tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68186124142543786812023-11-16T05:35:55.706-08:00Crime's Journey to LifeAndrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.comBlogger208125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-13608640748598416482015-08-31T07:34:00.000-07:002015-08-31T07:34:42.499-07:00Day 211: Relationship Dynamics| The Emotional Turmoil Years<div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-206-relationship-dynamics-part-1.html"><span lang="en-ZA" style="font-weight: bold;">Day 206: Relationship Dynamics | Part 1</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-207-relationship-dynamics-part-2.html"><span lang="en-ZA" style="font-weight: bold;">Day 207: Relationship Dynamics | Part 2</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-208-relationship-dynamics-part-3.html"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Day 208: Relationship Dynamics | Part 3</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/07/day-210-relationship-dynamics-my-first.html"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Day 210: Relationship Dynamics| My first crush</span></a></div>
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Now moving on from the high school crushes, I want to talk about the rest and remaining of my 'relationship years', which all seemed to steep into dark emotional abusive turmoil. Here I realized years later that I was delving head first into a design constructed by me in my adolescence, based on the strange thwarted relationship I had with my father. I have done blogs here and there that touched on my relationship with my father and these blogs mostly discussed my experience in relation to his death and the years leading up to his death.<br />
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Now what I realized after reflecting on all of my relationships into adulthood, was that my distant relationship I had with my father, created a strange dynamic within me, with regards to how I viewed 'relationships with men'. My father suffered from depression and this was the reason why he had a very distant relationship with me. I have mentioned in a previous blog that for a child, their relationship with their parents becomes the basis from which they develop their own personalities and future relationships in general. So for example when parents fight and argue and use sarcasm and resentment towards each other, the children from a very, very young age pick up on this and start integrating this as 'puzzle pieces' or 'bricks' into the foundation of their living <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-the-power-of-one-word-part-58">words</a> -meaning these things they see, hear and perceive from their parents make up the words in their own vocabulary, which the child then integrates into their own living expression later on as their basic personalities. So watching and hearing your parents fight and use sarcasm and ugliness for example will integrate into the child's personality with regards to 'relationship dynamics'. <br />
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From there the child will adapt and learn either directly from what they see and hear - meaning they too will learn these relationship dynamics and make it 'who they are' - or they will learn opposite coping mechanisms and will then alter themselves or attract partners that represent the parent and they themselves represent the fear and insecurity they experienced as a child.<br />
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These mechanisms again will depend on the child's main personality designs. A combination of designs existent within each one of us from childhood determine how we adapt to these childhood influences, in how we integrate them into our personalities. Therefore the one child might be an introverted personality, with dependence traits, who likes to suppress their feelings. Into this they take what they witnessed in their home environment and together with these 'base' personality programs with take on the victim to the partner who blames and argues - and they will then remain as the child - fearing the arguments but also as maybe the mother or father doing, looking for ways to please the angry parent by becoming submissive, using specific placating words or changing their behavior to pleas the other. And therefore later in 'adult life' we are still stuck as the child living out our parents patterns with us as the participant.<br />
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Or you might have a child who has a more dominant personality, growing up to be out going and more assertive. Here the adult might become the one parent they saw was the more dominant one within the patterns of conflict. This is where we say 'I will never become like my mother'/father' (usually in our teenage years) and then when we blink again, this is exactly what we become. So these personality designs are multi-dimensional and I have only given 2 examples here. Each person is able to relate to how they incorporated the personality traits of their parents into their already pre-existent designs. <br />
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Myself for example I saw my parents being distant towards each other and their children. I saw fear about money and suppression of self expression. I saw resentment and coldness etc… This I incorporated into my own personality design, which meant that I walked down a path of abuse and emotional turmoil whilst sometimes being my father who was cold and depressed and at other times my mother who was reactive and needing validation. These cycles would play out over years and I noticed that each boyfriend I chose, was a part of these dynamics.<br />
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For example there was the first serious boyfriend after school - who was charming and romantic and then turned into an abuser who I think could have been bordering on some form of a 'delusional disorder'. He had bouts of extreme paranoia and delusions about people wanting to hurt him and plotting against him and he would often fly into a fit of rage saying that I had been out cheating on him. This he would then react to with threats of violence and emotional/mental bullying. What I did in these years is I took on the understanding of relationships I had learnt from my parents. I saw that my father was distant towards me and hesitated real intimacy and therefore to me this was 'love'. Therefore when the boyfriend became abusive, I thought this was normal. My own 'disorder of disillusion' from my childhood drew to me a partner who manifested what existed with me. Also because as in most families there was a fear of money I grew up absolutely hating money, not wanting anything to do with money but also therefore creating absolute dependency on the boyfriend who was threatening to kill me at least once a month -for financial support. So, even by the time I snapped out of the delusion that this was not 'love' I realized I was completely dependent on him for money both because at the time I could not find work (we were going through affirmative action in South Africa), plus my hatred and fear of money caused me to shy away from really pushing for any job I could find.<br />
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So in the years that followed after the ending of that relationship, I picked men that were also somewhat obsessive and/or emotionally unstable. Mostly the partners experienced difficulties with intimacy and subtle degrees of obsessiveness. So how I worked with myself in the later years is I allowed myself to lean about who I was in the types of men I picked. I realized my tendencies towards emotional turmoil, abusive patterns and fear of intimacy. Therefore by walking through these relationships and even when it got tough using them as self support to change myself was invaluable. Otherwise how does one expect to change the patterns if you don’t learn somehow from your internal and external realities. So after each relationship ended I would reflect and apply self forgiveness and my self corrective statements. Then I would enter a new relationship if the opportunity arose - being diligent in looking for the points of change within myself and therefore not picking the same characters again. Then what would happen is I would see where my corrections were not 100% because an old pattern would re-surface, usually a bit changed and sometimes watered down. This showed me that there were still some designs active even though their 'charge' was not so strong any more. The new relationships allowed me to then see what new patterns would open up. For example the dynamic of mental, emotional and physical abuse as it was in the first relationship changed, but was now more subtle in relation to it still showing me my self esteem was not 100% and therefore my partner and I would eventually build up resentments and be subtle about self-abuse which is prevalent in most relationships, in the way we eventually speak to each other and have ugly thoughts about each other. So I again went back to the drawing board each time, looking at what this was showing about me. <br />
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It was not easy - realize that when you are in the relationship you are dealing with all your reactions and fears and emotions, plus I was trying to address them to a deeper level back to my childhood - to the core of 'who I was really' - not the charming, loving person I was trying to project into this new relationship - rather the cold, angry bitch that was out to crush a man like a twig once he started manifesting my old patterns. So the cycles would change or repeat in lesser degrees and each time after it ended I would cry and feel emotional and then when the storm would subside I would start reflecting and changing myself. Each time I would then look at a potential new partner I would not know for sure what would happen, you really cannot say - but you can trust yourself enough that you know you will keep on applying yourself and even if it all goes pear-shaped - you will learn and change.<br />
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So - when I speak to people and they say to me that they feel bad and disillusioned by the idea of ending their relationship - like it is a token of 'failure' - I tell them that I see it mostly as the exact opposite. Obviously I am not saying to end a relationship just because it is tough. I think one should give it your best and develop all your skills while in the relationship and only end it if you see that you have applied yourself, but things have changed to such a degree that it would be best if both walked away - that 'starting over' or 'reconciliation' is not possible for one or both people. For example - lets say into the relationship you see your patterns of self abuse or self victimization. Now you work at changing this but in the course of changing it an interesting thing happens - as you change your partner des not - and they remain the same (or the other way around where they change and you do not). Now you are living with your old pattern whilst you are realizing you don’t want to live that any more. Another scenario I faced and that many face, is that change becomes hampered by to much resentment and to much 'mind clatter' based on the past. *Please note these examples could pertain to either yourself or the other person. For example you set out to change yourself in relation to for example 'I will not bully my partner'. Now you stop yourself daily, but the partner resents you for the 'past' and each time you now clearly communicate (not bullying) the partner shoots off and the entire conversation is sabotaged because the partner only knows bullying and does not trust that you have changed. Now you find yourself compromising your communication to be even more subtle and calm, this having the consequence of resentment and one day you snap…. So this is just one example of a dynamic that plays out where things get too muddled. Often people then take a break from each other and in discussion with people, we have spoken about unconditionally starting again - meaning each one stops their patterns and if for example one of you go into an old behavior the other person points it out - (whilst checking their own reactions),while you unconditionally listens and reflect and changes. But as you can see here are many tiny teensy places where either one can fall back into old patterns, thus one really has to work at unconditionally, trusting self and consistency in your tools. <br />
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For example - you might explain to your parent that you are changing pattern A, at first they don’t believe you - meaning the person is holding onto the past and basically (as we can all relate) looking for mistakes and signs of 'he old' - but with your consistency they see after a few weeks that yes indeed you are changing. But let's say after 3 weeks something happens and bam you go back into the old pattern - now the partners 'trust' in you is broken all over again -as in their mind you are reconfirmed an old belief. So there are many dimensions one could say to working on a relationship -as you can see from these few examples many things can happen that make working on a relationship difficult. But if both stick to their principles and keep applying themselves and make the main directive 'I change' - then you continue working together side by side, supporting each other day by day no matter what. In this one realizes that it is in the end not about the other person, therefore if you are changing to please the other - then you have a problem. It is not about me in my relationship - it is about ME and thus my relationship is simply a reflection of me now matter who I am with or what I am doing. Therefore the focus always remains on me, who I am and my process of change and self honesty - therefore one is not moving away from 'oneself' to try and shift into make-shift solutions to save a relationship or keep a person out of desire or fear of loss. Thus taking on this approach - both partners know they are changing to honor themselves, so in the end if a relationship ends, this is not the end of you - it is a decision made and from there one lets go, and uses the opportunity hopefully to reflect and change.Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-45983644916540640532015-07-27T00:40:00.001-07:002015-07-27T00:42:10.385-07:00Day 210: Relationship Dynamics| My first crush<div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-206-relationship-dynamics-part-1.html"><span lang="en-ZA" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Day 206: Relationship Dynamics | Part 1</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-207-relationship-dynamics-part-2.html"><span lang="en-ZA" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Day 207: Relationship Dynamics | Part 2</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-208-relationship-dynamics-part-3.html">Day
208: Relationship Dynamics | Part 3</a></div>
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Each one of us probably remembers our first crush. I remember my crushes were always on boys who were completely out of reach - our maybe that was the basis of what a crush was -a focus on an individual who you could never reach, a boy or girl who were 'out of our league' so to speak. My first crush was on a boy in school as it usually is. I saw him as attractive (as it usually goes) and there was just something about him that drew me to him. <br />
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I would always watch him from a distance, trying to at times follow him around and be seated near him. He was in the popular group, which was part of the whole 'unattainable' design - which as I look back at it I realize is part of how the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-human-mind-as-a-computer-reptilians-part-182">mind</a> designs the attraction systems and 'falling in love' - the push and pull towards a person while one accumulated feelings and emotions and thoughts until you are consumed. The one day after school I noticed a mutual friend of ours was sitting with him and a few of his friends on the grass. I took this opportunity to casually - as casually as my beating heart could take it that is, stroll (my legs wanted to run as fast as they could) over to them. I 'strolled' over to my friend and started up some <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-uselessness-part-1">useless</a> random conversation to explain why I was coming over to talk to him. I completely ignored 'the boy' because I did not want him and his friends to ever get a whiff of my intentions. As it goes with 'school yard politics' one knows that if the 'cool kids' were to find out that a normal 'uncool' person had a major crush on one in their 'ranks' - this would usually result in teasing and relentless <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-facing-gossip">gossiping</a>, all for the entertainment of the 'cool gang'. So I was very careful about making sure that nobody found out that I liked this boy. I did not tell my own friends either, out of concern that one of them might tell someone and it would find its way to the 'cool gang' Jeesh the amount of trouble and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-atlanteans-when-energy-has-more-value-than-life-part-40">energy</a> we put into these useless mind infatuations. But at the time, as we all are able to relate to it felt obviously so real and so intense, that nobody could have told me it was actually just a moment in time, a design that my mind was accessing based on hormones and the desire for specialness and how 'love' and the design of <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-atlanteans-creating-relationships-part-15">relationships</a> was busy manifesting with me. <br />
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As we are all probably able to relate, when we were young nobody could have told us anything about our feelings. When our parents or adults tried to break the connection our minds had formed to something, we would literally go berserk, as the mind would revolt within the us against these connections being changed. The mind at this stage within puberty is connecting its system designs, which would then integrate fully into adulthood - therefore setting the pathways for how we would participate in these relationship and 'love' designs in adulthood - therefore some blame it on 'hormones' - but mostly hormones are simply the carriers of these parts of the system designs. Therefore to touch one of these designs within a teenager would usually result in <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-when-anger-burst-in-discussions-atlanteans-support-part-74">anger</a>, resentment, rebellion and out right aggression and depression. It would appear as if one is literally trying to kill lol - the teenager - and they would express to the adult that you are trying to cause them harm. How many times do we remember saying to our parents that we hate them for something they did or made us do. An example of how the mind is adamantly defending its designing process. <br />
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During this time as I mentioned the mind is setting the pathways for who we would become as adults and therefore the 'possessions' that teenagers seem to go into - shows us the protection that the mind has in place for its own systems. Then when we become adults we settle into these personality designs, as they fully integrate into the mind-body relationship - and therefore it becomes even harder as the years go by to change these patterns - due to the fact that we completely become the design and therefore are not able to look at them objectively as an outsider one could say - to really see what it is that we are doing. We will speak from the design as well, meaning we could for a moment see what it is that we are doing, however because we are completely on a physical level integrated into this system, we are unable to move ourselves out of it. The mind will thus speak and think for us, due to the integration that has happened on al levels of the mind (conscious, subconscious, unconscious, quantum mind, quantum physical). <br />
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Therefore it is always interesting to observe ourselves when we are faced with one of our own pre-programmed designs - we might for a moment pop our heads out and observe or become aware of the design itself, but the mind obviously has been <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-directing-your-process-reptilians-part-315">directing</a> us since young and therefore has absolute directive principle, unless we absolutely breathe and remind ourselves of who we want to be and how we would like to change. Then as one experiences yourself slipping back into 'playing the game' meaning participating in the design itself - you loose that <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-awareness-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-32">awareness</a> and it literally becomes confusing, because now you don’t understand why yesterday you saw what you were doing and now today you are completely 'in it' - you are transfixed by the information and the feelings and have literally forgotten your previous resolve. <br />
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The design itself possesses in a millisecond (the quantum mind and quantum physical) - therefore if one is not steady in your resolve and remind yourself of what you have <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-seeing-through-the-eyes-of-the-mind-chinese">seen</a> and realized - the mind will quickly and easily simply, literally 'change your mind' and off you go again - from one second to the next. The old feelings come creeping up slowly within the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-body-beingness-energy-kryon-my-existential-history">body</a> and this is where the mind uses the addictive nature of energy to keep us trapped within the same design. So just like a drug user that has been injected with a drug while they are trying to stop - the same happens with our addiction to these pre-programmed behaviors. The mind 'injects' us with old feelings and physical sensations and then bam the resolve is gone and the lines literally blur between what you understood yesterday to your understanding today. <br />
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The mind brings up justifications and excuses such as 'but it feels right' or 'but she said this' or 'but it can work' - therefore the part of us that needs to hear the justification will then fall slap bang back into the system as it fulfils itself with the information required to keep you there. The mind really is a super fast, superior machine and we have designed it so from generation to generation to evolve itself every step of the way. Therefore what one will find is that if you take one step forward in awareness the mind takes 10 steps forward and then sets you back while containing you in a bubble where you even believe you are changing and that things are going in the right direction. This is where I have found (and I am sure many can relate) - you go 'forward' into 'directing your life' - but realize after a few months that you were actually going in the same direction as before - but the mind made it look different because it gave you what you wanted -it allowed you to feel empowered, directive and aware, while simply taking us along the exact same design, but with added experiences.<br />
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So this is where stopping comes in - and not allowing ourselves to participate in the design for a while - like with breaking any addiction. Because how else do you know that your mind has not simply evolved the original design into a new one , running the same systems in the background, getting you to participate while the whole time convincing you that you are able to direct your experiences for the better without having to actually actively stop participating. I mean, how do we know that something is 'our choice' if we have not stopped the design, de-programmed it within ourselves to look at it again later and decide if what existed in us before is what we would like to live. Anything before that is as we know automated from somewhere within us and has time and time again controlled us, at times with us knowing that we have no directive principles and are being led 'down the same garden path'. Lol boy oh boy I have done this so many times myself - where I could not stop but told myself I was stopping, while changing and 'proving' to myself that I did not have to withhold my 'expression' - and that I was completely capable of still participating in the design itself but with my new principles and understanding. Lol the mind really reacts like a child, where it will spit out justifications such as 'but what about my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-positive-energy-vs-self-expression-reptilians-part-253">self expression</a>' and 'what is the point of life if I cannot explore myself'…. Then how I would be tested on this within myself is that obviously if I saw I was still having the same feelings and thoughts and acting the same way -tada. Also if I could not disengage myself from the pattern for a long time and kept going back into it with new justifications - tada!<br />
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Therefore, a suggestion is if you find yourself stepping back into an old pattern while exploring how to change it, to keep writing every day and being brutally self honest about what it is that you are really doing and experiencing. A suggestion is always to simply stop and not participate - if it smells like smoke, and looks like smoke - well then you are probably busy building a fire…Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-32817294204062529042015-05-26T05:20:00.000-07:002015-05-26T05:20:50.011-07:00Day 209: Obedience to Authority<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
In this blog I will
focus around the following content: "Obedience to authority figures and
the Milgram experiment''</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyKkjqIFYR30idLvTrnaiq830fJO_sxbJ9-NdZGs8fcOd404lgGbSelMUoQqTqMltYtlxtGgzneDbqU6QtHwQzt5JAIGvVQnF0Bz0gp8r-_Wl2aEBxzMjz7arqB8wOUZEUSBGrZuKHnhc/s1600/Milgram.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyKkjqIFYR30idLvTrnaiq830fJO_sxbJ9-NdZGs8fcOd404lgGbSelMUoQqTqMltYtlxtGgzneDbqU6QtHwQzt5JAIGvVQnF0Bz0gp8r-_Wl2aEBxzMjz7arqB8wOUZEUSBGrZuKHnhc/s320/Milgram.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment</a></div>
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What this experiment shows is obviously the uncertainty that we face every day when it comes to Self-Authority. This is due to the fact that every day we are either abdicating Authority to Automated <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-when-the-mind-falls-in-the-face-of-reality">Mind</a> Programs such as our feelings, emotions and reactions (in the form of thoughts), or we are given direction by governments and higher authorities. So within every persons day-to-day existence, we think and believe that we are our own authority as a 'beingness' - meaning that the thoughts and emotion/feelings reactions that 'come up' from within us - are us - meaning 'who I am'. <br />
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We do at some stage however question our own reactions, motives, beliefs and decisions in life. For example have you ever gone through an experience such as jealousy or a fit of anger, only to later or even during, realise for yourself that you don’t want to be 'like this', you experience the discomfort of being in the experience more than a gratitude for having had it. We have all faced this experience to some degree, and most of us face this every day, where our rationalised 'normal human reactions' -trigger a red flag inside of us - questioning who we are and why we react the way we do.<br />
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For some, these can be very obvious experiences such as jealousy, depression, anger, hopelessness, victimisation, the need for approval, need for love, desire to belong, desire for happiness through materialism, addiction etc…. Most of these more obvious examples stand out and at some stage has most of us wondering why we are experiencing ourselves this way.<br />
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Some then go down the road of questioning 'who or what did this to me'. We are usually left confused as we don’t know why we would be drawn time and time again automatically to these experiences. We question our gods, our society, but rarely do we question ourselves, our innate programming, our minds. Usually before a person questions themselves, they go into complete denial. There are very few who are brave enough, so to speak to say 'hey wait a minute I did this to myself'. So we will turn out backs on basic common sense - which is that if it exist within me and I participate in it - then of course it is by my Authority that these experiences come up and continue to exists. Mostly we will say that it is 'who we are' to have these experiences, or that they are 'how god designed us'.<br />
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This is usually where we hit a complete standstill when it comes to finding and applying ourselves in solutions, because as we have all noticed, the mind is automated at producing instant firewalls when it comes to questioning God/our creation/authority. So whatever religion and societal moral-code one chooses, it will always come down to a battle between ones own Authority as real Authority and the automated belief systems that have been our Authority since child hood.<br />
<br />
This for many of us is a difficult road-block to face. Making that decision to no longer give self-authority away to something outside of ourselves, because on an innate level we believe and exists purely as automated response systems by the design of consciousness. We think and feel automatically and justify our internal existence as 'normal'. What we don’t realise is that if we do the basic maths we will see that there is a lot to improve on with regards to the 'human condition' and that once again repeatedly placing 'Self' outside of Self' onto newer methods/philosophies, is obviously not the solution. Therefore, no matter what method one chooses to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-why-we-resist-support-reptilians-part-226">support</a> oneself to get out of the rut in your mind, choose one that assist you in seeing and becoming your own authority, to not merely move in circles. <br />
<br />
The hardest part I have noticed about learning how to become my own Authority - as the religion of Self Construct. Meaning - to face ones own religion - which is all of our beliefs about our self and the world (self religion does not only apply to a god or deity). Interestingly we will find that our body and mind as programmed into each other on a quantum level, will decline quite ungracefully ones attempts to break away from the programming, which is the standard template of consciousness to become self authored (self authority). This literally causes a meltdown or short-circuiting of ones basic programming. What happens next is that, because we have become the automated systems of consciousness as our individual personalities, obviously initially when the mind kicks in and says 'ehm no you don’t get to be self authority' what is going to happen - the 'you' as the little bit of awareness inside the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-developing-mind-and-body-perfecting-the-human-race-parenting-part-28">mind and body</a> will literally be in a war against a mega power, so to speak. It is like a small college football team going up against an international football team. Firstly, everybody will secretly <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-sunette-spies-the-genuine-smile-of-laughter">laugh</a> at the mere notion of this, because everyone will probably rightfully so assume that the college team will not stand a 'chance' against an internationally strong team. Therefore more often than not a mind set exists already within the team members themselves, that they won't make it, therefore their performance on many levels will suit and match the idea/belief. This one could call a self fulfilled prophecy.<br />
<br />
I have experiences this myself when I first started walking the tools - I had to really pay attention to my self talk, and this is something that you might pick up for yourself when you start <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-writing-and-speaking-support-2013-the-future-of-consciousness-part-29">writing</a>/exploring self-change. The self talk that comes through if and when one falls on a point is that 'I just cannot do it'. As an example - when I work with people on the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-pornography-messed-up-my-sex-life-life-review">Porn</a> and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-masturbation-loa-and-the-secret">Masturbation</a> Addiction group on Facebook - the most common first or second statement by new members is 'I just cannot stop masturbating' or 'I have tried stopping this addiction' it just does not work.<br />
<br />
This is the same as that moment in the Milgram experiment where the tester asks the person being tested to shock the other person. The person <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-you-do-it-to-yourself-life-review">doing</a> the shocking (testee) has a moment to consider if and why they would shock this person with increased voltage. In their mind a million things circle the drain. They start thinking about the reason why they did this, for example to get money, they start considering that if they left the experiment they might not get paid. The might start accessing hidden authority issues and anger issues, which on a quantum level if not understood will filter through to a justified decision such as 'well this is just a test after all', but comes from much deeper information lines, based on ones internal unresolved issues and personalities.<br />
<br />
Therefore in the moment that the person gives the shock they have doubted themselves and answered themselves in a way that makes shocking another person justified. This is how our abdication of Self Authority works currently - there are so many variables involved in us reaching a decision that by the time the decision is made -we don’t get to see what happens in the background - all of the layers of quantum information programed into us from when we were children to date. That information will move so fast that the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-a-life-review-of-an-average-man">average person</a> definitely does not see it, simply because we have never been told it exists and secondly we therefore do not see the 'problem' that exists behind it, and therefore do not slow ourselves down to understand what happens behind the scenes - the makings of each decision, each thought, each experience.<br />
<br />
So in the end what boils up from inside which appears as conscious thought - as related to the example of the Milgram's experiment 'testee' to the example of the porn addict is uncomfortability, resistance and uncertainty - but the automated response which is the real self authority that steps in, will give the final direction. This is where we watch the porn or shock another person, or watch other people <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-somebody-help-me-understand-what-makes-me-starve-in-a-world-of-plenty">starving</a> or watch pain and suffering with indifference or watch in a half daze as we get swept up in some emotional possession such as anger or jealousy…<br />
<br />
So, what has been cool for myself on this journey of discovering my self authority is that I really enjoyed for myself and enjoy it now when I see people take that one step of claiming and becoming their self authority. Where a week before they could not move on for example an experience or an addiction, and then this week they proved to themselves they are able to for example not click on the website link that takes them to a porn website. Inside of them a battle existed over the current authority and themselves - a small bit of self awareness and self determination that is literally having to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-what-does-it-mean-to-stand-up-reptilians-support-part-175">stand up</a> to a massive machine which we call 'The Mind'.<br />
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On this forum page
you will see cool chat that we had on this subject:</div>
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<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=14&p=58220#p58220">http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=14&p=58220#p58220</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
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<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
More blogs/Vlogs on
Obedience to Authority:</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Do You KNOW What
Authorities YOU Obey? </div>
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCnwjYdRPcQ&feature=youtu.be">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCnwjYd ... e=youtu.be</a><br /><br /><br />Becoming The Authority of Your Own Life Through Practical Self-Empowerment. DAY 357<br /><a href="https://vixensjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2015/05/24/becoming-the-authority-of-your-own-life-through-practical-self-empowerment-day-357/">https://vixensjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... t-day-357/</a><br /><br /><br />Day 747: What is Authority<br /><a href="http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/05/day-747-what-is-authority.html">http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... ority.html</a><br /><br /> <div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Day 290: Realizing
your Authority in Life</div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/05/day-290-realizing-your-authority-in-life.html">http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/05/day-290-realizing-your-authority-in-life.html</a></div>
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<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
230. Who are the
Authors of this World System?</div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.marlenvargasdelrazo.com/authorship/">http://www.marlenvargasdelrazo.com/authorship/</a></div>
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<br /></div>
Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-68635364284724631662015-04-21T07:45:00.000-07:002015-04-21T07:45:17.521-07:00Day 208: Relationship Dynamics | Part 3<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-206-relationship-dynamics-part-1.html">Day
206: Relationship Dynamics | Part 1</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-207-relationship-dynamics-part-2.html">Day
207: Relationship Dynamics | Part 2</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 17.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"So for me, it
was not so much a fear of a boy trying to have sex with me, lol in those days
the concern was more about 'will he try and kiss me'. I remember at parties we
would sometimes hear via the grapevine that a boy was kissing one of the more
popular loose girls and put his hand 'down there'. This would cause the rest of
us to blush and stare at her for the rest of the evening, perplexed and
slightly anxious of this 'slutty behaviour' which obviously to the girl and the
boys who tried to get 'their hands into her pants' was nothing more than what
they did each and every weekend.
