest and largest of forms in our families, societies, religions, politics, entertainment, capitalism, relationships, etc. – shows us that we are obviously not standing as life in the physical – because if we were life we would be and live what is best for all as life – and not sit by idly watching as life is abused on this planet.


So - that raises the question – if the human can sit by idly, continually accepting society and the world systems to function the way it does and not realize our responsibility to change the world – then where are we? We are tied into survival as the mind as characters, in which we have come to believe ourselves as real, however if one trace your life back to childhood – you will see that you have systematically been programmed by your parents, peers, educators, religion, politicians etc. into characters that are called human – but what are we really? We exist to survive according to the rules of the system, through which we split ourselves into millions of different characters to survive in society, the money system, relationships and the family system.


One can trace your life back and record second by second how our choices were always made for us, by pre set rules and those who had control and power over us. We then grow up accepting that the way the world functions is normal and we become the characters necessary to survive in the world –so that we too can become the best we can be – however the best we can be is according to the predetermined, predesigned characters – that were designed by other characters who want to control and direct for the purpose of ‘my life’ and ‘what I want’ and ‘my happiness’. So – we are all creating ourselves into better, bigger, brighter characters to outshine ourselves in a system design, created by those who have gone before us – as they designed the system within which they had to survive according to the rules set by those surviving and fighting before them…. Quite a fuck up we have created. And this character game we call ‘Life’. So - it is not just a matter of observing the criminal/offender and their 'character designs - but to alos observe ourselves as society to see who and what have we become in the face of Abuse.


In my next blog I start by looking at the different character designs of ‘producer of child pornography’ and ‘consumer/distributor of child pornographer’ –and by tracing the backchat/thought design of these perpetrators, I am allowing myself to take self responsibility for the components that come together to eventually lead to the mind of a child pornographer. By taking self responsibility for all parts of the mind of the child pornographer – I am standing One and Equal to to the design as myself, defusing it as myself within the self responsibility that I take and of course seeing where I am reacting to any thoughts and pictures that exist within the child pornographer as I walk the time line of the mind of the child pornographer.


Why do I walk the time line of the mind of the child pornographer? So that the pattern is fully revealed to me, in which no stone is left unturned as a behavior that in time if suppressed through fear or denial could mutate or project itself energetically into a ‘sexual addiction character’, due to my participation in the same thoughts, without understanding of how these addictions are designed within the mind. In walking the path of the criminal I am forgiving myself and deleting the character within myself – in whatever dimension it may exist, so that at no stage I allow these ‘characters’ that abuse life to ‘surface’ within me and become me. By doing this, we as the current generation and the bodies that will bring forth the future generations will no longer create and exist as ‘characters’ supporting abuse in this world, but to learn what it means to Life fully here in the Physical.

For more information on the Design of the 'Character':

Day 78: Stepping out of character

Day 79: Stepping out of character with LOVED ONES

Day 23: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 7

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-22-international-crime-research.html

 Research taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/ Legal Issues Raised by the Regulation of Computer Child Pornography

Along with all the truly remarkable--even lifesaving--tasks which computers perform, the development of computers and the advent of on-line communication has introduced serious challenges into every area of the law. Many questions have yet to be answered. For example, in each nation across the globe, who is legally liable for material placed on a bulletin board system, an on-line service or on the Internet" The individual who introduces the material into the system, the systems operator, the producer of the material, and/or the person who downloads it" There are further questions. In the case of pornography transmitted by computer, the origination of the image may be in a jurisdiction in one part of the world where the image is legal but it may travel to another where the image is patently illegal. Should the global network be dominated by the strictest standard or the most tolerant" Furthermore, should not consenting adults be able to engage in e-mail interactive chat sessions which describe "objectionable" materials since these same communications might not be criminalised it they were face to face, by regular post, or by telephone" The possibility of creating computer generated pornography has produced a myriad of additional legal issues that are difficult to resolve. Civil libertarians argue that if computer generated pornography involves no real child victim, laws based on protecting children would no longer apply and regulation would be an unwarranted restriction of free speech. They argue that because there is no absolute scientific data that demonstrates a causal connection between the use of child pornography and the commission of crimes against children, there is no reason to restrict its transmission on the Internet. They might also point out the difficulty of determining the "age" of a "child" depicted in a computer generated image. Child advocates voice the position that the harm of child pornography extends far beyond the individual victim. They assert that children as a whole are the victims of computer generated pornography which displays child victims as sexual objects. Many law enforcement officers argue that the harm reaches beyond the individual child when pornography is used to seduce other children. They add that neglecting to prohibit computer generated child pornography could well re-establish the commercial trade--filling bookstores with computer generated images, de-sensitising society and fuelling demand for such material. Additionally, if it becomes impossible to distinguish computer generated pornography from that which depicts an actual child, prosecution of " genuine" child pornography would become virtually impossible and child pornographers would be furnished with another avenue of defense. 

