Day 34: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 18

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-33-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“By the age of 19 I fell in love with a girl, who after 6 months decided to sleep with one of the guys I worked with. I was furious – as I treated her like a queen and spent all my hard earned cash on her.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘I treated someone well therefore they should not have deceived me’ as an excuse and justification.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become infuriated due to my justification and excuse not working and the other person not doing what I was holding them responsible for.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I was doing things ‘for another’ they would not leave me, thus allowing myself when the person left or acted different to how I wanted them to, to become so emotional, as I reflected this onto myself and allowed myself to experience rage towards self and others.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the end ignore how I had placed value onto pleasing others and how I believed people should behave around me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when the moment arrived where she tells me she had been seeing someone else, to bring up a picture thought of a memory of myself treated her well through money – thus using this memory as a benchmark of the kind of treatment I expected due to the monetary value I had placed into the relationship.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then participate in the backchat of ‘how dare she, I spent all my money on her’ – therefore feeding my anger, which was based on a value system I had held the partner accountable for, which is how I value myself in relation to my partner.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fury when the money value was being disregarded therefore not considering myself or how I participated in creating the relationship construct based on money and attention and appreciation. Therefore when my relationship fell flat, I did not see, realize and understand that I played a part in the design of our experience towards each other as I too was responsible for the terms on which this relationship was built – which were dependent on how I really participated through money as one dominant factor.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then create a physical response of hung shoulders, heaviness, shaking for days afterwards as I continued to think about what happened as I fueled my anger.

“After that relationship I met Lucinda, a girl who worked in the office next to me. We fell in love and got married when I was 23. We were married for 4 years during which time – we fell out of love, as we realized that our interests changed and she was too attached to her family.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one can fall in love with someone, on which one now energetically create beliefs, ideas and dependencies on the other person based on preconceived ideas of relationship.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can also fall out of love with someone which I realize were all simply energetic possessions I allowed myself to become I as it is clear that one does not actually ‘fall’ anywhere, but instead allow pre-programmed experiences to overcome one, which we accept and allow as a statement of enjoying self punishment’ as we create and participate in experiences that are energy based and direct us through taking us over in forms of mind-energy-possession.


I commit myself to show that in order for us to Live and Breathe here in our Physical Bodies, we do not have to accept ourselves as these Mind Consciousness Systems which we have all come to accept through the generations as normal human responses – as we have made ourselves dependent on these emotion/feeling reactions and experiences that control us, where we lose directive principle as we give ourselves up into a system of the Mind.


The rest of the Self-Commitment statements for this blog is found at the end of the next blog.

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Day 18: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 2

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-17-international-crime-research.html

Research information taken from: http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/

II. SCOPE OF THE PROBLEM

Child pornography is an international phenomenon. Most of the data that exists regarding the extent and nature of the problem has focussed on North America and Northern Europe--regions which have played a key role in the production, distribution and consumption of child pornography. "The U.S. market for child pornography is widely thought to be the most lucrative in the world." Child Pornography and Paedophilia: Report Made by the Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations, U.S. Senate, 99th Cong. 2d Sess. 34 (1986) [hereinafter U.S. Senate Report]. In developing countries, the reality of child pornography is dwarfed by the magnitude of other problems such as poverty, infant mortality, illiteracy, hunger, and disease and often there is little reliable data on the subject. Nonetheless, the pornographic exploitation of minors is a phenomenon that exists throughout the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to support Capitalism, even though there is sufficient evidence that Capitalism functions on and profits directly from Abuse that exists in this world, and that most forms of Abuse would be eradicated or prevented if we remove the necessity for people to survive in the money system, and if we remove the principle of greed and profit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing countries to be separated according to ‘developed’ and ‘developing’ which is a breeding ground for abuse within capitalism, as we separate countries according to these standards, where the developing countries battle for access to basic requirements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this division to exist based on profit and greed of the rich whereby we deliberately play games with lives, by holding onto this lie that countries have to develop and earn the right to have access to more resources, instead of realizing that firstly we live and are given life equally – therefore the real evil is to hold countries prisoner according to the standards of ‘development’ within Capitalism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse people based on this principle within Capitalism of Developing – in which I will standby and justify why people do not have access to food, water, shelter, medical supplies, education – simply to advance the rich countries and thus to advance myself within my economic class bracket.