Therefore for me at that stage even, there was a wide gap between what I
was willing to try and what was already a favourite pass time for the 'popular
gangs'…"</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<br />
I feared being alone with these boys on a date or at their house, because for some reason I was absolutely petrified of any form of intimacy. I remember the only time that I became slightly comfortable with kissing a boy was when I was the one <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-you-do-it-to-yourself-life-review">doing</a> the pursuing and I remember this happening once. I started developing 'feelings' for a neighbour who lived up the road who I had been friends with for many years. All of a sudden at some point this 'feeling' that I could describe as 'sensuality' started developing in my chest area and it encouraged a new 'voice' in my head - one that was gentle and encouraged me to change the way I dressed, to flirt and to try out make-up. Obviously the boy noticed that my body language around him changed because one day when I was visiting him after school as I so often did (this time wearing a slinky black dress instead of my usual shorts and tees which obviously did not go unnoticed), we were sitting on his bed chatting and he leant over and kissed me. I remember we both experimented with the 'tongue' which was totally new to me and felt very risqué! <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCzxqelNMD1EIZCJf0EiPU_Hx1uWis7GvM1UtHlUd05rkoZy4susp1QFqv-p8E338y4evnSXrPF3vIouE95X6uT9KCDgoKX8maoZb91ru4xn4qe6Rb6RIUYKn4jv37BMF3YHcqaLRVTl8/s1600/images+(17).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCzxqelNMD1EIZCJf0EiPU_Hx1uWis7GvM1UtHlUd05rkoZy4susp1QFqv-p8E338y4evnSXrPF3vIouE95X6uT9KCDgoKX8maoZb91ru4xn4qe6Rb6RIUYKn4jv37BMF3YHcqaLRVTl8/s1600/images+(17).jpg" /></a></div>
The strange thing is that this 'reaching out' that I did to him, even though I was afraid of other boys indicated two things to me about my 'sexual development' - I avoided the boys who <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-directing-your-process-reptilians-part-315">directed</a> their attention to me or who were comfortable actually addressing their likes for me, because this felt unpredictable and 'dangerous'. Therefore I liked being able to asses who I could explore subtle feelings that were developing within me with - with a male friend who was gentle and 'known'. Secondly I realize that this 'first attempt at expressing an inner experience was towards a boy that was mentally unstable (not saying because he kissed me lol). He was in a special school for children with learning difficulties. I remember his father use to be very strict with him, where for example the one time I invited him to go with me on an outing to a park (we always only stayed at his house watching movies, never did anything 'outside'). He phoned his dad to ask him and the father asked to speak to me. The father explained to me things which I did not clearly <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-i-finally-understand">understand</a> at the time, but he said things like 'he cant stay out to long because that isn't good for him, so we can take him if we promise to have him back in 3 hours. This left me with the distinct impression that together with him being in a special school that there was something about this boy that was not entirely stable. I also remember always noting how when his parents were with him when I was at his house - the way in which they <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-effective-communication-life-review">communicated</a> with him was different to how my parents spoke to me or how any of my 'girlfriends' parents spoke to them. They were always trying to regulate his 'moods' and even at that young age (between the age of 14 - 16), I picked up that even though him and I got along fine, there was something about him that I would probably never get to see and that that there was a side to him which I did not know about. I also <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-touch-taste-smell-hearing-in-the-mind-reptilians-part-213">heard</a> his <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-the-crazy-mother">mom</a> sometimes speak to him in another room about him 'not getting angry' and that they have spoken about when he gets angry and that he must <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-when-breath-is-not-your-own">breathe</a> etc… So there were many tell tale signs so to speak for me that this boy had another side to him, that he was being 'contained' and that because I only interacted with him for a few hours a week after school, that our friendship would never <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-acceptance-and-allowance-vs-the-decision">allow</a> for me to 'see his other side' as his parents seemed to shield him from making mistakes around me. When we shared stories about our weekends and I would share about visiting friends he never spoke about going out to a friends house or to slumber parties/dance parties and only sometimes mentioned a friend or two from his school visiting him at his house.<br />
<br />
So I would say that this was the first time I was drawn to a guy who had a 'darker' side to him, a side that was potentially unpredictable and had to be 'contained'. The kiss was a once off affair and I remember that we did not pursue it any further because I felt that this guy was generally withdrawn from outside factors such as friends and 'girls'. Also I felt and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-thought-and-thinking-a-deliberate-creation-of-control-part-105">thought</a> that this was not something to pursue - it was just an instinct at the time based on what I had seen and heard. Our friendship did not continue so fluently after 'the kiss' because we both felt awkward, that we had overstepped a line which for both seemed off, considering what really existed inside of us as our own 'personal issues'. I saw him less from then on, partly due to the fact that my uneasiness around 'sexuality' started surfacing in random moments of <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reliving-anxiety-of-the-past-atlanteans-support-part-86">anxiety</a> around him. I felt at the time that the childlike comfort that I always experienced around him being my 'friend' was gone and that this could mean 'the unknown' with regards to what would now happen. Nothing happened, he did not make any attempts, but we simply drifted apart ,more and a year or so later his family moved... Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-23015153956921322582015-04-21T07:22:00.001-07:002015-04-21T07:22:21.815-07:00Day 207: Relationship Dynamics | Part 2<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-206-relationship-dynamics-part-1.html">Day
206: Relationship Dynamics | Part 1</a></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"This distancing was obviously very difficult on myself, my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-the-crazy-mother">mother</a> and my sisters, as we all knew that his behaviour was not normal. But 'back in the day' obviously nobody really spoke about what happens behind closed doors, as I am sure we are all able to relate to our own family issues which we remember and we distinctly remember nobody talking about. I remember how tense I would feel around my father, I knew there was a distance between us, an uncomfortability from his side. This I internalised into unconscious and subconscious patterns in relation to my own self worth (being rejected by father meant no self worth) as well as how I picked boyfriends from there on based on these emotionally distant experiences I had with my father. In my next blog I will write about each major relationship and what I realised about my self."</blockquote>
<br />
Alright, let's get started. ..<br />
<br />
Somewhere through my puberty I developed a fear of boys and a fear of relationships. I realised years later as I assessed 'my past', that the tension and unease that I grew up experiencing around my father, translated into an uneasiness about 'males' and relationships with males. Boy oh boy my first real relationship was a direct reflection of an almost psychotic attempt at understanding and reflecting my perceived relationship with my father. But first more on my school years.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs9D1nxMqFK-cu_yl4-nAFcsDvH5Lm3LIg07LmIC_kf-u76FxeMMYrq6ByfkGLxMBUxLzkqJIN691uv_hANnxIssW_Lh7nzl99P4kSFvEvQdaQ1oPY4GUCbVBWUF_88MC_evHetZipH_w/s1600/shy+girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs9D1nxMqFK-cu_yl4-nAFcsDvH5Lm3LIg07LmIC_kf-u76FxeMMYrq6ByfkGLxMBUxLzkqJIN691uv_hANnxIssW_Lh7nzl99P4kSFvEvQdaQ1oPY4GUCbVBWUF_88MC_evHetZipH_w/s1600/shy+girl.jpg" /></a>In high school I am able to count on one hand the boys who showed an interest, I was a 'plain girl' although a bit of a class clown (suppose not much has <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-fear-of-change">changed</a> there). I remember always being filled with a sense of absolute dread and fear each time these boys would declare their interest in me. It was strange for me at the time, because I remember never being able to see what it was that these boys saw in me and therefore in part, my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-physical-resistance-relationship-success-support">resistance</a> to saying 'yes' to their requests for a relationship had to do with the feeling of absolute inferiority. I had the opposite view of myself - an absolute general low self esteem that would always speak in my mind telling me the direct opposite of what the boy in front of me was saying. Therefore by the end of the conversation, my mind was always made up - I 'knew' that what he was saying was a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-when-your-words-lie-reptilians-part-217">lie</a> and that I was being deceived into some pubescent-boy trick. I would always rationalise to myself that the boy was in on some dare with his friends to see how far he could go with me. I would therefore each step of the way be rather dubious about the poor boys <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-nature-of-words-reptilians-part-183">words</a> and actions, always explaining to myself in my mind what he was 'really trying to get to'. In this way I was preparing myself to be deceived and where possible to get out of any compromising situation. These 'relationships' usually only lasted a few weeks, as long as my frail nerves could take it and towards the end I was always the one to end it with some well designed lie. Or I would use something the boy said or did as an excuse for why this relationship had to end. <br />
<br />
Obviously, as we are all aware in today's age of teenage/adolescent romance - we all know that it is very different to how it was in the 90's. I mean the stories that I have heard of teen sex and parties and drinking, has often left me tongue tied, seeing and realising that teenagers today are basically living out real <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-either-life-or-death-part-27">life</a> porn dramas, with very little self respect towards themselves, their bodies or each other. It is all about the energy behind the ego, about trying to appear cool, to be the next Youtube star, while spitting in the face of what the previous generation considered 'proper' sexual and dating practise. Unfortunately these young people, from my perspective do not see or realise what they are really creating and contributing towards in the word. As we then grow up, we get to a stage where we start reacting to what is happening in the world -as we step out of the adolescent energy possessions and start paying attention to the effects that deliberate "I don’t care attitude' have on society. We move on and have relationships, get married and plan families and then things like the effects f porn in our marriages and society start to hit home. We see woman raped/hurt/abused because of men who are obsessed/possessed with sex and we are faced with the consequences of the last 50/60 years of societal psychological development around sex. BUT when you are a teenager and you want to fit in and be seen as in control and cool and desirable then nothing will stop you from playing all the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-the-game-of-life-part-96">games</a> at your disposal. I cannot help when I see young people, to wonder what sex system design exists within them - something has been developed over the last generation. When a young man now looks at a woman or young girl, does he see flesh and bone - a human being - or does he see a porn star - a half naked piece of flesh easily transmuted in his mind into the latest mots gruesome sexual position? <br />
<br />
Alright lol I did not <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-how-thoughts-bombard-the-physical-and-destroy-self">think</a> 'gee he sees me as a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-self-care-your-full-potential-reptilians-part-265">potential</a> sex partner' = because in those days frivolous sex fro the sake of 'saying 'up yours to societal rules' was only for the very brave - the one or two girls or boys in your grade who had a 'reputation'. They were few and far between and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-from-shyness-to-self-confidence-life-review">shy</a> girls like myself avoided these 'loose cannons.' Even the popular groups in my grade had their levels of 'looseness' lol, so to speak. Today this is a very different story, and I have observed that in schools frivolous sex and sex dynamics amongst youngsters is much more prevalent and exists parallel to eating and shitting.<br />
<br />
<br />
So for me, it was not so much a fear of a boy trying to have sex with me, lol in those days the concern was more about 'will he try and kiss me'. I remember at parties we would sometimes hear via the grapevine that a boy was kissing one of the more popular loose girls and put his hand 'down there'. This would cause the rest of us to blush and stare at her for the rest of the evening, perplexed and slightly anxious of this 'slutty behaviour' which obviously to the girl and the boys who tried to get 'their hands into her pants' was nothing more than what they did each and every weekend. Therefore for me at that stage even, there was a wide gap between what I was willing to try and what was already a favourite pass time for the 'popular gangs'.. Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-80971125829647225062015-04-07T10:41:00.001-07:002015-04-21T02:10:29.763-07:00Day 206: Relationship Dynamics | Part 1<div style="font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in;">
One thing we can all
relate to in some form of another is relationships or some failed attempt at
having relationships. Every person has some story even back from when they were
in kindergarten about some little boy or girl that they had a brief romantic
encounter with. It is such a basic programming point for all of us as we
develop into our adult personalities. </div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in;">
Therefore a subject
that comes up often for people that I work with is either past relationship
issues or current experiences. Whether one declares celibacy or becomes a raging hormonal maniac
over the opposite sex - there is always a story and a design behind what and
how we choose. </div>
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<br /></div>
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So in these
chats/discussions that I have with people I always suggest one key thing that I
realised years ago as I was trudging through the thick mud of my own
relationship designs. I always suggest to people to use past and current
relationships experiences as a learning curve about self, and therefore to not
take it personally but to rather sit down, write out the facts and change
oneself so that as you move from current experiences into the future, you will
be able to 'prepare the way' so to speak, for a potential relationship with
another based on an effective relationship with Self. Therefore let ones
relationships with others, be it romantic, family or friends show us what exist
in our relationships to ourselves. Therefore one is looking at more 'real time' reflection on the outer, to understand the inner.</div>
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I decided to place
my own understandings about my past relationships onto paper, to reflect for
myself on what I have realised and therefore, to share with others who are
perhaps facing similar experiences.</div>
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My previous blogs on
'Family Dynamics' and 'Experiencing Trauma' would definitely make a good
introduction to these blogs, because in those blogs I speak about how I
realized my own role in my family dynamics as well as insight into the strained
relationship I had with my father.</div>
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<a href="http://youtu.be/ifD4qr6ftCU"><b>Day 177: Transforming Family Dynamics: SiblingRelationships</b></a></div>
<div style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-188-family-dynamics-drama-continues.html" style="font-size: 12pt;"><b>Day
188: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 1)</b></a></div>
</div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-189-family-dynamics-drama-continues.html"><b>Day
189: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 2)</b></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-190-family-dynamics-drama-continues.html"><b>Day
190: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 3)</b></a></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-121-experiencing-trauma-part-1.html"><b>Day
201: Experiencing Trauma Part 1 | The Sleepwalker</b></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-202-experiencing-trauma-part-2.html"><b>Day
202: Experiencing Trauma Part 2 |
Nervous Breakdown</b></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-203-experiencing-trauma-part-3-death.html"><b>Day
203: Experiencing Trauma Part 3 | Death</b></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-204-experiencing-trauma-part-4-out.html"><b>Day
204: Experiencing Trauma Part 4 | Out of
body experiences</b></a></div>
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Therefore to understand the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-relationship-system-practical-support-relationship-success-support">relationship</a> I had with my father will allow us to understand how and why I made the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-where-does-relationships-come-from-part-40">relationship</a> <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-choices-and-desire-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-35">choices</a> I did. It was the relationship with my father that mostly determined the types of relationships I went into... whilst it was the relationship with my mother that mostly molded my character within these relationships intertwined with my own <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-quantum-personality-kryon-my-existential-history">personality</a> designs, which of course determined my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reaction-prevention-quantum-mind-self-awareness">reactions</a> and responses to what these representations of my experience with my father did or said (boyfriends). <br />
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To recap: if you read my blogs called: Experiencing <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-traumas-from-nature-perfecting-the-human-race-parenting-part-33">Trauma</a>, you would have gained a basic insights into my reactions to my fathers death but also some insight into the fact that he had a very strained relationship with my mother, myself and my sisters. My father had adult depression from his own childhood experiences. This resulted in him having children as all adults from the previous generations believed they had to do, but inside of him he did not have the connection to or passion for his children, because obviously his own childhood <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-friends-and-memories-quantum-systemization-part-34">memories</a> and adult depression caused him to not really 'feel' much for his children. Any person who understands or has experienced depression will realize that depression as <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-which-came-first-the-word-or-the-world-reptilians-part-185">the word</a> indicates 'depresses you' - meaning that you withdraw inside yourself and numb yourself towards yourself, your <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-prioritizing-life">life</a> and others - whether it is a chemical reaction in the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-body-beingness-energy-kryon-my-existential-history">body</a> or a mental aspects based on a point one is reacting to within oneself towards your life.<br />
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This distancing was obviously very difficult on myself, my mother and my sisters, as we all knew that his behaviour was not normal. But 'back in the day' obviously nobody really spoke about what happens behind closed doors, as I am sure we are all able to relate to our own family issues which we remember and we distinctly remember nobody talking about. I remember how tense I would feel around my father, I knew there was a distance between us, an uncomfortability from his side. This I internalised into unconscious and subconscious patterns in relation to my own self worth (being rejected by father meant no self worth) as well as how I picked boyfriends from there on based on these emotionally distant experiences I had with my father. In my next blog I will write about each major relationship and what I realised about my self.Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-74233109526195854342015-03-19T05:49:00.002-07:002015-03-19T05:49:46.576-07:00Day 205: Writing a Blog part 10<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-192-writing-blog-part-2.html">Day
192: Writing a Blog part 2</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-193-writing-blog-part-3.html">Day
193: Writing a Blog part 3</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-194-writing-blog-part-4.html">Day
194: Writing a Blog part 4</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-195-writing-blog-part-5.html">Day
195: Writing a Blog part 5</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-196-writing-blog-part-6.html">Day
196: Writing a Blog part 6</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-197-writing-blog-part-7.html">Day
197: Writing a blog part 7</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/02/day-198-writing-blog-part-8.html">Day
198: Writing a Blog part 8</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/02/day-200-writing-blog-part-9.html">Day
200: Writing a Blog part 9</a></div>
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So the last topic
that I was discussing in the series on 'writings blogs' was specially around
the blog subject of 'world problem and solutions'. The other types of blogs
that I said I would discus are 'Self-Support' Blogs.</div>
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In this I would say
that one is able to approach these types of blogs in the following way. Lets
say you have very little to no experience with the Desteni tools, but would
like to apply what you know in your daily life, or you are already familiar
with quite a few tools and are now simply looking at how to take things from
your life and apply the tools outside of the protective structure of our online
courses.</div>
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If you don’t have
the basic self support tools or are not even comfortable simply 'writing', I
suggest joining our free online course, where we familiarise people with the
basic tools and terminology:</div>
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<a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DesteniIProcess (lite)</a></div>
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Once you have the
basic tools in place for writing - you are ready to start exploring events and
experiences <span style="font-size: 11pt;">that happen in your day to day living. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, some
people hit a complete resistance when it comes to writing partly due to the
belief that their writings will not be good enough or deep enough etc… This is
what I like to call mind blabber - where if one allows yourself to go into self
judgment about what you believe others are capable of saying or thinking about
you - then you will find yourself stuck always in all aspects of self
expression. So my suggestion as I shared in the first few blogs, is to shake
off the shackles of self judgment.</span></div>
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Now see writing for
what it is - a platform through which you support yourself. If you are writing
about more serious subjects that involve events that you would not like to
publicize, then simply keep your writings on your computer. This is where word,
onenote an other text files come in handy (see what text editing tools you have
installed on your computer). Remember to back up your writings, on some
external hard drive. </div>
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If you decide to
write publically then the next step is to create a blog - there are many free
blogging platforms such as:</div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/">https://www.blogger.com</a></div>
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<a href="https://wordpress.com/">https://wordpress.com/</a></div>
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Obviously the
maintenance and the 'how to' of having a
blog one would have to google - I have found many tutorials on how to
overcome basically any blogging question/issue. Of course the blog sites
themselves have support/FAQ sections to help you get started. </div>
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Here are some tips
on how to add sharing tools and like boxes to your blog:</div>
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<a href="http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=75&t=4046">http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=75&t=4046</a></div>
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If you don’t want to
create a blog, but would like a platform where you are able to write and have
the support of other people to assist you in developing self awareness within
your writings, please join our forum:</div>
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<h3>
<a href="http://forum.desteni.org/viewforum.php?f=8">Writing Yourself to Freedom</a></h3>
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How to get started
with your writings: Obviously here I would suggest to do our free online course
indicated above. This will show you the basics of using writing as a tool for
self support. </div>
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Now the question
people sometimes have is how to use the various tools available in DIP Lite and
DIP pro to their day to day experiences. In each course you are shown different
techniques, which allow you to access various dimensions of experiences and of
the mind. So here I would like to suggest is to do our online courses as they
are structured (going from DIP Lite into DIP pro) to address various mind
'systems' so to speak, from for example the conscious, subconscious to the
unconscious. Depending on how far you
have gotten through our courses, I suggest make a list of the tools and
techniques you have 'under your belt' and from this you will be able to apply
what you have learnt to your daily experiences. Therefore for example you will
learn a basic structure of first:</div>
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<ol style="direction: ltr; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.375in; margin-top: 0in; unicode-bidi: embed;" type="1">
<li style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; vertical-align: middle;" value="1"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Writing out your experience</span></li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Now start assessing for
yourself the solution - how are you able to take responsibility for your
reactions, your thoughts, your participation in the event/moments, your
emotion and feeling reactions etc.
