Day 74: International Crime Research: The Psychology of Crimes Against Life: Heuristics Part 1

This past year, one of my Psychology undergraduate subjects was 'Social Psychology'. As part of this Blog series I will apply self-Forgiveness on all te Personality-Character Designs within 'Social Psychology, which have all been accepted as 'the way we are' and 'human nature' - where not even within Psychology or these Psychology textbooks, is mention ever made, that these accepted Personality-Character designs are actually the foundation of how we Live and become Abusers of life on this planet.

Thus far I have been walking the Series on The Character Design of Serial Killers, where I draw a comparison between the Mind of 'Serial Killers' and the Mechanics of the Mind of your average 'Human'. I decided to walk the two series' parallel to each other, which is actually quite specific, as walking the 'Social Psychology Series' will indeed assist in connecting the dots between the Psychology of a Serial Killer and the same Mind-Mechanics of 'The Human' as Abuser of Life.

"Social Psychology: The Scientific field that seeks to understand the nature and causes of individual behavior and thought in social situations."

Heuristics: 

According to the Social Psychology Textbook Heuristics are "simple rules for making complex decisions or drawing inferences in a rapid manner and seemingly effortless". You get the following types of Heuristics:

1. Representativeness Heuristic: "a strategy for making judgments based on which the extent to which current stimuli or events resemble other stimuli or categories" (Social Psychology 46). An example would be meeting a person for the first time, and noticing that her clothing style is rather conservative, neat and orderly - and through this you connect her clothing style to other people whom you have seen wearing the same thing, and from this you try and assume who this person could be and the profession he/she follows - therefore conservative, neat, orderly could be school teacher, librarian, business manager. The extent to which we take this 'association-program' exists within the confinement of associating values to people and things and accordingly also programming into this association all kinds of judgments as likes and dislikes. Take this one step further and you are looking at the human as an example or an organic robot, where we program all new events and experiences into our Mind according to predetermined values. This is how we categorize our world, not according to how things are, but according to energy system - wherein we assign values to people and things, based on how we experience ourselves in the presence of these predetermined values. For example in the case of 'school teacher, librarian, business manager' - the labeling effect included basing our own judgments into these labels, as mentioned previously according to how we experienced ourselves when around 'school teachers, librarians, business managers'. This would mean that when we are meeting a new person, and make the connection according to his/her way of dressing, speaking or their life style - and we allow this automatic program to 'kick in' and through this automatically react by 'making a decision about the person' we are directly allowing ourselves to not experience life and each other and this physical reality as it is, directly by observing this as they are - but we filter through pre-programmed likes and dislikes.

If one observes the world today - this heuristic is seen everywhere as we judge each other according to what we wear, where we went to school, the economic bracket we live within, the type of car we drive, our choice of lifestyle, our physical characteristics, career etc. In the background we have from young been indoctrinated into believing that who we are is dependent on how we speak, look and appear to others. Therefore the consumerism market plays on the fact that from young, people are projecting their self worth into and onto other 'things', 'concepts' and 'people' such as celebrities and our accomplishments and 'status' in life. Within this nobody questions whether this is truly what is best for man, because everybody who teachers this projection of self through things and people, have come to accept the consumeristic nature of our existence. Even when realizing that Capitalism thrives from this human internal battle, through selling us through whatever means possible, our 'self-worth and 'self-acceptance', we go as far as supplying instant justifications that we are doing so to keep 'the economy supported'.

Most act according to this Representativeness Heuristic through the belief one grew up within, that self is and has always been dependent on others. That is why religion is shoved down our throats - even if one considers that a child is born not knowing of gods and things like beauty vs. ugly - but soon is indoctrinated into all these beliefs and made to live it, or is reminded that self will not be acceptable to others and that you will 'go nowhere in life' if you dont 'fit in'. I remember from my own childhood experience, my mother tried to support me within her own frame of reference by always reminding me to walk tall, wear nice clothing, do not chew my nails and dont swear so much'...or you wont meet a nice man who will want to marry you. Here we as the parents are copying the 'representativeness heuristic' style of programming that our parents designed us into as young organic robots - and we merely repeat the cycle - not once asking ourselves whether this is really what we want to be - a de-manned version of man, separated always into billions of personalities seeking 'self-value' through the 'experience' (energy) of self through the eyes and words of others.

Next I will walk examples of the components of the 'Representativeness Heuristic' Character/Personality in the Mind, consisting of the dimensions of Fear, Thought, Imagination, Backchat/Internal Conversations, Reactions (emotions/feelings) and also a Behavioural System.

For more information on the Character Dimensions: http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/character-dimensions-introduction-day.html

Thought Dimension: "Here, the Thought will be the ONE point that would activate the Representativeness Heuristic Character. The Thought can be in the form of an image/picture and/or Memory/past experience that would relate to activating the Representativeness Heuristic Character.

Thought as Image: Myself wearing old, frumpy clothes with ugly hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Thought as image/picture to automatically come up within my Conscious-Mind of me wearing old, frumpy clothes with ugly hair, that I in this forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I am in that moment accepting and allowing ONE THOUGHT coming up automatically within my Conscious Mind to determine, define who I am in my relationship to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that i made a decision when I programmed this image into and as myself, whereby I now deliberately set a trap, so to speak for myself as a picture that 'comes up within the mind' whereby I fall into this old trap, in which I go down the same road of emotions, feelings and physical behavioral changes, and within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to therefore, limit myself to a picture that in any given moment may come up and sieze my mind, from which point I allow myself to be taken directly into the other pre-programmed dimensions, whereby I am limiting myself into and as a pre-designed reactive state, all based on value systems I have imprinted into and as this one image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint into this one image the value system of 'ugly, not worthy and should be ignored, which were all value system I allowed myself to think about other people, which means that in that moment as I thought that about another, i gave permission to this value system of judgment, whereby I condemn myself and others to this energy system, which i trap myself into as a slave to this design.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this energy value system i imprinted into and as this 'image' is not real, and only exist as the ugly nature of the human Psyche that exists for energy and therefore,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this energy system to exist within me, even though in self honesty I am able to see, realize and understand that by sheer connotation, this system is abuse to myself and other and I therefore delete it from myself as I realize it does not serve anybody or thing in this physical reality and has always only served the ego, which harms Life for its own embellishment.

I commit myself, that when as as I see this image in my mind as a thought that is already in motion, that is about to trigger me into my pattern, to stop participation in the Thought, by taking a breath, letting go of any energy-physical buildups, and to remain here within my physical body.

I commit myself that when I am faced with an image of myself in a photo or mirror and at any point a thought moves in relation to what I am seeing, to stop, breathe and remain committed to supporting myself within physical practicality, to direct my decision about for example clothing etc, always in relation to what is practical and supports the physical body.



Imagination, Internal Conversations/Backchat/Voices in the Head, Reaction, Behavior and Fear Dimensions to follow...



 Baron R, Branscombe N, Byrne D. Social Psychology. Boston: USA. 2009. Print.

Day 37: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 22

This is a continuation from:


http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-36-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“From there due to the types of websites I was already using, I found my mind constantly chasing me to find more and more absurd and hardcore porn.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself through the nature of my thoughts, to chase myself into and as the habit of seeking and needing more stimulation, more hard core imagery to stimulate my mind into and as anger and rage – therefore designing exactly how and where I would Possess myself into these states of energy – which I will later blame or society, my ex-partner, my parents, god, etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give such power to the images and symbols presented in pornography, that I allowed myself to become subject to all the hidden, nasty meanings behind why this pornography exists in the first place.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become one and equal to these images and for proclaiming that I was the victim, that had to use the images to fuel my anger and to support me through this ‘rough experience’.



