Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Day 158: The Paranormal Series part 19 - Demons vs. Angels part 6

This blog is a continuation from: 


"Only years later (which is where my involvement wit Desteni comes in) did I start to see and understand that there were even deeper truths, which in my younger years I would not have been able or willing to listen to and this was mostly due to the fact that my 'intrigue' as I mentioned earlier had turned into an energy which I had become accustomed to and therefore, this was the start of my interests into all things new age and paranormal - where my life choices from there on were mostly shaped by my desire to follow this energy of 'mystery and intrigue..." 


For more information on my 'discoveries' into the Paranormal:

Ghost/haunting experiences of the past: 


Experiencing ghost/ghosts demons and the relationship to the Mind (now): 












The history of Desteni and Demons:


Sunette Spies - creating a Ghost

So following on from my developing curiosity in school - or shall I say developing my positive and negative energy personalities:  after high school I studied horses and found a job managing a horse farm. In that time I was very lonely as the farm was quite isolated and I did not have a car to go to town. In that time I visited a Kinesiologist and this peaked my interest so much that then and there, I decided to one day, if the opportunity presented itself, I would study Kinesiology myself.  I did not have access to the internet on the farm, so the only way I could research alterative therapies is of someone loaned or gave me a book on the subject. I was pretty miserable in that job, because the work was quite labour intensive for very little pay. I continued to 'hope' that one day I would be able to study Kinesiology and/or other forms of alternative therapy.


Due to a pre-existent hip problem, the work that I was doing started to take its toll on my body. One weekend I was visiting friends and found it difficult to get up out of a chair. This raised a red flag for me, so I decided to go and see the orthopedic surgeon who previously operated on my hip (broke my hip when I was eleven). He said that the x-rays showed that my hip, due to all of the horse riding and physical work was starting to die and that if I did not change jobs I would soon have to have a hip replacement. This obviously came as a shock for all the obvious reasons, but mostly because I did not know what else I would do for a job. It has taken me years to find this job and therefore I knew that going back to unemployment was not going to be easy for me. The reason for this was the fact that in the year that I finished high school the new ANC government implemented the new law that X amount of black people have to be employed over a white person (affirmative action) which meant that from then on basically a white child who left school could not find work. I eventually walked the streets and each building that I went into told me 'sorry we are not allowed to employ white people'. So, an hour after the doctor gave me the news - I was in tears, because I knew that I was in for yet again a very difficult time. I went back to work and told my boss and basically gave her my one month resignation. I felt a numbness setting in, I did not know what to do and this was the start of a very long depression which stayed with me for many years, especially as I faced the following situations.

About 3 weeks after 'the news' a friend of mine who worked on a farm next to the farm that I managed suggested that we go out clubbing. This was not usually something that we did, but he wanted to get closer to me because he had a romantic interest in me. It was about week before I would leave my job, so we decided to go and have some fun together - him hoping for 'looove' and me just wanting to get out and forget about what I was facing. I mean on the one hand I was relieved, because I was quite fed up with being in a low wage job day in and day out with obviously no real future in sight. So one part of me was glad that I would be leaving, but obviously I knew that this new sense of freedom would require of me to hopefully find a job, so that I will maybe earn a better salary. I hoped that there might be a better future for me - just like everyone else does.

That night I met a guy and basically to cut a long story short - we ended up getting closer  and he helped me to move out and move back in with my mom. From there this relationship developed into mental, physical and emotional abuse - but I did not leave because I did not know where else to go. For many years I stayed in this relationship and endured. What developed in me over those years was the split in positive/negative personalities that I referred to in my previous blog, where I delved deeper and deeper into spirituality, the Ouija board and communicating with demons. This was in a way the only way that I could distance myself from my life, from the fear that I was in, while at the same time channeling my anger.

At the same time 'the boyfriend' made it possible for me to study Kinesiology. This was another factor that caused me to not leave him. I simply kept reminding myself that if I left him, I would have to give up my studies. Therefore - as I mentioned in my previous 2 blogs -I developed a 'new age' light worker type of personality, focusing on helping others, as I more and more related to a life of misery, suppression and compromise. On the other hand I developed a 'darker side (Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering - Yoda) - a coping mechanism to not really have to collapse in a heap, where I could vent and be angry and hate.


More on my path with spirituality and polarity in my next blog...