What did you realize was your role in how things played out from a
smaller thought/feeling reaction to a greater personality design? How are
you able to change yourself and your personality designs to no longer
allow these patterns which you see do not support you from playing out</span></li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Now if you have the tools of
self forgiveness and self corrective statements under your belt - apply
this this to the writings.</span></li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">With or without step 3 -
start looking at how you will physically live the changes you have
realized by either simply applying common sense and self awareness as
discussed in step 2, or through the self corrective statements you wrote
in step 3.</span></li>
</ol>
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Here
if you have any further questions about a specific experience and you have
applied the tools from the course material - but you are still not sure how to
look deeper - 2 suggestions are:</div>
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Place
your writings on the Desteni Forum or the demonology forum if the writings are
of a more sensitive nature where you would like to create an anonymous account.
Or work your way up from DIP Lite to DIP pro where you are assigned a buddy who
meets with you on chats weekly, to discuss problems you might be facing in your
life, how to use the course material to support you and they are there to
assist you if you get stuck in the lesson material. </div>
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If
you are unable to afford DIP Pro - we have the option of blogging for
sponsorship - where by simply practising your blogging you could receive
sponsorship to do DIP pro:</div>
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<h3>
<a href="http://forum.desteni.org/viewforum.php?f=23">Blogging for Sponsorship</a> </h3>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px;">Now all that is left is to simply start practicing - realizing as I mentioned in the first 2 blogs - is that for all of us blogging was something that we had to practice, paragraph by paragraph, incorporating the different techniques a step at a time until there is more of a flow to ones self awareness journey through writing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px;">Please take a look at some of the blogs on our forum:</span></span></div>
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<h3>
<a href="http://forum.desteni.org/viewforum.php?f=8">Writing yourself to Freedom</a></h3>
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<h3>
<a href="http://forum.desteni.org/viewforum.php?f=75">7 Year Journey to Life</a></h3>
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Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-13555652900832423652015-03-09T11:34:00.000-07:002015-03-31T05:09:15.606-07:00Day 204: Experiencing Trauma Part 4 | Out of Body Experiences<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-121-experiencing-trauma-part-1.html">Day
201: Experiencing Trauma Part 1 | The Sleepwalker</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-202-experiencing-trauma-part-2.html">Day
202: Experiencing Trauma Part 2 |
Nervous Breakdown</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-203-experiencing-trauma-part-3-death.html">Day
203: Experiencing Trauma Part 3 | Death</a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
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<span style="font-style: italic;">"So, from
there what developed in me was my father's depression - where I basically made
the decision to 'take on' my fathers depression in 'honour of him' - yes I know
it sounds weird - it so often does when
we look back at the things we do and you're like 'what??' But yes I was pining
myself to death in his honour - feeling his sadness from his life and my
sadness for losing him. A few months after my father's death I started having
strange dreams about him. The one was where I would see his coffin inside
the crematory. The flames would start up
and I would be trapped inside this dream watching at first the coffin then his
body starting to burn. I remember inside the dream I would feel the trauma
within my mind pulsing inside my mind, something which I consciously knew at
all times was there but would never speak about. I was also to embarrassed to
speak about it because we all tend to know that death is something that happens
and it is something that you are supposed to 'get over'. Therefore, I knew that
something was 'off' so to speak about the fact that I had never dealt with my
fathers death and that this sadness constantly stayed with me. In the dream it
would switch from him in the coffin to me - where for a few second I would be
lying in the coffin feeling the heat of
the flames increasing around me…"</span></blockquote>
</blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8hRVmNTRjN9YfTunlCIRppwGnwUuAjru4UPW4BfhOrjA_Wt-oWQkEYsXR2iPpcdb-jmaJv-Kb9mDDRgzim8mkoofameVKALt4IIlgAgsIKddwsvVyQJk4xojRWdwziLnjjS3661AO1OY/s1600/zpw9mgm3-1368671477.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8hRVmNTRjN9YfTunlCIRppwGnwUuAjru4UPW4BfhOrjA_Wt-oWQkEYsXR2iPpcdb-jmaJv-Kb9mDDRgzim8mkoofameVKALt4IIlgAgsIKddwsvVyQJk4xojRWdwziLnjjS3661AO1OY/s1600/zpw9mgm3-1368671477.jpg" height="193" width="400" /></a></div>
From here I started experiencing 'out of body type experiences'. At this point in my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-prioritizing-life">life</a> I was maybe 16/17 and had no real reference to what out of body experiences were. I remember I would be drifting off to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-mind-asleep-mind-awake-kryon-my-existential-history">sleep</a> and next thing I would feel myself pulling away from my body and drifting up towards the ceiling. Then I would find myself in a 'tunnel' - floating upwards. Next thing I am sitting in a white room with my father sitting opposite me. This happened to me twice. The first time only my father spoke, telling me about how he was and about my life etc. It was interesting because I remember I could not speak, did not want to speak, simply sat there listening to him. The second time this happened I could speak and asked him many questions. He tried to explain to me that he was fine and that I must let him go and live my life and that he will always be with me (sounds familiar?). This did not really ease my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-when-the-mind-falls-in-the-face-of-reality">mind</a> and I held onto these fears, doubts and guilt for some years still.<br />
<br />
I remember when I was going through my 'demon possession phase' lol - I constantly felt like my dad was with me, especially in my mothers house I could see him and sense him, but mostly these experiences left me frightened and unsure. Probably because I was at times frightened by this ability that was opening in me to see spirits and combined with this fear of my father being this unexplained traumatic element - left me always wanting to see his spirit but feeling anxious about it at the same time. A part of me feared that he may turn into a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-journeys-into-the-afterlife-the-barbaric-female-demon-part-22">demon</a> and hurt me, which I realized later as I started working with understanding how my mind processed this trauma, was simply me focussing all my unresolved feelings about his death into this 'dark entity' which his spirit represented. Therefore whether he was there or not and whether he was reaching out to me or not, the emphasis that I am placing here is the fact that I created a darkness in my mind filled with all my fear and trauma and unresolved questions about his death - all into a dark mass which I projected outward into the realm of ghosts and hauntings. Therefore what was haunting me most of my youth now became something tangible, something which one could read about in books and then say 'yes, I am being haunted by something'. Thus as my attention turned more and more onto 'the paranormal' unfortunately I had this one entity that was my own creation towards my father. It was very assisting for me once I started working with Jack my 'guide' because he stabilised me enough when I would go into fear towards an apparition to understand that I was simply uncertain about what I was facing. For example after connecting with Jack I stopped seeing my father in my old house as Jack would simply stabilise me and explain to me where my fears were coming from.<br />
<br />
As you can see my childhood trauma took on a specific outlet with me. For different people the experience and the minds ability to process trauma might be different. Some turn to drugs/alcohol/substance abuse, some experience behavioural and personality <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-it-is-time-to-change-reptilians-part-150">changes</a>, some withdraw and go into depression, some as the interview speaks of will have random imaginations playing out around the trauma which the person might take on and start making their own. What I realize about looking back at how I 'did not' cope with the trauma of my fathers death is that it is not necessarily easy for parents to always stabilise children around these sorts of events. I mean I was looking at what my parents could have done differently specifically around the point of my father dying. Would it have helped if they rather closed the door and I had not <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-touch-taste-smell-hearing-in-the-mind-reptilians-part-213">heard</a> that my father will probably die? Should they have educated me better about what death is? What I do realize though is that there are millions and millions of subtle hidden dimensions that go into every moment for a child's development. I mean here you are seeing just one life affected by specific dimensions that affected each other. Each person has their own experience of 'trauma'. What I have realized over the years is that the mind is very sensitive and very specific and its programing is very intensive if you look at pre-programmed designs, combined with life events and how the child and even adult copes with what we experience and how this shapes 'who we are'. I mean in each of those experiences, as you are able to see my imagination played a big role, my thought patterns exacerbated and contributed immensely to how these problems developed and obviously my feelings and emotions were almost the glue that kept all of these experiences together. <br />
<br />
Going back in time and looking at the intricate nature of these experiences which are obviously not unique but still were quite intense for me - I realized over the last few years how our minds are really vast machines that have to process millions and millions of experiences and perception in each moment of each day. We are constantly programming new ideas, responses and characters based on millions of equations. Therefore as 'an adult' I realize the importance for parents to not just treat a child like something they can practise their own beliefs on or something that does not learn directly moment by moment from you as the parent. The child also does not only learn only what you think you are teaching them. They are learning what we are REALLY doing all the time - for example as parents we tend to want to hide and supress our emotional reactions around the child. Sometimes not even very well. So we THINK the child is not noticing that the mother is actually furious with dad over X and dad is frustrated with work and mom is jealous over dad's female work colleagues so she snaps at dad using sarcasm every 2 mins and dad is annoyed with mom because she…… The child is on a quantum mind/quantum physical level picking up on all of these programs - remember the human physical body and mind are programs that read other programs. So obviously a child which especially in its first lets say 7 years are supper fast at quantum programming - will pick up the programs running in its environment and adapt its own personalities around the 'examples' that are being set for it. So for example the 'terrible 2's' are not only a child developing its own little ways of wanting things its way, it is also how the child is mirroring or becoming the underlying emotional reactions and ways of dealing with issues, that the parents are coping with. <br />
<br />
At the same time I am not saying that we need to find ways to necessarily protect children from trauma but more the emphasis should be on assisting children and ourselves to not over react to situations. For example if one look at any experience we have had where we felt like it was just to much, where we experience 'trauma'. What one will often find is that most of the time it is because of the emotional reaction we have to the event or person based on the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-redefining-value-reptilians-part-267">values</a> we attach to what is happening. <br />
<br />
To give you an example - what I mean by over reacting in emotions would for example be: somebody says to me hey you have picked up weight. Now depending on the definitions and values I have attached to somebody saying this - will depend on my experience towards what is being said. For example if my self esteem is quite stable and I have not attached much or any value to what it means if someone says this and what it means if I have put one some weight - then I will see this merely as someone pointing out something they have noticed. If however I have all these belief systems about my self worth being attached to what other say about me and about 'fat' or 'weight' then my reactions will be different. I would for example react immediately to what the person says with for example a thought such as 'oh no she noticed', 'oh god this is bad' and a ice cold jolt goes through my stomach and you feel embarrassed and more thoughts come flooding and now you experience <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-where-does-self-judgment-come-from-part-11">self judgment</a> about 'weight' such as 'I don’t look good' and 'she must think I eat a lot' etc etc. From there you experience a spiralling of thoughts, emotions and reactions from a basic comment made by someone irrelevant of their starting point into a self reaction based on what already exist inside of us as 'self-belief'. <br />
<br />
So this is an example of where we have made a situation more than what it is simply because of mind-created problems triggered by the words or deeds of another. This is obviously a minor example - but if one go and look at how we handle difficult situations from something small like someone saying 'you have picked up weight' to bigger subjects such as a trauma around someone's death - it helps to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-writing-and-speaking-support-2013-the-future-of-consciousness-part-29">support</a> oneself to understand how one is morphing/<a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-fear-of-change">changing</a> the original event into something more, something that really does not serve us - due to additional mind layers. Mind layers would for example be what I walked in that example - placing ones worth outside of self into 'what other say of me' or giving 'weight/fat' a specific 'bad definition and then taking that personally and becoming that definition. Usually these reactions come from how society views something which we then take on and make our own 'self-belief' systems. Therefore something becomes an emotional-mind trauma as one react to ones own self created belief systems - and we literally get carried away by an emotional experience - which takes one from experiencing something at a more basic level to feeling traumatised or done in or infuriated or insulted etc...<br />
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Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-66124750656912441812015-03-04T06:34:00.000-08:002015-03-04T06:34:09.987-08:00Day 203: Experiencing Trauma Part 3 | Death<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
Continuation from:</div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-121-experiencing-trauma-part-1.html">Day
201: Experiencing Trauma Part 1 | The Sleepwalker</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-202-experiencing-trauma-part-2.html">Day
202: Experiencing Trauma Part 2 |
Nervous Breakdown</a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
</blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Looking back
at that whole situation now I again cannot fathom why these people did not send
me to a child psychologist. I remember for months I was still traumatised by
the 'weather' and I remember I would over the weekends refuse to leave the house
if the weather looked unstable. If I was sitting in class towards the end of
the school day I would simply stare out the window at the clouds. Just watch
the clouds like a monster that was slowly, painfully turning from its dark
corner to pounce. I would just sit there 'praying' to the skies, to please not
storm on my way home. I was petrified that a storm might break out as I was
leaving the school and I had to go 'out there' where I had minimal cover while
I waited for my buss. "</i></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<br />
Note: in relation to this previous comment where I said ' I again cannot fathom why these people did not send me to a child psychologist' - in a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-sharing-ourselves-in-conversations-life-review">conversation</a> with my mother yesterday -I was telling her that I was writing blogs about these 'childhood traumas' and asked her why they did not send me to a psychologist. She replied that they did send me to a school councilor for a few sessions and that in <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-atlanteans-the-beginning-of-the-end-part-5">the end</a> it was the councilor that said 'in time it will sort itself out' and therefore they sent me to school where the incident with the headmaster happened. So this does not instill me with a lot of <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-when-shyness-meet-confidence-life-review">confidence</a> when it comes to child psychologists/councilors. Any way moving on - <br />
<br />
A few weeks before my eleventh birthday I was sitting in my bedroom one afternoon doing homework and my mom walks into my room. She tells me that my father had a heart attack and is in hospital. We were planning on visiting him that evening but I found myself just getting <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-my-life-of-anger">angry</a> instead of feeling upset or sad. By the time we got to the hospital and my sisters and mother were hugging him and crying I was like a fuming demon lol. I refused to give him a hug and I simply stood just inside the door glaring at him. I was pissed. <br />
<br />
The next morning at 3 am my sisters wake me up to tell me that our father had died. He had 2 big heart attacks. So from there on out my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-experience-dimension-relationship-success-support">experience</a> shifted in various ways. The trauma of knowing my father was going to die had obviously taken an immense toll on my young <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-can-you-ever-trust-your-mind-reptilians-part-127">mind</a>. Now after my fathers death I started considering into my teenage years the reason for his death or at least contributing factors. It turned out that my father (who's heart was obviously quite weak) was under a lot of pressure at work because that morning that he had his heart attack the bank that he worked at - a whole bunch of bank employees were going to be retrenched. My father was the bank manager but did not know himself who would be retrenched and whether his own job was secure (his bank was merging with another bank). By the time he was preparing to go to work he was already having the first heart attack. My sister noticed that he was looking very pale and sweaty and asked him what was wrong, to which he replied 'nothing' and that she must please not say anything to my mother or sisters because they would just get <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-worry-the-gifts-within-atlanteans-part-110">worried</a>. By the time he got to the bank he collapsed. <br />
<br />
The reason why I shared this whole story with you is because this <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-how-information-processing-disempowers-reptilians-part-221">information</a> created immense guilt within me towards my father. When I found out that he had the heart attack probably from <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-worry-the-nature-of-worry-atlanteans-part-109">worrying</a> over potentially losing his job I realized that he was probably concerned for his family - to be able to provide for his wife and 4 daughters. From this I created immense guilt for being the reason why he died. Over the years I also considered that if it was not for our existing money system a man (or woman) would not have to die out of fear that they cannot provide for their family. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFm-HOu9tLN46MQZTI3zlDXYNVrLdXWwFs6Ut6q4obVTd7aWEWqAOQXIPjA8iN4U_DqWjpdO4DvJGLF597DjjD69AmOQjCe8IyxPaJRvmwM66W_xYWQfZMBg9Zxg8CLH8157O3NCWWGQM/s1600/coffin-crematorium.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFm-HOu9tLN46MQZTI3zlDXYNVrLdXWwFs6Ut6q4obVTd7aWEWqAOQXIPjA8iN4U_DqWjpdO4DvJGLF597DjjD69AmOQjCe8IyxPaJRvmwM66W_xYWQfZMBg9Zxg8CLH8157O3NCWWGQM/s1600/coffin-crematorium.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
So, from there what developed in me was my father's depression - where I basically made the decision to 'take on' my fathers depression in 'honour of him' - yes I know it sounds weird - it so often does when we look back at the things we do and you're like 'what??' But yes I was pining myself to death in his honour - feeling his sadness from his life and my sadness for losing him. A few months after my father's death I started having strange dreams about him. The one was where I would see his coffin inside the crematory. The flames would start up and I would be trapped inside this dream watching at first the coffin then his body starting to burn. I remember inside the dream I would feel the trauma within my mind pulsing inside my mind, something which I consciously knew at all times was there but would never speak about. I was also to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-embarrassment-is-it-really-so-bad-atlanteans-part-107">embarrassed</a> to speak about it because we all tend to know that death is something that happens and it is something that you are supposed to 'get over'. Therefore, I knew that something was 'off' so to speak about the fact that I had never dealt with my fathers death and that this sadness constantly stayed with me. In the dream it would switch from him in the coffin to me - where for a few second I would be lying in the coffin feeling the heat of the flames increasing around me...Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-66680482912100719242015-03-02T09:05:00.000-08:002015-03-02T09:05:33.696-08:00Day 202: Experiencing Trauma Part 2 | Nervous Breakdown<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
Continuation from:</div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-121-experiencing-trauma-part-1.html">Day
201: Experiencing Trauma Part 1 | The Sleepwalker</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
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<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
These blogs are
based on the following Interview:</div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/releasing-trauma-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-54">Releasing
Trauma - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 54</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: italic;">"Eventually my paranoia turned into sleep
walking, where after an evening of sleeping over at a friends house, my friend
would tell me the next morning that they were woken up in the middle of the
night to noises coming from the kitchen. There lol they would find me unpacking
their kitchen cupboards mumbling to myself. This sleep walking also happened at
home where my mom and dad would often find me wandering up and down the passage
way and often when they would go to bed they would find me sitting by their
bedroom door. I would of course not remember any of this the next
morning…"</span></div>
<br />
Then In school I had a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-deconstructing-nervousness-atlanteans-part-89">nervous</a> breakdown: what happened was that a school bully turned his attentions onto me for months. Eventually my mind tried to cope with this experience and projected it outwards onto something else I could be afraid of. I mean if I look back at it now, a child who was relatively stable probably would have been ok, but my mind was very inverted, very unsure and it was as if my platform within my mind for being able to handle <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-stress-the-history-origin-and-nature-atlanteans-part-97">stress</a> was simply not there or simply had no stable foundation. Therefore I started developing an intense <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-journeys-into-the-afterlife-the-being-that-died-as-fear-part-17">fear</a> of thunder storms - yes you heard me thunder storms. I remember one day my mom was late picking me up from school and when she did arrive hours later I was completely alone, no other child or car anywhere to be seen. I was standing on the side walk in front of the school sopping wet afraid that my mother was not going to pick me up. The fear of abandonment, of a parent going away was so fresh in my mind that this moment where my mother was late sent me into a new trauma which obviously my mind could not deal with. My mother finally arrived and off we went. On our way home due to all the rain and flooded roads our car broke down. Some people stopped and gave us a lift to their house where we waiting for my father to fetch us. My father took a very long time to come and fetch us (was probably only an hour but to me it felt very long) and I remember in my mind I was <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-worry-the-nature-of-worry-atlanteans-part-109">worried</a> that he would not arrive or at least wondering 'why it was taking so long'. This whole dynamic really messed with my young mind - it was slowly unbalancing me. <br />
<br />
The next day I wake up and it is cloudy outside. As I get up and prepare for school a weird kind of panic sets into my young <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-developing-mind-and-body-perfecting-the-human-race-parenting-part-28">mind and body</a> and my mind starts explaining that I cannot go out into the rain. I told my mom but knew that she would not understand so also told her that I was not feeling well. The next day the same thing happened where I woke up and even though it was sunny I was completely paralysed with fear. My mother tried persuading me to go to school but I started crying hysterically mumbling about the weather and storms and that I just could not go out there. My mom and dad let me stay away from school for a few days and then realised they had a problem. Each morning they would try and coax me out of the house and I would literally grip onto the door frame and cry, begging them to not let me go 'out there where it might storm'. Eventually my parents saw a day when it was sunny and they convinced me probably with presents or something to get in the car so that they could take me to the doctor. <br />
<br />
The doctor asked me some questions about what was going on in my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-either-life-or-death-part-27">life</a>, in school and cleverly steered the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-sharing-ourselves-in-conversations-life-review">conversation</a> in the correct way to find out that a boy in my class had been bullying me for a few months. The school was contacted and the boy was removed to another class. Now the next step was to get me to the school 'councillor'. I don’t think this councillor was a councillor. It was simply the headmaster who stood as that role and pretended to know what a child needed. I am sure we all have some stories of people in the education or child care fields who really don’t know what they are doing and try and treat children according to their own frame of reference or some old school psychology method from the 1950's which would be found in the same textbooks as 'How to perform a Lobotomy'. <br />
<br />