“I would feel a rush of power as I masturbated to these scenes where woman were being hurt, embarrassed, mutilated. My thoughts when alone at home were always around which new category of porn I could investigate.”



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project guilt, blame and anger onto my ex-partner through participating in my mind as I participated in the images of pornography and what these images fueled within my mind.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take and be self-responsibility, by realizing that instead of changing the relationship construct as I had experienced it – I was now participating in the fucked up nature of what relationships and sex had become in this world.

“I went through various sites and then I came across child pornography. The sensation as I flicked through some of the images were triggered by thoughts linked to sheer vengeance towards my ex wife and the baby that she wanted to have with another man – and how she wanted what she wanted without giving me what I wanted. The child before my eyes as a victim to what I could do – became the new source of hatred I used to feed this frenzy I constantly felt around the desire to masturbate. I watched child porn while I masturbated not because I found the children attractive – but the sense power overwhelmed me. In that my mind developed new thoughts, new sensations in my body as my addiction used my rage to fuel itself. After using child pornography for years – I could no longer tell the difference between a normal sexual attraction to a woman and this link I had created between my anger and the rush I felt from watching child pornography. To me sexual pleasure was derived from my secret reality I could access on the internet.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the internet to provide me as my mind as who I had become with all the ammunition I required to fully experience a form of vengeance towards my ex-partner – not realizing that what I was in fact doing was repeating the cycle of abuse as the past which contributed to the decisions that both myself and my partner made, which contributed to the way in which we acted, which were abusive in nature.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as I turned to child pornography I had become my own memories – whereby the past moments where I experienced myself being abused by my partner, was in fact now here as a perpetual loop, through which I cycled back into abuse, being the very abuse, as I became ‘the abuser.’



Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when the moment came for me to stop what I was doing and to stop the cycles of abuse, as I so claimed were ‘damaging to me and ‘not benefiting me’ – but instead of stopping I turned to further Abuse of others – thus indicating that it was never about me stopping the Abuse, but instead living out my design as an abuser –because I would not even change myself in the face of ‘being abused’ but in fact became an even worse abuser, than what was done to me – therefore the essence of who I really was and am – has now been revealed to me.



Therefore - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and exist as the very nature of myself all forms of abuse that has ever existed, as what has been shown to me by me, within my very actions – is that I became the worst of all -  because I experience a form of discomfort and abuse – and therefore have no excuse but to realize in oneness and equality that I stand here naked before myself as ‘abuse’ – and from here can walk myself through self-forgiveness out of this point through absolute forgiveness of self.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that self-forgiveness is possible as me, as a living statement of who I am as I take full self responsibility for my past, present and who I will become as my future – as I realize that all creation points as character as myself are in fact here for me to see, realize and understand and self forgive – as no one did it to me – but it was me all along as I exist as part of the abuse that is currently being accepted and allowed by all. Therefore –



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to amalgamate all points here as myself as I see, realize and understand that it is not about blaming another for their ‘abuse points’, as I realize my part in the ‘greater design of abuse’ as it happens within each due to the participation in thoughts, backchat, reactions, and physical behavioral acceptances – therefore I take self responsibility for myself here as the pattern of abusive-character as I formed part of it then and now – where my memories in fact show me how I designed the character as myself.



I commit myself to make it possible for people to write out any character without fear of judgment.



I commit myself to support any person who is willing to support themselves through any character design.



I commit myself to show how the therapies that exist currently, all support the Mind as Characters - where the being is taken through steps to amalgamate themselves into a more functional character that is still dependent on polarities of good/bad, right/wrong, healthy/sick – all the words that are living expressions that lock the being into Mind Systems, where one will continue to live your life serving a polarity design of oneself instead of living here as the Physical. These Designs, perpetually reinforced through Psychology etc. exist purely to support humanity as we have become, as the characters that support the world systems. So ask yourself the question – does Science and the current Health Modalities really understand the Human Mind, or do they Support the Human as we currently exist as our fucked-upness? If Psychology and co. did anything worth while to change humanity – then firstly scientists would go hungry because no-one would sponsor and support them, because the scientists no longer create addicted, dependent, thinking, feelings humans – designed as machines that can be manipulated through the media. Secondly you would see a change in humanity – and not the mass problem we are facing called ‘The Human’ as the entirety of the ‘Human-experience’ as we exist now as a Mind that consists of Thoughts, backchat, reactions, energy, feelings, emotions, pictures, and physical behaviors – all centered around the addiction to energy and the need to please self-interest. So – we know now that current heath care professionals do in fact not change anything, but contribute to the problems in the way that they support the very mind design that consequentially has the effect of becoming the same characters that we see in billions, each day abusing Life in all forms from the obvious child pornographer – to the family man who brainwashes his child into becoming Fear due to the parents fear of death within the system, while calling this ‘Love.’



· Please realize, as I indicated at the beginning of this Child Pornography Blog, that I am here only walking two examples of Child-Pornographer-Characters. The Self-Forgiveness has also been mostly a general overview and examples based on thoughts, backchat, reactions, physical behaviors and ‘decisions’ – which make up the character point. Therefore for each who decides to walk self-forgiveness in de-constructing a specific character, self-forgiveness would be walked in detail – specific to your experiences until the self-forgiveness is done and one becomes the self-correction and change.



I suggest for those who would like to walk self-forgiveness on characters to either join us on the Demonology Forum or Desteni Forum. If you are dealing with a ‘sensitive subject’ such as child pornography and would like to write anonymously, please register on the Demonology Forum, where we allow people to register with fake names, specifically for this reason.



The next blog will be written from the character design perspective of Society and Family in relation to Child Pornography.

Further Reading/Viewing: 

The Consciousness of a Suicide Bomber

Overwhelmed with Sexual Fantasies Part 1

Overwhelmed with Sexual Fantasies Part 2

The Consciousness of a Mass Murderer

Humanity is One Body One Life

Day 36: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 20

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-35-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“After another year Lucinda tells me one day out of the blue – that she has been seeing another man, whom she works with, and that she is pregnant. The shock hit me so hard that I simply sat there starring at her. Then the shock mutated into rage as I realized that yet again I was deceived by a woman into giving up my life and getting nothing for it."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the thoughts (backchat) around me ‘having to give up my life’ and ‘not getting anything for it’, as justification for fueling this pattern within me that I have been compounding – where I am allowing myself to become this character of rage.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ‘mutation of shock into rage’ – as my mind produced a backup system of ‘pent up’ emotions/feelings, reactions and backchat towards this one point – so that in the end I ‘mutate’ from initial reaction into rage as I am now fully possessed into and as this character I have been participating in designing for months/years.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by fueling this ‘rage character’ with backchat that was designed to make the other person look bad, and me look good – I was within dishonesty deliberately designing and premeditating my own possession into this ‘rage character’ – as the starting point of myself – in self honesty, was to become malicious and nasty towards the end of this relationship.

