Showing posts with label personality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personality. Show all posts

Monday, November 10, 2014

Day 171: The Paranormal Series part 32 - Demons vs. Angels part 19

This blog is a continuation from:




"Obviously this did not work either because after a  few days he was back to his usual self. So the reason why I am sharing these smaller stories is to show how far along I went into and got consumed with spirituality to try and solve my problems. I am therefore walking the time line of events, or at least those that pop up for me in my memories, so that in my sharing I am obviously firstly for myself seeing and reminding myself of how change has to always be self and not a 'band-aid' method that works with good feelings to avoid negative feelings. That in actuality - all those years as I stuck to the really odd-ball situations, choices and people I chose to live with and for - this was really who I had become and the answer was always all along to change myself to no longer accept myself as for example 'abused' or vulnerable' or 'in need of guidance' or 'spiritual' etc..."

Secondly in my sharing I obviously would like to also assist other people who are faced with choices to make the changes required, but like myself are facing the point of absolute fear and denial, and would rather cling to hope and religion than do the actual legg-work of real time changing. So obviously the changing I am referring to is and was not only on a physical level - for example leaving the abusive boyfriend or pushing myself to become self supportive - yes practical changes are an absolute part of the changing process, but what I am also referring to is the 'self-changing' required and this as most are able to relate, is the most difficult part. Using the 'inner child' analogy as an example - I am not saying we have an inner child - this use to be white light constructed designs within the mind conscious system and therefore were merely placements through which the human was controlled through and by 'the white light' (heaven) according to our 'pre-programmed life designs'.

But the reason why I use this inner child here as an example, while we are on the topic is to show how for example even though the advice from the 'guides' were in a sense practical - in that he had to change himself and ultimately let go - which was why we did on a symbolic level the merging of himself to his supressed inner child while also stopping the addiction to the 'entity' which represented all his anger and jealousy. But what this in essence would have meant - had he and myself really understood 'self-change would have meant forgiving self for having accepted self for becoming the anger and jealousy and thus creating from that a 'backup system' per so - or shall we call it a protective survival personality. Therefore the key would have been to take responsibility for his creation in full understanding of what he allowed and to therefore within himself no longer accept and allow himself to further participate in the design and allowance of such personality designs. So obviously what was missing from what we did, which we did not understand was that changing oneself is an absolute statement and 'gift' of self forgiveness - in which one takes responsibility for what you have allowed, while giving oneself the power and awareness that you are the one that lets go and that within this you are in essence giving yourself back to yourself - where one had stood back and allowed experiences to determine who one is throughout ones life. Therefore one literally 'goes with the flow' such as in this case where he became possessed by this 'entity' or personality design because he did not know that 'self' is already here- meaning me as complete here, no parts missing or dependant on some force or special technique to bring it back.

So funnily enough what all these little spiritual techniques showed me upon introspection, was that we are obviously from very young taught that who we are is very much dependent on developing ourselves into completeness -and this is done through firstly the education system, our parents, religion, and the roles we accept within society - and that for each this will depend obviously on ones religious and cultural choices (or upbringing). Therefore in most forms of philosophy about 'who we are' very few modalities will say 'I am here' full stop. Meaning who I am is already here as this physical body and that therefore I use knowledge but I am not determined by knowledge (the mind). Currently our understanding is that it is exactly the other way around that the physical is merely a vessel for 'I think therefore I am'

So looking back at that whole little exercise - as I mentioned before, it allowed me my own insights into how we have a whole song and dance literally for amalgamating parts of ourselves, instead of realizing - I am HERE.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Day 159: The Paranormal Series part 20 - Demons vs. Angels part 7

This blog is a continuation from:



"At the same time 'the boyfriend' made it possible for me to study Kinesiology. This was another factor that caused me to not leave him. I simply kept reminding myself that if I left him, I would have to give up my studies. Therefore - as I mentioned in my previous 2 blogs -I developed a 'new age' light worker type of personality, focusing on helping others, as I more and more related to a life of misery, suppression and compromise. On the other hand I developed a 'darker side (Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering - Yoda) - a coping mechanism to not really have to collapse in a heap, where I could vent and be angry and hate."

At the same time what had started developing in me was an increased fascination with 'the dead'. As I mentioned in the video series and book that I did on my 'demon possession experience' this all started around the age of 19. I went to a friends house for his birthday party. There I met another friend of his, whom was a Wiccan. I found this very interesting of course, due to the fact that I was always reading about the paranormal and alternative types of beliefs and happening in the world. So, I spent quite a while asking him questions about how his belief worked and of course when he mentioned that he was into communicating with his guides and other spirits on the Ouija board, that really peaked my interest. He invited me to come round to his house sometime and visit him, so that I could see how he plays on the Ouija Board and then he could also explain more to me about his spirituality. We didn’t want to continue talking to much about it, as we could see some people around the table looked a bit uncomfortable.