Anyway after speaking to me for a while and trying to tell me that everything was 'ok' he then said to me ok I am now going to say goodbye to my parents and go to my classroom. Of course complete fear overtook me and I immediately went and clung to my parents. Some how (cannot remember clearly) he gets me away from them and tells them to leave. Now I am in a complete state of panic and feel like my entire mind is collapsing in on itself. My parents start leaving and I remember just thinking of how to get to them, to not let them leave without me. I lie to the headmaster and tell him that I am ok but I just wanted to say bye to my parents properly. He agrees and I dash off crying like a mad thing, clinging like a monkey to my mom's dress. I am begging them not to leave me. At this stage my mother is crying because now she does not know what to do and the headmaster (realising he had been duped by a little kid) pulls me away from my mother picks me up and carries me in the opposite direction. As soon as my parents are out of sight he puts me down and tries to explain to me that I need to go to class. Shit I was completely beside myself. I beg and plead and I think at some stage I even threated him for 'taking him away from my parents' lol like he was some kidnapper. Anyways he was not going to be duped twice so he just said he is taking me to my class and there everything will be ok. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and off we go - me crying and begging and screaming for all the world to hear. We get to just outside the class room and he puts me down. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdO5euxS4Fe87NBnLV575P9TWbUZLqa5LbM8RM303brmff7NvH8I2G-TPnsyQjNHfOFtWKLWcOvhpUJOUdAgBl8bV_5HJIcLw82aonI5xMchc__-0IBr21iK3e15P0KTWW20u8HUOgUVQ/s1600/145_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdO5euxS4Fe87NBnLV575P9TWbUZLqa5LbM8RM303brmff7NvH8I2G-TPnsyQjNHfOFtWKLWcOvhpUJOUdAgBl8bV_5HJIcLw82aonI5xMchc__-0IBr21iK3e15P0KTWW20u8HUOgUVQ/s1600/145_1.jpg" /></a></div>
Now my hysteria has subsided to at least just a cry, because now I know my class mates are just inside and can hear me plus I am getting very tired. He opens the door slightly and asks for the teacher to come out and he explains to her what has happened and that she must please take me in and help me get settled. Shame I tried to explain to her my dilemma and that she please needs to let me go to my parents but she did not fall for it lol. Anyways she leads me into the classroom and even though I was still crying and felt completely constricted with panic - all that was stopping me now from complete hysteria was all of these faces starring at me. The teacher tactfully explains that I was not feeling well and that they must all please be nice to me and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-how-could-you-make-me-feel-this-way-life-review"></a><a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-you-make-me-feel-2013-future-of-consciousness-part-20">make me feel</a> welcome. She explained that they were actually in the middle of a test, but that she would help me. So she sat next to me and would ask me the question and whether I would get them right or <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-why-the-wrongs-before-the-right-relationship-success-support">wrong</a> she would fill in the correct answers and made sure I passed the test. <br />
<br />
Looking back at that whole situation now I again cannot fathom why these people did not send me to a child psychologist. I remember for months I was still traumatised by the 'weather' and I remember I would over the weekends refuse to leave the house if the weather looked unstable. If I was sitting in class towards the end of the school day I would simply stare out the window at the clouds. Just watch the clouds like a monster that was slowly, painfully turning from its dark corner to pounce. I would just sit there 'praying' to the skies, to please not storm on my way home. I was petrified that a storm might break out as I was leaving the school and I had to go 'out there' where I had minimal cover while I waited for my buss. Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-55658302968227260902015-03-02T06:30:00.001-08:002015-03-02T08:47:39.083-08:00Day 201: Experiencing Trauma Part 1 | The Sleepwalker<div style="font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in;">
The other day I was
sitting in on an Eqafe Interview and I could completely relate to what was
being discussed. </div>
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<br /></div>
<h3 style="font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in;">
<a href="https://eqafe.com/p/releasing-trauma-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-54">Releasing Trauma - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 54</a></h3>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
During the Interview I was looking back at my own experiences around childhood traumas, specifically around the years surrounding my fathers death. I had experiences great difficulty dealing with my fathers death for 2 reasons:<br />
<br />
Firstly the fact that I knew he was going to die years before he died - let me explain. My father was a chain smoker. He developed a heart problem which was exacerbated by smoking. After my father had his first heart attack I remember the one day I went with when my father had a doctors appointment. I cannot remember how old I was then, but basically I was asked to sit outside the doctors room and wait while they talked. They left the door slightly ajar probably so that I would still be able to see my parents, not realizing that I could hear their conversation. So basically I heard the doctor tell my father that if he carried on smoking that eventually he would die from another heart attack - his heart was that weak. So as you can 'imagine' what shock this is for a young child to hear. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivu9tFbHWYfaYiqdEmkznnGnylz0FBab9xy4VM7HdwDq70WF4lGB9U03t_24Lzz0iN6u9i3_senOn3zF1AzZkjIEAmAygeeYEDCcLD_xbEfDVwqJAs1s80IY06eI7EbSmVPCNwvci5kHI/s1600/anxious_child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivu9tFbHWYfaYiqdEmkznnGnylz0FBab9xy4VM7HdwDq70WF4lGB9U03t_24Lzz0iN6u9i3_senOn3zF1AzZkjIEAmAygeeYEDCcLD_xbEfDVwqJAs1s80IY06eI7EbSmVPCNwvci5kHI/s1600/anxious_child.jpg" /></a></div>
This became a burden which I carried with me for many many years probably up until the ager of about 28/29 when I was able to work with the information effectively to let it go. So for years I remembered what the doctor said and this settled itself into my <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-thinking-as-mind-vs-direct-seeing-with-the-physical-part-106">mind</a> and body as a perpetual fear that my father could die any day. Of course my father who also had depression, did not seem to concern himself with the doctors warnings and continued to chain smoke, which of course confirmed to me that any minute he was going to die. I don’t know why my father carried on chain smoking the way he did, whether it was because the addiction was to strong or because he did not <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-enlil-self-care-reptilians-part-261">care</a>. I suspect that it was a combination of both points - meaning he had depression and from my own experience as I am sure other people are able to relate once in a 'depressive mind state' you pretty much become numb to what is happening around you and thus don’t 'care' about your <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-how-life-is-supposed-to-be-reptilians-part-309">life</a> or even your <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-my-life-as-a-health-fanatic">health</a>. Combine that with an additive personality or an addictive substance such as what most of us have experiences at some point or another and you are bound to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-atlanteans-the-beginning-of-the-end-part-5">end</a> up with creating physical consequences due to the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-my-relationship-with-physical-abuse">abuse</a> of some form of substance or reckless behaviour. <br />
<br />
Over the years my fear of my father dying turned into paranoia. If for example my father would not arrive back from work at a certain time, I would start fearing the worst and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-imagining-reality-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-33">imagining</a> (paranoia) all kinds of situations and that any minute we would get a phone call from the hospital. I would spend those evenings sitting near the windows to watch and see when his car would turn into the drive way, and when it did I would obviously feel immense relief. At least he was safe and with me - at least until tomorrow. This went on for years and eventually I started to develop a paranoid personality, where I would fear things like sleeping over at my sisters apartment or going for sleep overs at a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-audrey-hepburn-family-and-friends">friends</a> house. I remember whenever a friend would invite me to a sleep over, I would be struck with anxiety and would try and first make excuses to get out of it. Therefore I rarely slept over and when I did I would often start becoming to paranoid (without understanding what was happening) that I would wait until my friend would <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-falling-part-1-death-research">fall</a> <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-mind-asleep-mind-awake-kryon-my-existential-history">asleep</a> and then I would go and sit by the window and hope that some how my mom and dad knew that I was frightened and would come and fetch me. <br />
<br />
Eventually my paranoia turned into sleep walking, where after an evening of sleeping over at a friends house, my friend would tell me the next morning that they were woken up in the middle of the night to noises coming from the kitchen. There lol they would find me unpacking their kitchen cupboards mumbling to myself. This sleep walking also happened at home where my mom and dad would often find me wandering up and down the passage way and often when they would go to bed they would find me sitting by their bedroom door. I would of course not remember any of this the next morning...Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-4667109315597378792015-02-19T04:18:00.002-08:002015-02-19T04:20:41.011-08:00Day 200: Writing a Blog part 9<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-192-writing-blog-part-2.html">Day
192: Writing a Blog part 2</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-193-writing-blog-part-3.html">Day
193: Writing a Blog part 3</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-194-writing-blog-part-4.html">Day
194: Writing a Blog part 4</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-195-writing-blog-part-5.html">Day
195: Writing a Blog part 5</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-196-writing-blog-part-6.html">Day
196: Writing a Blog part 6</a></div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-197-writing-blog-part-7.html">Day
197: Writing a blog part 7</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/02/day-198-writing-blog-part-8.html">Day
198: Writing a Blog part 8</a></div>
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</h2>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I suggested
that she immediately note down in the form of a tree structure or flow chart
what points she already knew about her subject. From this she could create a
'skeleton structure' to place into some sort of structure the information that
she is already aware of as well as using this to now start the research process
into getting a fuller picture of the subject you are dealing with. This
'structure would allow her to keep tabs of what she will be walking as blogs
throughout the series and at any given time you are able to slot in new pieces
of information that reveal themselves as you do your research."</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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</div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Now you have started
for example a tree structure or flow chart to assist yourself initially to lay
down a basic foundation of points you have already seen you would like to
discuss in blogs. This structure will allow you to at any given time as you go
about your research slot in new topics you would like to discuss in future
blogs. Interesting when I started studying Psychology one of the first module
lessons consisted of simple tools to use throughout our studies. It is here
that they showed us how to create for example tree structures and flow charts.
This came in very handy throughout my studies. Here is an example of a 'tree
structure'.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnb6QJ8E8y5r2_CRTaV5t6Tvi9k5HRmfxUmjlZi6nRc44Tq8GS_w6ohvRJSOP6ho6Q0hC_h3l6a8T4NFOtRxxD9hWOPu-QU4uJTtpr_DZ6jbE5jRs9nFAlWGluK2Nc-6IkVSrbipkugyU/s1600/Capture.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnb6QJ8E8y5r2_CRTaV5t6Tvi9k5HRmfxUmjlZi6nRc44Tq8GS_w6ohvRJSOP6ho6Q0hC_h3l6a8T4NFOtRxxD9hWOPu-QU4uJTtpr_DZ6jbE5jRs9nFAlWGluK2Nc-6IkVSrbipkugyU/s1600/Capture.PNG" height="640" width="404" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
As you will see this is a very basic structure where I started pulling together points about capitalism. This is just an example to show how creating a basic structure for oneself allows you to first 'off-hand' just slot in what is off the top of your head, and from there you start researching more about the subject you want to explore - slotting in more topics as you go along. Other people may have different suggestions, so you may even think of emailing or messaging a person who's blogs you enjoy to ask them how they have gone about learning to blog and what if any structure do they use in their blogging. Some blogs might be simple and only require writing, whereas others such as writing about world problem/solutions might require more detailed research and preparation.<br />
<br />
Next step as I indicated before is to start researching your subject. Here you are looking at the Internet or books. If you are using the Internet be aware of the difference between people's opinions and what is more substantial such as <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-from-energy-experience-to-energy-to-substance-physicality-part-61">physical</a> facts and research documentation. There are numerous websites that will present opinions, gossip and 'conspiracy theories'. So look out for the source of someone's information - try and draw your information from sources that are credible and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-atlanteans-the-evolution-and-materialization-of-sound-part-45">sound</a>. It is easy to get lost in a sea of information on the Internet that has been filtered from 'truth' to opinion/belief.<br />
<br />
<h3>
First Blog</h3>
<br />
I suggest in the first blog within a series to do an introduction on the topic you will be writing on. This way you prepare the way for what its is you will be discussing and why most importantly you have decided to address this subject. Often people who write blogs tend to forget who it is that we are speaking to. We are writing for ourselves yes, but the fact that we are placing these blogs on the internet means that we want to share our process with other people, therefore most importantly don’t forget that you are speaking mostly to people who have probably never considered your point of view. Or if they are familiar with the subject or your point of view, then still consider that you are wanting people to be at ease with your information, don’t assume that they will 'get it'. From my experience I have found that often if you throw one chunk of hard to grasp information at people with complex lingo, then more often than not people come back with questions and/or remarks. This also results in people attacking that which they do not understand, or simply ignoring it because mostly people don’t <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-enlil-self-care-reptilians-part-261">care</a> to do their research lol - therefore if you loose them half way in, they will simply close the page. People do not want to work hard to read your blog - that is after all why we have the internet to make things more accessible -which results in the 'fast-food mentality when it comes to information sharing. So people want to get to a website that soothes the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-human-mind-as-a-computer-reptilians-part-182">mind</a>, meaning the information is clear/understandable and structured. I have found this myself, where due to questions on my blogs and vlogs I now see areas where I should have started right at the beginning, instead of speaking to people as if they already grasp parts of what I am saying.<br />
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<h3>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAfwV34Zj5AbKZqw8pmRZpU8AAMepyy5vOd7RQC7lVof02IFDdvrxNwqvfLdtNrP2YjzWmByFO53szrHZEbamZ3yexjjV0vot9UAnNSVtWUQlO8gKuSwF2AYZvwUe26ENCj__zpBu0NlA/s1600/700px-GN-tree-diagram.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAfwV34Zj5AbKZqw8pmRZpU8AAMepyy5vOd7RQC7lVof02IFDdvrxNwqvfLdtNrP2YjzWmByFO53szrHZEbamZ3yexjjV0vot9UAnNSVtWUQlO8gKuSwF2AYZvwUe26ENCj__zpBu0NlA/s1600/700px-GN-tree-diagram.png" height="265" width="320" /></a></div>
Understanding what it is that you are reading</h3>
<br />
Sometimes you might come across information that literally boggles your brain. This happens to all of us, especially if one is not use to processing information. The brain and mind simply requires more practice and comprehension and processing of information, so again I suggest to not be put off by this. Take one piece of information and read it and if necessary (this is what I do) do a new google search on the same subject. Sometimes you will find that there are people who write more 'advanced' as they might themselves be an academic or over the years have gathered so much information about a subject that they forget they are sharing with people who have never really studied the subject before - which obviously relates to my previous point! <br />
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After you have searched for various descriptions of the subject and you found one that you understand, write it out in your own words so that you can see for yourself what it is that you still don’t fully grasp. You might find yourself reading something and then <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-how-thoughts-bombard-the-physical-and-destroy-self">thinking</a> 'what the hell'? For example you don’t necessarily expect yourself to read up on how does the American Economy function and get it the first <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-time-and-money-life-review">time</a> - so split the subject into Sub-Topics and Sub topics within that - taking on each part, writing it out and coming to grips with it.<br />
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<h3>
Have fun with the topic</h3>
<br />
Remember what I shared in the first few blogs about practise and not creating <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-high-expectations-for-my-child-s-future">expectations</a> of yourself that place unnecessary pressure? I suggest see writing as something that you are developing within yourself - not a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-comparison-judgement-and-competition">competition</a> with others - so make it your own. Do it in the way that interests you, or even in a way that you see is missing from other people's writings and explore how to explain this subject/topic yourself in a way that you as the public reader will grasp and enjoy. You could use pictures and links to videos etc. Place yourself in the shoes of not only yourself, meaning being realistic about where you are at and how you process information, but also the shoes of others. Many people scoff at big subjects that they (we all) have come to believe is too much, to vast for us. So if you have taken this first step into exploring <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-which-came-first-the-word-or-the-world-reptilians-part-185">the world</a> in blog writing, then you are already one step further. Also remember that one of the reasons why people don’t read and don’t educate themselves is because of the belief that it is too difficult or that we are not intellectually up to it. This is plain and simple brain washing of the masses to keep people thinking we are stupid and not <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-little-bit-of-good-frees-me-from-all-the-bad-life-review">good</a> enough to question the system. Therefore you have dumbing down of the people who accept the system and themselves as workers for the system, without questioning that which we are starting to see does not make sense. So in writing lets explore ways of placing information in such a way that we educate everybody by explaining things clearly.<br />
<br />
Looking off the top of your head for something to write about? Either research key points you already have an interest in or read other people's blogs and maybe write it in your own words or write how this particular topic pertains to the country you live in. Perhaps you see things in the blog that was left out or that you wondered about - expand on it as your blog and add a link in your blog to the other blog...Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-13702108568813600122015-02-13T06:43:00.001-08:002015-03-02T02:11:49.541-08:00Day 199: I want my Demon!Thus far I have been writing a blog series on How to write blogs, but I wanted to just quickly insert this blog, because it is a point that I have been noticing lately and have been wanting to do a blog on - so here goes.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQAmm384xv1l-n2bAGqBJEKfBjDWbmyN_bQtinQViek-mp12TQ1dZs8W3WWYcPU0c7MS0nwL7_NY556qGPnr6l05y5ZRGUJQUYM-jrdMiD4g6GRf9TjJlorMlZh2LEtejfG65ipBKmPPw/s1600/download+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQAmm384xv1l-n2bAGqBJEKfBjDWbmyN_bQtinQViek-mp12TQ1dZs8W3WWYcPU0c7MS0nwL7_NY556qGPnr6l05y5ZRGUJQUYM-jrdMiD4g6GRf9TjJlorMlZh2LEtejfG65ipBKmPPw/s1600/download+(1).jpg" /></a>This subject is specifically about the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-heaven-earth-ghosts-people-the-quantum-mechanics-of-paranormal-events-part-19">paranormal</a> community - or what I have come to see as a community of people who are not interested in the truth of any particular subject, but who seek entertainment through creating Mental Disorders within themselves. Let look at the general definition of Para-normal which is: derived from the Latin use of the prefix para meaning "outside or beyond" what is considered normal. It is interesting because one definition of para is also abnormal - which ties in with my experience I have been having lately towards and in relation to the Paranormal community. Don’t get me <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-why-the-wrongs-before-the-right-relationship-success-support">wrong</a> - I use to be obsessed with <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-andrea-rossow-what-are-demons-part-1">demons</a> and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-sunette-spies-creating-a-ghost">ghosts</a> myself, and if you had told me 10 years ago that ghosts no longer exist or that I am creating my own feelings of 'being followed by a ghost/demon' in my mind and in my body and that I was creating my own demon possession I would have also laughed in your face and yelled 'I want my Demon'. But what I have noticed lately is that the Paranormal community are not interested much in any form of truth. They want to feel Special through experiencing Abnormal mental states - I will walk an example with you in a minute:<br />
<br />
Creating the Abnormal is obviously not limited to the Paranormal community - as this is a human trend -something that through our behaviour and addiction to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-media-hypnotism-quantum-systemization-part-54">media</a> and social networks - has become who we are as the way we talk, behave and the things we as humans give value to in general. I mean if you look at the things that people get up to and the things that are out there on social networks through which people get attention from others and how this is just getting more preposterous and desperate; - it definitely shows that in time the 'Abnormal Behaviour' section under 'Psychology' will either have to be expanded on in the<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders"> DSM classification of Mental Disorders</a> OR we will have to remove classifications of Mental disorder and call everything 'Normal'. <br />
<br />
<br />
My definition though of normal is different from what society classifies as normal. The things that abuse Life on this planet in various forms, has become 'normal' ways of 'being' - this is what we call 'being human'. From my perspective to be this is abnormal behaviour if I consider that we as humanity have greater <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-accessing-your-full-potential-part-1-reptilian-series-177">potential</a> that what we are currently living and most certainly what we are heading towards. Therefore to me 'normal behaviour' such as self honesty, self correction, self responsibility and <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/self-awareness-steps-for-the-elite-introduction-part-1"></a><a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-quantum-mind-self-awareness-step-19">self awareness</a> is normal if I consider what principles I want to live by as a human, based on what potential I see exists for us, instead of accepting the Principles we currently live by as 'Humanity/Society'.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4F9Vmh_yjcqvAZWvM6X8W5X6aNca0BJsabhaAi7osbNHxoaP8TLztfPGmYLblwEiYeDpu57BkeLyauAU0Q5purFl-DYqYj05o3voAgnLW24UlIJu7y1cF0k_ahK76DakBwHqAAix_qR4/s1600/demon+man.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4F9Vmh_yjcqvAZWvM6X8W5X6aNca0BJsabhaAi7osbNHxoaP8TLztfPGmYLblwEiYeDpu57BkeLyauAU0Q5purFl-DYqYj05o3voAgnLW24UlIJu7y1cF0k_ahK76DakBwHqAAix_qR4/s1600/demon+man.PNG" height="192" width="320" /></a>Ok - back to the Paranormal community. A few years back we started the Desteni group and along side that we decided to launch a <a href="http://demons.desteni.org/">Demonology</a> website, to share our findings on demonology and the Afterlife. We created a forum and invited people to come and work through what they perceive to be demon/ghost possession/influence and get to the core of the Consciousness connection between 'Paranormal experiences' and the Mind of the 'experiencer'. At the time I was wondering how we will be able to handle the influx of people who are desperate to sort out their demon/paranormal experiences. Alas this did not happen and in fact the opposite happened - the paranormal community ran far far away. <br />
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For example - every now and again somebody will come to the Demonology website or forum and ask about a ghost or demon that they think is following them or trying to or is possessing them.<br />
<br />
I walk them through a basic explanation that ghosts/demons no longer exist - other than what experiences are created within the Mind of the individual which always has a starting point in some past event/memory - and how the person is dealing with their live and environment. Thus the paranormal becomes the explanation as to why we are having dark thoughts, fantasies, illusions, fits of violence, the constant feeling like something wants to hurt us, depression, possession, the desire to escape their lives/minds, the desire to be special, to avoid real trauma and place the emphasis on trauma caused by a 'dark force' etc…<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_gVjTKVBF9Y5rUpgfd9TwfP6Y97C2LmvJi06T7KKp1B4Hs3UaBbXal-AJ7ZyykPekKHEyyv2qFajmAa8V5XaEANvD9z_bHeP23P9A9oZSCTPZcFn-VXVcT1JXNQhIKk2CGDfgc48Xaw/s1600/The+Quantum+Mechanics+of+Paranormal+Events+++Part+1+%C2%AB+EQAFE.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_gVjTKVBF9Y5rUpgfd9TwfP6Y97C2LmvJi06T7KKp1B4Hs3UaBbXal-AJ7ZyykPekKHEyyv2qFajmAa8V5XaEANvD9z_bHeP23P9A9oZSCTPZcFn-VXVcT1JXNQhIKk2CGDfgc48Xaw/s1600/The+Quantum+Mechanics+of+Paranormal+Events+++Part+1+%C2%AB+EQAFE.png" height="320" width="295" /></a><br />
I then suggest reading/viewing material to further explain my point, and ask the person to come back to the forum when they are ready to start exploring their 'Paranormal' experience. This is where something truly paranormal does happen - the person disappears lol. Never to be seen again. Not sure if it is some vortex, triangle or enveloping shadow, but the person simply vanished. Odd.<br />
<br />
Anyway - so in time I realised that the reason why I found it so strange that people did not want to come and learn the tools to become stronger and get to know their minds and how they created internal experiences, is because for a moment I forgot that I too once thought I was very special and unique when I was being followed by a demon. Looking back now of course I realize that in my past I was rather silly about these kinds of things and that my entire desire to interact with demons was an energy thrill that I was seeking, which gave me something to do - but also made me feel mysterious and different. I mean you could create quite a list of why we do the things we do, bit what I have found primarily is that people get a compete rush off of the strange, the exiting, that which gives us a kick - because it entertains the mind which has become more and more addicted to energy - vastly more so over the last 10-20 years. <br />
