Crime's Journey to Life: child

Showing posts with label child. Show all posts

Monday, March 2, 2015

Day 201: Experiencing Trauma Part 1 | The Sleepwalker

The other day I was sitting in on an Eqafe Interview and I could completely relate to what was being discussed.

Releasing Trauma - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 54

During the Interview I was looking back at my own experiences around childhood traumas, specifically around the years surrounding my fathers death. I had experiences great difficulty dealing with my fathers death for 2 reasons:

Firstly the fact that I knew he was going to die years before he died - let me explain. My father was a chain smoker. He developed a heart problem which was exacerbated by smoking. After my father had his first heart attack I remember the one day I went with when my father had a doctors appointment. I cannot remember how old I was then, but basically I was asked to sit outside the doctors room and wait while they talked. They left the door slightly ajar probably so that I would still be able to see my parents, not realizing that I could hear their conversation. So basically I heard the doctor tell my father that if he carried on smoking that eventually he would die from another heart attack - his heart was that weak. So as you can 'imagine' what shock this is for a young child to hear.

This became a burden which I carried with me for many many years probably up until the ager of about 28/29 when I was able to work with the information effectively to let it go. So for years I remembered what the doctor said and this settled itself into my mind and body as a perpetual fear that my father could die any day. Of course my father who also had depression, did not seem to concern himself with the doctors warnings and continued to chain smoke, which of course confirmed to me that any minute he was going to die. I don’t know why my father carried on chain smoking the way he did, whether it was because the addiction was to strong or because he did not care. I suspect that it was a combination of both points - meaning he had depression and from my own experience as I am sure other people are able to relate once in a 'depressive mind state' you pretty much become numb to what is happening around you and thus don’t 'care' about your life or even your health. Combine that with an additive personality or an addictive substance such as what most of us have experiences at some point or another and you are bound to end up with creating physical consequences due to the abuse of some form of substance or reckless behaviour.

Over the years my fear of my father dying turned into paranoia. If for example my father would not arrive back from work at a certain time, I would start fearing the worst and imagining (paranoia) all kinds of situations and that any minute we would get a phone call from the hospital. I would spend those evenings sitting near the windows to watch and see when his car would turn into the drive way, and when it did I would obviously feel immense relief. At least he was safe and with me - at least until tomorrow. This went on for years and eventually I started to develop a paranoid personality, where I would fear things like sleeping over at my sisters apartment or going for sleep overs at a friends house. I remember whenever a friend would invite me to a sleep over, I would be struck with anxiety and would try and first make excuses to get out of it. Therefore I rarely slept over and when I did I would often start becoming to paranoid (without understanding what was happening) that I would wait until my friend would fall asleep and then I would go and sit by the window and hope that some how my mom and dad knew that I was frightened and would come and fetch me.

Eventually my paranoia turned into sleep walking, where after an evening of sleeping over at a friends house, my friend would tell me the next morning that they were woken up in the middle of the night to noises coming from the kitchen. There lol they would find me unpacking their kitchen cupboards mumbling to myself. This sleep walking also happened at home where my mom and dad would often find me wandering up and down the passage way and often when they would go to bed they would find me sitting by their bedroom door. I would of course not remember any of this the next morning...

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Day 166: The Paranormal Series part 27 - Demons vs. Angels part 14

This blog is a continuation from:

Day 149: The Paranormal Series Part 13 – Demons vs. Angels part 1

Day 152: The Paranormal Series Part 14 – Demons vs. Angels part 2

Day 153: The Paranormal Series part 16 - Demons vs. Angels part 3

Day 156: The Paranormal Series part 17 - Demons vs. Angels part 4

Day 157: The Paranormal Series part 18 - Demons vs. Angels part 5

Day 158: The Paranormal Series part 19 - Demons vs. Angels part 6

Day 159: The Paranormal Series part 20 - Demons vs. Angels part 7

Day 160: The Paranormal Series part 21 - Demons vs. Angels part 8

Day 161: The Paranormal Series part 22 - Demons vs. Angels part 9

Day 162: The Paranormal Series part 23 - Demons vs. Angels part 10

Day 163: The Paranormal Series part 24 - Demons vs. Angels part 11

Day 164: The Paranormal Series part 25 - Demons vs. Angels part 12

Day 165: The Paranormal Series part 26 - Demons vs. Angels part 13

The one things that became more prominent within myself over these years, was as I have mentioned before this false sense of empowerment. I felt strongly that the 'world system' was one tracked, meaning you work (if you are able to find employment), you get a boyfriend or girlfriend, you pay your taxes, you get married and you have kids - and if one did not really have an interest in the mainstream flow of what we would call 'life' - then it becomes very difficult functioning in the world as it exists currently. Therefore as the years went by I retreated more and more into myself, into my belief systems and obviously this resulted in me getting more and more involved in my spiritual beliefs.

