Day 79: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 13: Learning to Kill

My Self-Forgiveness will focus on the following Article:


The Qualitative Report Volume 9 Number 2 June 2004: Sipping Coffee with a Serial Killer: On Conducting Life History Interviews with a Criminal Genius

Author: J. C. Oleson


In each blog I will walk self-forgiveness on different parts of the Article, discussing the developmental aspects of somebody who 'learns to kill'.

This blog is a continuation from the previous blog in this series:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-77-international-crime-research.html


To summarize - the next few blogs with focus on the final aspects of how 'X' learned how to use and be comfortable with violence/crime:

-At seventeen years old, while a junior in high school, X was invited to a club with a friend. While waiting for the friend a man in the club picked a fight with X. A stranger comes to his defense and beats up the bully. X spends the rest of the evening talking to this man (Vince) and befriending him. 

- Towards the end of the evening when it comes to paying the bill, vince offers to pay. Vincent tosses a $100.00 bill onto the table. X, accustomed to teenager’s wages, was overwhelmed by such extravagance. He didn’t know who Vincent was, but he was anxious to find out, as he was intrigued by this courageous, generous man. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate a positive experience to seeing people act with bravery and to associate positive belief systems around what I am seeing and understanding - due to how I grew up with the pre-programmed belief-system that good, strong, courageous actions are to be seen in a specific way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then define the individual as trustworthy and of strength, due to them acting in ways that resonante with me - meaning in ways that I have already associated values to - which allow me to automatically respond positively to the person or situation, without ever bothering to ask or check who this person is and whether their actions are in honor of Life and What is Best for All or only their own self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through the development of friendship and closeness to the idea of who this person or event is -to completely disregard the rest of my world and the world in general as I will follow this good feeling, while never considering that there are billions of beings on this planet each day who suffer, while I follow the blissful energetic experience associated to this one person or event - placing myself in a mind-bubble of bliss, which indicates my own self interest and that my definition of strength or courage has therefore nothing to do with real courage.strength, but about who or what can I attain my own self-interest through.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorize courage and strength into 'who will serve my needs' and thus within this world we see that the real problems such as war, poverty, abuse never get sorted out - because war, poverty and abuse always serves somebody's self interest and therefore nobody wants to change it, because everybody knows they gain in life from permitting such atrocities.

therefore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain permissive of war, poverty and abuse as I see, realize and understand that it serves me and my life on this planet - but at the same time my own conscious will bother me and therefore by creating diversions such as charities and causes -I get to apease my conscious by pretending to show an interest in the suffering of a particular group - while ignoring the actual problems underlying all forms of abuse within the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself just like the 'serial-killer' in this story to project an image of bravery and strength onto one person or group, so that I may protect my self interest and my life and money - while obviously never stopping to consider that there is abuse in the world happening due to the world systems I give permission to - which I will not change as it serves me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through this projection-effect, create and participate in causes and charities into which I wil, invest emotion and feeling energy such as empathy and strength - so that as the world together -we can all claim we do look out for the best interest of all because we support 'charities.''

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow ideologies around strength where I will deliberately misguide myself into believing that strength for example is in how agressive, dominant, protective, sneaky, or wealthy you are - not realizing that in fact I am only therefore protecting what protects my comfortable existence and therefore have never actually considered what strength and compassion would be as I do not consider the consequences of my existence here and the impact my existence has on Life as this Physical Reality.

I commit myself that when and as I find myself placing hope, fear or even desire within another person, object or event - to stop, breathe and remind myself to remain here within my principle of self first - meaning to not create personality constructs and characters that require energy through relationships to characters in the world - and that i walk in self-support of myself, but also what is required to bring about a change in the world

as I commit myself when and as I find myself justifying why our current world systems are acceptable, as I slip into the character of acceptance - to stop, and through my dedication to Life which is me, to remain stable and focussed and to never settle for justifications and excuses in a world where Abuse is still existent.

Day 71: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 8: the Jeffrey Dahmer Character continued

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-70-international-crime-research.html

Background info: if you have not been walking the Crimes Journey to Life blogs since the beginning - please read the following blog where I explain the how and why I walk this series as 'Crime's Journey to Life':

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-international-crime-research-bi.html

The Serial Killer Mind:

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: 'Mind-blindness'

My Self-Forgiveness will be based on the main points taken from the following article:

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Sexual Serial Homicide from a Neuropsychiatric Developmental Perspective

http://library-resources.cqu.edu.au/JFS/PDF/vol_47/iss_6/JFS2002051_476.pdf

Throughout the article, they refer to Jeffrey Dahmer as having 'Asperger’s Disorder'.