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So what I have found is that the Paranormal community create their experiences as a form of entertainment and in most cases it becomes about drawing an experience out for as long as you can. Therefore obviously it would be rather boring if a person had to admit that they are not demon possessed, but are actually possessing themselves - it is just not the same!<br />
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Unfortunately as I indicated above this is not only in the Paranormal community that we do this - it exists in many forms within Society - it is just that in the Paranormal community you can basically create anything you want and because everyone is doing it, people are not really going to question each others motives or evidence. In the paranormal experience you can believe in faeries, or UFO's or shadow men or vortexes etc… the list goes on. In the end what I found is that if one stops the addiction to the energy, then you will find that your mind - should I say 'you' will use your <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-comparing-images-and-imagination-part-3">imagination</a> less and less, because this is where the imagination comes in - it creates an image of something which you have read about or are aware of as being 'dangerous' or strange' and produces visions/flashes/pictures in relation to this imaginary 'danger' - and 'viola' from there your mind starts producing reactions and responses physically and mentally to this 'threat/problem'. And obviously if a paranormal event/issue' is caused by repressed emotions and repressed memories - then the mind will project its reactions onto this 'danger' that exist 'outside' of the person. Thus the mind gets to experience the emotions and reactions in relation to the danger, which for most also becomes part of an energy addictive pattern, but without facing the core problem. This mostly happens, because we have never been taught to look 'inside', but that our problems and reactions are due to other people or events. Therefore for the paranormal enthusiast - we are automatically trained to look outside ourselves for an inkling of a strange occurrence which could be responsible for our internal experiences...Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-4821777301819982982015-02-06T03:53:00.000-08:002015-02-06T03:53:15.616-08:00Day 198: Writing a Blog part 8<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-192-writing-blog-part-2.html">Day
192: Writing a Blog part 2</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-193-writing-blog-part-3.html">Day
193: Writing a Blog part 3</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-194-writing-blog-part-4.html">Day
194: Writing a Blog part 4</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-195-writing-blog-part-5.html">Day
195: Writing a Blog part 5</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-196-writing-blog-part-6.html">Day
196: Writing a Blog part 6</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-197-writing-blog-part-7.html">Day
197: Writing a blog part 7</a></div>
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<br />
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</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-style: italic;">"Through the years doing policing I was on the
one side also investigating spirituality, and therefore I started becoming more
sensitive so to speak to the experiences of both the criminal and the victim.
But at that stage I did not yet have the skills to 'lift the veil' on how crime
works beyond what I had come to accept from what is 'accepted' by society- I
remember just feeling really uneasy around certain policing procedures. It was
only years later joining Bernard here at Desteni that he assisted me in seeing
more of how the system worked and most importantly how to use tools such as
research and common sense to assess that which exist in the world. Therefore,
that is what blog writing is about - it is not just about placing information
you are already aware of onto paper, but a platform to practise tools of
expansion within the topic you are interested in. That is why our
DesteniIProcess courses are developed to slowly expand a person's self
awareness - and the blogs we write about 'world problems' becomes a personal
platform from which ones learns about common sense and investigating what exist
as the current accepted systems of the world."</span></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
Al right - so lets start with exploring what type of blog you would be interested in writing. <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-seeing-through-the-eyes-of-the-mind-chinese">Seeing</a> as I have been walking my own <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-an-ordinary-woman-part-1-life-review">experience</a> in the previous blogs on how I became interested in Criminology or the study of the 'fringe' areas of Criminology - I suggest we continue with the topic of 'world problems' where I walk you through some structures/suggestions for when you have a topic based on 'world problems and solutions' that you would like to explore. From there we will explore personal journal keeping style blogs where the focuses will be on 'self-improvement/self-help' topics.<br />
<br />
As I mentioned in the previous blogs research is the key. This is where many people find themselves getting stuck - because of the *Fear and *Self created beliefs that you have created around the point of writing, explorative writing and the placement of <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-how-information-processing-disempowers-reptilians-part-221">information</a> and ones own perspectives onto paper.<br />
<br />
The first question we ask ourselves is 'what world problems and solutions' would I like to address in my blogs? Perhaps you are interested in one particular 'world problem' such as 'world economies' or 'child <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-my-relationship-with-physical-abuse">abuse</a>' or the 'psychology behind consumerism' or perhaps you might find yourself wanting to explore various issues you have noticed, thus practising your ability to expand in research and developing common sense insights. In the end all of these blogs will basically come down to the same structures, the difference will be how far you are willing to go in opening up any particular subject. For example some people are keen on addressing/writing about a subject but once they start reading about it they find that this subject is vast in its history and influence on the world. Some subjects are interconnected to other subjects and thus the fun and the effort then goes into exploring these various lines of information. For example - going back to the 3 examples I gave above as possible 'single: topics: 'world economies', 'child abuse' and 'the psychology behind consumerism'. For those who have already started exploring <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-guidelines-through-the-maze-of-the-world-system-part-20">world system</a>, you might have noticed something - that these 3 topics are already interconnected. How? Through for example our <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-money-made-me-who-i-was-life-review">money</a> system. Therefore as one starts researching the world economic system of capitalism, you will notice that many forms of child abuse exist due to a market existing for it - such as child trafficking, child pornography, child modelling (which is a sub topic of child pornography), medicating of children, child entertainment etc… So this ties in with the seller in a capitalistic system using a product to sell to a market to make a profit. Therefore the Life of a Child or a human or an animal is no longer Life, but a commodity for profit and that is how Capitalism functions as per the Principles according to which it exists. Then on the flip side to understand how and why a market exists for something one must explore the 'psychology behind consumerism' - therefore one will start to explore why somebody would watch child pornography but also why people will disregard the Life and the rights or the child for personal self interest (both from the consumer and seller perspective)?<br />
<br />
Therefore, as you are able to see everything in the world is connected in some way or another - therefore the fun part about blogging is that we are able to draw lines between points and obviously this is where you create a series around one particular subject.<br />
<br />
Therefore, if you realize that a particular subject might be quite big and interconnected - you might face an experience of 'oh no this is to much'. I spoke to somebody a while back who said that they were interested in taking on this one particular 'Crime against Life' which they had noticed playing out within Society - something which on the surface people hardly noticed as a problem (as with most things), however if you look 'behind the scenes' at how this thing came into being, the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-quantum-systemization-ugly-effects-of-beautiful-energy-part-22">effects</a> on people's lives and the secretiveness behind its existence - you soon realize the reality of its existence. The person I was chatting with said that they were keen to work on this subject and share with the public what she had seen, BUT as she dug deeper and deeper over time, she started feeling slightly overwhelmed by the vast amount of history, facts and lines of information between this one subject and other world system designs. Therefore where this person before had worked with singular subject blogs or blog that would span over maybe 2 or 3 parts, now she was faced with a blog series that would potentially be massive. Instead of this evoking a sense of enthusiasm within her - lol - it in fact had the opposite effect - she started feeling overwhelmed by the subject and ultimately <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-physical-resistance-relationship-success-support">resistance</a> caused her to not even start in the first place.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyALk_VD9bFhrP-F-YyJb8CqcMoM56RwqxYE1npqdflsTqyQQTWaE4PEaeTq6asMGKY7OeU7_qDSEv0nQdxn71w6k5uU_N1qylH0aNZE58SLUjMAEBEATLnguVhHVhZqVtSR2bBqeMg3s/s1600/large_Capitalism.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyALk_VD9bFhrP-F-YyJb8CqcMoM56RwqxYE1npqdflsTqyQQTWaE4PEaeTq6asMGKY7OeU7_qDSEv0nQdxn71w6k5uU_N1qylH0aNZE58SLUjMAEBEATLnguVhHVhZqVtSR2bBqeMg3s/s1600/large_Capitalism.jpg" height="320" width="217" /></a></div>
I suggested that she immediately note down in the form of a tree structure or flow chart what points she already knew about her subject. From this she could create a 'skeleton structure' to place into some sort of structure the information that she is already aware of as well as using this to now start the research process into getting a fuller <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-the-human-picture-part-25">picture</a> of the subject you are dealing with. This 'structure would allow her to keep tabs of what she will be walking as blogs throughout the series and at any <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-how-to-give-unconditionally-in-your-relationship-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-25">given</a> time you are able to slot in new pieces of information that reveal themselves as you do your research.Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-58923932039364391302015-01-25T08:55:00.000-08:002015-01-25T08:55:20.110-08:00Day 197: Writing a blog part 7<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-192-writing-blog-part-2.html">Day
192: Writing a Blog part 2</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-193-writing-blog-part-3.html">Day
193: Writing a Blog part 3</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-194-writing-blog-part-4.html">Day
194: Writing a Blog part 4</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-195-writing-blog-part-5.html">Day
195: Writing a Blog part 5</a></div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-196-writing-blog-part-6.html">Day
196: Writing a Blog part 6</a></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt;">The reason why I
shared my time line of experiences to how my interest in Criminology developed
was to show that sometimes one has experience in a subject, from which the
interest grows, but sometimes you only have a small interest in a subject which
comes from for example an awareness or from reading articles on the internet.
Either way from here if ones decides to pursue the subject - it takes a bit of
research to familiarise oneself with the subject - therefore 'Research is the
key'."</span></blockquote>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx9LdnfiayUh3wMBezJtExnhAmPdSSjuaj2_en4KX0a5lygiePw7Y42vVpYCnz3UuwucRf3uvjojzPLVpxhfgMWbf8MqYe10tO_4UeCe-dWpeXofoBKa8nfobx7mSEkyAMvGfjGfGwW8c/s1600/2012-08-17-cfakepathsipho-lonmin-706-410.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx9LdnfiayUh3wMBezJtExnhAmPdSSjuaj2_en4KX0a5lygiePw7Y42vVpYCnz3UuwucRf3uvjojzPLVpxhfgMWbf8MqYe10tO_4UeCe-dWpeXofoBKa8nfobx7mSEkyAMvGfjGfGwW8c/s1600/2012-08-17-cfakepathsipho-lonmin-706-410.jpeg" height="186" width="320" /></a>Working in the South African Police force and studying Criminology, obviously left me with a very black and white view to Criminal Behaviour - where a criminal is bad and the police catch criminals. Thanks to the work that I have been doing for the last few years I was able to start bridging the gap more between the understanding that currently exist in Criminology of 'what makes a criminal' to the grey areas that nobody in society really wants to talk about - such as if people steal because they don’t have an income - why are we creating and supporting a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-money-is-the-light-of-god-on-earth">money</a> system that excludes certain people from receiving their basic living requirements? Therefore you could say I became interested in the 'fringe psychology' within criminology where unfortunately Capitalism has very much set the precedent for how criminology exists. I mean from my perspective you could say that Criminology as all studies in the world is 'in the pocket of the Capitalists' - therefore how can you really study Criminology if you are never allowed to really look at and speak about the real causes of Criminal behaviour. <br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqIzfw4mBNjZpD4cfFO5MisNml-w4_x2CIqDuwD1XqH1vpvKcx3M1NAieXcha3aV7nIPtn1mNg0zPl_pdqZDO3KIh-Ti9-GH958SH-nSYJ-TIKBh4hBkWECoHMHkidM7GZZRTkW0pvn1U/s1600/1314513126_0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqIzfw4mBNjZpD4cfFO5MisNml-w4_x2CIqDuwD1XqH1vpvKcx3M1NAieXcha3aV7nIPtn1mNg0zPl_pdqZDO3KIh-Ti9-GH958SH-nSYJ-TIKBh4hBkWECoHMHkidM7GZZRTkW0pvn1U/s1600/1314513126_0.jpg" /></a></div>
Things that society rely upon such as the current money system which is based on inequality and abuse and a consumerist system based on Psychological system such as addiction to energy - if we never address these problems we don’t sort out the reason why people commit crimes. But because the entire human idea of existence relies on the value systems within the mind which ties in with consumerism - you will find that most Criminalists will stick to the main stream acceptable discussions and fields of study about Crime - but never dig deeper. For example everyone learns about for example 'crimes being committed because the person was poor or could not feed themselves or <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-facing-desire-in-a-relationship-relationship-success-support">desires</a> wealth' and then BAM the information literally stops there. So I have made it my field of interest to continue looking underneath the surface stuff. It was a few years ago that in conjunction with the work that I do with <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-how-life-is-supposed-to-be-reptilians-part-309">Life</a> Coaching and the Living Income Guaranteed proposal - that myself and others who do the same thing decided to study Psychology to develop an understanding of how the more acceptable 'system' definitions and studies into the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-human-mind-as-a-computer-reptilians-part-182">Human Mind</a> works to see where we can improve on the acceptable understandings oh the Human Psyche. In this I selected Criminology as my Minor. So from this my blogs have been a focal point on looking underneath the 'surface' stuff where normal Psychology and Criminology stops.<br />
<br />
Therefore in relation to the discussion of writing blogs - this is the first point I want to bring across for those interested in Blog Writing - whether it is about the World System and its Problems or about Self and Self Change - either way we are writing blogs in such a way to 'lift the veil' so to speak on 'what is out there' and 'what exist within' from what one understands about any <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-how-to-give-unconditionally-in-your-relationship-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-25">given</a> topic based on what has been published on the internet/books/research material. As I mentioned before, in a consumerist/capitalist based Psychology - most fields of study are linked into how the Mind is 'perceived to work' and from this perception we must understand that how we have been taught things work is not necessarily how they work. So in blog writing - we address the real way in which things work where you learn how to start questioning the information that is 'out there' and how this information works in the bigger picture -meaning developing the understanding that the information itself is part of a bigger design in essentially - yes I am going to say it - the controlling of the human being to exist within specific behaviours and allowances which serve specific groups to achieve specific goals. Be it from the Consumerist system to Politics to general control of the pollution - all of these 'domains' - which are seemingly invisible to the trusting populous - you will find if you do some research and start questioning the information behind the information - will reveal to you the Design of the World System… <br />
<br />
Therefore, for me an interest opened up while doing policing and observing the effects of Crime on Society - at that stage I had a sympathy for some criminals, as I could see with limited insight that they came from tough lives and therefore in some cases I felt out <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-right-and-wrong-relationship-success-support">right</a> uncomfortable stopping and searching people or acting like a big tough cop and questioning people about their whereabouts, Especially considering that in the South African police force there are still many racist white policeman who <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-looking-for-joy-life-review">enjoy</a> the power trip of while wearing the uniform and gun, to use this as an opportunity to bully people from other <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-secret-history-of-the-universe-the-discovery-of-colour-part-9">colours</a>. <br />
<br />
Through the years doing policing I was on the one side also investigating spirituality, and therefore I started becoming more sensitive so to speak to the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-an-ordinary-woman-part-1-life-review">experiences</a> of both the criminal and the victim. But at that stage I did not yet have the skills to 'lift the veil' on how crime works beyond what I had come to accept from what is 'accepted' by society- I remember just feeling really uneasy around certain policing procedures. It was only years later joining Bernard here at Desteni that he assisted me in seeing more of how the system worked and most importantly how to use tools such as research and common sense to assess that which exist in the world. Therefore, that is what blog writing is about - it is not just about placing information you are already aware of onto paper, but a platform to practise tools of expansion within the topic you are interested in. That is why our DesteniIProcess courses are developed to slowly expand a person's <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-what-is-self-awareness-life-review">self awareness</a> - and the blogs we write about 'world problems' becomes a personal platform from which ones learns about common sense and investigating what exist as the current accepted systems of the world.Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-40059984561167834732015-01-25T03:57:00.001-08:002015-01-25T04:06:23.488-08:00Day 196: Writing a Blog part 6<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-192-writing-blog-part-2.html">Day
192: Writing a Blog part 2</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-193-writing-blog-part-3.html">Day
193: Writing a Blog part 3</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-194-writing-blog-part-4.html">Day
194: Writing a Blog part 4</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-195-writing-blog-part-5.html">Day
195: Writing a Blog part 5</a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 17.0pt; margin: 0in;">
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: italic;">"As I mentioned in the previous blogs, to
overcome these self created belief systems and fears, as a immediate solution,
I suggest developing and embracing an understanding that these aspects one have
created within self, firstly is not real, because it is an irrational fear, and
secondly is something that you are able to change - if you apply the steps to
change them. For myself when I started writing - I could hardly string one
sentence together and from there had the support to develop how I saw things
and how to place that into writing. So no
- it is not an instant thing and depending on your self created belief
systems, you might have to apply yourself in common sense by stopping the
abusive thoughts that do not serve you - while taking the ultimate self
directive step to practise those things you believe you could not do. Obviously
here it is about baby steps - to not overwhelm yourself or confirm your
paranoia by go all for it, not getting it right and then proving to your
beliefs that yes you could not do it. If this happens then know that you have
created a lets call it 'self fulfilled prophecy' where you sabotaged yourself
to get back to the same point you came from. The mind is very very sneaky this
way. Unfortunately this is how we
designed the protection systems of the mind to protect it which is 'us' as
personalities."</span></blockquote>
<br />
On the topic of 'world events and solution,' I will share with you the approach that I used: My main interest as you may have noticed has been Criminology. How this all got started: when I finished high school, I studied horsemanship to follow a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-career-or-love-life-review">career</a> eventually in managing or working at some form of horse farm or facility. After attaining this qualification I found it difficult to find the job that I was looking for so spent most of my time pottering around at home and doing the odd office job. Someone suggested to me to consider while I was looking for a job that I would find suitable to use my qualifications to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-writing-and-speaking-support-2013-the-future-of-consciousness-part-29">support</a> the South African Mounted Police - which similar to most countries is the division of the South African Police force that works on horseback. I followed the suggestion and went to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-seeing-through-the-eyes-of-the-mind-chinese">see</a> the Superintendent of the horse unit. I assisted them with grooming and exercising the horses and from there soon developed a friendship with all the members, after which they suggested to me to become a Reservist - where you volunteer your services to the police - and depending on what you want to get involved in you can either do more low key responsibilities or become trained same as the full time members to assist them with their policing tasks, as a normal paid member would be doing. I wanted to patrol on horseback and do what the full time members did - so I went for my firearm training and they trained me in the tactics and techniques one would need once you are 'out there' patrolling on horse back. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.<br />
<br />
I did this for 2 years after which time I was offered a job managing a horse farm. I did not want to still be working with or riding horses on the weekends so I took a break from the mounted police. After a while a friend of mine who moved from the mounted police to the uniform division (the 'normal' police stations) suggested to request for a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-what-is-sex-physical-mind-transference-part-21">transfer</a> and then on my weekends off I could assist him for a few hours patrolling in the police vehicles and doing crime prevention. Once I was in that division of the police force it became compulsory for all reservist to receive training that the normal police members would receive as well - which made complete sense, because one is going out there arresting people and thus need to understand the law and the administration involved in policing. For 2 months I went to classes on the weekends and studies law and arrest procedures etc. This was also very enjoyable and I started developing more of an understanding of how the policing system worked. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSaiTc_OtxN7ot70_3jM49Fp3SyylKt-cxTHD_CEPERDIGo_0DAdXbRD7wabyeJTy1b_tJZqlpG1HDkb2foqZ4JtCSP7VO-XpX2FhZeLRtPz_sEU6b0F0JAdcZvYgHpjAwd4buBIN0enw/s1600/Nick-Police-Brutality-PTSD-Body-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSaiTc_OtxN7ot70_3jM49Fp3SyylKt-cxTHD_CEPERDIGo_0DAdXbRD7wabyeJTy1b_tJZqlpG1HDkb2foqZ4JtCSP7VO-XpX2FhZeLRtPz_sEU6b0F0JAdcZvYgHpjAwd4buBIN0enw/s1600/Nick-Police-Brutality-PTSD-Body-3.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a>I stayed at this unit for another 3 years working shifts with the members which involved responding to crimes, opening dockets, arrests etc - to the 'behind the scenes' policing which involved crime prevention and at times small under cover operations - which was a lot of fun - getting dressed up and playing certain roles to try and draw out criminals or extract information. So over the years I not only developed more of an understanding of the pressure that the police members are under but also that policing and criminology is unfortunately not really considering the full spectrum or perspectives of why crime exist. For example these people have to face traumatic events every day - either they themselves are placed in <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-quantum-systemization-what-is-life-part-18">life</a> threatening danger or they have to deal with people who have <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-an-ordinary-woman-part-1-life-review">experiences</a> crime to things like dead bodies, murder victims, abused children etc. Even for myself there were times when I faced points that were really difficult for me - such as dealing with/transporting the bodies of people who had killed themselves or been <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-the-consciousness-of-a-mass-murderer">murdered</a>, child abuse cases, animal abuse cases, people who were so traumatised by crime that they begged me to go and stay with me out of <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-fear-of-pain-perfecting-the-human-race-parenting-part-26">fear</a> for their lives. There were some instances where I experiences post traumatic <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-burn-out-quantum-systemization-part-43">stress</a> disorder (due to my more 'sensitive' <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-personality-activation-quantum-mind-self-awareness">personality</a> design) and could not work for weeks, but this is obviously a 'luxury' which the normal members could not afford. I mean yes they had Psychologists they could see and they could be booked off work with PTSD, but in general this would only apply to extreme cases where the member as already showing signs of severe PTSD, where they could not function in their work capacity. This from what I found usually meant that the damage was already done - if a member got to the 'severe stages' and often I worked with members who were already at this stage, where their own lives deteriorated and either due to pride or ignorance they did not get the help they needed. I mean my one friend at the time who I worked with regularly has severe PTSD, but was only booked off work for months of counselling and rest when he finally one day pulled his weapon at the station on his colleagues…<br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
The reason why I
shared my time line of experiences to how my interest in Criminology developed
was to show that sometimes one has experience in a subject, from which the
interest grows, but sometimes you only have a small interest in a subject which
comes from for example an awareness or from reading articles on the internet.