Therefore as I mentioned in a previous blog - I developed from there an interest in 'alternative medicines' and specifically after visiting a Kinesiologist, I knew that this is what I wanted to do. Years later of course as I looked back at the factors involved in my decision making, I realized that my 'choices' in wanting to become a 'healer was partly to do with the fact that I had a lot of 'healing' to do myself, because of the fact that my relationship, or shall I say lack of a relationship with both my father and mother left me with low self esteem and low self worth - which is something which one often sees in children, who do not develop or develop 'skewed' relationships with one or both parents. The child, in essence becomes as an adult the direct reflection of how they experienced themselves with their parents, because obviously if a child sees that a parent treats them with slight indifference, then the child accepts this 'verdict' by the parent, of who the child is and will accept this as their own 'identity' or 'self-belief' and will become 'self indifferent'. This self-indifference for example, then branches out into various other 'I am statements' such as I am nothing, or I don’t belong, or I am ugly, or nobody wants me.

The experience one then has towards others is always coming from and based upon a self belief. What I have found very interesting in studying the development of the human psyche, is that family and societal relationships are all based on affirming ones relationships towards others - fascinating. Meaning - where we split the being into self versus others, which obviously then becomes a life long battle of trying to live up to the expectations of others, instead of realizing I AM HERE - meaning here I am in my physical body, I am already complete, therefore how can parts of me be with and from other people? But, again because the capitalists and marketers and psychologists study and formulate information used in consumerism to support consumerism, the truth of I AM HERE, does not get mentioned as a definitive truth, because this would be the entire collapse of the consumerism system as people will stop engaging the outside world for 'self fulfillment' but will express self - which are 2 very different things. Currently the consumerism market exist on the premise of pushing and impulsing humanity to buy as much as possible, in the pursuit for personal happiness and fulfillment. Unfortunately growing up, our parents believed the brainwashing, and raised their children to become energy systems and obviously as all of us get addicted to the energy systems of the mind, it becomes more and more difficult for us to stop and see what we are doing and change...

Friday, October 12, 2012

Day 60: Education Fraud Part 21 – Medicalization of the Education System Part 9 - Self-Forgiveness on 'Professionals involved in the medicalizing process' Part 2

" - the medicalization of ADD/ADHD was, at the time of the study, far more entrenched in Canada than in the UK in both professional and lay circles. It is not surprising, then, that mothers describe a high preparedness of teachers in Canada to accept the ADD/ADHD label when compared withdescriptions of UK educators."

I forgive myself as parent for accepting and allowing myself to be condition by and through society, doctors ans scientists into accepting the human condition as it currently exists, as a flawed organic robot, which exists as a consumer, fragile and waiting to die, requiring drugs and conventional thinking tied in with the morality code we have come to accept - even though we are able to see generations down the line that who we have accepted ourselves to be up until now, is not the image and likeness of self perfection - but a conglomeration of thought patterns dictated to us, to lull the human into accepting ourselves as needing to be fixed/guided/controlled.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to become and allow the same thoughts within my mind about how I should act, feel, think, believe ad function - as what is considered acceptable by the rest of society - not seeing, realizing and understanding the consequences of simply accepting what has thus far been accepted as 'normal' human behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the condemnation that has been subjected onto and as humanity, as I also allow religion, beliefs and culture to dictate my every move, even though we have proven through time that religious and spiritual people have up until now not been able to change the psyche of the human, and instead hide behind words like jesus, god and the bible to not have to face our own creations and to take direct self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subject my child to this same self-brainwashing as I train my child from young into emotional and feeling addictive patterns - where I myself have come to believe that energy patterns of the mind are who we are supposed to be - without actually considering that the child who is born into the physical did not have all these emotion and feeling behaviors - and that through examples I trained the child to conjure up emotions and feelings within them, by linking these energetic reactions to pictures, words and experiences - thus trapping my child into a life time of manipulating self and other for emotion/feeling energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to train my child how to create characters to fit into this world and through this takes away from my child the ability to simply live, here in this physical reality, as the physical, moving and directing themselves here in the body - but making it about adjusting themselves into and as a persona - which comes from a blueprint created in moments through impressions -to fit into situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to train my children to accept themselves only if they are accepted for the characters they become, not realizing that these characters I trained them to become are not real - but simply like actors preparing for a role - where the child firstly imprints the energetic experience of the character with the thoughts around why and what the character is - which is connected to what the character will support the child in being able to do in the specific environment the character is stimulated within.