“I moved out of our apartment into a small one bedroom apartment on the other side of town – closer to my work. This is where I spent the rest of my time – from work I come home and I surfed the web, playing games until late at night. I used porn sites as I had done before, but now that I was living alone for the first time in years, combined with this seething rage – I started looking for specific porn. Rape porn and sadomasochism – were the only forms of pornography that gave me release. I enjoyed watching woman being abused and eventually only used hardcore porn sites.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately go down the path of revenge towards my partner, by deciding that I will from now on watch porn directed at being harmful towards the individual/woman.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pornography to exist in the first place, due to patterns like these where I as the human refuse to take self responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions and addictions – and through that manifest the consequential outflow within myself of ‘becoming a mind-monster’ and then supporting an industry that provides tools for me within my possessed state to be able to express myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from the original thought-moment of ‘seeing myself having revenge on woman’ to follow the backchat thought conversations with myself of ‘how I could hurt them or how nice it would be to see woman groveling’ to the reaction of rage into the physical reaction of sexual desire – which then directs me to the final decision where I step into the character of ‘surfing for porn’.



I commit myself to stop trusting the Mind as it takes me from a thought which represents my desired outcome in a specific situation – to the backchat patterns that one participates in to fuel ones own opinions, into a physical reaction which takes one into possession where you then lock down into that character and convince oneself you are making the right decision.



I commit myself to show how the outer reality we exist within, with its wars, politics, corruption, famine, pain, suffering and mind possessions –are all the end results or decisions made by people like myself, who followed an original thought and through thinking changed themselves until they physically acted on a history of backchat.



I commit myself to show how the physical reality does not require planning through the mind through pictures, backchat, feelings, emotions, and reactions – into a character that responds based on hidden agendas. The Physical Reality is here for all to Live, if we stop bringing the agenda of ourselves as the Mind into physical Living – which is how we have manifested all the fuck ups and human mind possessions – where we harm the physical while trying to please/protect what happens in the mind.



I commit myself to show that what ‘we’ as the mind wants as we have designed it – exist for all to see – openly in what is happening in the news, on the internet and in people’s lives – and that there is no separation between what we are seeing on the internet/news, the dramas in people’s lives and the reality of ourselves as how we exist in the mind and act out ‘the mind’.



I commit myself to show that what is happening ‘out there’ on the internet, or in other people’s lives – is not really ‘out there’ as ‘that’ individual who made ‘that’ decision to harm, kill, abuse, maim, lie, cheat etc. – is me and you in a character that has fully concluded its cycle – just like all mind patterns have a beginning and an end.



I commit myself to show that there are solutions to these Character Creations that we live as Patterns.



I commit myself to show that it is possible to remove or change the environmental factors involved in why a person makes the decisions he or she makes – but what is required of humanity to change these factors involved in parenting, the education system, the money system etc. – is a commitment and understanding of why and how we are changing, within the principle of what it means to do and Live what is best for all.

The DesteniIProcess Courses are Designed to take apart these Character Designs through various Stages. SRA 1 for example, is a simpler course which focuses on getting familiar with ‘what are characters’, how are they designed, what are feelings, emotions, thoughts and for one to start becoming aware of these ‘components' of the character through the tool of writing. In SRA 2, we focus on Mind Constructs – where we specifically go into the ‘how’ we created our Characters as they are Constructed within the Mind. For more information on SRA 1, SRA 2, SRA 3 and our Agreement course please visit: http://desteniiprocess.com/courses

For more Awesome Journey to Life Blogs: 7 Year Journey to Life Blogs

Day 35: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 19

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-34-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“When I was offered a job in another city she cried and said that she could not leave her family, whom she was very close to -so we stayed. I became increasingly irritated with her from that point on and started seeing her for what she was – a weak minded girl who was to afraid to be away from her family even though she was now married. My resentment turned into spitefulness – she wanted to try for a baby – and I said ‘ I was not ready’. This went of for two more years as I continued to lie about why we could not yet have a baby – she was suffocating me by restricting my choices in life I would do the same to her. We started fighting about everything – money, family, friends, babies, and careers – eventually we both acted from spitefulness whenever we had a chance. I noticed in our arguments that her family must have been fueling her resentment towards me for not ‘being ready’ to have a baby – as she would let slip ‘well you know my sister thinks that…’ This fueled my resentment as I made a decision one day to just ‘ignore the bitch’.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a relationship, which becomes about conflict, resentment and blame.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self-responsibility for who I had become in relation to my relationship and what I was accepting and allowing to unfold within myself and the relationship.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize my self responsibility on how to walk through these points, what to apply within myself and when to stop the relationship as soon as both beings accepted ourselves as the results of the relationship, instead of remaining directive.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop my participation in blaming, resentment and conflict – where instead of stopping the game this relationship had become – I gave my power away to the entire concept of ‘staying together for the sake of relationships’ – and therefore compounding the anger and resentment into a possession.

“We started leading separate lives – she spent most of her time with her family and I spent all my time on the Internet surfing gaming sites and utilizing porn as a substitute for my wife. I would use porn extensively to masturbate while Lucinda was visiting her family. Sex obviously became a massive problem – as I knew that she was trying for a baby and I did not want to start a family with this woman. I worked in a dead end job for a basic salary, where as all the jobs I could apply for, I could not, as I knew she would not be willing to move away. Each time we discussed potential job opportunities she would start crying about me not loving her and her sick father needing her and blah, blah, blah…”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately become resentful in my words and actions, due to how I was experiencing myself within the relationship.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of how I hated my partner or how immature I saw her/him, and from this used thoughts to fuel my anger – where I would find ways of acting out against her and the relationship.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to these thoughts through anger, spite, rage, resentment, until I experienced a physical reaction as I started changing me in my behavior, the way I talked, walked and physically carried myself when around the other person and when thinking of the person – therefore locking into my physical body this pattern consisting of the original picture, the backchat thoughts and reactions.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use pornography as a means (after thinking about it) of excluding my wife and being spiteful by masturbating to pictures of other woman.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through the picture I held of blaming my wife to the thoughts around wanting to spite her, to use hard porn as a means of satisfying this new need to hurt others and to derive pleasure from feeling sexually gratified through seeing sexual submission, control and pain.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop this pattern as character of ‘hard porn’ watcher as I accumulated all my backchat and the energy I experienced from this pattern into and as the experience of watching this porn, as it became the only way I could experience revenge towards my partner and woman in general.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch illegal porn due to my belief (during the thought creation phase) that I was in control of what and who I could harm or enjoy in my masturbation fantasies – as a means of striking out at the world and my partner, whom I blamed for my inner experience and character.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch child porn because I gave up within myself and blamed the ‘lack of morality’ of another as to why I will now ‘punish others/the world’ by being ‘immoral’ and acting in ways that I knew would harm others or the morality of others and through this morality game ensure that I become the powerful one by showing all through my secret acts that I am powerful/in control.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind these multiple layers as my reactions to experiences in my life, and through this layering of thoughts, backchat conversations and decisions I made, to make a decision directed by my possession – to find sexual gratification in watching child pornography.



I now see, realize and understand that the decision to watch child pornography had many hidden dimensions to it, all accumulated decisions which fueled further decisions into who I became as child molester – as a character in which I in the end, ultimately used for self-importance, self-gratification, self-empowerment and through many, many dimensions ultimately concocted the belief and idea within myself to achieve sexual gratification as I had labeled it within my Psyche to ‘sex with the young/minors/the innocent/children’.



I commit myself to show tat as we design ourselves as conditions, characters, personalities, offenders – all ways of being as humans – there are solutions to understanding the multidimensional aspects by getting to know oneself and your past.



