This blog is a continuation from:
"Obviously this did not work either because after a few days he was back to his usual self. So the reason why I am sharing these smaller stories is to show how far along I went into and got consumed with spirituality to try and solve my problems. I am therefore walking the time line of events, or at least those that pop up for me in my memories, so that in my sharing I am obviously firstly for myself seeing and reminding myself of how change has to always be self and not a 'band-aid' method that works with good feelings to avoid negative feelings. That in actuality - all those years as I stuck to the really odd-ball situations, choices and people I chose to live with and for - this was really who I had become and the answer was always all along to change myself to no longer accept myself as for example 'abused' or vulnerable' or 'in need of guidance' or 'spiritual' etc..."
Secondly in my sharing I obviously would like to also assist other people who are faced with choices to make the changes required, but like myself are facing the point of absolute fear and denial, and would rather cling to hope and religion than do the actual legg-work of real time changing. So obviously the changing I am referring to is and was not only on a physical level - for example leaving the abusive boyfriend or pushing myself to become self supportive - yes practical changes are an absolute part of the changing process, but what I am also referring to is the 'self-changing' required and this as most are able to relate, is the most difficult part. Using the 'inner child' analogy as an example - I am not saying we have an inner child - this use to be white light constructed designs within the mind conscious system and therefore were merely placements through which the human was controlled through and by 'the white light' (heaven) according to our 'pre-programmed life designs'.
But the reason why I use this inner child here as an example, while we are on the topic is to show how for example even though the advice from the 'guides' were in a sense practical - in that he had to change himself and ultimately let go - which was why we did on a symbolic level the merging of himself to his supressed inner child while also stopping the addiction to the 'entity' which represented all his anger and jealousy. But what this in essence would have meant - had he and myself really understood 'self-change would have meant forgiving self for having accepted self for becoming the anger and jealousy and thus creating from that a 'backup system' per so - or shall we call it a protective survival personality. Therefore the key would have been to take responsibility for his creation in full understanding of what he allowed and to therefore within himself no longer accept and allow himself to further participate in the design and allowance of such personality designs. So obviously what was missing from what we did, which we did not understand was that changing oneself is an absolute statement and 'gift' of self forgiveness - in which one takes responsibility for what you have allowed, while giving oneself the power and awareness that you are the one that lets go and that within this you are in essence giving yourself back to yourself - where one had stood back and allowed experiences to determine who one is throughout ones life. Therefore one literally 'goes with the flow' such as in this case where he became possessed by this 'entity' or personality design because he did not know that 'self' is already here- meaning me as complete here, no parts missing or dependant on some force or special technique to bring it back.
spiritual techniques showed me upon introspection, was that we are obviously from very young taught that who we are is very much dependent on developing ourselves into completeness -and this is done through firstly the education system, our parents, religion, and the roles we accept within society - and that for each this will depend obviously on ones religious and cultural choices (or upbringing). Therefore in most forms of philosophy about 'who we are' very few modalities will say 'I am here' full stop. Meaning who I am is already here as this physical body and that therefore I use knowledge but I am not determined by knowledge (the mind). Currently our understanding is that it is exactly the other way around that the physical is merely a vessel for 'I think therefore I am'
So looking back at that whole little exercise - as I mentioned before, it allowed me my own insights into how we have a whole song and dance literally for amalgamating parts of ourselves, instead of realizing - I am HERE.