1. Identifying the Victims

Girls and boys of all ages, including infants, are used to produce pornography around the world. Estimates of the number of children worldwide involved in child pornography range from thousands to hundreds of thousands. As to the gender of the victims, Federal Bureau of Investigation ("FBI") personnel estimate that over 50% of all child pornography seized in the United States depicts boys rather than girls. Canadian Customs puts that figure at 75% for Canada. The data regarding childhood sexual abuse in most countries, including the U.S. and Canada, does not reflect the same predominance of boy victims. Virtually all studies have predominance of boy victims. Virtually all studies have found higher sexual abuse rates for girls. Ann Wolbert Burgess &Christine A. Grant, Children Traumatised in Sex Rings, 4 (1988). In contrast, in Japan, it is female minors that are predominantly exploited in pornographic material.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value on the image of woman or men as having certain sexual response points within me, based on the value I attached to ‘bodies’ from what I was taught since childhood and through media and pornography.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become so obsessed by the female or male form and the sexual erotic value that has been attached to the forms, that I have compounded desire to such an extent within my mind, that I now find rationalizations within my mind as to what stimulates me, even if it means finding the body of a child or animal attractive.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that within sexuality, the importance has been placed on the absolute sexual gratification, which we compound and intensify through fantasies and desires. Therefore I realize that within the mind, as I compound and intensify my sexual fantasies and obsession, I am in fact designing an entity within me as I insist on fueling sexual fantasies based on pictures. Therefore I realize that the mind of the pedophile exists as the compounding of sexual fantasies based on pictures and desires, and that my mind as it exist within sexual possession as the entity I have manifested through my accepted and allowed participation in backchat and giving value to pictures – is no different that the fantasies justified within the mind of the pedophile as he/she justifies how they participate in secret fantasies to achieve the ultimate sexual experience.

Therefore - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify the compounding of sexual energy within my mind until it possesses me within the physical, while not realizing that the mere fact that I admit to having uncontrollable sexual urges that overflow in me while watching porn and masturbating to pictures depicting the most vile sexual energizing pictures –indicates to me that my possession within and as sex energy is no different that that of any other sexual abuser.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I continue to place value within shapes, forms and pictures as what is currently done to sexuality and the female or male form – then I am equally responsible for creating a mind reality with regards to sex and sexuality – which then becomes the basis from which all humans justify their mind and how and why they are allowed to abuse the physical within their fantasies and within the physical action of doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condone sexual abuse that I find gratifying within my fantasies while judging the person who watched child porn, not realizing that the dimensions within which the mind gradually designs these obsession works exactly the same for all humans – and that for us to stop the sickness which has become sex as it is designed within and for the human mind – we all have to take self responsibility for our thoughts and the value system we give to sex and the male/female form – within our mind – to purify sexuality so that it becomes a physical expression point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a specific male form with which to have sex, and in this judgment through which I misalign myself as the mind from the actuality of the physical form – I am within myself giving permission to the abuse that exists due to judgments of form which fuels desires to the extent of fantasies based on the secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed through and as the secret mind – where I hold onto all sorts of disturbing images of rape, young flesh, innocent children, animals, objects, gang rape, violation, bestiality, submission, force, power, desire – where I allow myself to masturbate to secret mind images, while judging others who do the same.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place such a value on male/female form through participating in and justifying the existence of models, beauty, youth, fashion, etc – not realizing that I am directly participating in the design of sexual abuse through that - which I support within myself – be it openly or in secret.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that to hide my sexual desires is exactly the same as living them, because by participating in the desires within my mind through the generating of energy which leads to the release as good feelings, or orgasm, has the same result in our reality – where people are now allowing themselves to no longer suppress the desires, but to live them out. Therefore I realize that the key to stopping sexual abuse such as child pornography, starts with me clearing out the clutter within my mind, whereby I use self honesty firstly to reveal to myself what it is that I am really busy doing within my mind to get that energy fix or orgasm. Then I apply self forgiveness to stop this masked energy pattern I call ‘my secret fantasies’ and no longer accept and allow this abuse of the physical form within myself, as I at the same time no longer accept and allow child pornography to be an acceptable form of income as part of the capitalistic system.

I commit myself to stop the fantasies and obsessions within my mind, as I realize the consequence it has within this world as hidden fantasies do not remain hidden, but by the nature of the mind as backchat eventually directs people one and equal into action – as we have come to believe that the mind is real.

I commit myself to develop practical physical touch and communication and mutual appreciation between myself and another, where no fantasies direct who and what I am, but instead sexual expression exists as me expressing my physical form free from judgment, in effective self movement – without abusing another for my enjoyment.