I commit myself to walk the path of self-forgiveness as I have seen how this has supported me through experiences I ‘thought’ I could never change – and through walking self forgiveness as a solution for what I faced I have proven that it is a solution to for all. Obviously within this we are to take into consideration the entire design of the being, and from there assess how to best support the individual. In an Equal Money System for example, we will not be limited by money to be able to present solutions based on effective clear research. In an Equal Money System, we will effectively get to the bottom of the human and how we have programmed ourselves as there will be no limitation financially or politically to what we can do and that will influence the outcome.


Further Support: Freedom Blogs:

The birth of Practivism - Volume 1

Freedom Blogs - The Birth of Practivism - Volume 2

Freedom Blogs - The Birth of Practivism - Volume 3

Day 27: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 11

The Secret Mind of the Pedophile - continued: 

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-26-international-crime-research.html


In Day 26: Part 10, I walked Self-Forgiveness for the existence and allowance of the Secret Mind. Now I will apply Self-Forgiveness on the Thoughts, Pictures and Memories existent within the Secret and Conscious Mind – of this particular pedophile character (taken from Day 26 – Child pornography Part 10)

“It was a sudden interest in the images that developed due to a response from my body, which was then fueled by my mind through justifications as to why these images are enticing.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see an image of a naked or abused child and to connect to that a physical sensation of pleasure.



I commit myself to stop connecting relationship lines between moments and myself to use later on as characters.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the damaged files of my secret mind where I have stored images and ideas linked to sexual gratification – to now in this moment experience sexual pleasure towards a child while looking at a the images through my secret mind which connects the image to the experience of wickedness, evil, control, purity, pleasure, to overwhelm, to need, to abuse, to inflict, to destroy, innocence lost, punishment, childlike, condemned, obscurity, manipulation, blame, etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself once I reacted sexually to the image of a child for the first or second time – due to how my secret mind connected gratification to the act of intimacy or harm to a child – to then become addicted to the energy and release of energy – whereby I then created the character of justification – as the voice that would come up inside – as that part of me that could manipulate me through specific words – to keep doing what I was doing – and that what I was doing were ‘my private moments’ – thus infusing into me my conscious participation as the weakness I had become as I decided to harm life – all for the experience of energy as addiction and the false sense of self-empowerment.

I commit myself to show how all symbolic experiences – which are all experiences we ‘give’ value to, which in essence separate us from the physical in self expression – is merely the mind as it programs the being into future reactions based on past memories that were given specific values – usually from within the secret mind where we store the information we experienced conflict towards from childhood as we saw, realized and understood that most of what we were taught was based in deception – as our parents lied about why and how we do things – because they were busy playing out specific characters that were trying to survive. Due to the fact that we as children were not trying to survive and were more ‘physical’ meaning here, breathing, expressing – and our ‘doing’ was not veiled in surviving – we could see, realize and understand with more clarity when our parents taught us their values, beliefs and ideas. Therefore I commit myself to not allow myself to teach a child any bulshit about why we exist, where we come from and who we are – and to stick to the basic common sense of that which we are here as a physical being on this physical planet – equally born to all other life – so that the only character the child becomes is that which is best for all.

“From there I experienced a combination of initial mistrust towards my own experience, but this did not last long as the energy of shame and guilt towards my own sexual reaction, turned to a new thought which surfaced where I simply knew that I liked it.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use fear and morality, as a basis from which I turn whatever image I see into something that triggers reactions in me, which allows me to access my secret mind where I stored ideas of shame and guilt which we as children are taught by our parents and teachers as they stand as the examples of charging the mind by charging the positive polarities of good and negative polarities of bad – through the system of punishment and reward.



I commit myself to share how the education system teaches a child how to create patterns based on good/bad, right/wrong – where the patterns are fueled through polarities until the child designs themselves into a system – which cannot function unless it is being stimulated through fear, manipulation, pictures, words, hope, survival, etc – where eventually we do not live here in common sense as what is best for all – but instead live as character systems – that all have a trigger point, memories for information and a desired outcome depending on what was taught to the child the outcome should be. Most humans believe that they are following the outcome of comfort, achievement, intellect, family, acceptance, love, enlightenment, safety, god etc – but the outcome is actually dictated and designed by those who impulse human beings – which is greed, desire, comparison, ego, self interest, separation, conflict, fear, suppression, obsession, consumerism, etc – all characteristic of the perfect systems that wake up in the mornings – go participate in the money system and come home to the family where you design, create and educate the next generation of systems to serve as slaves to the world system – while all the while entertaining oneself in what we believe is individuality and human rights/freedom – but are all actions that further keep us trapped in the mind - which keeps us as unstable characters that are dependent on the world systems for our survival – where we will participate in the world systems and consumerism – as we attempt to alleviate our characters as we strive for resolution of that which we have really become.

“Somewhere from within me, from within my mind I became more and more comfortable with seeing images of naked children, having thoughts about their flesh which I would normally have about woman and then empowering my mind through further thoughts which made me feel alive with energy, as I was pulled between morality and sexual pleasure.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self-responsibility for how I allowed myself to compound my thoughts – not realizing that I was in fact building and designing my physical response as my living self from the thoughts I participated in – as eventually my thoughts became me as the living flesh -as I gave in and followed my thoughts into action.



I commit myself to see, realize and understand the relationship between what we input into the mind and who we eventually become. I commit myself to show how the mind is not ‘something out there, harmless and ethereal’ where thoughts happen to us and at the same time have no bearing on our reality –– instead to show that all actions can be shown to follow a line of information from creation point to action.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex as a feeling in the body that happens in reaction to images of naked people.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and to fuel my belief through how I have participated in sex, that sex is best experienced when a person finds ways to stimulate oneself and to become horny and then to chase a picture presentation of whatever will give one an orgasm.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to observe pornography and how this depicts sexual aggression and disrespect of the human form for profit – and from this to establish my starting point equal and one – in that woman (or men) are there to be fucked and that sex is so important that I must have it and if I don’t get it – that I will charge my mind through memories until I find material on the internet to masturbate to – not realizing that I created this character of masturbator myself, through participating in creating and fueling the value system around sex as it exists in this world currently – instead of taking self responsibility for myself within what I create in this world – of which one point is to realize that to abuse in the name of sexual gratification is not ok by me unless it is really ok by me – which again shows the character that I really exist as – as the real ‘Me’.

Day 25: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 9

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/this-is-continuation-from.html

Personality example of a user of Child Pornography:

Please refer to: Day 24:International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.

To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. I am not a user or producer of child pornography and do not condone or support the use thereof - by blog exists as a character evaluation - from which I apply self forgiveness, to deconstruct the design of the Child Pornography user/manufacturer. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up. I suggest - as you read the self-forgiveness and writings - and you have any thoughts or experiences - to add your own self-forgiveness in the comments section.