Stopping for a break on a walk in Nature - to
write our Journey to Life Blogs, with Andrea, Lindsay, Niklas,
Malin and Rozelle

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have become so desensitized by abusive images in this world that I will allow abuse to escalate to the extent that it has – and at no point stand up as the voice to stop abuse, but instead turn the point around within my mind through backchat, where I will rationalize and excuse-away the abuse, until I can comfortably set the problem aside inside my mind. 

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify the use of child pornography as someone else’s problem, the government’s problems and the problem of ‘irresponsible parents’ whose fault it is for allowing their children to end up being abused.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify that child pornography only exists because there are people in the world who are ‘mentally deranged and sick’ - not realizing that any and all sexual addiction and the participation therein exists due to me being maladjusted in my sexual responses– and therefore if I am not self responsible within sexuality and use my mind as fantasies and secret desires to influence my sexual behavior – then I am responsible for myself as abuser.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the impact that child abuse and child pornography will have on the world, will only be subject to children who are of lower socioeconomic value than my own and therefore it does not bother me.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify that because these children were forced into these situations by the abusers and were not protected by the parents – that it serves the parents right for not protecting the children and therefore I can continue allowing child pornography as it serves as warning and punishment for those who do not protect their children.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that these children who are abused are already accustomed to abusive lifestyles and therefore within my mind I separate myself from these children and see them as less than myself and less than my children.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that due to these children mostly coming from broken homes or poor homes, that these are merely ‘victims of our society’ and therefore not deserving of equal rights to be protected by the system.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing society to push these children aside through judgment and perception that it is their fault for what happened to them due to the socio economic situation they find themselves in or for their parents apparently not protecting them sufficiently – which only exists as justification and reason for society to continue participating in the Mind – as the foundation from which all abuse is designed on an individual and global level.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be spiteful towards these children by secretly believing – well some children are special and are therefore taken care of and others are not. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself through family to allow such a mind set of ‘my children are special’, through which I will justify separating my family from the rest of the world, which consequently has had the effect of each family looking on as other families/individuals are abused in the name of profit and human self interest.

 I commit myself to reveal the structure of family as the point of separating ourselves and our family members from the rest of the world and using family as the justification why my bubble is special and I only have to protect my family-bubble – and that this serves as the reason why all families accept and allow abuse t happen to other families.

 I commit myself to show how humanity has desensitized ourselves to the abusive that happens and how we refuse to accept self-responsibility as the users and abusers on this planet. I commit myself to show that Capitalism is not even the real problem – as Capitalism merely exist as the system that we as the Consumers and Capitalists give permission to on a day to day basis – therefore if children are being exploited for money it is firstly because we are not self responsible within sexual expression – and secondly that we will sit by and watch as Capitalism continues to exists to support us, while making profit from abuse to support us.

 Further Reading on Desire and Sex 

Inception of Desire

Sex as Positive Energy Addiction

Mind's Multiplication Effect

What Masters of Energy do now know

Nakedness of Forbidden Fruit

Day 22: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 6

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-21-international-crime-research.html


Research taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/


USES OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY – continued

5. Blackmail: Sexually explicit images are used to ensure the lifelong silence of the victimised child by threatening to show the pictures to parents, peers or others. Child victims will not always report pictorial records--even if they report sexual abuse--because they may be ashamed of what happened to them as well as of their participation in the pornography.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing blackmail within this world, due to human greed and self-interest – through which by the sheer nature of blackmail we accept ourselves as the abusers of others.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blackmail people as a means of requiring money instead of taking self responsibility for myself within providing for my own means – whereby I will align myself to abuse for money instead of Self responsibility.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing blackmail, whereby I am disregarding the experienced for the other person, and only looking out for my own self-interest.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing blackmail to exist around the principle of secrets, whereby someone can blackmail me based on revealing my secrets to the world.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing secrets to exists within my world, where I act in ways that I would not reveal to others due to my actions not standing as what is best for all.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world where blackmail has become such an extensive means of obtaining money due to us having conflicting moral within society, where we will judge certain actions as so immoral, that we have to hide these actions, even though as the high incidence of blackmail shows - we still live out these immoral actions, but as a society approve of the action of hiding or suppressing what we do.

6. A medium of exchange: Child pornography is used as a means of establishing trust and camaraderie with other pedophiles and molesters and as proof of their good intentions when establishing contact with other exploiters. It is a medium of communication with fellow exploiters in public and private sex markets.