Either way from here if ones decides to pursue the subject - it takes a bit of
research to familiarise oneself with the subject - therefore 'Research is the
key'.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<h2 style="color: #366092; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 13.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;">More on Trauma in the South African Police Force:</span></h2>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Taken from:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h2>
<a href="http://www.sajip.co.za/index.php/sajip/article/view/1004/1254">1. Exploring the meaning of trauma in the South AfricanPolice Service: A systems psychodynamic perspective</a></h2>
<div>
<br /></div>
<h3>
<b>"Theme 1: Traumatic incidents</b></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Exposure to traumatic situations and scenes is an inevitable
part of the job of policing. Most police officers report relatively low levels
of death anxiety despite their dangerous profession:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Trauma in my work is almost like a daily routine, we
experience it almost everyday.’ (Particpant K, member of South African Police Service)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘The work of the SAPS STF is very dangerous and every time a
member gets sent on a mission, his life is on the line.’ (Participant S, member of South African Police Service)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although most participants experience the death of a
colleague as traumatic, they do not consider it overwhelming: ‘Another traumatic time for me, was the death of two of my
colleagues in a state vehicle accident. One of them was our commander at the</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
time and a very good friend of mine. This incident obviously
affected the whole unit, but I don’t think we were ever properly debriefed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone had to deal with this in his or her own way. I feel
I dealt with it, but these incidents will always stay with me.’ (Participant A, member of South African Police Service)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The unit is spoken of as a living entity. The whole unit was
touched by the loss of two of its members and although they received no
psychological intervention (which may be interpreted as support from
management), the participant feels that he dealt with this loss in his own way.
These incidents were integrated into his ego and became part of his history,
and he considers this to be a normal way of coping with trauma.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A sense of meaning was attached to the death of the police
officer who was killed in pursuit of a ‘cop killer’; he died for a reason,
whereas the death of the officer who was killed whilst cycling was regarded as
senseless and devoid of meaning. The employment of religious beliefs in seeking
to attach meaning to traumatic experiences is clearly illustrated in the next
insert:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Then there was X whose parachute did not open during a
training jump at Y with the SANDF. He was with me in the plane and exited
behind me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was the first person to find his body and had to deal with
the sight and smell I saw. I did this by setting the example as I was the
senior member from the police on the training intervention. I
proceeded to handle the scene as professionally as possible without emotion,
getting</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
everybody involved. Once again my defence was to block out
any emotional thoughts and replace them with the spiritual reality that his
body is destroyed but he lives on elsewhere.’ (Participant N, Member
of the South African Police Service)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anger, aggression and irritability are commonly associated
with traumatisation. In the following excerpt, a participant describes his
feelings of anger after arresting robbers who shot at a group of which he was
part. The anger is directed at the robbers as well as at colleagues who were
not at the scene but criticised what had happened there. Again, there is the
notion that anyone who was not part of the specific incident, whether or not
they are other police officers, cannot understand what it was like:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Although, later one regrets it that the robbers are not
dead, because they shot to kill us. It was an unfair battle. Some people
criticise one’s actions afterwards and say that they would have
handled it better ... Then I think to myself: “do not comment if you were not part of that which happened when it happened.”’ (Participant
C, member of the South African Police Service)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The sense of having been abandoned by the department was a
common complaint amongst injured policemen. This is often perceived as a lack
of support:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘In 2001 I had a serious motor vehicle accident ... During
my stay in hospital my unit commander visited me once. There were no visits
from colleagues.’ (Participant L, member of South African Police
Service)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘In none of the above cases did my unit commander refer me
to helping professions for counselling or for debriefing after a traumatic<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
event.’ (Participant L, member of South African Police
Service)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h3>
<b>Theme 2: Systems psychodynamics</b></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This theme consists of organisational and/or systems
stressors and transformation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Organisational and/or systems stressors<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Police stress is defined as a perceived imbalance between
what is required of officers and what they are capable of giving, under
conditions where failure may have dire consequences (McGarth, 1992). Failure to
respond to demands in policing is often associated with harm or death. All
participants in the current study concurred that organisational stressors have
an extremely negative impact on their functioning as police officers, their
well-being and their lives as a whole.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Training:</b> The training of police officers has dual relevance
to this research. Firstly, there is the level of competency that officers
themselves experience, and secondly, their perception of their colleagues’
level of competency. Both of these impacted on the officers’ sense of safety
and adequacy, which in turn is linked to their sense of self. This is one of
the areas where inadequacy may have serious consequences; untrained officers
are a liability to themselves, their colleagues and the public alike. Adequate
training makes them feel prepared and equipped for the job at hand:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Even though the training was physically very demanding, and
you worked under lots of pressure, I believe that I am better equipped, and<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
better trained to do every job that is required from me.’
(Particpant L, member of South African Police Service)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Recognition: </b>Feeling supported and recognised alleviates
feelings of vulnerability and acts as a ‘trauma membrane’. In addition, the
psychodynamic perspective on policing considers promotion, commendations and
higher salaries as emotionally important since they symbolise the department’s
approval or recognition of officers by rewarding them for being ‘special’.
Participants cite the low salary that they earn as proof that they are not
valued for the work they do and the risks they take:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘We are a specialising unit and not treated as that. The
allowance that was meant for us is taken away. Five years has past since we
were<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
promised to receive an allowance and yet nothing has
happened thus far. This makes members to leave our unit and join the private
sector where the<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
money is good.’ (Participant F, member of South African
Police Service)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perceptions about commanders and management of the SAPS:
Commanders and management are seen as the personification of the ‘organisation’
and often as the people in power who make the decisions. According to the
psychodynamic viewpoint, a policeman’s unconscious emotional experience is that
he is the child and the department is either a powerful, nurturing parent or a
bungling, punishing one:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘We heard later that X is leaving on medical grounds. The
founder and “godfather” of the unit doesn’t want to be<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
part of this circus any longer.’ (Participant M, member of
South African Police Service)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The impact of organisational stressors on relationships:
Relationships within the police service can be broadly grouped into three
clusters, namely relationships with colleagues, relationships with friends
outside the police service and family relationships. Relationships with
co-workers are considered important and have a highly supportive function. The
literature indicates that police officers rarely socialise with non-police
officers, which leaves family relations as the only other area of social
support:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘During this period, I relied heavily on my wife for
support. Whenever something bothers me, I usually talks about it to my wife.
Even<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
though I feel it’s good for me to talk about it, I think it
might have a negative effect on her.’ (ParticipantA, member of South<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
African Police Service)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Working environment:</b> Police officers who perceive their
working environment as uncontrollable (external locus of control) are more
likely to be utilising emotion-focused coping, which is associated with a
poorer prognosis for their mental well-being. Alcohol abuse is often one of the
means police officers use to cope with their working environment:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘The trauma caused by all these incidents and situations
have led to excessive drinking. At one stage I was drinking daily and getting<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
drunk most days. I come to realise that I must set an
example for my kids and that the situation I was in was not anybody’s fault. I
think<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the realisation that the way things are going is a normal
reaction of any person or persons that have been oppressed, woke me up. I still
have a<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
few “toasts” but do not get drunk any more ... I spent time
with my wife and children and I spent more time with my Maker. I try to go<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to church more often. I got involved with school activities
... I think that when I started to realise that there is life outside of my
working<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
hours, and that I am not responsible for everybody, I became
less stressed and traumatised.’ (Particpant E, member of South African Police<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Service)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This insert indicates ways in which defence mechanisms such
as rationalisation may help to restore a sense of control over a situation,
which encourages more adaptive ways of functioning. The shift away from the
working environment to activities and people who are considered important
contributed to this participant’s coping. The conscious increase of distance
from the working environment is perceived as an act of survival. The implied
message is that the working environment is killing that part of him which is
‘good’ and ‘decent’.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Transformation</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SAPS officers face two major stresses: the inherent problems
of an often dangerous, violent and underappreciated job, and the pressure of
working in an organisation which is being fundamentally transformed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Racial tension: It is a sensitive topic and probably the
issue in the SAPS which is least acknowledged at an official level. For various
reasons, including our colonial and apartheid history, racial issues in South
Africa and the SAPS in particular are imbued with fear, guilt, anger and
anxiety. In their relationship with one another, Black and White men have not
only been divided by history and geography; they have related to one another in
particular and hierarchical ways. Since the inception of the ‘new’
(anti-apartheid) South Africa and the revamped SAPS, racism, or the perceived
unfair advantage of one racial group over another, is considered to be a
serious organisational stressor by the White, male participants:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Apparently racism does not exists in the new South Africa.
“Ha-ha!” racism is alive and well and the only thing that’s<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
still advancing in the SAPS and its coming from both sides.
Both my previous and present direct commanders are two of the biggest racists
that I<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ever encountered in the SAPS. It causes tension between
members when some ethnic groups are deliberately favoured above others. This is
one of the<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
main reasons of conflict between Black and White members at
HP. It is wrong for someone in a managerial position to be guilty of such
serious<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
misconduct.’ (Participant M, member of South African Police
Service)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Representivity:</b> As part of the transformation process in the
SAPS, an objective is that the personnel compilation reflects the country’s
demographics with regard to race and gender. The Employment Equity Act 55 of
1998 aims to ensure that suitable people from designated groups are equally
represented in all occupational levels and categories. This is experienced as
discrimination and a lowering of standards by the White male participants:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘When it came to the selection of new HP members, the
emphasis shifted from high standard to “representivity”. A lot of members left the unit for other units in the SAPS or better jobs in
the private sector. Unfortunately, members who were selected because of their
race and not their expertise replaced these members. This obviously
created a lot of distrust and conflict within the unit. I just didn’t feel confident working with a member who didn’t have the same
level of training than we did. As time went by, the unit went into a downward spiral.’ (Participant A, member of South African Police
Service)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unclear line of command and/or cumbersome organisational
structure: Another change in the SAPS that is associated with the
transformation of the organisation is an unclear line of command or a
cumbersome organisational structure. Participants experience the command
structure as cumbersome, clumsy and uncontained in a managerial sense:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘I don’t really know how it happened but suddenly our unit
commander had less of a say in our duties. Other officers at Area and<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Provincial level decided what we had to do.’ (Participant C,
member of South African Police Service)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The effect of the change: All participants experienced the
recent changes in the organisation as negative. In contrast to the sense of
meaning and purpose that was associated with the job of policing in the past,
participants currently question the meaning of their function:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘We were being used more and more as a show-unit and not
what we were trained for (combatting of serious crime). We were not allowed to respond to any complaints or crime in progress, even if we
were in the immediate vicinity. This was very frustrating and demoralising for
all of us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Crime was rife in X, but we had to drive behind a bus ... or
stand at stationary points on the highways. This instruction shocked me. How
could anyone who says that he is serious about reducing crime in
this country, issue an instruction like that? Was this man involved in crime
himself and</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
was he trying to get us out of the way? All these questions
were going through my head as I was trying to make sense of this. We actually
worked these insane duties for nine months. During this period I
could hear crimes in progress being broadcast and the operator battling to find
vehicles</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to respond to these complaints, but we were not allowed to
respond. The crime rate escalated. Instead of putting our unit to the use it
was intended for, new units were started with new vehicles. Do
the SAPS have too much money or is it managed by a bunch of morons?’
(Participant A, member of South African Police Service)"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h2>
<a href="http://www.iol.co.za/news/crime-courts/cop-stress-level-time-bomb-1.1066655?ot=inmsa.ArticlePrintPageLayout.ot">2. Cop stress-level time bomb</a></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"South Africa’s police service could have a potentially
explosive problem on its hands if high stress levels within its ranks are not
dealt with urgently.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With an estimated 90 percent of physically injured police
officers suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and the SAPS
“mirroring” South African society, which, according to studies, has an
estimated 15 percent of citizens suffering from anxiety disorders such as PTSD,
police management and researchers fear that ticking time bombs within their
ranks may soon explode."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h2>
<a href="http://www.moneyweb.co.za/moneyweb-south-africa/saps-wasting-millions-on-extended-sick-leave">3. SAPS wasting millions on extended sick leave</a></h2>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Tax payers are coughing up millions for hundreds of
members of the South African Police Service (SAPS) who have been diagnosed with
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), some of whom have already been on paid
sick leave for as long as seven years, the trade union Solidarity said today.