“The thought to first start watching child pornography came up as a feeling in connection to a picture of a child’s naked body. At first I experienced a tingling within my body, which moved up from my groin into my chest, arms and down my legs. I had experienced this similarly to watching other pornography, but what started happened in my mind was that I experienced the thoughts which directed me further and further into the decision to watch child pornography – thought such as ‘their flesh is so young’, ‘is this wrong?’, ‘what if I get caught watching this?’, what if my parents see what is on my computer?’ and ‘would a child respond sexually the same as a woman?’ As I had these thoughts, I experienced myself becoming more and more intrigued and the intrigue stimulated me sexually. Somewhere from within my body, from my groin and moving up my spine until my neck felt numb – came an energy which I learnt to associate with the fear of getting caught and the primal shock I experiences initially as I asked myself the above questions. From there my interest in child pornography was not based on a rational choice, I found myself drawn in though the response I had to further questions within my mind towards other images, towards the potential threat behind me watching these images and my own uneasiness sitting there being faced with an image of a naked child – causing me to want to masturbate. When I first started exploring sexuality, I did not at any point react sexually to children (as I started exploding sex, masturbation and pornography - between the ages of 15 – 22). It was a sudden interest in the images that developed due to a response from my body, which was then fueled by my mind through justifications as to why these images are enticing. From there I experienced a combination of initial mistrust towards my own experience, but this did not last long as the energy of shame and guilt towards my own sexual reaction, turned to a new thought which surfaced where I simply knew that I liked it. Somewhere from within me, from within my mind I became more and more comfortable with seeing images of naked children, having thoughts about their flesh which I would normally have about woman and then empowering my mind through further thoughts which made me feel alive with energy, as I was pulled between morality and sexual pleasure. I identified within myself – that a part of me was seeing the child’s body symbolically – as if seeing the shape of their bodies and the innocence they represented, triggered an interest within me, which was channeled by me into sexual pleasure. The other part of me concocted images and combined them with irrational thoughts, which led me time and time again after that to seek the same experience. At times especially in the beginning I would experience shame after I masturbated, however if I then for a few days would stop masturbating to child pornography and attempt to use adult porn, then I would almost feel numb during the whole experience and once I would return to the images of naked children, it felt as if my body became ablaze with sexual energy.  At times I would rationalize this to myself as ‘well it is happening to me therefore it must be a natural part of myself that requires expression’ or ‘maybe it is not about the child but about how the child represents the confined placed by society on sexuality – therefore I am responding to an image which is condemned by society, through which I may experience the ultimate release.’

After a few years of using basic imagery only occasionally – only enough for me to rationalize as acceptable and not ‘out of my control’ – I started thinking about whether different images contained different experiences. I wanted to understand more and see if I could open myself up more. I found a website after a very specific search and came across a link to a website where the owner would give out links to images depending on your level of involvement with the website. Obviously as a beginner I had to start somewhere – so I decided to push ahead and after a few months I received anonymous links to images that were very different to what I was use to. As I watched these pictures I allowed myself to feel what these pictures did to me. In the end I distinguished between specific images to which I had specific experiences and from this my fascination focused itself ultimately to the acquiring of specific footage and imagery that would stimulate me.  I found my mind reacting to the images with short burst – which at times were unidentifiable as the thoughts moved so fast. All that I would experience were short sentences, followed by physical sensations throughout my body, and if I kept flicking through the images, I could build the physical reactions until I would have my orgasm. Something inside of me always drove my reactions to these images and therefore the game became about knowing which pictures meant what to me as I had come to know what sensations or thoughts triggered my responses to the images…”

Self-Forgiveness on:

“The thought to first start watching child pornography came up as a feeling in connection to a picture of a child’s naked body. At first I experienced a tingling within my body, which moved up from my groin into my chest, arms and down my legs. I had experienced this similarly to watching other pornography, but what started happened in my mind was that I experienced the thoughts which directed me further and further into the decision to watch child pornography – thought such as ‘their flesh is so young’, ‘is this wrong?’, ‘what if I get caught watching this?’, what if my parents see what is on my computer?’ and ‘would a child respond sexually the same as a woman?’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a pleasant feeling to seeing images of naked or sexually active children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a tingling sensation within the physical body, which is a system design that influences the physical whereby it superimposes itself into the physical senses, back into a mind pattern which associates the sensation as pleasant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a system, which manipulates me through unknown stimulus, to react to images of naked children or sexually active children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design my body and my mind into a system whereby I have attached certain pictures, memories, feelings, ideas, likes/dislikes and reactions/behaviors to the images of naked or abused children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a system out of sex, whereby I have taken all the points of stimulus from within the secret mind, and connected that through the sex system to my groin, whereby I will loose sight of the reactions I am really having from what happens in my groin to the stimulus response within my mind – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am allowing these images to stimulate me because I have already given permission to the system design existent from my mind to my groin and through the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts such as ‘their flesh is so young’ to exist within me and to trigger chemical reactions within my body of pleasure.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed thoughts such as ‘their flesh is so young’ to permeate through my mind for the first time, after which I as the participant allowed myself to give permission to me, with regards to what I will do with this thought and how in that moment I will sit there masturbating, thus energizing the thought into existence within my mind – as it now becomes a backchat pattern that will emerge frequently as part of my sexual gratification game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought ‘their flesh is so young’ to exist as a point of stimulus – because I had firstly created this system design based on the premise of positive feelings which I connect to words, ideas, people and images – whereby I now see, realize and understand that this system was designed by me fully conscious of how I used connection points between things to feelings – so that I may experience sexual gratification. Therefore I now realize that by – in the first place connecting ‘good feelings’ and pleasant reactions within my body as chemical responses to words, people, pictures and ideas – I am tacitly agreeing to the design of myself as for example ‘someone who watches child pornography for sexual gratification.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pre-programmed entity – which secretly connects images, people, words and ideas to my own sexual gratification – wherein my lack of self responsibility with regards to my thoughts indicates that I am responsible for myself becoming an abuser of children – and that no god or devil did this to me – because I already designed and implemented my reactions as physical responses to words, people, images and ideas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly design my own system of gratification and then blaming a god or DNA or some force beyond my control for who and what I have become as child abuser – not realizing that I in fact am able to trace my thoughts and how I created relationships between physical reactions and images, people, words or ideas.

Therefore by stating that having physical reactions to pictures in my mind – I am indicating that I exist as an entity that secretly connects lines between memories of people, words, images and ideas in my mind – and through that generate energy to fuel my addictions – therefore becoming the leech that benefits from abuse – while I hide behind ‘free will and ‘individuality.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to specifically use fear in the form of thoughts such as ‘what if I get caught watching this? – to stimulate me sexually, through the release of energy throughout my body as I am faced in that moment with the ties that bind me as my own morality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my own morality of good/bad as a catalyst, from which I bounce in-between polarities, thus generating the flow of energy as I experience myself being pulled between right and wrong, which imprints itself into and as me as a pattern within my mind –which then becomes automated – as I play the victim to my morality – while wanting to experience gratification – thus using this character of conflicting morals – from which I allow myself to become an abuser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the polarity of right and wrong as I was taught in schools and by my parents –to experience sexual gratification and stimulus – as I go to the negative polarity – experience the energy of shame/repulsion and then use thoughts of happiness to pull myself towards acceptance of what I am doing. In school and in the parenting/family system I was taught the system of punishment/reward – as I was taught that to get rewards you have to first do something bad/be punished. Eventually doing something bad carried an energy of excitement or disgust – which is then by the nature of the cycle of the pattern – followed by ‘doing the right thing’ within the system – which is then experienced by me as I watch the faces of those who see me ‘doing the right thing’ and I would then experience the release of energy (later becomes orgasm) as I feel the energy of ‘doing the right thing’ and being accepted/saved within the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as child pornographer to use the face of the child who looks at me questioningly – as the face of the person who asks ‘why’ – which stimulates me into masturbating myself into the energy release as I give myself happiness – which I have equated according to the equation above as ‘the right thing’.

Therefore - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images of children looking sad or anxious while being photographed as picture presentation during which my secret mind uses the equation I was taught as a child – in which I now am being questioned for my bad deeds, which stimulates me to masturbate as I feel the energy of being bad which I have come to accept as a pleasant energy – due to me connecting fear and failure to an energy that build up that requires releasing through ‘good things – which is what bringing my hand to genitalia does for me – as the parent and director of myself in that moment – as I remove the negative experience through the up and down rubbing of the genitalia.