I decided to take him up on his offer and I contacted him a few days later. At this stage of my life I was unemployed, frustrated and did not know what I would do with my life. I had studied horsemanship after school, but could not find a job working with horses that I would enjoy and as I mentioned in my previous blog I could not find a permanent 'system' job due to affirmative action. Therefore only occasionally would I find a temping job that would last a week to a month, but generally I sat at home and entertained myself with my books. Therefore meeting this interesting character, with his interesting ways, gave me something new to focus on and to divert my attention from my own life.

The first day I visited him he showed me how he used the Ouija board. Looking back now and knowing what I know now about demons and what use to be 'ghosts' I have to giggle - but we will get to 'why' later on. When we got onto the Ouija board he introduced me to his 'spirit guides' - Isis, Thor, Diana etc, whom were all Wiccan guides/deities, as he explained it to me. Lol they explained to me that I was to a 'natural witch' and that it was no coincidence that I met this new friend of mine. This was very exiting for both J (we shall call him) and myself. I felt wanted and appreciated. They told me more about magic and about themselves and a part of me was slightly anxious, because reading about 'ghosts' is one thing but actually communicating with them was completely new to me - therefore I did not really fully know what to make of this new experience. But, I would definitely say that I was leaning towards a bit of excitement at this new prospect of this entire new realm that I was now being given insight into.

The next day J phoned me and asked me if I enjoyed my visit. I told him that I did and that I have been thinking about everything that he had told me about his spirituality and the guides and that I really enjoyed 'how it all sounded' - one could say that it 'resonated' with me. I explained that the principles of Wicca made sense to me. He told me that after he dropped me at home he went back onto the Ouija board and asked the spirit guides what they thought of me and so forth, and they told him that if I wanted to join him and them, that they would be my guides as well. After he explained this to me I felt this particular energy rise up into my chest - which one could in a nut shell call 'belonging', fulfilment, 'acceptance' and dare I say 'empowerment'. Probably here for the first time in my life I was not afraid, I was not subject to a persons anger, or their sadness such as I grew up with around my father whom had adult depression.

I felt like I belonged and that I was being given an opportunity to be someone and to empower myself. This is after all what all human beings strive for - self empowerment, self acceptance and to do and be that which one enjoys. So of course I was very much drawn to this new possibility and of course it also meant that I could escape my life as it was at that stage. You have to understand, and I am sure you are able to relate if you look back at your 'teens' - all of us grow up thinking, hoping and believing that we will 'go' somewhere in life, make something of ourselves, maybe even marry 'the love of our lives' and maybe just maybe end up having enough money to live comfortable lives of joy and bliss! I wanted this as much as any other young person who had just left school - therefore, having spent the last year walking the streets looking for a job, being humiliated, worrying about my future and having a relationship with my mother (with whom I lived) which was deteriorating day by day as she pushed more for me to find a work and me becoming more and more withdrawn and agitated - this obviously, as you can imagine did not paint a very pretty picture. I was being faced with a life that was obviously heading very much into the opposite direction of what everyone hopes and believes they will attain once they leave school and enter into 'adulthood'...

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Day 97: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 2



This blog is a continuation from:

Day 96: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use



The next part of the Documentary focusses on the drug users, who get together, take a drug like ecstasy, and allow themselves to spend an evening of conversation, and allowing themselves to experience closeness and a new found comfort with those on their company and with themselves. This type of drug use, allows the user to develop self intimacy and self expression, where the drug allows them to let go of fear and inhibitions and be more open and expressive. Here one would classify drug use within the same context's of using it to either heighten or suppress experiences for the user, allowing one to step out of one Mind-Personality suit, so to speak - to for a few hours experience that which you are not usually able to give to yourself.

Obviously, there are various reasons why people take drugs - the main contexts that one is able to see stepping forth though, is that the drug connects to the users mind and changes, suppresses or heightens certain mental aspects for the person on their behalf, this obviously depends on the chemical compound i.e. the purpose of the drug.

Each drug user will give a reason for using the drug, and that reason is how the person defend their use of drug. If one then look behind the reason, which is usually the beautiful things like 'expression' spirituality and heightened levels of consciousness' you will see the cause behind why people use drugs. The causes are for example depression, anxiety, Fear, wanting to forget, Pain, Worries, Suppression of Emotions such as Anger, Jealousy, to alleviate the discomfort around poverty and lack of money to purchase what others have etc..




