Day 37: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 22

This is a continuation from:


http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-36-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“From there due to the types of websites I was already using, I found my mind constantly chasing me to find more and more absurd and hardcore porn.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself through the nature of my thoughts, to chase myself into and as the habit of seeking and needing more stimulation, more hard core imagery to stimulate my mind into and as anger and rage – therefore designing exactly how and where I would Possess myself into these states of energy – which I will later blame or society, my ex-partner, my parents, god, etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give such power to the images and symbols presented in pornography, that I allowed myself to become subject to all the hidden, nasty meanings behind why this pornography exists in the first place.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become one and equal to these images and for proclaiming that I was the victim, that had to use the images to fuel my anger and to support me through this ‘rough experience’.



“I would feel a rush of power as I masturbated to these scenes where woman were being hurt, embarrassed, mutilated. My thoughts when alone at home were always around which new category of porn I could investigate.”



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project guilt, blame and anger onto my ex-partner through participating in my mind as I participated in the images of pornography and what these images fueled within my mind.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take and be self-responsibility, by realizing that instead of changing the relationship construct as I had experienced it – I was now participating in the fucked up nature of what relationships and sex had become in this world.

“I went through various sites and then I came across child pornography. The sensation as I flicked through some of the images were triggered by thoughts linked to sheer vengeance towards my ex wife and the baby that she wanted to have with another man – and how she wanted what she wanted without giving me what I wanted. The child before my eyes as a victim to what I could do – became the new source of hatred I used to feed this frenzy I constantly felt around the desire to masturbate. I watched child porn while I masturbated not because I found the children attractive – but the sense power overwhelmed me. In that my mind developed new thoughts, new sensations in my body as my addiction used my rage to fuel itself. After using child pornography for years – I could no longer tell the difference between a normal sexual attraction to a woman and this link I had created between my anger and the rush I felt from watching child pornography. To me sexual pleasure was derived from my secret reality I could access on the internet.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the internet to provide me as my mind as who I had become with all the ammunition I required to fully experience a form of vengeance towards my ex-partner – not realizing that what I was in fact doing was repeating the cycle of abuse as the past which contributed to the decisions that both myself and my partner made, which contributed to the way in which we acted, which were abusive in nature.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as I turned to child pornography I had become my own memories – whereby the past moments where I experienced myself being abused by my partner, was in fact now here as a perpetual loop, through which I cycled back into abuse, being the very abuse, as I became ‘the abuser.’



Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when the moment came for me to stop what I was doing and to stop the cycles of abuse, as I so claimed were ‘damaging to me and ‘not benefiting me’ – but instead of stopping I turned to further Abuse of others – thus indicating that it was never about me stopping the Abuse, but instead living out my design as an abuser –because I would not even change myself in the face of ‘being abused’ but in fact became an even worse abuser, than what was done to me – therefore the essence of who I really was and am – has now been revealed to me.



Therefore - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and exist as the very nature of myself all forms of abuse that has ever existed, as what has been shown to me by me, within my very actions – is that I became the worst of all -  because I experience a form of discomfort and abuse – and therefore have no excuse but to realize in oneness and equality that I stand here naked before myself as ‘abuse’ – and from here can walk myself through self-forgiveness out of this point through absolute forgiveness of self.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that self-forgiveness is possible as me, as a living statement of who I am as I take full self responsibility for my past, present and who I will become as my future – as I realize that all creation points as character as myself are in fact here for me to see, realize and understand and self forgive – as no one did it to me – but it was me all along as I exist as part of the abuse that is currently being accepted and allowed by all. Therefore –



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to amalgamate all points here as myself as I see, realize and understand that it is not about blaming another for their ‘abuse points’, as I realize my part in the ‘greater design of abuse’ as it happens within each due to the participation in thoughts, backchat, reactions, and physical behavioral acceptances – therefore I take self responsibility for myself here as the pattern of abusive-character as I formed part of it then and now – where my memories in fact show me how I designed the character as myself.



I commit myself to make it possible for people to write out any character without fear of judgment.



I commit myself to support any person who is willing to support themselves through any character design.



I commit myself to show how the therapies that exist currently, all support the Mind as Characters - where the being is taken through steps to amalgamate themselves into a more functional character that is still dependent on polarities of good/bad, right/wrong, healthy/sick – all the words that are living expressions that lock the being into Mind Systems, where one will continue to live your life serving a polarity design of oneself instead of living here as the Physical. These Designs, perpetually reinforced through Psychology etc. exist purely to support humanity as we have become, as the characters that support the world systems. So ask yourself the question – does Science and the current Health Modalities really understand the Human Mind, or do they Support the Human as we currently exist as our fucked-upness? If Psychology and co. did anything worth while to change humanity – then firstly scientists would go hungry because no-one would sponsor and support them, because the scientists no longer create addicted, dependent, thinking, feelings humans – designed as machines that can be manipulated through the media. Secondly you would see a change in humanity – and not the mass problem we are facing called ‘The Human’ as the entirety of the ‘Human-experience’ as we exist now as a Mind that consists of Thoughts, backchat, reactions, energy, feelings, emotions, pictures, and physical behaviors – all centered around the addiction to energy and the need to please self-interest. So – we know now that current heath care professionals do in fact not change anything, but contribute to the problems in the way that they support the very mind design that consequentially has the effect of becoming the same characters that we see in billions, each day abusing Life in all forms from the obvious child pornographer – to the family man who brainwashes his child into becoming Fear due to the parents fear of death within the system, while calling this ‘Love.’