7. Access: Some exploiters exchange pornography to gain access to other markets and to other children

8. Profit: Although most do not sell child pornography, there are some paedophiles and child molesters who sell home-made videos and photos on a one-to-one basis. Some child exploiters sell their self-produced materials to finance trips overseas to popular sex tourist destinations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have minimized the quality of life to simply exist as something that I can sell and trade for my own self-interest and greed.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing capitalism to turn everything into profitable material – and by accepting and allowing this I have admitted that I have no worth, my family has no worth and anything I do has no worth, as it all gets equated to a point of profit within capitalism.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only complain about life being equal to profit – if it affects myself or my family, where I will cry and moan, but if I see it happening all around me to billions of beings each day, I turn by back and pretend I did not notice or pretend that it is not me that is responsible as I am the one that profits from living in this system that uses life for money.




THE CONNECTION BETWEEN CHILD PORNOGRAPHY AND CHILD SEX ABUSE CRIMES

Some social scientists interpret the research to indicate that the use of child pornography is a precursor to other sex crimes and that child pornography is fuel to feed the obsession of paedophilia; Child Pornography and Sexual Exploitation: European Forum for Child Welfare Position Statement, 3 (Nov. 1993) [hereafter EFCW Position Statement] (citing studies that support this thesis). others conclude that it is a safety valve that prevents such crimes.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification of allowing child pornographers to use child pornography as a safety valve – where I say that at least by only looking at pictures the abusers are not actually abusing real children – not understanding, realizing and comprehending the type of world I am creating where I mask these abusive intention with clever words and justifications, to protect my right to abuse.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse of ‘at least they are only masturbating to pictures of children’ as an excuse to justify the reason why I can masturbate to picture of people, creating a world where we mask our inner behaviors with reasons and excuses – without properly investigating mathematically how abuse unfolds from the abuse we allow within.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing child pornography to continue existing on the Internet, even though research indicates that child pornography exists in most cases as a prelude to the actual act.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate the actions on the internet from reality – not realizing that the actions on the internet reveal what people are really doing inside and out – and is not merely just a make believe world.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give permission to the internet as a secret reality that is apparently only 3d- where I allow others their secret fantasies as long as they allow me my secret fantasies – where the internet has grow to such an extent that anything and everything is allowed under the guise of ‘its only a virtual reality and not real.’


I commit myself to show how the human has allowed itself to separate its actions into realities that are always justified as acceptable by society due to it existing in a bubble called religion, internet, culture, family, relationship, sport, entertainment, individuality, free-will – and to show that these bubbles are how we protect the deception that we clearly see and understand – however never want to take responsibility for equal and one to its existence.


Further Reading:

Success and Reward

The Visible and Invisible

Day 53: Slavery Exploiting Sex, Life and Labor in the Consumerism Concentration Camp

Day 21: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 5

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-20-international-crime-research.html


Research taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/


USES OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY - continued

“3. To lower a child's inhibitions: Child abusers use pictures of other children having sex to assist in the seduction of a child and encourage reluctant children to freely participate. Images are often used as a way to show a child what the offender wants the child victim to do. Pornography may be used under the guise of "sex education" to create sexual arousal in the child.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lower the inhibitions of the person who I am sexually attracted to through manipulative words, behavior and the use of alcohol.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to trick someone into having sex with me, which by implication shows that I am not effective in communication and that I have created a world where people are so judgmental of each other, that we need to trick and persuade according to status and money to get some one to have sex with us.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn myself into a picture representing pornographic images, which I believe will please the person whom I want to have sex with.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to the pictures existent within the media and pornography, through which I evaluate my self-worth as I allow the value system of society based on beauty vs. ugly to become the value of me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change my behavior around the opposite sex, to change the picture of me, so that the person will evaluate what they see through mathematic equations relating to value systems within their minds based on fantasies.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that each time when I am shopping for clothes etc – that I compare myself within the clothing to that of a beautiful, attractive woman – I am in fact separating myself from myself into a picture loaded with sexual value.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value into the image and behavioral patterns of celebrities, placing value in what they wear, not because I really care about the material or the shape of clothing – as we have seen fashions deliberately becoming sillier and sillier – but instead their success as pictures are equated to worth which is equated to money – therefore:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to also want to feel self worth by experiencing the worth of money I have equated within the clothing worn by celebrities.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the education system to exists as schools where children are forced into categories based on popularity and status, through which they compound sexual energy towards each other, and by doing so – prepare the way for themselves to become sex systems, dependent on pictures and societal status to achieve arousal and to engage in sexual activity towards the perception they have of each other.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the education system, therefore to not educate children on the value of the physical and how to live and breathe practically in your physical body – but instead turns a blind eye to the dynamics that play out in the schooling systems based on comparison, ego, sex, judgment, achievement – where the school become the educators and perpetrators of the human ego – which goes out into the world prepared by knowledge and information on how to best abuse life on this planet.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to use the way children participate in sex to further perpetuate sexual abuse in this world – where I will stand by and watch as my secret sexual desires actually play out right in front of me as my children become addicted to pornography and sexual abuse towards each other –while doing nothing about it because I believe this form of ‘evolution’ or ‘growth of the child to be natural – when in fact there is nothing natural about becoming dysfunctional and watching as the future generations become even more dysfunctional as they copy and modify the already abusive tendencies existent within dysfunctional humans.