I commit myself to show how using memories and points of reference such as pictures, knowledge, words and people – within the mind only exist based on the character who wants to please self by using others.

I commit myself to show how not living here in the physical, practically in self responsibility – but instead creating vast networks of relationships with images, ideas and thoughts in the mind – eventually allows one to creates characters to participate with in separation form this physical reality – which then allows us to abuse life in the physical as we merely exist in these relationships in the mind.

I commit myself to show how the relationships we exist within and towards in the mind as the characters we have created are given permission to by all in the world – while the consequences as abuse happens in the physical reality to others.

I commit myself to show how humanity and all our ‘evil’ actions were designed by ourselves through the characters we created in the mind, whereby we created relationships in the mind to people, images and ideas – fueled the relationships through energy generation as the patterns of addiction through which we participate and then collectively give permission to each others characters – so that everyone can carry on living as characters and not have to take responsibility for the harm done to and within the physical.

Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-23-international-crime-research.html


Deconstruction of the Personality/Character of the Criminal.


In the next section, I will focus my self-forgiveness on the conscious ‘thought-processes’ i.e. backchat that a person follows from the point of becoming aware of an initial reaction towards for example imagery of children and how reactions coupled with thoughts, leads the person to the act by ‘watching child pornography.


What one will observe within how the mind functions, from the moment we have an initial thought, to the point where we act on our thoughts – is that there exists a line of information consisting of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, reactions etc. – until one gets to the final decision to act upon what one believes to be a single decision in ‘the moment’. Here one is able to look into the mind and follow the time line back from an action or thought (such as watching child pornography) to its origin and how one from the original thought participated in fueling further thoughts, pictures, feelings, emotions, memories and physical behaviors to get to the decision to the act on ones decision.


In my previous blogs I applied self-forgiveness around the scientific research and ‘facts’ around child pornography and Bipolar Disorder. Now I will write out the backchat design of the perpetrator/offender and from there apply self-forgiveness accordingly. The ‘backchat design’ which becomes the ‘character of the individual consists of all accumulated thoughts, which over time become the being as the physical movement and behavior.


The perpetrator/offender exists though as one dimension, one character within the major character of ‘child pornography’ as it exists as a ‘character’ of the world. Therefore if the world exists as it currently does as a conglomeration of ‘characters’ – called humans – then child pornography is an example of one characteristic of our current world. Therefore the Child pornographer is a ‘character’ within the world characteristic called ‘child pornography’. The child, its family, the reaction of society to the reality of child pornography, the police, the politicians, criminologists, psychologists and law enforcement – all exist as characters in the world problem of ‘child pornography’. Each ‘character’ responds in his or her way depending on the role they have come to accept themselves to be as and this is how we have all come to accept ourselves and everything that surrounds us – as characters playing in the game we call life.


Therefore my main focus is to show that all experiences in this world are based on humans playing characters determined by the script within the mind. If we stepped out of the role of character for a moment and looked at what was going on around us – we would be shocked and horrified that we have allowed ourselves to be mere characters in this play called life, instead of standing up for what is best for all.


One could ask yourself the question – why am I saying that we are merely playing characters and not standing and applying ourselves as life? Well – the fact that abuse and other crimes against life happen each and every day in the smallest and largest of forms in our families, societies, religions, politics, entertainment, capitalism, relationships, etc. – shows us that we are obviously not standing as life in the physical – because if we were life we would be and live what is best for all as life – and not sit by idly watching as life is abused on this planet.


So - that raises the question – if the human can sit by idly, continually accepting society and the world systems to function the way it does and not realize our responsibility to change the world – then where are we? We are tied into survival as the mind as characters, in which we have come to believe ourselves as real, however if one trace your life back to childhood – you will see that you have systematically been programmed by your parents, peers, educators, religion, politicians etc. into characters that are called human – but what are we really? We exist to survive according to the rules of the system, through which we split ourselves into millions of different characters to survive in society, the money system, relationships and the family system.


One can trace your life back and record second by second how our choices were always made for us, by pre set rules and those who had control and power over us. We then grow up accepting that the way the world functions is normal and we become the characters necessary to survive in the world –so that we too can become the best we can be – however the best we can be is according to the predetermined, predesigned characters – that were designed by other characters who want to control and direct for the purpose of ‘my life’ and ‘what I want’ and ‘my happiness’. So – we are all creating ourselves into better, bigger, brighter characters to outshine ourselves in a system design, created by those who have gone before us – as they designed the system within which they had to survive according to the rules set by those surviving and fighting before them…. Quite a fuck up we have created. And this character game we call ‘Life’. So - it is not just a matter of observing the criminal/offender and their 'character designs - but to alos observe ourselves as society to see who and what have we become in the face of Abuse.


In my next blog I start by looking at the different character designs of ‘producer of child pornography’ and ‘consumer/distributor of child pornographer’ –and by tracing the backchat/thought design of these perpetrators, I am allowing myself to take self responsibility for the components that come together to eventually lead to the mind of a child pornographer. By taking self responsibility for all parts of the mind of the child pornographer – I am standing One and Equal to to the design as myself, defusing it as myself within the self responsibility that I take and of course seeing where I am reacting to any thoughts and pictures that exist within the child pornographer as I walk the time line of the mind of the child pornographer.


Why do I walk the time line of the mind of the child pornographer? So that the pattern is fully revealed to me, in which no stone is left unturned as a behavior that in time if suppressed through fear or denial could mutate or project itself energetically into a ‘sexual addiction character’, due to my participation in the same thoughts, without understanding of how these addictions are designed within the mind. In walking the path of the criminal I am forgiving myself and deleting the character within myself – in whatever dimension it may exist, so that at no stage I allow these ‘characters’ that abuse life to ‘surface’ within me and become me. By doing this, we as the current generation and the bodies that will bring forth the future generations will no longer create and exist as ‘characters’ supporting abuse in this world, but to learn what it means to Life fully here in the Physical.

For more information on the Design of the 'Character':

Day 78: Stepping out of character

Day 79: Stepping out of character with LOVED ONES

Day 11: International Crime Research – Bipolar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 4

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-10-international-crime-research.html

Self-Forgiveness Part 3:

Bipolar Disorder and Irritability

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritable as a reflection of how I allow backchat to influence me as hidden judgments based on likes and dislikes towards myself, others and my environment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that irritation is my natural right, regardless of the fact that I create a world of inner conflict which flows over into outer conflict – all because each person believes they have the right to exist in irritation and to act out our irritation.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritable towards myself because I believe that my actions are not good enough, not fast enough and in danger of being judged by others – which all comes from the poison I was taught during my childhood by parents and teachers, until I become Bipolar in my reactions – where I would attempt to act happy and effective while fearing failure – which created a Bipolar reaction and loop within my mind at all times, within all situations, in varying degrees.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea to exist within me that to do well in life I have to use irritation as a state of mind and an energetic possession to motivate myself, through fear of loss to become a more functional drone, like the rest of society who use judgment and irritability towards self and others to push ourselves to perform.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy irritation I saw in others, and became that irritation simply because I allowed the belief that what other adults did was valid and a natural part of ‘growing up’.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all thoughts based on irritation exists simply from the starting point of self-interest, as it protects the individual and the ego, with no regard from what would be best for all.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing irritation to exists as my secret warfare within how I would justify and execute my words and deeds towards others – as an accumulation effect within allowing backchat over days and weeks.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use irritation – instead of effectively directing myself and others, due to fear of arguments, and fear of disapproval – therefore using anger and an irritated tone to move and push others into action – not realizing that I am paving the way for abuse and eventually war as a ‘natural way of resolving conflict’ to exist in this world because I allowed it within my world as a ‘way of directing my world.’



