Showing posts with label why am I so sad. Show all posts

Friday, October 3, 2014

Day 160: The Paranormal Series part 21 - Demons vs. Angels part 8

This blog is a continuation from:

Day 149: The Paranormal Series Part 13 – Demons vs. Angels part 1

Day 152: The Paranormal Series Part 14 – Demons vs. Angels part 2

Day 153: The Paranormal Series part 16 - Demons vs. Angels part 3

Day 156: The Paranormal Series part 17 - Demons vs. Angels part 4

Day 157: The Paranormal Series part 18 - Demons vs. Angels part 5

Day 158: The Paranormal Series part 19 - Demons vs. Angels part 6

Day 160: The Paranormal Series part 21 - Demons vs. Angels part 8

"I felt like I belonged and that I was being given an opportunity to be someone and to empower myself. This is after all what all human beings strive for - self empowerment, self acceptance and to do and be that which one enjoys. So of course I was very much drawn to this new possibility and of course it also meant that I could escape my life as it was at that stage. You have to understand, and I am sure you are able to relate if you look back at your 'teens' - all of us grow up thinking, hoping and believing that we will 'go' somewhere in life, make something of ourselves, maybe even marry 'the love of our lives' and maybe just maybe end up having enough money to live comfortable lives of joy and bliss! I wanted this as much as any other young person who had just left school - therefore, having spent the last year walking the streets looking for a job, being humiliated, worrying about my future and having a relationship with my mother (with whom I lived) which was deteriorating day by day as she pushed more for me to find a work and me becoming more and more withdrawn and agitated - this obviously, as you can imagine did not paint a very pretty picture. I was being faced with a life that was obviously heading very much into the opposite direction of what everyone hopes and believes they will attain once they leave school and enter into 'adulthood'."

On top of that another dimension that I was facing, was that since my fathers death, which I had taken very hard, I had slowly, as I got older sunk into the same adult depression that he was conflicted with. On the one hand I see that it was genetic, meaning something that I inherited as a personality trait from him and what made it worse was the way that I dealt with his death. Basically when my father died, he died on the day that many of the staff at the bank where he worked were going to be retrenched. Therefore he left for work that morning, fearing just like all the other people, what if it was him that would come home with the bad news.

That morning my father already started getting his heart attack, but even so he did not want to upset his family, because when my older sister noticed at the breakfast table that he was sweaty and pale and she asked him if he was ok, he asked her to please not say anything to the rest of the family and he walked past her and headed out the door. Maybe if he had admitted that he did not feel so good, he would have been taken to a doctor who would have picked up that he was having a heart attack which meant that death could have been prevented. So you see, even then he was trying to protect us, and this really had the opposite effect - because as the years went by I firstly could not deal with my fathers death because of our strained relationship. The reason why my father had a strained relationship with his children was because of his depression, which came from his childhood where he had to face some tough times.

The second reason why I could not deal with my father's death was because I felt guilty, that he had died for a job, a job that he feared losing because obviously he was responsible for us. So the guilt really ate me alive for many years and this pushed me into adult depression myself. I never spoke about how I experienced myself and interestingly, years later when myself and my sisters finally spoke about our strained relationship with our father, each one admitted that they dealt with his death in equally strained ways, and that it always stayed with each one of us that we never had a full relationship with our father - and that because of the strained relationship he had with us, his death was hard for us because the missing aspect of our relationship seemed to be unveiled emotionally when he died. It was not only about realizing that you will no longer have your father in your life, but was also about realizing that we never had a relationship with our father -and therefore you could say this added an additional layer of grief and regret to our experience. I never admitted to them the guilt that I felt over his death and how I was experiencing myself.

Interesting thing is that when I met Bernard and Sunette at their house for the first time, and they showed me how the portal worked, they asked me whom would I like to speak to. Firstly I spoke to Jack my guide and after a while I asked to speak to my father. This was obviously a very emotional point for me, as I could feel all these supressed, buried emotions swelling up in my chest. I had to keep reminding myself to 'not cry' as I was uncomfortable showing my emotions in front of these people I had only just met a few days ago. When my father came through he said to me and explained to the people at the table that I was basically 'following in his footsteps' with the depression and basically killing myself slowly out of remorse. He then looked straight at me and said 'please Andrea, it is not necessary, please live your life, I am fine where I am now and I want you to live a good life. Please stop.' This was a good starting point for me, and I spent many more months with Bernard's support getting through that point.

Therefore when I received this welcoming from J's guides - I decided to follow this positive energy experience. J and I started spending more and more time together and the more I spent time with him, obviously the more irritated my already prone to irritation lol mother became and the more I wanted to avoid her. Obviously this caused me to both stay away more from home and also to focus all of my minds attention on my new found spirituality, to not have to admit that I actually felt afraid, humiliated and 'done in'.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Day 146: The Paranormal Series Part 13 – Demons in the Afterlife part 4

Demons in the Afterlife - Part 4
'A Demon Perspective of Why the World didn’t Change.’