Friday, September 19, 2014

Day 157: The Paranormal Series part 18 - Demons vs. Angels part 5

Todays blog is a continuation from:





"Children are not born believing that an Allah or a Jesus or a Satan sits somewhere above (or below) them watching their every move, punishing them at random  times if their bad (or good?) behaviour and removes all responsibility fro them just because 'they worship' and thus allows them to participate in a world where cause and effect is the law, but because of 'beLIEve',  cause and effect apparently does not touch the religious . Children are not born believing that animals are there for us (created by the invisible dude in the sky) to do with as we please. I could keep going with examples, but I think you get what I am saying…"



So getting back to my filters. I remember reading books on the paranormal and being completely perplexed and dumfounded that such things could exist. Now this is where I bring in my above mentioned point about religion and brainwashing. Maybe, just maybe, if my parents has not been brainwashed to fear god and to fear ghosts, but to embrace the reality of the situation - which is that there is no real proof of god - therefore you don’t have to lie about who you are in this life, and to not fear questioning why would god leave spirits to roam the earth in confusion - because questioning 'god' is a taboo topic - then maybe I would have had the confidence to ask the questions relevant to understanding the paranormal. But instead I had to buy books in town and read alone, pondering to myself what all of this could mean. You did not ask adults, because by golly - you just don’t ask those kinds of questions and if you do -you get very short answers such as 'ghosts don’t exist', or 'it is gods will(?), or 'don’t ask me ask your father', or 'don’t speak about that', 'it is of the devil'…. LOL I remember once in school either myself or another child took out some book about devil worship from the library. A few days later another child also took out a book about the occult and this put up a red flag for the school and all books on the occult/devil worship were duly removed. Children were being influenced by the devil! So obviously, I was aware that such topics were frowned upon and leaned towards developing quiet ways of buying books and reading by myself.

So the point I am getting at is that I like most children, never really dealt with the actuality of the truth behind the paranormal, because not even my parents, siblings or other adults I came into contact with had a clue about the paranormal and why it existed, and thus my interest turned into an ENERGY - a weird dark -as I called it before 'macabre' energy that sat in my chest and in my belly it transformed into a ball of anxiety as excitement as I was faced with this strange, ultimately unclear 'realm'. Even into my early adulthood I held onto this energy and by then it transformed into a 'look at what I am into' energy as I become a bit of a rebel against society and wore my 'paranormal' interest like a badge and ultimately a shield - which protected me from increased paranoia about boys and peer pressures and the increased pressure to do well in school. I believed that I was special and cool because I did not have a religion and dared to lift the covers and look at what was underneath the bed. Obviously I did not really see what was under the covers because I did not have a frame of reference at that stage of what could possibly be going on. In my mind, I too (like the adults) had mere frames of reference and unfortunately they were pretty much also based around 'demons are bad', and angels are good.

Only years later (which is where my involvement wit Desteni comes in) do I start to see and understand that there were even deeper truths, which in my younger years I would not have been able or willing to listen to and this was mostly due to the fact that my 'intrigue' as I mentioned earlier had turned into an energy which I had become accustomed to and therefore, this was the start of my interests into all things new age and paranormal - where my life choices from there on were mostly shaped by my desire to follow this energy of 'mystery and intrigue.' More in my next blog…

Day 156: The Paranormal Series part 17 - Demons vs. Angels part 4

Today's blog is a continuation from:



"In the next part I would like to also address personal experience with regards to what Mykey mentions when he speaks about 'people following the energy' which is why we have 'spirituality' because this definitely related to me as well as the point he speaks about when he says that demons could change their vibrations so that of the same energy as beings that came from 'heaven' - I have an interesting story to share there as well."


So in the previous blog I mentioned that I would like to share my own experiences around 'following the energy' -and by this I am not only referring to the positive 'light worker' type energy, but also the dark demonic energies.


As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I always moved around and within polarities when it came to spirituality - depending on my mind set and what my current economic situation allowed. For example if I was in a stage/state in my life where I was trying to make a life for myself, I would go after the positive energy (which I will speak about more further down). Then as things would crash and I would find myself yet again bored with my life or afraid or angry then I would swing towards the negative. Heck - looking back now - I remember finding a balance between the 2 points and living both - lol. Yes, I would play around on the Ouija Board talking to demons about how bad life is and how everything sucked - while my profession was a Kinesiologist and 'healer'. This obviously happened, as I have come to realize because I was (as most are) in conflict about who I was and how I was living versus what I wanted to be.

So I am now going to take a look back at how I designed these 2 different energy-polarity personalities. My earliest memories of starting an interest in the Paranormal was probably already around the age of 8/9. It started with me watching tv shows like 'Sightings' and 'Ripley's believe it or not' which peaked my interest in the unknown, the bizarre and the unbelievable. From there I started buying books on ghosts and the paranormal and definitely developed a fascination leaning more towards ghosts/poltergeists/demons than UFO's and the rest. I remember the feeling now - it was always in the centre of my chest - this energy which if I could describe it was 'macabre', 'anxious' and 'mysterious'. The anxious energy specifically related to 'the unknown', in dealing with or coming into contact with things 'out there' that were invisible and I did not know when or how it could interact with me. I supposed one could say that those were typical childhood interests in anything that peaked an interest and stimulated the imagination.