· Please realize, as I indicated at the beginning of this Child Pornography Blog, that I am here only walking two examples of Child-Pornographer-Characters. The Self-Forgiveness has also been mostly a general overview and examples based on thoughts, backchat, reactions, physical behaviors and ‘decisions’ – which make up the character point. Therefore for each who decides to walk self-forgiveness in de-constructing a specific character, self-forgiveness would be walked in detail – specific to your experiences until the self-forgiveness is done and one becomes the self-correction and change.



I suggest for those who would like to walk self-forgiveness on characters to either join us on the Demonology Forum or Desteni Forum. If you are dealing with a ‘sensitive subject’ such as child pornography and would like to write anonymously, please register on the Demonology Forum, where we allow people to register with fake names, specifically for this reason.



The next blog will be written from the character design perspective of Society and Family in relation to Child Pornography.

Further Reading/Viewing: 

The Consciousness of a Suicide Bomber

Overwhelmed with Sexual Fantasies Part 1

Overwhelmed with Sexual Fantasies Part 2

The Consciousness of a Mass Murderer

Humanity is One Body One Life

Day 8: International Crime Research - Bi-Polar Disorders and Violent Crimes Part 1

Bipolar Disorder and Violent Crime - New Evidence From Population-Based Longitudinal Studies and Systematic Review Part 1

The context and outcome of this study was to identify whether there was in fact a relationship between Bi-Polar disorders and violent crimes. The information I have taken from the website: ‘jamanetwork.com’, which present an article about a longitudinal study based on proving the validity of violent crimes linked to Bi-Polar Disorder.

Please note that I am not disputing or validating the research findings or opinions of the author(s), researchers or website developers. I am taking the research presented on Crime related topics and using it as a platform from which to support myself through self-forgiveness, to stop the patterns existent within myself, through which myself and humanity have given permission to and designed ‘Crime’ as it exists today. I will also indicate within my self-forgiveness statements the connection between how we as humanity have stopped honoring life and have allowed the existing system and the existence of crime as an outflow of the abuse of life and the fear of survival (money). 

I am busy with my third year Psychology with a minor in Criminology. I served 5 years as a reservist in the South African Police Force and therefore have always had an interest in the dynamic of Crime and Crime prevention. My interest in Life to is find solutions to the problems that we face in this world, by looking at the ways in which we as humanity have separated ourselves from life and how we value Abuse of Self and others over Life. You might ask yourself the question how it is that ‘we’ do this, as all of us simply ‘go about’ our lives on a  day to day basis. In each Blog I will show the relationships between who we have become within ourselves and how we through our accepted self-designs (including our pre-programming) contribute to the design of our reality. What we have come to accept as ourselves and our world is that of Survival as the Mind - which is our Fear, Ego, Likes/Dislikes, Personality Traits, Feeling and Emotion Reaction Traits such as rage, anxiety, the desire for acceptance, desire to be loved, jealousy, comparison, hatred, annoyance, possessiveness, intolerance, greed and the list of human experiences go on.

From a practical Perspective I am always highlighting that within Self which does not support Self, within the context of what is best for all. Therefore as you will notice, Crime by its ‘Design’ is showing us those parts of ourselves that are not supportive of Life. Crime is showing us where we are Abusing ourselves and Life, through accepting ourselves as that which crime represents and shows us - the rage, the hatred, the jealousy, the desire for control etc. Crime as I have realized does not just happen ‘out there’ to other people - crime is a mirror for all of us as it originates from all human experience and exist as an outflow of our experiences we have all allowed to become the director of ourselves.

As an example you will notice that I will be taking on each aspect of how crime develops and brining it back to Self - because each person who commits crime, is doing so from a starting point which originates in the same starting point that you or I would use when we are faced with situations where we are forced to survive as Monetary Survival or Survival of me as My Mind as ‘My Personality’. As you will notice what is happening in this world is a complete disregard for one another, because everybody is to busy fighting for Survival - both as The Mind and for Money. The two points are interlinked because Capitalism uses ‘The Mind’ of the individual as you will see it in its fullest glory all over the news and social media, as ‘My Self-Interest’, to impulse people to participate in Consumerism and the advancements of Capitalism. As the Human we want to defend ‘my Mind’ and therefore participate willingly in capitalism and accepts all the Abuse in the world that goes with it, because Money buys us what we believe in our minds is necessary for us to ‘feel happy’ and to expand on our joy and happiness and fulfillment as it is experienced through the mind, based on the preferences of ‘My personality’. Money also allows us to avoid conflict and Fear by allowing us to buy a life style and to associate with people who allow us to separate ourselves from the horrors that other people have to experience. 

