Day 168: The Paranormal Series part 29 - Demons vs. Angels part 16

This blog is a continuation from:

Day 149: The Paranormal Series Part 13 – Demons vs. Angels part 1

Day 152: The Paranormal Series Part 14 – Demons vs. Angels part 2

Day 153: The Paranormal Series part 16 - Demons vs. Angels part 3

Day 156: The Paranormal Series part 17 - Demons vs. Angels part 4

Day 157: The Paranormal Series part 18 - Demons vs. Angels part 5

Day 158: The Paranormal Series part 19 - Demons vs. Angels part 6

Day 159: The Paranormal Series part 20 - Demons vs. Angels part 7

Day 160: The Paranormal Series part 21 - Demons vs. Angels part 8

Day 161: The Paranormal Series part 22 - Demons vs. Angels part 9

Day 162: The Paranormal Series part 23 - Demons vs. Angels part 10

Day 163: The Paranormal Series part 24 - Demons vs. Angels part 11

Day 164: The Paranormal Series part 25 - Demons vs. Angels part 12

Day 165: The Paranormal Series part 26 - Demons vs. Angels part 13

Day 166: The Paranormal Series part 27 - Demons vs. Angels part 14

Day 167: The Paranormal Series part 28 - Demons vs. Angels part 15

"Sitting alone either house sitting or in my own room, I would allow the 'spirits/demons' that came through the ouija board to vent about how bad their lives were, why they died and in most cases why they hated god and 'heaven'. I was sinking further and further into melancholy, because nothing would shake me out of this pit I had dug for myself and in fact my search for spirituality trapped me further and further, because remember I had come from years of 'trusting' my faith, my spirituality. Therefore, when my choices as my consciousness and that which I was not consciously aware of which I called 'spiritual path' - failed me -I justified everything away to it being a difficult spiritual path for me to walk - and so I continued…"

For example, as I mentioned previously the guides when I would ask them about why 'they' allowed this person to come into my life, they would answer that - and here things get even funnier - that it was because of my specific role in the 'design of heaven'. One day I am again angry and frustrated and hoping that somehow my guides would help me to change things by telling me what to do or by miraculously being able to change my reality from some greater 'scheme of things'. But again the guides tell me that my suffering up to this point had been a very specific part of what was to come in my spiritual training and that now was the right time for me to be told what this special 'spiritual path' was, as they could see that I had dedicated myself to my spiritual life and was at peace one could say with the fact that I would never really fit into the 'world system'.

Now remember at this point I had left my job managing the horse farm and for a while I lived with 'the boyfriend' after which I decided to move into a free standing little spare room that my mom had on her property. The boyfriend - lets call him D - his mom's fiancé died and the house we were all living in was to be sold. His mother was going to be moving into a smaller 2 bedroom apartment, so I decided to rather move into the extra room at my moms house, where there would be a bit more space and a bit more privacy.

At this stage the abuse was already escalated to physical abuse. He did not hit me, but he use to strangle me, or shove me hard up against walls. As I mentioned though in my previous blog, I justified why I would 'make' myself live with this life rather than having to again survive in the system. My previous job as horse farm manager was for a very minimum wage, for a lot of work and this left me so bitter towards the end that over the 2 year period of working there and barely scraping by with just being able to buy myself food, I developed an intense dislike for the idea of again having to work long hours for someone else's comfort and luxuries. That, together with the fact that my previous experience trying to find work in the city where, as I explained I could not find work due to 'affirmative action' and the 'humiliation' I experienced of having to walk the streets asking for work - all of these factors together - contributed to the decision I made to take the abuse I endured from the boyfriend which happened lets say twice a week - over what I considered was daily abuse in a world/career environment

So, I lived in this little room and spent most of my time talking to spirits and watching television. Obviously the rest of the time I would go out with D either to clubs, or dinner or to a pub for drinks, and obviously was constantly on edge of what would set him off. It was always unknown what would set him off. It was funny, because observing him, I noticed that he really was similar to an interdimensional demon - a being that was consumed with such jealousy and/or rage - that they were completely 'stuck' in that experience where they became completely lost in and as the anger and rage. Therefore, one could say that the being itself was gone and now purely existed in a state that would fluctuate between anxious, agitated and slightly suspicious to full blown attacks all because of the slightest trigger...

Day 44: International Crime Research: Education Fraud Part 6 – the Recession and the Consumer Part 2

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-43-international-crime-research.html#

 Self-Forgiveness on the Recession and the Consumer continued:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe through the advent of religion and culture that I am here as God’s precious creation and that as a precious individual I have the right to consume to my hearths content and that due to this ignorance,  I proclaim to exist within – I will continue to ignore my part in what is happening in the world, as the Elite impulse me to buy more based on my energetic Mind Possessions, while I believe that it is God and the existence of freedom which is simply providing for me – similar to how the spiritualists proclaim that ‘the universe provides’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself out there as an idea as a spiritual body, a traveler of sorts that I am to vague and mystic for me to grasp and through this allowance of spiritualizing the human, I have abdicated the sole directorship of myself – thus requiring materialism and consumerism to complete me as I buy my happiness and create a life and world for myself and others where we are all subject to this experience of completeness through consumption and the gaining of meaning through happiness through what one obtains and experiences aquired – which always costs money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to glamourize consumerism as I link it to the ultimate spiritual experience, and through this we all as humanity have agreed that no matter what the price, Capitalism can never be removed or replaced – because to withhold this dire instinct to buy and consume as much as one can is almost like asking a human to kill itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that life on this planet is about ‘experience’ and in the current world we have created as the system- everything one wants to do or experience costs money – and the more we give permission to the existence of Money and the ultimate ‘happiness’ as the highest joy one can know – the more people will place a price on ‘happiness’. In the end all experience will be charged, not just what we pay for now – therefore:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as consumer and user to desire happiness through what money can buy so much, that I have failed to realize that the more I give value to money and what it can buy as the experience it generates within me, the more I am giving permission to the existence of greed and the more I am giving permission to those who control money and the production of goods and the making of laws to implement more regulations and laws where one has to pay for things and pay more for things – feeding the same cycle of greed I myself am trapped within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend to not understand that I and the previous and the future generations are in fact trapped in cycles of Debt – to that which has been done and decided before us – and that by proclaiming that suffering and abuse happens out there to ‘others’ and ‘ is not my responsibility’ means that my children and their children will be the ones who will be thrown in deeper debt to pay for the greed of the money-future – that I have created now as my part as the possessed, self indulged consumer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the future, which is unfolding each day in the news and around me in my city and environment – whereby I am distancing myself from all that happens by creating information within my mind as a knowledge base that I can access as thoughts – which allow my in any moment – to readily justify why it is not me that plays a role in how the earth, people, nature and the animals are being abused more and more in the name of Capitalistic Greed – and that it is not me as consumer that sets the daily trend as the mind that participates – even though t is a knows fact that the Psychology of the Human Mind is used by and through sales and marketing people to design new, better ways to trap the consumer into buying more.