Definition of Asperger’s Disorder:

"Asperger's syndrome is a developmental disorder that affects a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others. Children with Asperger's syndrome typically exhibit social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.

Doctors group Asperger's syndrome with other conditions that are called autistic spectrum disorders or pervasive developmental disorders. These disorders all involve problems with social skills and communication. Asperger's syndrome is generally thought to be at the milder end of this spectrum."

Jeffrey Dahmer and Asperger’s Disorder:

"Theory of Mind Deficits in Asperger’s Disorder:

In 1978, primatologists Premack and Woodruff introduced the term “theory of mind” to refer to the ability to realistically assess the mental states of conspecifics as well as other species. The idea that human beings must successfully negotiate a realistic understanding of the intentions of their conspecifics as well as other creatures, is consistent with evolutionary theory, because sexually successful individuals must be able to assess the thoughts, intentions, and emotions not only of themselves, but also of potential mates and predators in order to maximize the chances of their genomic propagation. Since the publication of Premack and Woodruff’s seminal article, various researchers have uncovered substantial evidence indicating that the ability to estimate other people’s mental states or “mind reading”, as it has come to be known, is a universal human capacity. Mind reading can be more accurately viewed as the ability to estimate the mental life of others given previous experience and present social ecological contexts. Theory of Mind (ToM) capacities are likely to be under strict ontogenic control, and they become evident in young children by four years of age. Furthermore, Baron-Cohen and his colleagues as well as many other investigators have studied mind reading abilities in autistic children and discovered that many of them suffer from various types and degrees of ToM deficits. This abnormality has come to be known as “mindblindness”. ToM deficits appear to be present in schizophrenia and other forms of psychosis, although the degree of disability appears to be less than that encountered in severe autism.

Both clinical specialists and researchers in AD as well as family members of AD persons and AD individuals themselves consistently report that those with AD have noteworthy difficulties in assessing the mental states of others and understanding the social world around them. These deficits appear to be closely associated with intrinsic limitations in assessing the cognitive and the affective states of others as well as with an associated dearth (scarcity or lack of) of empathy. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become blind to the experience of others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to grow up believing that the world and experience of others, is separate from me, and even though as I become older I see, realize and understand that the suffering of others is directly connected to my life here on earth, I make the conscious decision to continue ignoring these facts, because it has become something that we simply do in society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the backchat, inner conversations of 'well somebody has to do the hard work' and 'well if everybody has the same stuff, then we wont all get the chance to be really happy' to be my reason, as everybody else's reason, for continuing to allow the world systems to exist as they are, where I will turn a blind eye to suffering of my fellow earthly inhabitants, in favor of the possibility of a minority becoming rich and through this experiencing apparent 'happiness' at having a comfortable life, over the fear of not having.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give permission to the fear existent within this polarity manifested game, whereby i have chosen for myself and by myself without much convincing from others - that I too like playing this 'game with my life and the lives of others' of survival of the fittest - while completely not realizing that if I was in the position of being exploited and abused where I had no ability to speak up and choose differently - I would not be able to even have this philosophical inner conversation with myself

therefore;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have this inner conversation with myself where I debate whether I am willing to be the one walking in the shoes of the other people in the world systems who are being abused/exploited/deprives of a dignified life as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dishonor life, by turning this question of whether abuse is justified, into a inner moral debate, where I as the Elite who live a comfortable life - actually give myself the opportunity to debate these questions - simply because I can do so - and have at no point considered that there are people and beings in the world who do not even have the luxury of asking themselves 'would I be willing to walk in the shoes of another' - because they are fighting for survival, getting through from day to day in lives of pain, discomfort and fear - therefore they only focus on surviving and do not give themselves the luxury of inner debates over humnan morality.

therefore

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the minute I allowed myself to become spiritualized or philosophized in how I approach Life - that was the day that I separated myself from the consequences that my existence on earth has on the lives of others and completely turned suffering into a game or right and wrong that I play in my mind - where I keep myself trapped in accepting the system as it is because I take the time to play the morality game in my mind going from 'feeling bad' about the abuse I see, and then justifying its existence, until i get to continue with my life through 'mindblindness'.

I commit myself, when as as I see myself turning a blind eye to the existence of this reality as it is, to stop, breathe, bring myself back here in my physical body, which is existing equal and one to this physical reality - where i remain self honest about what is really going on and how the problems are created.