I also recognise the energy as being that of 'curiosity' and 'intrigue' - where as a young person my mind was obviously being trained by my parents, society, teachers and my religion to not have and develop common sense or to even really ever know or stand within the truth of things - but to be an observer in life or 'that which gives life meaning' - meaning have you noticed how we as humanity value that which supports the lies we hold onto and therefore if anything is being faced - the mind will have difficulty grasping the straight truth, as it will filter what is happening through how we are programmed to deal with reality? For example (for those of you thinking huh?); as children our parents think we are pretty dam stupid. They tell us bald faced lies about god and money and love and how the system works and about fake human values etc… As a child we often question these values and norms - because as they say 'the mind of a child is innocent' -which essentially means the child has initially not been trained to bring up bulshit filters to filter the truth of situations -and therefore will directly ask questions. The parent/caretaker/adult will mould the perceptual abilities of a child and in some religions and cultures even abuse children verbally, physically and emotionally - until the child beLIEves the same mumbo jumbo as the parent.

This is Brainwashing ladies and gentle man - at its best. And here we tend to vilify groups - where we call them 'cults who brainwash people' - but this is exactly what happens to children in almost every house hold. The child is not born believing in invisible gods and worshiping money over all life - they are taught this by the parents and society. Literally the parent takes a child's fresh, clean, blank mind and washes through it with knowledge and information that have absolutely nothing to do with this physical reality and which harm the physical reality extensively. To give you an example: a child is not born beLIEving that little blond girls are prettier than girls with brown hair - this is brainwashed into children to prepare them, as the adult had to do to become brood-stock to be picked by the strongest man with the most stable income to provide for her so she can make babies (sounds crude but hey when the shoe fits…).


Children are not born believing that an Allah or a Jesus or a Satan sits somewhere above (or below) them watching their every move, punishing them at random times if their bad (or good?) behaviour and removes all responsibility fro them just because 'they worship' and thus allows them to participate in a world where cause and effect is the law, but because of 'beLIEve', cause and effect apparently does not touch the religious . Children are not born believing that animals are there for us (created by the invisible dude in the sky) to do with as we please. I could keep going with examples, but I think you get what I am saying...

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Day 155: Living by the principle of what is best for all part 6

Previous Blogs in this series:



Artwork by: https://www.facebook.com/rozelle.delange
"Next blog: walking an example of  Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all"



An example:

Years ago I came the realization that pornography is an abusive practice which has many consequential outflows for all of society and the individual - and that most of these consequences are not considered by humanity, due to us firstly allowing ourselves to be addicted to sex, masturbation and relationships/marriage, and therefore on a societal level, pornography might cause eyes to role and the occasional smirk, but it is never really directed, because most participate in some form of sexual addiction, be it on the internet or in your own relationship-dynamics.

Secondly, as I mentioned in a previous blog - due to this secretive allowance of sexual addictions (and most additions for that mater) we tend to not bother to walk the time lines of consequences that have played out and continue to manifest in the lives of individuals and the impact on society since the start/invention and the 'evolution' of pornography and sexuality into what it is today. So looking at all the dimensions of sex and sex addiction, I realize for myself that what existed as the pieces of the puzzle which made up the human psychological dimensions of sex addiction, existed in myself as well. Therefore, I could completely relate to my own experience of addiction to sex energy and all of the dimensions linked to personal values and the ideas behind what it means to be a ''woman. So how could I continue to 'judge' or 'condemn' or want pornography and sex abuse to be stopped, if I myself also existed within the same mind-systems as any other person who would participate in sex and sexual abuse.

This is where I started peeling the layers of my own mind with regards to 'addiction' and specifically for this example the addiction both to 'the desire for relationship' as well as the addiction to masturbation. Now what I am walking here is not in-depth - meaning how we have structured our understanding of 'how the mind works' - is done in course form and in interviews, therefore what I share here are more basic overviews and insights into the process of understanding and self change that I have walked thus far. So, when realized that for the world to change I have to change, I could therefore not say no to challenging my own pre-designs with regards to who I had become as my thoughts, words and deeds.