and it is for this reason, that as adult I sit and watch what the media does, what the education system says and what the scientists agree on - what is best for my child - because I have already submitted my thinking and the character creation process I go through to 'the authorities' who claim to do what is best for all - but in essence are only protecting an industry, which is designed to design the human into a functional organic system that requires the mind-system to function. Once the being accepts the Mind to function - we no longer exist in our physical bodies, equal and one to the body and are therefore trapped slowly through time, as we grow up into the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions and backchat, which create systematic responses that then require of the bing to keep participating in these systems, due to the Mind functioning according to Energy. Therefore after a while, as we can now see happening to our children, the being becomes obsessed and dependent on certain behaviors and patterns, which allow them to constantly feed the energy patterns of the mind

this is why we see children for example becoming highly, obsessively addicted to tv games, cell phones, conversations, gossip, jealousy, fashion, trends, communication, sports, socializing, drugs, alcohol, activities - anything that constantly stimulates the mind to create energy.

therefore

we create energy junkies out of our children - and then claim as the parents that we dont know how our children became obsessive and out of control as they stop valuing life and only seek the next energy high - as we see happening more and more in more evolved forms on the internet and news everyday

That is why

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as adult to patiently listen to the scientists and accept any new law, therapy or diagnosis they have for my children, because I have already just like watching and engineer, engineer machines - watched as my children have through my direct participation, been turned into machines of the Mind - where everything that the child does, wants, desires and fears is linked to and because of a system of energy that is directing the child through thoughts to act according to the parameters/guidelines of the system.

If you are not clear on how the Mind is designed with regards to the points indicated above, I suggest read the Heaven's Journey to Life blogs - these blogs are written from the Interdimensional perspective looking into the exact minuscule, exact design of how the mind was created, how we evolve the mind, why we use the mind and how the Human exists paralel to how the current world system functions:

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

For more information on the Human and our behaviors:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

I commit myself to when I start fearing living in the physical body as the Physical, instead of the Mind-System, to stop and breathe and to realize my commitment to Life as myself.

I commit myself, that when and as I become afraid for my child due to thoughts and backchat that starts running about 'how will my child survive in the system', to stop and breathe, and realize that the Mind-System as indicated in my reaction, is designed to survive and that it will use backchat, thoughts and idealized or feared pictures as moments (memories) to capture my attention and bring me back into the energetic pattern of fearing the what ifs, due to me giving permission to the feeling of fear that moves through my body.

I commit myself, when my my mind repeats the feeling as energy of fear, to stop and breathe and realize that the experience is not real and in any given moment I am able to stop the experience, just as I originally allowed the experience to 'come up inside me'

I commit myself as parent to stop judging my child and to stop allowing my own backchat and fear in relation to the system rejecting my child and my child dying if I do not follow the guidelines of the 'experts'

I commit myself as parent to become the director of my relationship with my own mind and body and from there to self purify my own relationship with myself, into a living expression of the physical.

I commit myself to walk this process of self purification, equal and one with my child and to not allow fear and the what if backchat inner conversations, to direct how I support my child's development.

Cool Quote for the day:

"with the Birth of a Child, the Physical Body which is a Quantum Physical Machine, integrates the Mind as a copy from the parents (you can see this with a Feral child where the child is brought up by a wolf, they will copy the Mind of a wolf) - with this happening by the time the child start using the Mind and categorizing the words, pictures, and energy design into a coherent story, which will eventually become the story that is thoughts, words, language, culture, religion, the child is already lost within and as the Mind and the connection with the Original Life Force as the Physical Body is already lost. Therefore, any and all communication within any and all points as Energy, as the Mind, as Spirituality, as Consciousness, is the result of a preprogrammed design, specifically and deliberately placed to Control the Story to be what Heaven wants it to be, and from this, through time, developed our present day media in all its forms - doing exactly the same: as above so below. "

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-180-after-death-communications-part.html

Source:

Malacrida C, "Medicalization, Ambivalence and Social Control: Mothers’ Descriptions of Educators and ADD/ADHD." Academia.edu. Publication Date: Jan 1, 2004. Accessed on 8 Oct 2012.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Day 58: Education Fraud Part 19 – Medicalization of the Education System Part 7 - Professionals involved in the medicalizing process.