Margarat, H. (2004, August 2). Child pornography: an international perspective. Computer Crime Research Center. Retrieved 21 June 2012 from http://www.crime-research.org/articles/536/

Day 11: International Crime Research – Bipolar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 4

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-10-international-crime-research.html

Self-Forgiveness Part 3:

Bipolar Disorder and Irritability

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritable as a reflection of how I allow backchat to influence me as hidden judgments based on likes and dislikes towards myself, others and my environment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that irritation is my natural right, regardless of the fact that I create a world of inner conflict which flows over into outer conflict – all because each person believes they have the right to exist in irritation and to act out our irritation.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritable towards myself because I believe that my actions are not good enough, not fast enough and in danger of being judged by others – which all comes from the poison I was taught during my childhood by parents and teachers, until I become Bipolar in my reactions – where I would attempt to act happy and effective while fearing failure – which created a Bipolar reaction and loop within my mind at all times, within all situations, in varying degrees.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea to exist within me that to do well in life I have to use irritation as a state of mind and an energetic possession to motivate myself, through fear of loss to become a more functional drone, like the rest of society who use judgment and irritability towards self and others to push ourselves to perform.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy irritation I saw in others, and became that irritation simply because I allowed the belief that what other adults did was valid and a natural part of ‘growing up’.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all thoughts based on irritation exists simply from the starting point of self-interest, as it protects the individual and the ego, with no regard from what would be best for all.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing irritation to exists as my secret warfare within how I would justify and execute my words and deeds towards others – as an accumulation effect within allowing backchat over days and weeks.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use irritation – instead of effectively directing myself and others, due to fear of arguments, and fear of disapproval – therefore using anger and an irritated tone to move and push others into action – not realizing that I am paving the way for abuse and eventually war as a ‘natural way of resolving conflict’ to exist in this world because I allowed it within my world as a ‘way of directing my world.’



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself the patience and understanding of myself, to move and direct myself within effectiveness, but instead to allow societal rules and fears around money and personal value – to be my starting point from which I used irritation to direct me instead of self movement within breathing, here equal and one as the physical.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing separation from myself, through allowing a mind state of irritation to develop, through which I generate abusive thoughts and tendencies such as irritation – which is backed up with destructive self-abusive thoughts and backchat.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a separate reality to exist within me as a pocket of hateful thoughts, which I use in moments of irritation to move and generate movement within myself as an energetic experience.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design Bipolar Disorder, due to my participation in the reality and construction of irritation as mentioned above, which has its polar opposite reaction of then attempting to move myself through happiness and expansiveness to alleviate the irritation and self-hate.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the design of Bipolar disorder due to the punishment and reward system, which cycles around irritation followed by the search for happiness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist, based on the cycle of Backchat which functions according to the judgments I have of others and myself, after which I will force myself to seek excitement to dull the experience of perpetual backchat running in the background.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to teach children to try and avoid punishment as ‘parental irritation’ by looking for ways to falsely please the parent – while I as parent present contradictions as an example in the way that I live – thus perpetuating the cycle of self abuse that children become, because of them knowing and realizing that to survive in the family system and then the world you have to judge through irritation and then seek happiness to avoid inner conflict and pain.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the above mentioned patterns to become the behavior of the children and future generation as an acceptable form of Bipolar Disorder, in which children learn how to use emotions and feelings to manipulate themselves, their parents and others to provide them with responses that will alleviate and perpetuate their inner battle with Bipolar Disorder.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing emotions and feelings to become the basis from which I have designed Bipolar Disorder, simply because I have not taken self-responsibility for my thoughts, actions and behaviors, which are the outflows and manifestations of my mind – which manifests according to the true nature of myself as an energy based mind system, which uses conflict to fuel my mind -as it keeps me – the being going – in a world of abuse and conflict which I have come to accept as ‘normal human behavior’ – while looking at the skies for a solution and blaming others for doing exactly that which I do as well, but justifying it through religion, groups, family, society, cultures, individuality, freedom of expression and intellect.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to be designed through me as I imprint into myself as my mind the ‘tendencies’ and personality traits of irritation, which I alleviate through finding reasons to elevate my mood and expand into a more complex personality, which finds more intricate ways to fuel Bipolar Disorder.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to be designed through and within me as I create relationship lines through my mind to others and my environment, thus creating a world to which I can react in irritation or use to alleviate my mind – thus creating the consumerism, while giving permission to all forms of abuse in this world – simply because I am already in my own pattern of self abuse and do not want to change a world that I secretly know – using common sense exist to fuel my inner conflict.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this cycle of abuse to continue to allow me to exist ion my pattern of Bipolar Disorder not caring for the consequences in my world and the abuse that others suffer as the become the victims of my Bipolar Disorder. That is why nobody really feels the pain from seeing all the abuse in the world, because we are the system that feeds from the role that others play, so that we can play our roles within accepting ourselves as Bipolar Mind Energy Systems.




Further reading Support:



Day1: Reaction Games


Day50: Thought as God and Origin


Howthe Fruit of Life became Rotten – Part One: Day 18