4. Preservation of the child's youth: Child pornography ensures that there will always be an image of the child at the age of sexual preference.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing sexual preferences to have become the reason and purpose for why people can cheat, lie and deceive.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat, lie and deceive people to have sex with me based on my sexual references which I have designed in my mind through years of watching pornography – which by its design does not align with how the physical really functions during sex and is purely based on the secret mind which derives energy from stimulating the mind through pain, punishment, power, submission - everything which is abusive towards self – and therefore creates energetic reactions within the being as we react sexually towards that which is ‘wrong’.


Therefore;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to equate the value of the physical simply to a tool that can function in how I energetically charge symbols and images in my mind to get as much sexual energy from my interaction with another as possible. Therefore other people become purely symbols to give me my sexual rush, while I lie, cheat and deceive with special words and gestured to lure the partner that I really want – based on these ‘sexual preferences’.


I commit myself to reveal to all – how charged simple, societally accepted words are like ‘sexual preferences’, ‘likes’, ‘dislikes – and how we have energetically charged what we see each day – to fulfill the secret mind sexual fantasies – where sex is no more than seeking the greatest rush and not about physical interaction based on physical self expression.


I commit myself to no longer allow energetically charged words, pictures and situations within my world, to create an environment where everything is based on practical common sense to support Life here Equally, instead of the systematized, hidden world of energy addiction, through which we have willingly allowed all forms of abuse to be justified due to our addiction to energy.

Day 20: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 4

This is a continuation from:  http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-19-international-crime-research.html


Research taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/


USES OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY

“Experts cite several reasons why individuals collect child pornography. U.S. Senate Report, supra note 7, at 10-12.
1. Arousal and gratification: Individuals use pornography to stimulate their sexual drive and to aid in sexual stimulation. Some may only fantasize and others may use it as a prelude to actual sexual activity with minors.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images of people, things or animals to stimulate myself sexually


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images of people, things or animals to stimulate myself sexually, without realizing and understanding that in doing so I am creating an energetic entity within myself with which I have to keep participating to experience sexual gratification, instead of establishing effective sexual relationships with myself or a partner, which is established in self trust, intimacy and mutual respect for the expression of oneself in the physical.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the physical body, it expression and the abuse that occurs in the world to each other and the innocence of children, we if secretly believe we can participate with these energetic entities created within the mind, which knows no limit as we have proven within how the human abuses life to entertain the mind.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue justifying why I get to participating in the generation of pictures within my mind until I am addicted to masturbating to these energies that overwhelm me, while refusing to see, realize and understand that the same energies that flow through, up and within me as the energies I claim to be addicted to and have no control over and must masturbate to – or else it will drive me to distraction and the inability to function property, are the energies existent within each and every other human who watched child pornography, rape pornography, bestiality and other forms of sex abuse – that I claim to separate myself from and judge the other for.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider for a moment the responsibility we all have as equals within this mess we have created, to go and explore how the mind really functions, to develop an effective self-honest understanding that the world is not facing the extent of sexual abuse, simply because satan is making people do it – but instead it is each one of us as the human participating together within what we accept and allow within ourselves – that contribute to the permission that is given equally to the world as it is.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make such statements as ‘child pornography must stop’ while refusing to see, realize and understand that I too have a responsibility then to look at my own secret mind behaviors and to clean myself equal and one to the child abuser, until NO-ONE abuses the physical to entertain the mind as energy.


I commit myself to stand as the physical support of myself, within sexuality, to no longer accept and allow myself to follow energy as addiction, but instead to establish effective touch and intimacy within myself towards myself and/or a partner – to no longer accept and allow judgments and fears to separate me from participating with the Physical Body.

“2. Validation and justification of pedophile behaviour: The paedophile uses pornography to convince him/her self that their behaviour or obsession is not abnormal, but is shared by thousand of other sensitive, intelligent and caring people.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider my behavior within my addiction to pictures and to energy as normal, because all humans function the same way within sexuality, due to no human being self honesty about how the mind functions within the physical and how thus far that has always been the directive principle within sex, with no regard for how we abuse in the name of these beliefs.


I forgive myself as humanity for grouping together within the lie that has become sexual expression, and together to justify each other’s addictions and misuse of the physical for the purpose of individual sexual gratification.


I commit myself to learn how to work with the physical body, as this is the key to effective self-responsible sex, which will stop sexual abuse, because by indication – effective self-honest self-expression, free from addictions – is how we stop all physical abuse.