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-52-international-crime-research.html

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-53-education-fraud-part-14.html

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-54-education-fraud-part-15.html#

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-55-education-fraud-part-16.html

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-56-education-fraud-part-17.html

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-57-education-fraud-part-18.html#

If you have a moment I suggest read the following article:

http://www.academia.edu/1531137/Medicalization_Ambivalence_and_Social_Control_Mothers_Descriptions_of_Educators_and_ADD_ADHD

From it I have taken the following points, from which I will be walking Self-Forgiveness:

- ADD/ADHD is medicalized through educators, medical practitioners and members of the
psy sector, the complex of social work, psychological,psychiatric and helping professionals that handle mental health and psycho-logical issues within a given culture (Donzelot, 1997).

- Medicalization is not always complete, but occurs in varying degrees, depending on whether competing deﬁnitions of the problem exist (as is the case withADD/ADHD), and on the relationship between professionals who are involved in the medicalizing process (Conrad, 1992). With ADD/ADHD,there are gaps in the medicalization process at both the conceptual level and the institutional level.

- the medicalization of ADD/ADHD was, at the time of the study, far more entrenched in Canada than in the UK in both professional and lay circles.It is not surprising, then, that mothers describe a high preparedness of teachers in Canada to accept the ADD/ADHD label when compared withdescriptions of UK educators.

- It has been argued that, in the United States, educators have come to embrace ADD/ADHD and drug therapy as a result of decreased access to the useof traditional educational social controls of physical discipline and student expulsion or suspension (Kiger, 1985)

- As western society has become less tolerant of difference, and as medical,educational and psychiatric professions have developed, the range of behaviors identiﬁed or perceived of as pathological has grown (Porter,1987). This decreased tolerance and increased psychiatric surveillance over a broad range of behaviors and signs that once were accepted as part of the continuum of human possibility, but that now have become problems to be resolved through expert practice, has been termed the ‘psychiatriza-tion of difference’ (Castel et al., 1982)

- the behaviors to be measured by parents and teachers on assessment instruments relate primarily to the classroom, and indeed, most parents in both sites noted that their children’s problems began or escalated once they entered the school system.

- Researchers have tied ADD/ADHD’s legitimacy to aggressive pharmaceutical marketing strategies and middle-class parent support groups seeking a medical label for their children’s behavioral problems (Conrad and Schneider, 1980). Others relate its rise to reductions in educational funding and restricted classroom discipline policies (Kiger,1985), or as part of a general increase in the psychiatric labeling of children (Armstrong, 1993). Still others note that ADD/ADHD as a diagnostic category is connected to the rise of the relatively new ﬁelds of special education and educational psychology, through which an increasingly broad array of assessment tools have been employed in classifying and identifying differences in children (Slee, 1994).

- Canada, inﬂuenced by its proximity to the United States, is strongly immersed in the legacy of developmental and behavioral psychology, where tests, measures and classiﬁcation systems have emerged to organize and regulate populations (Armstrong, 1983; Rose, 1985, 1990; Burman, 1994). Thus, in Canada, mothers with children who are ‘different’ will typically encounter an educational or developmental psychologist and undergo behavioral and pencil-and-paper testing with an aim to categorizing and 'labeling' the child.

- The difference in diagnostic tools and psy sector cultures has material effects, resulting in different degrees of medicalization, as evidenced by rates of diagnosis and treatment in the UK and Canada. British Parliamentary Ofﬁce of Science and Technology ﬁgures indicate that in 1995 only 6000 (or 0.03%) UK schoolchildren were being treated with any psycho-stimulant (Kewley, 1998). In 1995 in Alberta, approximately 2.5 percent of school-aged children were prescribed Ritalin alone, representing a four-fold increase since 1987 when record keeping began (Alberta College of Physicians and Surgeons, 1999). Thus, we can expect that British mothers’stories reﬂect a context where ADD/ADHD remains a partially or perhaps even non-medicalized phenomenon, while Canadian mothers’ stories reﬂect a context where ADD is highly legitimated as a medical diagnosis.