In addition, these members are now forced to report for duty, where they are
not only endangering their own lives, but also the lives of others. If they do
not report for duty, they payment of their salaries is halted."<o:p></o:p></div>
Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-15890013382485572722015-01-23T04:08:00.000-08:002015-01-23T04:08:07.495-08:00Day 195: Writing a Blog part 5<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-192-writing-blog-part-2.html">Day
192: Writing a Blog part 2</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-193-writing-blog-part-3.html">Day
193: Writing a Blog part 3</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-194-writing-blog-part-4.html">Day
194: Writing a Blog part 4</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 17.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /><blockquote>
<span style="font-style: italic;">"So with blogging one is also walking a process
or steps that one applies and fine tunes until you are comfortable with writing
the type of blog you would like to write. Within blogging the topic that one
chooses to write about will also be a process, meaning if one is using
blogging/writing to explore oneself - then you are getting to know the tools of
self exploration to be able to get to the relevant information and application
required to change. If one is using blogging to write about how you see world
problems and possible solutions - then again it will require a process of
getting to know ones subject, and the layers of information around how this
problem/issue came to be - and then getting to know ones solution and how the
solution could/would be applied to the problem. Meaning there is no black or
white template when it comes to exploring the world systems other than using
some common sense and questioning how things work. So as a summary what I am
saying is that when one begins blog writing realise that you are exploring how
to write blog - how to publish it (if
one chooses to do so) and how to expand ones writing from there and take care
of ones public profiles where one shares the writings - while at the same time
developing the skills within the type of writing one is doing. Which will bring
us to the next topic - what is it that you would like to write about?"</span></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
<br />
Alright so lets split blog writing into 2 - the one type of blog being 'world events and solutions' and the second type being 'personal <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-it-is-time-to-change-reptilians-part-150">change</a>/process points'. In this blog we will discuss the first type 'world events and solutions'. So for those of you who have been following the Desteni blogs on for example the Living Income Guaranteed, have realised that behind these blogs obviously goes quite a bit of research and developing ones ability to address issues of the world, by firstly finding them (research) and secondly taking what is writing about the point - meaning the problems and suggested solutions apart, using ones own understanding of effective solutions to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-comparison-judgement-and-competition">compare</a> and assess what would be the best solutions to the problem. Obviously to work with the 'solutions' part - here one would already be seeing an effective approach such as Living Income Guaranteed which one is able to draw <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-powerless-comparisons-life-review">comparisons</a> to.<br />
<br />
Now this is where many people say they get stuck - firstly for most getting over the self-doubt is the biggest problem, where 'voices in the head' start telling you that your writings wont be good enough, they wont make sense, people will laugh at your attempts etc etc. Therefore firstly as I mentioned in the previous blogs - one is to realize that this kind of self talk is due to an underlying mind pattern that one has developed over the years, probably even since childhood - where <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-are-you-a-slave-or-master-to-your-memories-atlanteans-support-part-87">memories</a> of past events now determine how one <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-experience-dimension-relationship-success-support">experiences</a> yourself. Therefore the end result of for example <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-self-doubt-and-change-part-1-reptilians-part-211">self doubt</a>, self victimisation, self bullying, low self esteem etc - will be these irrational fears and phobias such as 'what if I am not able to write a blog'. Therefore the fear itself from within the mind - comes up and overwhelms us, and if we believe the fear, then we believe this overwhelming experience is real and that there is no solution. This is what we call 'getting stuck in the mind.'<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtHWpjljZdWen02Z98jZtG7uWD2yEFRnvP9-N3YfR9SpOqv1tl86rMWknOpcE_gXHXtcEjmaMwExyr2XfU3a2lK40pQHJrHue1sidWTM-XDGiQldNfO0gQIScQXZtOGivGFPcnc40TdqM/s1600/1480608_563022860434276_1484910619_n+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtHWpjljZdWen02Z98jZtG7uWD2yEFRnvP9-N3YfR9SpOqv1tl86rMWknOpcE_gXHXtcEjmaMwExyr2XfU3a2lK40pQHJrHue1sidWTM-XDGiQldNfO0gQIScQXZtOGivGFPcnc40TdqM/s1600/1480608_563022860434276_1484910619_n+(1).jpg" height="320" width="248" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Artwork: https://www.facebook.com/andrewgableart</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As I mentioned in the previous blogs, to overcome these self <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-creator-created-dimension-1-process-reptilians-part-307">created</a> belief systems and fears, as a immediate solution, I suggest developing and embracing an understanding that these aspects one have created within self, firstly is not real, because it is an irrational fear, and secondly is something that you are able to change - if you apply the steps to change them. For myself when I started writing - I could hardly string one sentence together and from there had the support to develop how I saw things and how to place that into writing. So no - it is not an instant thing and depending on your self created belief systems, you might have to apply yourself in common sense by <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-why-couldn-t-i-stop-myself">stopping</a> the abusive thoughts that do not serve you - while taking the ultimate self directive step to practise those things you believe you could not do. Obviously here it is about baby steps - to not overwhelm yourself or confirm your <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-paranoia-the-starting-point-reptilians-part-199">paranoia</a> by go all for it, not getting it right and then proving to your beliefs that yes you could not do it. If this happens then <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-be-still-and-know-i-am-god-part-22">know</a> that you have created a lets call it 'self <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-i-am-fulfilled-life-review">fulfilled</a> prophecy' where you sabotaged yourself to get back to the same point you came from...Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-61903418463730014562015-01-12T04:13:00.003-08:002015-01-12T04:13:39.399-08:00Day 194: Writing a Blog part 4<h3 style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in;">
<div style="font-size: 14pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
<div style="font-size: 14pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-192-writing-blog-part-2.html">Day
192: Writing a Blog part 2</a></div>
<div style="font-size: 14pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-193-writing-blog-part-3.html">Day
193: Writing a Blog part 3</a></div>
<div style="font-size: 14pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
</h3>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>" I mean if we had to really sit with a
religious Deity we probably would not be able to open our mouths other than 'Hi
how are you' because we know that what exist in the mind as our real thoughts
and experiences are not really what we would like our god or deity to be privy
to. So we create a separation between ourselves and the imaginary deities we
worship in our minds - how odd. The deity only exist in the mind and therefore
one is not even equal to this fictional character you create in the mind that
is supposedly holding your moral compass. Boy oh Boy. Any way - so my point
being that we believe our thoughts to such an extent that we don’t question
them - to the extent that through these thoughts and belief systems we will
compromise our lives. So in tackling this project of 'writing' one is taking on
what exist inside oneself and questioning where ones thoughts, belief systems,
ideas and fears come from."</i></blockquote>
<br />
So as I have mentioned in a previous blog about consumerism versus the human <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-can-you-ever-trust-your-mind-reptilians-part-127">mind</a> - we see it as completely normal teaching our children our warped ideas about <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-we-do-not-even-see-ourselves-life-review">ourselves</a> and each other. After a while as the self identities become infused into the mind as personalities - it becomes very difficult for these belief systems to be undone - because even if a person realises their own belief systems do them harm - they have become the belief system to the extent that the mind is the directive principle of the person, this even f the person says 'wait a minute I don’t want to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-experiencing-life-vs-living-life-part-52">live</a> with these thoughts in my head' - to step out of it is very difficult because the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-i-possess-my-mind-and-my-mind-possesses-me-life-review">mind possessed</a> the person always back into the same programming. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4IYW3xXUN-VTo3Vi5OSt_C0qeXMCf76-3gwqO0VvWjd1cS31s9tU25GDvyW9Rix-DKdkS0nt4-mwXdynIko0vyTTFSkgMm7omiwFWl_hp3oU85cnYcAID6ByNI75yalWQaUmhwZ8gJe0/s1600/95552.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4IYW3xXUN-VTo3Vi5OSt_C0qeXMCf76-3gwqO0VvWjd1cS31s9tU25GDvyW9Rix-DKdkS0nt4-mwXdynIko0vyTTFSkgMm7omiwFWl_hp3oU85cnYcAID6ByNI75yalWQaUmhwZ8gJe0/s1600/95552.jpg" height="320" width="204" /></a>So just like a machine or robot - if the program engages the person is automatically responding and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-what-is-sex-physical-self-movement-vs-mind-experience-part-26">moving</a> - even though inside oneself you don’t want to keep living like that. This is something all people battle with to some extent - until one realises how the mind works and how and what one should start applying within oneself to get back to self directing the mind as a tool and not the other way around. This de-programming as we sometimes call it is requires walking of a 'process' - meaning finding the information and the techniques necessary to delete/<a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-but-why-i-am-not-changing-reptilians-part-147">change</a> the program. This is what we refer to as a process - lol - which some have equated to what Hitler would do - rounding people up and either brainwashing them or executing them for not being like who we want them to be. Therefore the reason why I share this - is because some people <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-touch-taste-smell-hearing-in-the-mind-reptilians-part-213">hear</a> the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-why-words-aren-t-free-reptilians-part-219">words</a> process and see what I have described above instead of what the word process actually simply refer to - a set of steps and information required to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-the-fear-of-change-part-29">change</a> something or bring something into being.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilZCO__AtrK05RCsO08WpvqTz9Jiu-J99kt4eZdw-U9rGYlFmoK-UqHSHI_YxJPtRajH3ZeirY8CLz7rgmSzqz7202MDHvGlzRDGktXAgAJJhJ1Hc3tnzil1lmufRPDF-I4gBXLSNlF2g/s1600/216361_10150560302315392_3192749_n.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilZCO__AtrK05RCsO08WpvqTz9Jiu-J99kt4eZdw-U9rGYlFmoK-UqHSHI_YxJPtRajH3ZeirY8CLz7rgmSzqz7202MDHvGlzRDGktXAgAJJhJ1Hc3tnzil1lmufRPDF-I4gBXLSNlF2g/s1600/216361_10150560302315392_3192749_n.jpeg" height="320" width="220" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Artwork by: Andrew Gable</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So with blogging one is also walking a process or steps that one applies and fine tunes until you are comfortable with writing the type of blog you would like to write. Within blogging the topic that one chooses to write about will also be a process, meaning if one is using blogging/writing to explore oneself - then you are getting to know the tools of self exploration to be able to get to the relevant information and application required to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-change-as-a-process-reptilians-part-210">change</a>. If one is using blogging to write about how you see world problems and possible solutions - then again it will require a process of getting to know ones subject, and the layers of information around how this problem/issue came to be - and then getting to know ones solution and how the solution could/would be applied to the problem. Meaning there is no black or white template when it comes to exploring the world systems other than using some common sense and questioning how things work. So as a summary what I am saying is that when one begins blog writing realise that you are exploring how to write blog - how to publish it (if one chooses to do so) and how to expand ones writing from there and take care of ones public profiles where one shares the writings - while at the same time developing the skills within the type of writing one is doing. Which will bring us to the next topic - what is it that you would like to write about?Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-91374951977934542772015-01-11T03:57:00.003-08:002015-01-12T04:21:28.485-08:00Day 193: Writing a Blog part 3<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 17.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-192-writing-blog-part-2.html">Day
192: Writing a Blog part 2</a></div>
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"For those of you who
are not familiar with the Desteni tools, what I am able to recommend in
relation to your doubts, ideas and fears - is to use breathing when these
reactions come up to 'stop' them. You use breathing in this instance to
stabilise yourself out of the reaction meaning - as an example lets say you
have the thought come up 'well what is the point because I have been bad at
writing since childhood'. The solution to any reaction you are having, is to
assess for yourself whether what exists inside of you in that moment is what is
best for you - is it you living to your <a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/06/day-144-realising-and-living-my-utmost.html">utmost
potential?</a>"</blockquote>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
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The next step is to realize that these thoughts we have around our self judgments - are not what is best for us - therefore as who we really are - how can these things be real? They only exist within the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-when-the-mind-falls-in-the-face-of-reality">mind</a> if we start participating in them often, whereby we attach emotional <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-redefining-value-reptilians-part-267">values</a> to them, after which the mind physical relationship will on a mind and physical level start responding according to these self beliefs. For example of one starts thinking that one is ugly, because you value societies definitions of 'ugly vs pretty' as something real and relevant and something that you judge yourself by - then this will be the beginning of thought constructs and emotional <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reaction-prevention-quantum-mind-self-awareness">reactions</a> one will develop over time. For example one will have an experience where usually as a young person we will through the developmental stages of our minds as 'thought processes' start considering the things people say and do around us, on television and what our parents do. Because a child's mind is so impressionable and like a 'sponge' - taking on everything around it - what happens is that a child's identity is developed by taking in the values, fears, beliefs, influences from those around them. <br />
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So if a child is exposed to people talking about ugly versus beauty (for example), then they too will start 'thinking' and processing this information - developing their own self beliefs and beliefs about others/the world. From <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-anna-viktor-discovers-the-physical-we-are-here">here</a> the thought processes become mind patterns, personalities and characters - which are then set and is who we are into adulthood. But, unfortunately because we live in a society where money moves due to consumerism and consumerism only works if you make sure people have needs around personal self judgments - and needs are only <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-creator-created-dimension-1-process-reptilians-part-307">created</a> if you create a impression in society of lack and want and a constant drive for the idea of self satisfaction through the ideas of less/more and that judgments of ones appearance and attainments are 'real'. Meaning where we don’t teach our children that they already are <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-secret-history-of-the-universe-is-life-here-part-7">here</a>, complete as the physical body, but that we must always strive to feel fulfilled in our thoughts and emotions/feelings and because we educate them about how to feel bad and incomplete. This then creates the 'normal' human <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-comparing-images-and-imagination-part-3">comparing</a> and judging and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-fear-of-fear-itself-fears-and-phobias">fearing</a> that we are not experiencing ourselves as complete because the mind creates experiences all the time that cause one to talk shit about ourselves. I am fat, I am ugly, I am dumb, what if they think this of me, what if they don’t like me, what if I don’t do well in that, what if my clothes aren't good enough, I need to have money so I can buy this and that, I wont be happy until I have this and that, what if my husband doesn't think I am sexy…. And so the list goes on and on -with the strange things we program into ourselves.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFfjCIsDjAxeeF0a3Vlbao7913kUzFs7PgMuf31qGidGSbfxumc4whfWMwqtAfNb5nMs1pWFYJLKBVMYiSBSVKvKaXs9ZjV6KWwirK9ML2UgLNg_H-utDrPElU3ydFwLvRnIGVQKNamGs/s1600/ModernDayJesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFfjCIsDjAxeeF0a3Vlbao7913kUzFs7PgMuf31qGidGSbfxumc4whfWMwqtAfNb5nMs1pWFYJLKBVMYiSBSVKvKaXs9ZjV6KWwirK9ML2UgLNg_H-utDrPElU3ydFwLvRnIGVQKNamGs/s1600/ModernDayJesus.jpg" height="234" width="320" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFfjCIsDjAxeeF0a3Vlbao7913kUzFs7PgMuf31qGidGSbfxumc4whfWMwqtAfNb5nMs1pWFYJLKBVMYiSBSVKvKaXs9ZjV6KWwirK9ML2UgLNg_H-utDrPElU3ydFwLvRnIGVQKNamGs/s1600/ModernDayJesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a>Then we live the rest of our lives churning around in our minds trying to resolve all of these nasty thoughts that are not what is best for all and is most certainly from my perspective not 'who we really are' For example I would like each religious person who claims they look up to some form a deity to sit next to that deity and let out all the weird belief systems in the mind. For example would you ask <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-crucifixion-of-the-jesus-crucifying-the-self-part-1">Jesus</a> why he hasn’t bought new sandals because his old sandals make him look very uncool? Would you say to Jesus that if he ever wants to get laid he will go and get his dam hair cut into a style that is just like Justin Bieber's? Would you ask Jesus by he doesn't drink because that makes him uncool to be around? Would you ask Jesus if he wants to go shopping and leave his old robe for trendy stuff that will make him fit in? Would you take Jesus to a party and expect him to get trashed and talk shit and try and get laid? Would you tell Jesus to get 2 credit cards, maxed out, so that he could have a nice house in the suburbs with a nice big 4X4, while pretending he is happy, smiling to the nneighbors while really <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-why-do-i-worry-about-what-others-think-of-me">worrying</a> all the time that he cannot pay his bills? Would you try to justify to Jesus why it is really ok to watch pornography? I mean if we had to really sit with a religious Deity we probably would not be able to open our mouths other than 'Hi how are you' because we know that what exist in the mind as our real thoughts and experiences are not really what we would like our god or deity to be privy to. So we create a separation between ourselves and the imaginary deities we worship in our minds - how odd. The deity only exist in the mind and therefore one is not even equal to this fictional character you create in the mind that is supposedly holding your moral compass. Boy oh Boy.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgxF0TPa0rNkohfy3Xt7Xb8c2flI1nG-xyj6WJovyacpT3rP7Nlf4FO0usli2j-IK3G0JpodAv5dUte8uUZl3LQdIXi_FbVbjOIRhldUXavTqt-XXiteyrloSmWc5Srsr6cZRbr7bb6eI/s1600/6a00e54eea6129883300e553d18c518834-800wi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgxF0TPa0rNkohfy3Xt7Xb8c2flI1nG-xyj6WJovyacpT3rP7Nlf4FO0usli2j-IK3G0JpodAv5dUte8uUZl3LQdIXi_FbVbjOIRhldUXavTqt-XXiteyrloSmWc5Srsr6cZRbr7bb6eI/s1600/6a00e54eea6129883300e553d18c518834-800wi.jpg" height="320" width="225" /></a><br />
Any way - so my point being that we believe our thoughts to such an extent that we don’t question them - to the extent that through these thoughts and belief systems we will compromise our lives. So in tackling this project of 'writing' one is taking on what exist inside oneself and questioning where ones thoughts, belief systems, ideas and fears come from...Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-57287628465283814002015-01-10T22:21:00.000-08:002015-01-12T00:24:09.138-08:00Day 192: Writing a Blog part 2<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Continuation from:</div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/01/day-190-writing-blog-part-1.html">Day
191: Writing a Blog Part 1</a></div>
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From the previous
blog:</div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><i>"This part is about understanding that if one
finds writing to not 'come naturally' that there are steps and techniques one
can use to get to that same level of writing that ones sees others are able to
do - which for al of us involved in writing meant </i></span><span style="font-size: 15px;"><i>practicing</i></span><i><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"> each step bit by
bit until we were confident and actually started enjoying writing. So in the
parts to come I will be </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">focusing</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"> on the different tools and considerations
that I am able to share within 'Blog Writing'…"</span></i></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyL3AF7fFRlXlBxySCD_Xh1q4JNm4DkdNy7lk56sg_WjvsWcL-t2xr5uv_JAPxgNP-O7VsbFcY-dGKzegW2M7jabiJCLXr5g0mKcGCJioXOeCb6qPu2bS390Rw0m-WCvLXwZHbKuExHMg/s1600/1466073_567944919942070_1713605403_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyL3AF7fFRlXlBxySCD_Xh1q4JNm4DkdNy7lk56sg_WjvsWcL-t2xr5uv_JAPxgNP-O7VsbFcY-dGKzegW2M7jabiJCLXr5g0mKcGCJioXOeCb6qPu2bS390Rw0m-WCvLXwZHbKuExHMg/s1600/1466073_567944919942070_1713605403_n.jpg" height="320" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Artwork by: Andrew Gable</td></tr>
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Alright now that we have discussed the experiences of self doubt in relation to whether one is able to write a blog, let us take a look at the next step which is to now structure, for oneself the 'how to' of blog writing - meaning for us to take a look at what type of blog one would like to write and according to this I will share the different tools I have utilised, together with the tools I have <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-seeing-through-the-eyes-of-the-mind-chinese">seen</a> others using over the years.<br />
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First things first - lets step back for a moment and recap on the previous blog - did you notice any reactions or thoughts come up inside of you as you read the first blog? Could you relate? If so how? Here it is handy to have paper and pen or your computer ready to jot down your experiences. For example when I say 'Reactions' - this could be in the form of a thought, an <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-difference-between-male-and-female-emotions-life-review">emotion</a>/feeling or a physical reaction. Did you have a thought come up as you were reading or afterwards, such as 'well I have always been bad at writing, even since school'. Did you have an emotional or feeling reaction such as 'uneasiness, depression, sadness, <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reliving-anxiety-of-the-past-atlanteans-support-part-86">anxiety</a>' or even a positive feeling in relation to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-what-is-sex-physical-self-movement-vs-mind-experience-part-26">moving</a> away from the point of writing a blog - where one would start thinking about rather watching a move and this made you move from the initial lets say slight bit of anxiety, to 'feeling good, feeling content' at the thought of 'rather watching a movie' Perhaps you had a physical reaction such as a heavy feeling in your stomach or tiredness - again as with the emotion or feeling you will find a thought behind it such as 'why bother' or 'if I start writing now people will see that my writing is quite inefficient and judge me'.<br />
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So here one is letting go of 'ideas' and 'judgments' that you have of yourself. Obviously this would make a great first topic for a blog - getting to know the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-your-reason-for-living-quantum-mind-self-awareness">reasons</a> behind why one has never written either publically or privately. Now for those of you who are familiar with the <a href="http://desteni.org/">Desteni</a> tools and would like to work more with yourself, your judgments, <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-my-fear-companion">fears</a>, belief systems etc - we have our free online course: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/. This course will show you how to further develop your writings, it will introduce to you the tools we utilise called self forgiveness, <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-anu-s-self-honesty-part-149">self honesty</a>, self corrective statements etc.<br />
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For those of you who are not familiar with the Desteni tools, what I am able to recommend in relation to your doubts, ideas and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-introduction-fears-phobias">fears</a> - is to use breathing when these reactions come up to 'stop' them. You use breathing in this instance to stabilise yourself out of the reaction meaning - as an example lets say you have the thought come up 'well what is the point because I have been bad at writing since childhood'. The <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-solution-of-life">solution</a> to any reaction you are having, is to assess for yourself whether what exists inside of you in that moment is what is best for you - is it you living to your utmost potential?Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-17348061339503809122015-01-02T04:51:00.000-08:002015-01-02T04:58:54.978-08:00Day 191: Writing a Blog Part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A subject that often comes up for the people whom participate with at Desteni or in our online courses such as DesteniIProcess Lite and DesteniIProcess Pro - is how to write a blog. Now this in itself might sound easy, but for most of us writing does not necessarily come easy, especially when one takes an interest in exploring oneself, others or our world systems through writing. This is where many have said (and myself included) that they just don’t know how to bridge the gap between casual writing and more explorative, specific writing which entails looking into deeper designs and details around the particular subject you have decided to write about.<br />
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For example, many people express to me that they read the blogs written by people (such as in the Desteni group) and instead of them being struck with inspiration to get started and follow the example - they are left feeling resistant and 'blank' with anxiety. Some have said to me that they do not have writing skills and therefore surely cannot write like the people who's blogs they admire. I then explain to people that for most of us writing from the point of almost not even being able to write an introduction paragraph to more complex blogs with headings and sub topics - took years of practise and more practise. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdTlpbNVvDEXDlfjc9_AkWwNwZxL8WqcWic2_1WDyTkoXs7SI89DuDj-FAXcNq0TEi-TNU4Lu2IzZu09VKzSBiN1AYWY-zGEPTUJPEQLRwNR-ScZxOLSDwGNyIJvJ_og2ZX95Hdj2zobQ/s1600/jouranling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdTlpbNVvDEXDlfjc9_AkWwNwZxL8WqcWic2_1WDyTkoXs7SI89DuDj-FAXcNq0TEi-TNU4Lu2IzZu09VKzSBiN1AYWY-zGEPTUJPEQLRwNR-ScZxOLSDwGNyIJvJ_og2ZX95Hdj2zobQ/s1600/jouranling.jpg" /></a><br />
