Day 32: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 16

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-31-international-crime-research.html


Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Person who watches child porn as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.

“By the age of 15, I knew that I was interested in girls and like most boys my age developed masturbation fantasies around girls in my school."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop masturbation fantasies of girls/boys and through this developed a false idea about sex and the physical body, as my reference point became about the energy and not the interaction with and movement of my and the other physical body in natural self-honest self expression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself through this false image of the body and the sex, to create a vast network from which I can create any picture to masturbate to as I got older, not realizing that I was opening the door to becoming an abuser as I trained myself form young to give permission to my mind to conjure and connect images to sexual gratification and masturbation.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in that moment as the decision I made to create and allow secret fantasies of others in my mind –to establish myself as the character of abuser within this world as I allowed myself within my mind – which is me – to exist as someone who secretly does things to others without them knowing – where in real life I would never admit to the person that I was doing these things to them within myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to within creating these fantasies to also create secret conversations, hopes, dreams and outcomes within my energetic relationships to these images, which did not match the reality of my situation – which further fueled my inner turmoil if I did not get in real life what I was already getting or hoping to get in my energy reality of my mind.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the world is in the state it is with mind possessions escalating, because the inner reality as the Mind is never Equal to what really happens in the physical - therefore people end up going into Mind Possessions because when they cannot have in ‘Real Life’ what they believed/imaged/desired themselves to have in the Mind.



Therefore; I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place so much value in what my Mind reality wants and can have, not considering self honestly that I am the one who created a world of conflict, abuse, war, terrorism, pain, inequality –because eventually we always inflict the desires of the inner reality (mind) onto the Physical Reality, whether it wants it or not. That is why people can watch war abuse, poverty, rape, murder, starvation etc without blinking – because each one already through thinking has forced our mind Realities of ‘I want!’ to such an extend within ourselves that we through backchat always win and always get what we want – therefore when we see this forcing happening ‘for real’ in the physical reality – we do not even blink an eye.



I commit myself to show that as long as we have realities within which we exist in the mind, that we will always end up abusing the physical reality – as we have laced such value on what exists in the individuals mind that nobody is willing to stand up for the abuse we allow in the physical reality and to each other.



I commit myself to show that children are educated in how to exist in the mind, which becomes the starting point of ‘who I am’ through how parents teach them to follow the rules of culture, religion, family and society – with no regard for the outflow of a culture we have created where all get to abuse Life on this planet – as long as the abuse is justified in that it was part of the individuals rights to freedom of expression.



I commit myself to show that the family, religious and cultural systems are ‘protectors’ of the mind – where a young person is shown how to become emotional characters and are trained in how to manipulate others and self to get ‘what I want’ regardless of the effects on the world.

“I remember the one day I was sitting in class and I heard the girls sitting at the table behind me, talking about me. Shelly was asking Valerie whom she was going to invite to her birthday party. Shelly would mention people in the class’ names and Valerie would respond with a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or some personal insult to clarify her discontent towards that boy or girls and the reason why they definitely would not be invited to her birthday party. I was following their conversation, because I was intrigued to know whether I would be invited to this party. The only other parties I had been to were that of my guys friends and I had never been invited by a girl to one of their birthday parties. That seemed like something that was reserved for the semi popular/cool or attractive guys. The ‘nerds’ were only invited by other nerds and nobody paid any attention to who was being invited to their parties. This in itself caused a tingle in my belly, as I knew that being invited to Valerie’s party would mean the beginning of this phase where we now start treating each other in different context’s then mere ‘children’. As Shelly whispered my name my stomach tightened and I unconsciously held my breath. From all the nasty comments I heard Valerie make about some of the other boys and girls, I couldn’t help but wish that she would magically see me as someone cool enough to get invited to her shindig. Shelly whispered my name and Valerie’s response was ‘gross’. Shelly spurted out a short giggle and both girls tried to suppress their laughter into their hands before they continued onto the next unsuspecting victim. An ice-cold rod shot up my spine into my neck and face and a cold flash crept its way into my belly – as my worst fear had been realized: I was ugly and the girls hated me.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the game of self-esteem based on what others think of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts around hoping others will approve of me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in that moment to participate in the backchat conversation with myself of ‘hoping they would pick me’ and how I will experience myself if they rejected me – creating the character for myself of who and what I would become if I were to he rejected.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from participating in the backchat to then generate a physical tension in anticipation of how these two individuals are going to decide for me who and what I am – thus inflicting onto my physical the abuse character I was creating in that moment through my thoughts.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a character around what others were apparently thinking and saying of me and through this infusing into the physical a system design based on the moment, as the values, the pictures, my reactions, fears, emotions, feelings – all into and as a system that shot up into my spine and infused itself from my mind consciousness system into my spine and through the physical – thus predesigning my responses for the rest of my life, on how I would experience myself in similar situations.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to preprogram myself from the character of ‘rejected and hurt’ into someone who would then take situations in which I reacted and felt ‘hurt’ to further fuel the system, until I became an abuser of others because I built on this original memory from my youth where I allowed myself to take what was said personally and to systematically design my anger and resentment over time, into a system, which would then later on activate me into responding to my past by hurting others as they represented pictures, images, and symbols I then responded to in light of this system design.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a judgment of people who are not invited to parties by popular people and then living out the character of the ‘rejected one’ according to the judgments I created and participated in.