- There are two stages in the ADD/ADHD labeling process: identiﬁcation and assessment. In Canada, teachers were the prime identiﬁers of children who ultimately became labeled as having ADD. Of 17 Canadian children in the study, only two children had already been identiﬁed and tentatively diagnosed prior to attending primary school. Mothers of the remaining 15 reported that, although their child had always been in many ways ‘different’during infancy and early childhood, it was really only once the child went to school that these differences came to be identiﬁed as problematic enough that the child was identiﬁed for formal intervention. Canadian teachers who identiﬁed these children as problematic were often quite directive in their suggestions, in many cases going so far as to tell mothers that they should consider ADD as a diagnosis and Ritalin as a treatment.

- even when evidence of classroom abuse was not present, the constant pressure of phone calls, meetings and questions about medication left the parents feeling they should at least give medication a trial. Thus, although Canadian teachers were not qualiﬁed to perform a diagnosis or prescribe treatment legitimately, they were able to exercise considerable inﬂuence in having mothers push physicians and psychologists for a label and medicalization.

- Additionally, the reported demands teachers made of Canadian mothers to consider drug therapy for their children may reﬂect the relative lack of alternative forms of social control that Canadian educators have availableto them in managing disruptive classroom behavior.

- Again and again, mothers described working through oneavenue of treatment after another, never having a name for what they andtheir children were struggling with, because the name itself was problem-atic to educators and helping professions.

- In 2000, the British government estimated the average initial assessment for any child in Britain would cost the school approximately £480 (NICE, 2000: 10) and often, once a child is assessed,schools risk losing any transfer moneys into their budgets because the Statemented child (to be diagnosed) is often moved to a specialized setting. Thus, the initiating school bears the cost, while the receiving school enjoys the beneﬁts.

- Canadian mothers rarely described teachers who seemed willing or able to implement appropriate educational strategies for the ADD identiﬁed children in their classroom. Again and again, mothers described providing medical and psy sector information to teachers about their child speciﬁcally, and about ADD children in general, only to be ignored.

Self-Forgiveness to follow...

Source:

Malacrida C, "Medicalization, Ambivalence and Social Control: Mothers’ Descriptions of Educators and ADD/ADHD." Academia.edu. Publication Date: Jan 1, 2004. Accessed on 8 Oct 2012.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Day 57: Education Fraud Part 18 – Medicalization of the Education System Part 6 - Self Commitment Statements of Parents and Children

I commit myself as parent to develop my child's ability to function and exist within the physical bodies, one and equal to this physical reality, and to stop creating mind-energy patters which outflow into 'conditions' of the mind, which is inflicted upon the child as we abuse the mind-physical relationship - as has so clearly been seen within how many 'conditions' have already been labeled and are labeled on a daily basis.

I commit myself as parent to stop encouraging any and all addictive character/personalities within myself and my child, as I entertain myself through the value system I teach my child as I prepare them to become that part of me I never got to live/express/experience.

I commit myself as parent t observe and adjust the foods and activities that impulse my child to participate in, in realizing that the child most often simply copies behavior that the parent presents and if I educate myself in the functioning of the Body/Physical and what it requires - then I am able to best support my child.

I commit myself as parent to teach my child the value of Life and what the consequences are if we sabotage Life deliberately or by tacit agreement.

I commit myself to teach my child and myself how to build an effective equal and one relationship with this physical reality, so that none are abused or excluded for the benefit of one group.

I commit myself as the child to see, realize and understand my responsibility towards myself, in taking responsibility for what I experience and how I create these experiences

I commit myself as child to understand how this physical reality functions, and how to support myself equal and one to the physical reality, so that my existence here does not abuse other life forms.

I commit myself as child to understand the consequences of my actions, and to not blame energy or the mind, as in the end I am responsible for myself as I am the living word which becomes the living flesh, therefore to stop the cycles of the past generations which is becoming me as a 'condition', I have to take responsibility for stopping the cycles of the past and to purify me as I exist as the layers of the past generations, in what was accepted and allowed then.

I commit myself as parent and child to stop using the justifications of 'well what else can I do' or 'but this is my life', to excuse away the use of medication to avoid understanding how the quantum mind functions as all the previous moments I allowed decisions, which have now become me as the living flesh.

I commit myself as parent and child to stop using pictures, energetic reactions and backchat inner conversations to keep myself trapped in the excuses that justify why I do not need to stop my behaviors and addictions to energy which becomes ADHD and other 'conditions' of the human.