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself the patience and understanding of myself, to move and direct myself within effectiveness, but instead to allow societal rules and fears around money and personal value – to be my starting point from which I used irritation to direct me instead of self movement within breathing, here equal and one as the physical.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing separation from myself, through allowing a mind state of irritation to develop, through which I generate abusive thoughts and tendencies such as irritation – which is backed up with destructive self-abusive thoughts and backchat.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a separate reality to exist within me as a pocket of hateful thoughts, which I use in moments of irritation to move and generate movement within myself as an energetic experience.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design Bipolar Disorder, due to my participation in the reality and construction of irritation as mentioned above, which has its polar opposite reaction of then attempting to move myself through happiness and expansiveness to alleviate the irritation and self-hate.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the design of Bipolar disorder due to the punishment and reward system, which cycles around irritation followed by the search for happiness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist, based on the cycle of Backchat which functions according to the judgments I have of others and myself, after which I will force myself to seek excitement to dull the experience of perpetual backchat running in the background.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to teach children to try and avoid punishment as ‘parental irritation’ by looking for ways to falsely please the parent – while I as parent present contradictions as an example in the way that I live – thus perpetuating the cycle of self abuse that children become, because of them knowing and realizing that to survive in the family system and then the world you have to judge through irritation and then seek happiness to avoid inner conflict and pain.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the above mentioned patterns to become the behavior of the children and future generation as an acceptable form of Bipolar Disorder, in which children learn how to use emotions and feelings to manipulate themselves, their parents and others to provide them with responses that will alleviate and perpetuate their inner battle with Bipolar Disorder.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing emotions and feelings to become the basis from which I have designed Bipolar Disorder, simply because I have not taken self-responsibility for my thoughts, actions and behaviors, which are the outflows and manifestations of my mind – which manifests according to the true nature of myself as an energy based mind system, which uses conflict to fuel my mind -as it keeps me – the being going – in a world of abuse and conflict which I have come to accept as ‘normal human behavior’ – while looking at the skies for a solution and blaming others for doing exactly that which I do as well, but justifying it through religion, groups, family, society, cultures, individuality, freedom of expression and intellect.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to be designed through me as I imprint into myself as my mind the ‘tendencies’ and personality traits of irritation, which I alleviate through finding reasons to elevate my mood and expand into a more complex personality, which finds more intricate ways to fuel Bipolar Disorder.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to be designed through and within me as I create relationship lines through my mind to others and my environment, thus creating a world to which I can react in irritation or use to alleviate my mind – thus creating the consumerism, while giving permission to all forms of abuse in this world – simply because I am already in my own pattern of self abuse and do not want to change a world that I secretly know – using common sense exist to fuel my inner conflict.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this cycle of abuse to continue to allow me to exist ion my pattern of Bipolar Disorder not caring for the consequences in my world and the abuse that others suffer as the become the victims of my Bipolar Disorder. That is why nobody really feels the pain from seeing all the abuse in the world, because we are the system that feeds from the role that others play, so that we can play our roles within accepting ourselves as Bipolar Mind Energy Systems.




Further reading Support:



Day1: Reaction Games


Day50: Thought as God and Origin


Howthe Fruit of Life became Rotten – Part One: Day 18

Day 10: International Crime Research – Bipolar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 3

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-9-international-crime-research-bi.html

Self-Forgiveness Part 2: Bipolar Disorder and ‘Expansiveness’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing situations in which I doubted my ability to expand within myself due to fear and conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and doubt my ability to step beyond my fears and pre-programming from my childhood, because I feared making mistakes and having to face my reactions towards the judgments I believed others had of me – which were actually my judgments of myself – projected onto others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop a fear of expanding within vocabulary, the ability to work with information and a natural ability to work with my physical body, other people and my environment, because I accepted judgment towards myself, through how the schooling system teaches us to judge ourselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid any form of self-development or expansion within self because I developed a low self-esteem, based on my fathers depression – and through his depression believed that I was inadequate as a child.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the schooling and parenting system to program me into an insecure child who became afraid of expanding myself, and therefore accepted and labeled myself as stupid, unequal and unable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the concept and the lie of schooling as a system of self punishment and self reward through which I developed a personality of inferiority and fear and hope – from which I developed myself into adulthood, looking for approval from others and hoping that somehow I will be able to experience change without realizing I had to change myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop secret backchat ideas and thoughts about expansion and for looking for ways to expand myself so that I could be special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come to believe that in spirituality I will be able to expand myself and find a reason for others to appreciate me, after which I will be able to appreciate myself – creating a cycle of Bipolar Disorder in which I swung from the polarity of happiness, elation and expansion based on how people viewed what I did, to sadness and irritability if I did not meet the criteria of schools, friends, partners and society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop moods and states of being around which I could experience expansion, such as spirituality in which I ‘felt’ like I was transcending and ascending into higher states of being and into a higher state of me – based around the idea that there is more to me than just me here as a physical being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that we are all supposed to expand into something more, be it through money, sex, beauty, achievements or status, until others respect me after which I can respect myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop Bipolar Disorder in which I manifest myself as the mood of expansiveness, to impress others and to be able to make money in the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this ‘beingness’ as a way of surviving in the system, instead of realizing that the respect and achievement I was attempting to attain through my perception of the view of others was fake, because everybody was doing the same thing – seeking respect from others to respect and accept ourselves. In doing this – I realized that nothing we do within expansion is real or valid, because nobody is really expanding into anything worth living, because our main focus is on survival and to feel respected, which is an energetic experience based on what you believe others are feeling about you.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this experience of expansion to exist only in relation to my survival in the system, as a woman towards males, within sexuality to appease the male and within the context of competition with other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and generate Bipolar Disorder within myself – as I programmed myself over many years into the behavior of expanding myself in relation to money and competition and survival, and feeling bad and depressed if I could not fulfill this role – thus not meeting up with my standard and value I had come to believe I should be in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar reactions such as expansiveness, as how I lived my life, fighting for my self-definition and for my survival in the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the human existence to have become Bipolar in which we have become programs that activate in the presence of certain words, people and environments – where we go into expansiveness in relation to survival and fear of loss – in which we do not live, but simply live as a programmable reaction to our world based on fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to become the future of our children, in which I have set the example of allowing expansion to be systematized based on survival of ourselves as the mind based on competition and greed and to defend our fear of not surviving in the money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder as expansiveness to exist within the system, in how each human is forced to pretend to want to expand themselves – simply to have to make money – where nobody lives or enjoys what they do, because the system requires specific skills development based on profit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing children to be programmed into expansion, based on how the parents want them to be based on competition with other families.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansion to exist to appease the ego of the individual and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing situations where I have encouraged people to prove themselves to me, prove what abilities they have and ‘who they are’ according to ‘what they do’ within the system, before I will trust them, trust what they do or accept who they are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to force others to act within Bipolar Disorder, to act out expansiveness and elated mood according to what I like and dislike – perpetuating the cycle within them and myself based on wanting to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in how I have accepted and allowed the existence of ‘likes and dislikes’ to exist – and through this forcing myself and others to adapt our moods to become elated and joyous to please ourselves and others and the idea we have of what looks good and what is ‘pleasant behavior.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the development of Bipolar Disorder, due to how I hide some behaviors and personality characteristics and ‘bring to the fore’ other states of being as personality designs  - where moment to moment I believe I be acceptable to others, depending on the situation I am in – therefore adapting and switching my moods to be acceptable – therefore going into polarity opposites and therefore programming my minds to ‘switch from one mind state to the other’ – thus creating Bipolar Disorders – that eventually become an automated response – which later in life ran automatically in the background of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this automated cycle of Bipolar Disorder to have become so automatic by the age of 28 that I was stuck in Depression because my Mind was moving so fast in the cycles of ‘elated mood, expansiveness, irritability and hyperactivity (Bipolar Disorder)– that eventually by the age of 28 my Mind ‘froze’ in a perpetual phase of depression because I no longer found anything exiting to elate my mood and to make me feel ‘expansive’. Therefore by the age of 28 my mind had closed the cycles in on itself and only extreme experiences of elated mood or expansion could excite me. This was where I looked for more meaningful spiritual experiences, greater sex and developed an idea of belongingness in the form of finding a life partner and having children (the perfect life).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this automated Mind System to become the directive principle of me where it adjusted itself according to my memories and likes and dislikes unit eventually I found myself in conflict between polarities as my mind used my behaviors and patterns to generate energy for the mind – while I struggled to find peace within myself while I realize that my mind was directing me, while I became simply existed in the body being directed by the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this polarity program to exist for my entire life, eventually pushing me into fast moving cycles of Bipolar Disorder, because I was no longer able to live a month or one week without crashing from happy elated moods to depressed or anxious/sad moods.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in how I have accepted and allowed the existence of ‘likes and dislikes’ to exist – and through this forcing myself and others to adapt moods to become ‘expansive’ – and through this proving myself as a good person who works hard and shows an interest in what I am doing or within my job, to ensure my survival within the money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification of ‘lazy people deserve to be poor because they don’t ‘expand themselves within the system’ – not realizing that I am justifying the system of Capitalism, which forces people into abusive work situations at minimum wages, year after year – no questions asked – simply to feed the pockets of the rich.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that expansion is applicable to survival in the system, while disregarding our ability to expand from this point within which we exist as humanity where we serve only our self interest as greed, while disregarding the world we have created.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of spiritual expansion, in which no common sense expansion is considered to find practical ways to sort out this mess, but instead to expand into the energy of the mind, where we hide from this reality to not have to face what we have created, but instead to have the easy way out by expanding further into the reality of the mind as consciousness – further and further into separation from the REAL reality which we exist in as the Physical Reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of expansion as knowledge and information and to use this as an excuse to remain in my mind and not to expand myself into practical common sense self movement – to sort out this reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansion to exist as the idea of philosophy, in which we will think and think and think, while the world around us shows us we are not expanding but merely existing in self interest and greed, while projecting and blaming others for the problem – while we as the equal inhabitants of the planet participate in and give permission to the abuse that exists, because we are the one benefiting from the Capitalistic System everyday.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ideas of expansiveness to be the justification and excuse used for why we can abuse others and the planet, while abuses the resources and withhold the resources from others, to expand our own self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansiveness to exist as it does above, from generation to generation, eventually systematizing expansion into what it is now as a mind system within which I exist. This mind system is then called Bipolar Disorder when it manifest in a clinically measurable way – after an individual is found to not be able to function in accordance with the system any longer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to be something we analyze and categorize in Science and Psychology, only once a being is unable to participate in Society effectively (within the context of ‘expansion’ mentioned above) after which such an individual is judged as ‘potentially harmful to themselves and others’ and unable to live effective lives – which basically means such a person is not living out expansion effectively within the context of support the system as humanity.