Something important to take note of <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-secret-history-of-the-universe-is-life-here-part-7">here</a> - which I have noticed many people are not <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-awareness-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-32">aware</a> of: yes some people are born with a natural 'talent' or ability for writing. This is the same as for any other ability - I might be <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-seeing-the-good-when-only-the-bad-prevails">good</a> with my hands to physically take something and work with it while another person might be 'programmed' mathematically - meaning <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-how-to-give-unconditionally-in-your-relationship-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-25">give</a> them something physical to do and they find themselves unable to grasp how to go about it - but <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-give-and-receive-the-soul-of-money">give</a> them a mathematic equation to work out and they shine. Same applies the other way around - the person who is born to work with their hands might be completely stumped if asked even the basic mathematical question. We are all like this, different in our strengths and weaknesses. This is what we call pre-programming - each human coming into this world with different programmed designs. From my perspective, neither one really being more important or less important than another - they simply 'are'. Only in our monetary system have we equated skills according to specific values according to what <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-money-agreement-step-1-the-soul-of-money">money</a> revolves around that particular skill - and have all brainwashed ourselves to believe that through this some skills are more valuable or even relevant than others. <br />
<br />
Children will for example often select skill sets that are either pushed onto them by their parents or that which they see themselves enjoying. Either way monetary rewards are usually a consideration in the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-facing-choice-part-1-part-107">choices</a> we make when we pursue a particular career or develop a particular skill set. Even the reward system of 'winning' and 'loosing' such as what one sees in sports etc - these are still part of the same monetary reward system - where instead of bank notes, one is rewarded with and every experience or one looses 'energy', such as 'feeling elated or proud versus depressed or sad - the one being a more 'up' type <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-atlanteans-when-energy-has-more-value-than-life-part-40">energy</a> that surges into the body from the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-human-mind-as-a-computer-reptilians-part-182">mind</a> as the more positive energy experience and the opposite polarity would be a dropping of energy as one 'gives away ones money (energy) in the perception of loss to another. This will be experienced as sadness, depression, numbness, 'what is the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-why-your-weakest-points-are-your-greatest-strength-life-review">point'</a> etc.<br />
<br />
So in this blog series - which will be over a few parts - I wanted to share what I have come to see and realize about blog writing. These insights and tools I suggest don’t only have to be applied to and by someone walking the Desteni tools, it can be used by any person who has an interest in writing/blogging but is not sure of how to expand themselves to be able to write the same as somebody they admire.<br />
<br />
This part is about understanding that if one finds writing to not 'come naturally' that there are steps and techniques one can use to get to that same level of writing that ones sees others are able to do - which for al of us involved in writing meant practising each step bit by bit until we were confident and actually started enjoying writing. So in the parts to come I will be focussing on the different tools and considerations that I am able to share within 'Blog Writing'...<br />
<br />
In
the meantime if you want to check out some examples of Blogs such as what I am
refering to: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/7yearjourneytolife">https://www.facebook.com/7yearjourneytolife</a>Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-60791678413841861762014-12-21T05:50:00.000-08:002014-12-21T05:50:42.085-08:00Day 190: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 3)<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Continuing from:</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-188-family-dynamics-drama-continues.html">Day
188: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 1)</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-189-family-dynamics-drama-continues.html">Day
189: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 2)</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2iXNRxMpXeS1L4Fu2p8RFNYi62CmLItXiRPSaPsG5Npi1b4jOWbNbFUS0fM78ku_e96SmUn9O92sbIeZgbq_QVgUWbcui4ot9tiGOgsSat9DU2npioh8QbUfgm1B05BxXGR8BmRpQd3g/s1600/images+(16).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2iXNRxMpXeS1L4Fu2p8RFNYi62CmLItXiRPSaPsG5Npi1b4jOWbNbFUS0fM78ku_e96SmUn9O92sbIeZgbq_QVgUWbcui4ot9tiGOgsSat9DU2npioh8QbUfgm1B05BxXGR8BmRpQd3g/s1600/images+(16).jpg" /></a>The second move that I watched was very similar - I really got a <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-seeing-the-good-when-only-the-bad-prevails">good</a> dose of American feel good drama. It is called 'The Skeleton <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-sunette-spies-my-evil-twin">Twins</a> (2014)' and focuses around the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-relationships-as-illusion-of-control-part-24">relationship</a> of a brother and sister, starting with the brother trying to commit suicide over his depression, after which the sister invites him to go stay with her and her partner. From there the story develops around his experiences - but also starts showing that the sisters life is not so perfect because again - here comes in the factor of her having affairs left right and centre and general dissatisfaction with her life, which towards the end of the movie places strain on their sibling-relationship which comes to blows and obviously towards the end in true Hollywood style they 'forgive each other' and all is good again.<br />
<br />
Interesting, if these movies were to show '<a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-physically-sounding-self-forgiveness-atlanteans-115">self forgiveness</a>' and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-fear-of-change">changing</a> Self instead of forgiving 'others' and 'moving on'- then obviously people would be bored out of their skulls and it would not be called 'entertainment' because currently our entertainment as I have indicated shows where we are within our current expression within the <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-thinking-as-mind-vs-direct-seeing-with-the-physical-part-106">mind</a> - because what entertains us shows us about what exist in each one of us. Not a pretty picture.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidItxtsvlriX7e0m-zrsaUqWWy7y8gNhFImu8ZVXs7NX3OxxyyexOHBJEE-tM4VKo5tl0S3QPncAZ4wQ-TCT2sDpQeSohaiPaVqW1nJcVSpUniyRzRwtl_PIZU0pHMrXZzQQFPDAmEQ9I/s1600/article-2676914-1F4E534900000578-527_634x352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidItxtsvlriX7e0m-zrsaUqWWy7y8gNhFImu8ZVXs7NX3OxxyyexOHBJEE-tM4VKo5tl0S3QPncAZ4wQ-TCT2sDpQeSohaiPaVqW1nJcVSpUniyRzRwtl_PIZU0pHMrXZzQQFPDAmEQ9I/s1600/article-2676914-1F4E534900000578-527_634x352.jpg" height="177" width="320" /></a>What stands out a lot about this second move, is how we again simply accept things, don’t question things and take life for granted. How pre-designed rules of conduct pre-determine how each person 'must' live. But what stands out clearly in both movies is that if you simply follow societal acceptable 'norms' - in the end all of these people 'secretly' rebelled against these norms and ended up causing harm to themselves and others, simply because the results of 'following' norms and acceptable behaviour had the result of for example people cheating, lying, stealing. So what came first the chicken or the egg? Meaning what came first the human as irresponsible requiring societal norms and rules, or did we as hand full of people establish rules and norms according to what appeared like normal behaviour and this has simply never been questioned. Which means that all of us are to afraid to question 'norms', are to afraid to simply say 'ok I am not happy within this relationship' or in this job etc - I want to create <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-fear-of-change-fears-phobias">change</a> for myself...' Instead we end up with things like affairs and depression and suicide - because nobody wants to change?<br />
<br />
If we don’t change ourselves as the norms and rules and dishonesty we accept inside of ourselves but keep doing things in <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-reptilians-secret-agenda-to-prevent-self-realization-part-1-part-113">secret</a> inside ourselves - then how do we ever expect for things 'out there' to get better? I mean on the surface as this movie again reminded me -we put on our best faces, pretend to be happy in our marriages etc - but behind closed doors there are whole other realities playing out for people. We are to afraid to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-consequences-of-speaking-atlanteans-part-160">speak</a> up about what really exist inside of us as our <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-when-the-secret-mind-takes-over-life-review">secret</a> desires and wants. Then we really act them out - but pretend we don’t. Society in 'real-time' gets harmed by what we really do to each other and ourselves -and then we claim nobody can be trusted and we continue accepting societal rules and norms! Huh? Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-66389776873513289922014-12-20T03:26:00.001-08:002014-12-20T04:03:35.256-08:00Day 189: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 2)<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Continuing from:<br />
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-188-family-dynamics-drama-continues.html">Day 188: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 1)</a><br />
<br />
So basically this
move starts out with estranged, pissed off, resentful family members coming
together because of a dying fathers wish` and then for the 7 days that they
'mourn together' these family members bicker and fight and at times physical
climb into each other. So my first question was why sit in a room with people
you dislike (they even admit that they do not like each other) all for a man
who is dead? Here obviously the belief exists that a dead person is now siting
in some afterlife holding you accountable for whether you follow through on his
wishes or not. Does this change the fact that while he was alive the family
were distant and angry with each other? No of course not - it does not change
the circumstances before the man died and certainly did not change the way that
the person died (usually from some disease like Cancer). So again a belief
directed people instead of us directing ourselves. </div>
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Ok so now one would
argue that the family were driven to communicate and try and sort out their
issues because of the circumstances around the fathers death. Yes but why must
we as human beings apparently wait until we emotionally manipulate ourselves into
changing - because that is what we are doing if a persons approaching death is
the reason for us to do something.</div>
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Therefore this story
shows us how self absorbed we are as human beings and how we are driven by
guilt and fear and resentment and tradition - which shows that this is what we
are as the essence of ourselves. </div>
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Ok so now the family
are together and they are in the room for 10 mins and the fighting starts. Is
this how we 'honour' the memory of a dead person - with our emotional turmoil
that takes precedence -again showing the layers of self interest that exist as
the human. I mean why do we then do these types of ceremonies if all we are
there to do is take center stage with our emotion al turmoil? </div>
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Now as the story
unfolds - you see that each person is trapped in some form of a drama - there
is cheating and lying and money grabbing etc etc. Again I sit there and I have
to ask myself the question. I know that I don’t participate that much in the
system with people, but boy oh boy how much of what is depicted in these movies
really happens to and by people and why do we find this entertaining? So 2
questions came up in me - how much of this is based on real life stories? I
mean towards the end of the movie every one of the family members was having an
affair. I was like WHAT?? Ok so if this is slight dramatization - lets say of
even 40 percent of it was true, - then
that is seriously messed up. Yikes. Next question was why do we find this
entertaining - the nastiest of human behaviour? I mean for me as someone who
studies and wants to understand the human mind and human behaviour it was, as
this blog indicates a lesson about human behaviour and also about the human
mind and entertainment. I did not enjoy the movie in the least because as I
have now summarized it was about decrepit human behaviour, which is
encapsulated in the family system into acceptable dramatic behaviour - which
sorry to say is not only Hollywood 'dramatization'. This is what happens in
many family environments - an outlet for emotional and reactive mind patterns,
in an environment where you get away with it because of a belief that family
must take each others 'stuff' and allow each other an acceptable platform for
being 'who they are'. Ouchy.</div>
Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-67644411566401651952014-12-20T03:20:00.001-08:002014-12-20T03:20:57.762-08:00Day 188: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 1)<div style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvHc19sZdaOXuArRWdMjIESLBFwcq_tDUfcPikmnnwx-Fwi-i74p7btBLiZ3ReCFbyS0GmPZN_iSlywHsl1NGUl9ii2_qQoPP1_bsTLOJTTq4D8F0SOsoLyTNxbP_I_f57gTydYi3-tsw/s1600/images+(14).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvHc19sZdaOXuArRWdMjIESLBFwcq_tDUfcPikmnnwx-Fwi-i74p7btBLiZ3ReCFbyS0GmPZN_iSlywHsl1NGUl9ii2_qQoPP1_bsTLOJTTq4D8F0SOsoLyTNxbP_I_f57gTydYi3-tsw/s1600/images+(14).jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;">A few
weeks ago I did a vlog about family dynamics and the how through using the
Desteni tools I have changed myself within my family dynamics or 'design': </span><a href="http://youtu.be/ifD4qr6ftCU"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Day 177: </span><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt;">Transforming Family
Dynamics: Sibling Relationships</span></a><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;">. This
morning I watched 2 movies - both them focussed around family dynamics and the
usual 'feel good American Drama'. You know the kind of movie where for an hour
and a half all you see is chaos, fighting, lying, betrayal and emotional
conflict and yet in the last 10 mins of the move they manage to leave the
viewer 'feeling' like 'everything will be 'alright' and like everyone in the
movie despite their despicable behaviours will be 'ok'. So - these 2 movies
were exactly like that, jam packed with intense emotional baggage and the usual
family bickering and drama and yet towards the end of both movies the directors
after all of that attempted to make me experience warm fuzzy feelings - because
together with the 'negative emotions' this is the full package of human
emotions -of what we experience on a day
to day basis.</span></div>
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Let me give a basic
summary of what each movie was about. The first one was called 'This is where I</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN0oeiCq_v86M6E8LAV-DiH5fVuimIgkLg4VzjcrLPq56pgQ4aOiTQScmfJU0Zk_Kwnoh1gHqCEc7CWIN8s0IyVFEEGdUfLgcEV7IEbav3606x8DDxIufjJqC7iQgERfSCY34pV36IGcg/s1600/tn1_This_Is_Where_I_Leave_You_Movie_Wallpaper_3_kaxjw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN0oeiCq_v86M6E8LAV-DiH5fVuimIgkLg4VzjcrLPq56pgQ4aOiTQScmfJU0Zk_Kwnoh1gHqCEc7CWIN8s0IyVFEEGdUfLgcEV7IEbav3606x8DDxIufjJqC7iQgERfSCY34pV36IGcg/s1600/tn1_This_Is_Where_I_Leave_You_Movie_Wallpaper_3_kaxjw.jpg" height="200" width="320" /></a>
leave you (2014).' Basically it is about a family who come together at the
dying wishes of the father. The father wants all of the children after his death
to stay together for a week and celebrate his death through some Jewish
ceremony where from what I understood everyone sits around in a room for a
week, eating and sharing stories about the father (don’t quote me I am simply
drawing from what I saw lol). From the
beginning as all of the children arrive - you notice one thing. That everyone
hates each others guts, have long standing issues with each other over past
mistakes and are in conflict with the mother because she is controlling and
walks around half the time with her silicone boobs popping out - which
obviously the children find 'unsuitable behaviour'. Each of the family members
are stuck in their own life drama, which intertwines with the conflict and drama
that exist within the family system. So you have layers of information around
people's personal lives and the drama that ensures as soon as these family
members are in the same room.<br />
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So my first question
is 'why?'. This was something that I spoke about in the vlog on family
dynamics, to discuss and bring to the fore the purpose of why family members
come together in the first place. It becomes a 'cesspool' for emotional-mind
drama, where obviously very little is resolved and throughout the entire movie
most of what happens is that people fight and contribute to each others
emotional issues. Obviously towards the end of the move Hollywood uses hope and
'positive' feelings to draw the movie to a conclusion - where as per holywood
style the family members find resolution within the problems they are facing -
not all of them good. Most of the points that come across are about yet again
'accepting ones life'. </div>
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In the vlog as I
mentioned I spoke about the cesspool of human behaviour which becomes the
family unit. Where we automatically assume and believe that because we were
born from the same parents we should al be together and 'do stuff together'.
This shows us that belief systems are really not of much value in this physical
reality, because by holding onto belief systems we will act in ways and accept
behaviours from ourselves and others, which as the movie shows is obviously not
'what is best' for us - and continue to make decisions that flow from the
original starting point - which in this
case is the belief that family must spend time together, do things together and
'want to be with each other'.</div>
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From my experience
this usually results in people venting their emotional reactions towards each
other, especially when people's personality-mind designs are similar or
specifically in conflict with each other - but through the belief of 'we must
want to be together' people stay and are constantly drawn to each other, when
clearly it is not a good match.</div>
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For example in the
vlog I spoke about how we would not walk up to a stranger on the street and say
ok 'I must want to be with you in your life and you must be with me' and
thereafter that no mater what, you and this stranger will be in each others
lives, seeing each other often, getting in each others faces, whether it is
actually productive or not. Generally, we don’t do that - because if we do not
'like' or 'get along' with a stranger we simply ignore them and walk away. We
become friends and partners with those people whom we have specific connections
with and whom we believe we are 'enjoying'. Obviously friendship and
relationships also have their own design, which I will not go into in this blog
- and as such will focus on 'family dynamics'...</div>
Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6818612414254378681.post-90270579360897024172014-12-14T07:22:00.001-08:002014-12-14T07:22:52.388-08:00Day 187: The Paranormal Series part 42: The difference between Energy and Breath 3<div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Previous Blogs:</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/185-paranormal-series-part-40.html">Day
185: The Paranormal series Part 40: The difference between Energy and Breath 1</a></div>
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<a href="http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-186-paranormal-series-part-41.html">Day
186: The Paranormal Series part 41: The
difference between Energy and Breath 2</a></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;">"Waiting for invisible gods and energies to sort
out this reality - It is like giving little children permission to decide the
fate of millions of beings - where they can decide that invisible little
fairies living in some cosmic realm - either likes you and will send you food
or they don’t. Crude analogy but that is basically what it comes down to. Even
your most level headed person, that I have come across will have a religious
mind set when it comes to things like suffering, starvation etc. Even if the
person does not claim to belong to a religion, there still exist a construct of
religion in their mind (the realm of invisible things) - where invisible forces
are responsible for those dam poor sods that cant feed themselves. You will
always hear the excuse of 'well shame they should just find jobs - really what
jobs - invisible jobs? Or 'well they are just not trying' oh ok so the millions
of people who end up in low wage shitty jobs for their entire lives because
there are obviously not enough decent income jobs for millions of people in one
city - you are saying… they are just not trying enough? Is that invisible fuzzy
logic you are using - where you get to make things up and that makes the
situation of the world 'ok'? So again invisible fuzzy logic bubbles in the sky
- where basically any reason made up by the capitalist mind as to why suffering
and abuse in our current capitalistic system is ok, 'because 'we said so'. This
again also comes down to the 'I think therefore I am 'crap. Where because we as
humans believe we are at the top of the food chain due to our apparent
'superior intellect' anything that comes up in our minds is absolutely proof of
its 'rightness'. Again I suggest that we get off our high horses and realise
that the only reason why we believe ourselves superior to other life forms is
that we use physical force against other life forms if they don’t let us have
our 'superiority' Therefore we have categorised and forced animals and nature
into roles that we want them in, and if they don’t go into those roles, we
shoot, kill, enslave and maim them. "</span></blockquote>
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Ok so to get back onto the topic of <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-quantum-systemization-ugly-effects-of-beautiful-energy-part-22">energy</a> versus breath. Am I able to stop my heart from beating -no. Then the question is would I want to stop my heart beating or my lungs breathing - no because then I would die. So what we know is that the physical is self sustaining separate from our intervention and if we were to interrupt the physical and it dies or is damaged then we no longer exist or are no longer able to function as we would like to. Energy on the other hand - one is able to stop and energy does run out. For example have you ever realised that you were getting angry with someone but that your anger was misplaced? And in that moment of realisation due to your awareness of what you were doing - you <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-why-couldn-t-i-stop-myself">stopped</a> the energy of anger? Therefore what does this show - that energy is not constant and eternal - it can be directed by us - by our beingness. One more example before I 'explain' beingness. <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-right-and-wrong-relationship-success-support">Right</a> now you are able to create an energy experience for yourself - such as thinking about a holiday you always wanted and from within your body as you go through all the imaginary images of what it will be like and you start feeling the excitement etc - now an energy build up in you - but a moment later the energy runs out. Same as with consumerism, which functions according to 'energy' - you will go into an energy high when you start thinking about buying something and the whole day you are exited, going to the shops -you heart might be beating faster, there is a lump in your stomach, it is all you think about - you feel a buzzing in your body. You purchase the item and you feel 'high' and exited, and you get home and you play with your new toy for days you are on it and happy and content…. And then a few days/weeks go by and the energy runs out and the item is just another 'thing' in your house and then one start looking for the next 'item' or experience to make us feel something inside. This is the nature of energy. And this is why - if you use common sense - <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-spirituality-and-rebirth">spirituality</a> and religion was created -so that we will always have a point we are able to turn to, access in any given moment that will raise/increase our energies and give us that 'special feeling' - which is an energy. So does this mean all of humanity is already addicted to <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-drug-overdose-death-research-part-1">drugs</a> - and when the physical cannot handle the high energy that constantly is mined from the body and it starts to fail then we have to go on drugs and then we are again addicted to drugs. So if we point fingers at 'drug' addiction who are we really pointing at? We are all already drug addicts.<br />
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Depending on ones specific <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-personality-activation-quantum-mind-self-awareness">personality</a> design, you will either turn to consumerism and main stream experiences for your 'energy' such as partying, clubbing, specialising, etc or one would turn to things like health, sport, fitness or spirituality etc -where one will 'become better' at what you do and 'follow the practice' because the original energy one experiences ran out and now one has to proceed along to have more energy experiences - as that which is 'new' to the mind generates energy.<br />
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So in this interview Mykey places emphasis on our beingness which is that part of ourselves through which we question what we do - that part of ourselves through which we are able to observe what it is that we are doing - not the reactive personality that is 'doing' - but that calm common-sensical 'consistent' 'stable' part of self that sometimes comes up and allows one to clearly see without 'energy movement' what it is that one is doing. Ever experienced that? Well that is our beingness - and no it does not come from some spiritual energy body. Remember we have now already discussed that the energy body only sees energy systems. The 'seeing that comes with awareness comes from….. the physical body - that part of ourselves that is consistent, here as the life force which is 'Substance'. If one is 'seeing' with awareness what one is doing, creating, participating in - and a shit occurs when one goes out of seeing here 'direct' to an energy experience where one links specific values and beliefs and <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-the-life-and-death-of-an-idea-death-research-part-1">ideas</a> again to what one is seeing then what do we know - we have gone into the mind back into the energy systems.<br />
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So this for us who have been working with '<a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-quantum-mind-self-awareness-step-19"></a><a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-what-is-self-awareness-life-review">self awareness</a>' through the tools of writing, <a href="https://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-self-honesty-within-honesty-how-does-that-work-part-154">self honesty</a> and self forgiveness - takes practice. It takes discipline and diligence - and sometimes one 'thinks' you are seeing within awareness what one is doing and then maybe a month later you look back and you realise that instead of sticking to the basic practical physical points of what is here as the actuality of each point - one might have shifted into an energy system. This takes practice and one simply allows oneself to reflect back on ones life and day through writing or self introspection - to see where was I in my day to day decisions.Andrea Rossouwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16784230157952536820noreply@blogger.com0