I commit myself that if at any point a justification comes up within me to make me blind to the world around me, that i will always use the basic maths of 1+1 = 2, to get to the answers of how something was created, how to stop the existence of the problem and how I will have to change myself to no longer accept and allow the problem to exist, as myself, equal within the responsibility of how the problem was created.

therefore I commit myself to no longer accept and allow suffering and abuse, not just as an idea that exists as some humanitarian, philosopher or religious concept, but an actual living self movement, where I stop and change the suffering/consequences according to what is best for all, as the living changes that will have to take place for suffering to no longer exist.

First step in stopping the Economic abuse, that forces all beings on this planet into compromised lives:

http://equalmoney.org/

Day 40: International Crime Research: Education Fraud Part 2 – Creating Debt for an Education.

 This is a follow up on: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-39-international-crime-research.html

I suggest watch the following Documentary:

The College Conspiracy

From the transcription of the Documentary I will draw information for the application of self-forgiveness on the current Education System of the World:

“The annual cost to attend the average private four-year college in America today is twenty seven thousand two hundred ninety three dollars up twenty nine percent from five years ago during the 2005 - 2006 school year when the annual tuition cost twenty one thousand two hundred thirty five dollars. This does not include the cost, which have tripled over the past decade.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exploit people for money, through a system that most are subject to having to participate in to get an education – as the only means to develop a way to enter the system to take care of oneself financially for the rest of your life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trap people in this education system, knowing that they have no choice but to participate and through this pushing the prices and tuition up, due to me abusing the system where people have to conform and fit in and follow the rules of the system to survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give permission to a system, where we know that the principles and values of the money system, is behind why we would force the new young generation, just as we were  -to spend money on attaining an education which will leave them in immense debt for the rest of their lives – therefore trapping the new generation in the same cycles, we as the previous generations were trapped within.

Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the end call these cycles – Life -  because that is all Life becomes about - as I have equated myself as I exist perpetually in my cycles of Debt and Responsibility towards Money – where my existence is pushed from my youth into having to enter a cycle (birth) and try and exist the cycle (the end/death) to be able to experience ‘heaven’ which would be the ending of the debt and fear. These cycles are then perpetually ‘numbed’ through how religion constantly shows pretty pictures and talk about how at the end of the suffering we will know ‘heaven’. Therefore the human is imprinted with the idea that at the end of any cycles of fear, pain, abuse, discomfort there will be a  ‘pleasant, joyful’ experience – and specifically in relation to debt – the options are  - pay your debt to no longer have debt or don’t pay your debt and experience ten fold misery. The average human knows that this choice is really no choice – however due to extensive brainwashing around religion and culture – the human programs itself through permission – to turn any realistic, common-sensical issue or event into a symbolic meaning loaded with feelings, emotions and special values – as we will justify why any and all suffering on this planet in our own lives, or the lives of others is justified – and we do not realize that in the background, in our schools and churches and home environments we are being fed the ‘how’ of brainwashing our troubles away with pretty, tranquil symbology – so that when faced with our problems fears, discomforts in life –we activate the pictures of a god and heaven and the opposite polarity of hell and eternal damnation – to immediately move ourselves into action as we become aware that ‘not paying back our debts will cause us to go to jail/be punished (hell and eternal damnation) and if we do pay our debt back diligently, monthly without to much fuss then in the end we will know ‘heaven?’ which is apparently some faint joyous experience as you turn 60 and your house and car payments are done – whoohoooo!! Then you get to spend the rest of your Life physically decaying from the Life of worry, stress and being controlled by forced beyond your control (God/The Devil/Deities – Money/Banks/Governments) – until you die.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that we are in essence as the working force serving no-one but the Elite – when we give permission to these exuberant costs and cost hikes – where we are not being honored as the being trapped in the debt cycle and quite the opposite – if we were to refuse to pay – we would either be sent to jail or be blacklisted/marked within the system – where our credit records will be negatively impacted for the rest of our lives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify in my mind that these price hikes that myself or my children have to endure are valid as it proves that my child is receiving a good education and that my child is somehow now ‘more’ and ‘more intelligent’ in the eyes of others and myself, as you wade through the waters and come out with some degree or diploma, which by essence is loaded with a value of fear and suffering – which is perceived by the average human with ‘respect’ for what the student/individual had to go through.

The Self Forgiveness on this point continues on Day 41

More:

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/singularity-that-collapsed-life-day-60.html
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/garden-of-eden-day-66.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-92-consciousness-is-without.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-100-fear.html