(The above self-forgiveness statement contains a classification of ‘abnormal behavior’- Sue, Sue and Sue, 2010).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the labeling of Bipolar Disorder only once a being is no longer supporting themselves as the role they play within the system, in support of humanity as a ‘expansive system’ – instead of scientists identifying how all humans already exist as Bipolar Disorder and not truly living – because life has become about the system of survival. (In this I have realized that humans are products of our memories and programming from childhood – and adapting according to the requirements for us to Survive in the system and as the Mind. Therefore as humans – no one has actually had any real experience, because all are simply exiting as self-regulating and adaptive mind systems based on memories, experiences and pre-programming – from our DNA and parental and societal programming. Therefore to understand how we have ever made decisions – we need to follow the time lines of moments to see how decisions were made and what moments, memories and events influences our decision making.)

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that within the current economic system – ‘expansion’ is only truly possible if you have money – in which case one can buy yourself all your requirements to make it look like you are ‘expanding in material good and wealth’ or to have all your basic needs such as food and shelter covered so that one may focus on the spiritual and philosophical expansion of the mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I do not make it possible for other beings to live fully and to meet their basic needs of food and a place to live, then how is it possible for others to experience any expansion at all, because by forcing people to live in fear of survival – we are limiting the human existence to the limitation we have come to accept now according to having or not having pieces of paper called Money –

Therefore

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that no expansion is possible for me or humanity as a so called ‘expansive’ human, if all are not able to expand and if I through my greed and inability to take all life into consideration force others into situations of ‘not having’ simply by forcing them into economic brackets where I withhold pieces of paper from them, thus withholding resources from them to have their basic requirements met, therefore limiting any change in this world currently of ‘expanding’ in any way.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by withholding resources from others, which limits beings in expanding from situations of survival into having a dignified life equal to myself, I am in fact not expanding as a being but devolving into a ‘de-evolution’ or ‘backwardness’, I have created for myself with no way of expanding into anything more than what I am if I do not change what I am doing to others as myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have equated expansiveness to the value of things that you can buy with money – therefore it is not me that is expanding but a temporary experience that I have thanks to the paper I can give for that experience – and in a moment if I justify withholding that same money as ability to have access to resources from another – than I am admitting that my expansion does not truly exist, but merely exists as an energetic experience in which I am used - by the Elite to participate in capitalism so that they can be truly rich – while fooling me through spirituality, the idea of an afterlife and the media that I am ‘expanding’ myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be brainwashed into religion, culture and spirituality – in which I participate in the belief of an afterlife – where I ‘think’ I will expand into another state of being – without questioning who and where this information came from – who has investigated this information and why I should ignore the direct reality I am creating, while following this unverified belief of myself within an afterlife.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in all Culture, Spirituality and Religion – where by the action of participating in your mind reality where you are expanded into a higher state of ‘beingness’ – we are in fact proving that humans already exist as Bipolar Disorder – through which we attempt to run away from our physical reality by creating fake realities in which we can compare how expansive we are in this fake unseen realities, which only the believer can verify through the pretty pictures in his/her mind as the illusion that is shared by others who have similar make-believe realties/pictures in their mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself over the generations since the beginning of Mankind to develop and imprint the Disorder of ‘Bipolar’ into the Mind – which surfaces in some humans as more severe conditions which leaves them unable to function effectively, while existing in all humans in varying degrees, while we who are still able to function – program the next generation as our children to become Bipolar either in its subtle functional form within the acceptance of how the system works, or the more severe forms where the person is rejected from the functioning of society – where the person is classified ‘Bipolar’ and submitted to therapies and drugs – to ‘balance’ the symptoms – until the person is better able to continue functioning within accepted, manageable levels within our societal Bipolar Systems.

Abnormal Behavior: Sue D, Sue DW, Sue S (2012). Understanding Abnormal Behavior. Boston. Wadsworth.