This blog is a continuation from:
"So, getting back to how J and I started delving more and more into magic: What really got us going the one time, boy oh boy. Ok so J's aunt and cousin were disdained by the fact that he was gay and a wiccan. Where his mom and dad and sister (who all lived together) would be more accepting about his 'ways' - these other family members were not so 'kind'. So, the one day J phones me and says that he had gotten into a huge argument with his aunt and her daughter. He said that they had apparently verbally attacked him about his spirituality and called him a weirdo and lazy and so forth. That evening I visited him and we decided to 'cast a spell' on them so that the 'harm' they did to him would come back 3 times to them. Two days later they receive a phone call that the aunt and her daughter were driving to town and were in a car accident. So, you can imagine what went through our heads as he shared the news with me. We connected this event to the spell that we had cast, and this confirmed our ability to perform magic…"
As you are able to see from the experienced described above, was that as a young person, I had trouble finding my way, finding my strength and something I could call mine, me, what and how I belong in life. Therefore what J and I did with delving deeper and deeper into magic, was to create for ourselves a sense of self-empowerment. Even if this was merely based on pre-programmed designs connected to my 'life path', which means that certain events were programmed into the unified consciousness field to play out and connect to the life design of people like J and I - meaning witches, wiccans etc. When I say witches and wiccans I am not saying special events programmed in relation to such people only, I am referring to pre-programming as it relates to each and every human and event that has been designed thus far.
Therefore in itself the point that I am making about what I realized about these events, much later on - was that it was not J an I who had actual control over our lives and over this reality, as all people who belong to some religion would have themselves believe. All events that would play out which coincided with our magic spells, were pre-designed to do so. If one doubts what I am saying, all you need to do is ask yourself the question, if each one of has real access to these mysterious forces or religious deities, would we not then be able to change reality as we see fit? Why is it that sometimes things work our way and then the rest of the time they do not?
This was a question that I remember bringing to the attention of these Wiccan 'deities' or gods and goddesses as we called them -especially at a later stage when specific events played out in my life, but the answers, as they always are were very mysterious and deep. It was always explained to me by either J or the so called 'Gods/Godesses that a Wiccan's life is not just about 'getting what you want' and solving all your problems with magic, it is about learning about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses as well as learning to understand and possibly change the problems that exist in the world. Therefore at times they would assist, but if they saw that it was necessary as a 'life lesson' for a wiccan to go through a specific experience or to have to attain something for him/herself - then they would stand back and rather be supportive in strengthening the character and resolve of the particular wiccan, so that they would become crafty at hand and not just by magic. Right…. I am able to see that the response to what I have written here will be 'well then you were not a real wiccan' etc. It is very difficult for people to question their own belief systems, because we have been taught that to make our lives better and to be more and to reach our full potential we have to go out there and find what will allow us to do so. That merely existing in our physical bodies is not enough.
This is something passed down by our parents and I will refer to it as the celebrity syndrome, where we believe that who we are as the physical body we were born into is surely not enough. Yes, for the mind, it is not enough, because for the mind we need to experience ourselves through energy and this only happens if one accept the energy systems of the mind consciousness system - as 'who we are' - and from there generate more and more mind systems, according to which ones entire identity become dependent on as one 'experiences' oneself through energy experiences such as 'feeling powerful', 'feeling loved', 'feeling spiritual' etc. Each 'feeling that comes up inside us, is an addictive energy experience, just like the feeling that comes with any other addiction such as watching pornography or shopping or talking/gossiping with friends, or how it feels to 'fall in love', or the feeling one gets from having money, how one feels when you win a conversation/debate etc..