The drug user and the drug culture will always stop at the Reason given for using drugs, and for most the trigger points of using specific words like spiritual enlightenment or opening oneself up to having a good time - is the universal triggers within each, to continue allowing and accepting these Chemical-Mind Relationships -because within most human beings a desire exists to be able to escape their mundane experience in Life, and to have the happy, joyous experience. However, by providing a Chemical crux from which people can skip ahead to the desired outcome, nobody really wants to look at the actual causes.

Therefore as a society, we have come to accept the causes of suffering and discomfort - as part of 'Life' and therefore we have all fallen into the marketing trap of consumerism of -buying the apparent solution to the discomfort. However, as any person is able to see , it is not the solution to the problems, for example if human beings have over the last 60 years become increasing addicted to the experience of 'Energy; existent within and as polarities of happy and sad - then this in itself shows how we will accept life situations where people endure sadness/abuse in life, and that the cure is to seek happiness. Nobody has ever changed the value systems of our Society so that these Polarity systems no longer have to exist. Consumerism functions according to these Human-Polarity Systems, therefore those who study how the Human Mind functions, will not reveal that they understand the problem and that there are solutions to these Self-Abuse Systems - instead - because everyone is dependent on an income, we all Lie to the consumer, selling them the product which is always about accepting hardships/pain/suffering and then participating in whichever drug like consumerism, entertainment, drugs, sex etc until the 'bad experience goes away'.

So if one were to peal the layer of any drug habit one will go one step back to the reason given, then if one take a step back from that you will see the actual cause. This cause, if directed effectively within our society would mean the end of this entire Abuse pattern with it's 'cause, reason and solution'. However the human as a consumer of Energy is already addicted to the energy experiences which are used by corporations to ensure our daily consistent participation in the Capitalistic system. Even if it is something as strange as forcing somebody to find money somehow to be able to feed your physical body after somebody else claimed ownership of the natural resources given to all by the physical by the physical. Under the laws and values of Capitalism, we have designed these very strange laws and rules, such as 'no health care, then you can suffer and die' - and yet everyone has accepted it because those who direct and manufacture these strange laws do so according to the Human Mind Systems of Energy Addiction - and that is why the populous follow whatever the governments and law makers and corporations throw at us, because they are always triggering our sense of survival within our Energy Dependent Mind Consciousness Systems.


I watched a fascinating documentary today called: "Obey' - which gives an effective overview of where we are at on the world, who directs what and where are we headed. I suggest watch it.

So getting back to drugs and the causes of drug use, no matter what the 'drug' is. If one look back for example at the two scenarios I extracted from the documentary, you will see that the main concepts around drugs use - the 'prettifying' of why people use drugs are always words like 'Love', 'enlightenment' 'enjoyment', 'bliss', heightened consciousness', the universe, 'oneness', 'letting go', cleansing', 'pleasure', 'comfort', 'courage' etc. Just like the description/explanation in the documentary 'Obey' the actual causes behind why any human entertains and distracts themselves within these fake realities, is really to cope with Life as we have come to accept it. Behind the pretty concepts like Oneness and Love, really exists boredom, fear, anger, jealousy, loneliness, fear of survival, etc. Mostly it allows the being to quieten their Mind, to be able to go into a Mind Reality where all is well, in fact there it looks like the universe and you get to travel amongst the stars and visit parallel universes and you gain access to knowledge not previous known etc.... an interesting journey for the participant who is drawn away from the conscious awareness of THIS physical reality into a Alternate Mind-Reality that amazes the Human, drawing them back, time and time again to the next drug experience. The Mind is very good at providing symbols, pictures, information and experiences with the guidance of course of the these Mind-altering chemical.

The causes are those aspects of our current reality that no person, that I have met thus far really, actually wants to face or even change. In the documentary they also speak about this point quite clearly - where most people understand that to go against the systems that cause the suffering and discomfort which are the real reasons behind why we do what we do such as the use of drugs, and the obsession with entertainment, celebrities and the self image created through the media - to go against these 'causes' could cost you your comforts in Life and your health and safety. We are constantly bombarded with images of America etc bombing countries that dared go against the ultimate force - and we constantly see CNN-type images of protester beings shot, set on fure etc - and how their choice of 'standing' mostly costs them their lives - and within the quantum Mind (how the mind really functions at a quantum level) we process and decide to not 'fuck' with these system that could discriminate and hurt us if we stepped out of line. Each person just wants to actually live a nice, fun live and therefore the idea for most of giving that up to be a revolutionary or an activist, seems like... hard work and potential pain and suffering. So, why bother - it is not my generation that will see the end of this debacle we see unfolding before us.

To be continued...

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