Therefore in this example around sexuality, I peeled the layers of how I currently viewed and experienced sex and masturbation. I found there were many layers to my experiences - therefore I took one experience at a time and walked the creational time lines of how it started - the years and moments in my youth, where experiences around sex and masturbation - were taken in by my mind and together with other pre-programmed mind systems, turned into my specific character and personalities around sexuality. For example what I noticed as I walked backwards in time was that like most people I grew up developing conflicted, morality views on sexuality. From there I had experiences like most people that involved boys, and what contributed to my sexual development were the specific mind experiences which all eventually for each individual fit together like puzzle pieces to one day down the line (the 'now') combine and become a pre-programmed design which in specific moments when faced with for example sexuality will literally 'come up' from the back of the mind as thoughts, which lead to emotional experiences and reactions, which influence ones behaviour, combined with the energy that moves through the physical especially around the sexual organs. This we then perceive as 'natural responses' or 'who we are' or our 'god given designs' - however we don’t see that most of our experiences are programmed into us from firstly the experiences and life time fears and belief systems passed down in our DNA from our parents, and secondly as I mentioned previously from moments of experiences we have as we grow up - where the mind creates itself from quantum moments.

So to cut a long story short - I was able to then after writing out the 'how' my sexual ideals, desires and addictions were created -apply self forgives on the various dimensions of the design - which as I started above is to much to go into now, so I will simply stick to how this allowed me to change from sexual addiction to sexual self expression. Which means that I worked with removing all the layers that made up my sexuality to get back to a purified me within sexuality, where I was not being moved by memories or societal ideas or fears etc, to get to a point where my thoughts about sexuality were not based on anything other then me here in physical self expression. The same then for my deeds - where I through removing these layers by applying the self forgiveness, stopped the movement of sex-energy which would drive and manipulate me towards looking for a partner and words, where I no longer participated in sex talk with my partner, as I realized that was part of the energy-matrix design where one 'builds up energy' which is connected to the secret mind where we store all our nasty imagery and symbols about sex, which largely comes from (and this is an example of what I referred to above about influences and moments from the past that make up your design of who you are now) - pornography, movies, television etc…

Day 154: Living by the principle of what is best for all part 5

Previous Blogs in this series:



"If I truly felt anything towards abuse, towards the problems we faced – I had to start with me and stop yelling to the skies, or blaming the government, or blaming the obvious baddies etc. I mean if one uses a bit of common sense you will realize that even if we ended up like in those end of the word Apocalypse movies, where we get shipped to another planet because we have destroyed this one. What would change? Nothing – due to our inherent nature, we as who we have become would simply start all over again and destroy – in time the new planet; basic common sense. If we don't change, nothing will change. So therefore this principle of ‘doing what is best for all’ became my full understanding as the solution. If we want to stop the madness and have ‘what is best’ – how can we expect to still live the secret aspects of our minds as our fears and justifications for our self interest? How can we respect jesus as an example of a man who did and encourages living what is best – but we continue not living what is best?  Why must somebody else like a guru or deity or religious figure or politicians do what is best for us, but we don't want to live that within ourselves as a principle?"



So with regards to realizing the Principle of doing what is best for all, I realizes firstly as mentioned in my previous blog, that this would directly imply that I would have to become the change that I expected from the world - because if I did not change my beingness, the starting point of who I was as the human living on this planet directly creating and participating and allowing abuse in all forms of its creation from minuscule to large - then obviously we don’t stand a chance. At first this was a bit of a shock, a revelation that at first allowed me to feel relief as I realised that I could finally stop waiting for some god or deity or 'powerful special person' to save me, but then a while later as I looked at the real steps that I will have to take to bring that about, it left me experiencing a slight bit of anxiety in my solar plexus, as it dawned on me that self change actually means changing who I am, how and what I think and what I allow to exist within me.

Therefore even thought at Desteni you will notice we use many big words or knowledge concepts such as 'self honesty, self forgiveness, self responsibility and self realization. But if you take a closer look at the people who apply these tools and principles - what we are directly saying by speaking these words is that for each it becomes a point of 'living' the words, not just merely speaking them. Obviously this in itself as I realized is the difficult part because and this ties in with the definition of the statement: Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all - what this means is to actually investigate, take responsibility for and change how I have conditioned myself into how I think and speak and express myself.

Artwork: https://www.facebook.com/marlen.delrazo
As an example of : Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all; What does this practically mean? This means as stated above that I would like to live in a world where we stop deceiving and abusing and living only for self interest as the addiction to the Mind. This means that my principle becomes doing and living that which in all ways will always support us as humanity to be better people, functioning in all ways to create a society of people that are actually if one were to say 'the image and likeness of god' - and here I am not saying I belief in a god - here I am referring to what one would understand to be the best human possible. What would this imply - well for me this means stopping all actions, words and thoughts that are not in my best interest, because if it is not what is best for me, then it is obviously not what is best for others - and therefore one will say that to direct one in ones words, thoughts and deeds, is to in every moment asses 'me', meaning to purify my thoughts, words and deeds.

Next blog: walking an example of Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

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