Sunday, November 23, 2014

Day 176: Living by the principle of self honesty Part 2

The rest of the 'Principled Living' series:

Continuing from:

"Therefore, using self honesty allows oneself to set yourself back to zero so to speak where you give yourself the opportunity to see ones mis-takes, to align them to how you see you would like to speak/live/act, and this allows one next time to speak/live the correction. For example sticking to 'I spoke and then realized I did so out of fear'. Once I use self honesty to initially see that this was my starting point, then I either use writings (will explore more later) to open up the design of how I got to 'speaking out of fear' and all of its various dimensions - which if un-cleared/undirected will keep the point existent in the mind, which will simply mutate itself into new patterns/behaviours. Therefore self honesty does not merely stop at the point where one goes 'oh I spoke there out of fear' - it allows one as I mentioned to look deeper into all the 'puzzle pieces' so to speak of this one design. For example 'speaking out of fear' - if I use writing or immediate investigation within myself (method 2) I will find the design aspects such as childhood memories/experiences, emotions, people involved, reasons, excuses, justifications, wants, desires etc…"

As an example - lets say with 'talking from fear', I realized that this habit came from a childhood memory where I was in class and the teacher started yelling at me accusing me of cheating on my homework and that I wrote down the answers from a piece of paper on her table etc etc. In that moment I knew that I did not cheat and did not write the answers down and experience bewilderment, embarrassment because all the kids now believed I am a chat, I experience anger and mistrust that a teacher would do this and so forth. All of these experiences as 'puzzle pieces' imprinted into my mind as a fear of communication , -where in the mind this experience was now used as a reference point as I started growing up. Therefore in similar situations where someone would ask me about the validity of what I have done, I immediately go into fear and access all of those points of anger and resentment, which throughout my life cause secondary consequences.

For example lets say further in my life I created conflict situations because now I from fear and resentment at being questions, attack people verbally or try and cut them short without explanation etc. This in itself as time goes by, as I am sure we are all able to relate - will compound into secondary patterns, where the conflict now grows further into fear around communicating with people. Eventually the mind builds coping mechanisms such as lying when confronted or avoiding jobs with greater responsibility because of the fear behind being held accountable or fear of confrontation. This furthermore creates consequences where to avoid having to communicate about certain points to people I see as authority, I will lie and then if I get caught in the lie, I will blame my actions on another person, which then leads to an authoritative personality to avoid people questioning why I think I can blame others. Therefore my personalities get louder and more abrasive and I find myself becoming a 'harder person' who others will 'fear' confronting or questioning. So here fr example the mind will build a fear creating personality to not have to face the fear within self….

So you see how one childhood experience can expand in the mind over the years into adult patterns/behaviours. And as time goes by we contribute new layers to the original pattern - all because of the minds inherent nature to protect itself - and therefore it adapts. So if one did not pick up on this behaviour - then think how differently conversations would turn out - the outcome would be a very different story then the truth behind what is really going on. And this is why we as humanity are habitually acting constantly out of self interest in the way we speak, act and think - because we have never really been taught the ability to be self honest about who we are and are never effectively taught methods of how to direct experiences, this mostly being due to the fact that nobody has actually assessed whether these experiences we call 'being human' or normal human behaviours is actually what is best. Therefore, in our child-programming platforms such as classrooms, childhood social setups, home environments, the effects of media, television, music on the development of children etc - all of these experience shaping platforms are all seen as 'normal' and 'acceptable' where we don’t trace the problems to these institutions.

Self honesty though, is also a choice and not a choice lol let me explain. Self honesty always exists - you are always what you are. I would say that 2 forms of self-honesty exist. If I have nasty thoughts about myself then I can tell you 'I have ugly thoughts about myself' - this is me being self honest. But then there is being honest about who self really is - the best self can be - and therefore by saying 'I have ugly thoughts about myself is not self honest - it is in fact self dishonesty - I am not honouring myself. So initially - when one starts to walk the process of 'self honesty - what I have found is that one goes through the initial phase of revealing to self everything that exist inside of self, ones true thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviours, feelings, possessions etc. Then one starts looking at what is it that I would like to live as 'my utmost potential', as that which is best for me, which is what is best for all - and this is where one becomes 'self honest'.

I could continue to live blissfully unaware of my words, thoughts and deeds and create a life for myself where I seek out in every moment to be the best, feel the best, live my utmost potential - in the world system, where the emphasis is on personal self-interest, or in self honesty I know that I cannot say the world is 'messed up' if I don’t start addressing me in the global soup of messed upness lol...

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