I commit myself to show how all relationships are created through thoughts and thoughts exists as a means of protecting oneself from others, therefore by the time you have created a relationship with another, you have designed it so as to exist as that which you want to protect about your characters.



I commit myself to show how relationship dynamics, is actually just another way of saying how we support the creation of characters to protect ourselves to not have to be self honest and thus relationship dynamic is how one moves yourself into character to appear as something more than what you are while only responding to the dynamics (character) within another that will compliment the character one is currently primarily existent within –whether this is what is best for humanity or not.

Day 31: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 15

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-30-international-crime-research.html#


Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Person who watches child porn as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.

“When I reached pubescence I developed acne and no matter what creams my mother bought me, I would always have red marks and pimples on my face.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is a picture.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is a picture who is dependent on picture perfect skin, represented by the pictures of beautiful, clean, clear skinned people in the media and in my school and that if I do not match these pictures I am condemned to a life of shame and separation from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in emotional turmoil, creating physical tension within my body, which has the effect of creating physical conditions within my organs and skin which reflect my inner changes and conditions.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the skin condition of acne, to represent fear, emotional conflict and hormonal changes.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exists in fear and anxiety as a young person, as I am made to change myself into a representation of who and what I should be to fit into what my parents want, what society expects from me and how I should adapt my thinking to fit into society’s systems of being and self-acceptance.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mind consciousness systems to exist within me based on conflict and fear, wherein as soon as I am faced with emotional turmoil, another system kicks in and creates physical condition which systematically reflect the mind consciousness designs of who I am in my physical, emotional and mental processes’ thus indicating that the preprogrammed designs all come together to further exacerbates conflict as one is constantly bombarded with designs that challenge one further and further into submission, into the Mind.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the design manifestation of metaphysics, in which inner turmoil was linked to physically manifested conditions such as acne, and that in time these response systems within the physical became a point of profit as we spiritualized these systems and made alternate therapies out of them, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that through alternate therapies turning these systems into profit, we were not only giving permission to these systems, but were designing ways of maintaining the being’s ‘balance’ within these systems, thus as therapists and doctors condemning people further into the mind as systems -as we encouraged people to live according to the rules of the systems.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a self-definition of who I am as Life, based on the experiences and reactions I get from others, which I internalize into a design of character, as I try and become who society wants me to be, even if society rejects certain parts of me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people who have disabilities, conditions or illnesses’, using this as a scapegoat means through which we as individuals can feel better about who we are by bullying others and condemning them to exist in shame and ridicule, so that a state of perfection may be maintained – through which all of humanity constantly believe they are not good enough in mind and body and will do whatever it takes to seek some form of perfection.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing society to create this polarity game between perfection and imperfection, creating the perfect illusion from which capitalism can be designed, as the human will buy anything to try and perfect themselves.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge capitalism for benefiting and profiting from this polarity game of perfection, when it is me as the individual whom participates daily in thoughts around self-acceptance – based around how I perceive my self-worth to be dependent on how others see me, which is based on picture presentations of oneself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience depression, guilt and uselessness as I experience shame when the other people see my acne and I allow myself to think ‘they must think I am gross’ or ‘oh no they see my skin, what do they think of me’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize, see and understand at that stage that each thought that I allowed in response to how people were around me, was me designing the point of abuse around the acne point, as I participated in being the victim, playing the role of what I perceived others were thinking and then becoming the physical behaviors of low-self esteem/withdrawel/quietness/awkwardness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself into the role of depression, sadness, separation from others, as I allowed myself to use thinking to generate the experience for myself into which I allowed myself to become less of myself, based on how I believed I now should punish me from my physical appearance – thus contributing and designing abuse as it exists today.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the thought ‘oh no they see my skin what do they think of me’, into further backchat of ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I am ugly and useless’ and then allowing myself to physical become withdrawn and to generate the physical energetic experience of depression/sadness, until manifesting the character of ‘the outcast’, ‘the unwanted one’, ‘the guy/girl who is unpopular’.



I commit myself to show that the inner experience can be changed – so that we no longer accept and allow turmoil and self-abuse to exist.



I commit myself to show that Capitalism profits from the inner experience and could and would not exist if the human was not obsessed with thinking and with living as pictures.



I commit myself to show that thinking is how one creates an experience of yourself, therefore to stop the design of a character, we stop it in the creation phase by identifying the thoughts that takes one into the character and to identify how one manifested the thoughts in its design phase as memory -to identify who self was in the memory when one allowed the first thought.



I commit myself to show how all of what exists today, exists due to how the human thought it into creation, therefore to identify how and why abuse exists we must look into how the human thinks abusive tendencies and practices into existence.



I commit myself to show that no devil or demons are responsible for the evil that exists today – and that if one walks the time line of a character (human) you will always find the creation points of the character until the manifestation and creation of the abuse point.