I suggest watch the Documentary ‘The Trap’, which explains the development of Self-Interest at the rise and benefit of Capitalism, and how the human has always been pre-programmable under the guise of ‘Choice’ and ‘Individuality’, to the point where no matter what Abuse is allowed in the name of Capitalism, we will justify the Abuse because The Happiness of Self is everything and Survival is all we ‘know’.

Therefore - to summarize you will see that I will be applying Self Forgiveness for accepting the specific crime for existing in the first place because I have participated, firstly in creating a world where people are driven to having to commit crimes due to Economic reasons. Secondly I will be looking at how I Designed the personality of that particular Crime by looking at myself within the Context of that Design. So for example looking at the Character within the Context of the Blog about ‘Bi-Polar disorder’ and whether it contributes to violent crimes’ (in my next blog). I will be placing myself one and equal to ‘Bi-Polar disorder’ and exploring who I am within this Design. I will therefore be looking at for example, the allowance of Bi-Polar as a pre-programmed design of the mind (more on this later). I will be looking at what Bi-Polar represents as a Mind-Construct or Design and applying self forgiveness accordingly. I will also be looking at how as society I have rejected or blamed or projected onto those with Bi-Polar disorder my anguish, anger or fear about ‘Violent Crimes’, instead of directing Bi-Polar Disorder as the Disorder of Human Nature within myself first - to stop the cycles we are in as humanity as ‘Bi-Polar Disorder’ and what it represents about the human mind. So for each Crime Personality Design, I will be looking at how this Design exists within me and Humanity - and how I have allowed it, feared it and come to accept it as a normal part of ‘being human’. This way - as you will notice I am firstly standing Equal and One to this Design as myself so that I may stop the Design as myself. This by implication means that I am taking Self-Responsibility for each Design, so that in every breath in my life from this moment forward I am no longer participating in that ‘Crime personality’ and ALL the FACETS of it - as it would exist within me. This I will demonstrate within the Self Forgiveness Statements. 

Where solutions to the Crime or Criminological Research has been presented within the text I quote, I will also be walking through the Self-Forgiveness, where I see that the Researchers are not taking into consideration the responsibility of Humanity or Solutions that abdicate responsibility into a modality that separates us as humanity from the problem. Therefore I look at how to find the real solutions to the problems. An  example would be - which you can practice looking at for yourself is to not at face value simply ‘beLIEve what the scientist say is the solution. They are also trapped in our existing Money System - therefore if people commit crimes due to economic reasons - the Scientists will never present the solution as being ‘change the economic problems by changing the money system that forces people into crime’, instead they will propose solutions for the person to ‘adjust and align themselves to becoming more functional - within this existing money system. By encouraging one person to ‘go find a job’ or to ‘find ‘honest’ ways of ‘making money’ you are simply shifting the point as there are always billions of people without an income and billions of ways in which people are exploited within the current capitalist system, simply for the purpose of profit. The Capitalistic System for example by its’ ‘design’ - is designed around greed and exploitation for profit, with shortcuts, redundancy and lies being at the core of the Capitalistic Principle. Therefore the solutions presented to the research will always try and place a bandage over the problem, but the problem will continue to exist always on a  global level affecting billions of beings daily - and the problem is getting worse. Again if you observe most crime committed as an act of ‘The Mind’ of that person - Scientists will never admit that the human is not taking self responsibility for our nature, thoughts, behaviors, feelings and emotions because then, if they brought to light how we should find solutions to the ‘Mind’ experience of the human they would be out of a job .  Therefore the psychologists and Scientists will suggest therapies  and drugs that place the human in an ever dependent cycle on the system and the System of Consciousness, with no regard for placing the being in a position of effective change to stop all current cycles of human nature. Such solutions have never been presented by Scientists, Theorists, Philosophers because the human has been made dependent on and accepting of The Mind as we know it - where we have come to believe that who we are now is all we are and change is impossible or to be feared  -as if losing or changing this destructive part of ourselves will mean the end of us. Stopping what we have become, will not mean the end - it will mean the birthing of Life for all here in our Physical Bodies into lives worth living, where we will no longer be birthing children into this world to repeat the sins of the fathers. 

Finding the self corrective solution within all of this, is why I am walking this blog, to assist and support myself as the World as specifically ‘Crime-Designs’ - to no longer accept and allow myself as ‘Crime-Designs’ and to direct myself through these Mind experiences, to stand clear, within self responsibility, and self direction - to create a future for humanity that truly functions within what is best for all.

Part 2 continues with a look at Bipolar Disorder and Violent Crime - New Evidence From Population-Based Longitudinal Studies and Systematic Review