“in this interview an interesting point, is with regards to why it is that with most demons seeing what was going on in existence, the reality of it all, that we could possess humans minds and that we did not come through and communicate anything substantially. For example coming through and sharing our experience, as demons, in terms of how we came to the demon dimension, why are we in the demon dimension, how did we become demons, what is it like to be a demon and within that the real processes that were existent within human civilisation, in humanity, in essentially only being slaves to consciousness to the heaven existence as energy production machines and systems. So within this there are multi-dimensional points with regards to why we did not communicate or channel through human beings, even though we had direct access and the resources and ability to do so. lets have a look at the points I mentioned first:
One is that us demons who were more aware of our existence, realized that through trying to communicate to human consciousness, in terms of the reality of its own existence in its relationship to physical body and so for the heaven existence it would be futile, because we could see no point of any forms of awareness that would develop if we would share what was really going on.
Secondly that we had from there developed a particular relationship of revenge towards the ‘gods’, the ‘creators’ within the heaven existence in terms of realizing that the only impact we would have, is through creating a direct personal relationship to the gods, to the creators, in terms of intervening and influencing their creations as the human mind…”

What the demon above said, reminds me of your stereotypical demon possession movies – that depict for a moment how a demon would spew insults and ‘truths’ about god, heaven and our human civilisation. If you observe how these movies direct our perception – it always comes down to us forming an idea that demons are merely raving lunatics, crazy beings, bent on destruction. We only see the pain and suffering that the demon causes his/her human ‘subject’, and through this create our opinions that demons are bad/evil, and therefore what they say, even thought sometimes hinting towards truth, is not to be trusted and that in the end we all wish and hope for the girl/person possessed to be saved from their demon.

Movies of course have a big impact on how people perceive this reality. In the movies – we see a combination of sex, drama, violence and the usual elements which stimulate energy reactions within ourselves. Therefore as far as entertainment goes, people most of the time are not interested therefore in really hearing the deeper meanings/insights present in the movie, due to movies existing firstly to entertain. Furthermore we are obviously facing a situation globally all across the board where we are unresponsive to the truth about ourselves and this reality and only want to see or hear that which sparks feelings and emotions and that which does not question our reality. I remember when I use to talk to demons on the Ouija Board, I would be fascinated by the usual demonic rants that most people would consider ‘something from a demon possession movie’. I enjoyed the unconventional way in which demons would simply talk about this reality, about religion, god and humans.

My experience with demons:

The book: What are Demons - Part 1
Shortened version on Video: Andrea's Journey with Demons

Obviously even for me, there were some aspects of my own existence which I would not have changed even if it came from the demons, so understandably I am able to relate to the fact that humans don't respond to what demons say through their human hosts. I myself clung to my own fears and beliefs in and about my life, believing that I was different from the rest of humanity, somehow blessed and special and different. I was really no different from the rest of humanity, because years later when I was in fact faced with a dimensional being speaking to me about the fears I had to let go of, my mind also reacted very strongly and when I had to face the decision of letting go of my own limitation I too chose for my limitation to remain with me.
So, getting back to what the demon mentions in the interview above, in my experience communicating with demons, I could sit for hours simply listening to these sad souls telling their stories about their lives when they were in human forms and how they dwelled in the demon dimension and that this was not life they would wish for anyone. They would explain to me that they did not want to be in heaven because heaven was a lie, they did not want to be stuck on earth either as they were limited to having to use the energy of humans to exist, and therefore as you can imagine if you were to place yourself in their shows, they chose the same entertainment that we as humans choose daily, to not have to face our reality – they too made life liveable for themselves and would do what they did best, be it possessions, quija board communications or influencing people without possession. To a demon obviously, there was no morality. Once you die and in most cases with the demons it would be excruciating or anguished deaths – it changed them. They stood on the other side of death lost, afraid, in shock – just as you would imagine yourself if you had been through a traumatic event such as being raped, blown up, beaten, attacked, victimised.

How I became a demon – Patric

We tend to separate ourselves from demons – even in the ‘paranormal societies’ where we as ‘ghost hunters’ tend to follow ghosts/demons around to understand their existence and why they haunt people/locations, but ultimately we don't really care about why they are in a situation firstly, where they are now demonic’. The question is never asked by ghost hunter/parapsychology how a being in their life time, ended up so traumatised at death that they would end up ‘demonic’. For some beings (and I will add the link here) they did not cross over as ‘demons’ – meaning they did not die in such a way that delved them into a traumatised experience of themselves. Some beings in the old heaven use to choose to become a demon as they communicated with other demons and realised why demons utilised human energy for survival. Some became demonic over time, as they crossed over and realized that everything they were taught on earth was basically a lie – that religion was a lie, there there was no special heaven waiting for them and if in their mind-set up at the time, there was a ‘perfect heaven’ programmed for them (according to the old heaven) if they stood back and saw the heaven bubbles that existed for all belief systems for themselves, thus realizing heaven was just a holding space for souls – this realization of seeing how the dimensions really worked, often caused beings to rebel, in the sense that they would become outcasts themselves from the white light dimensions, where to exist one would have to accept the ideologies of yourself within the context of heaven and ‘god’.

The Creation of Demons – Jack

Aleister Crowley and the Demon Dimensions

ELVIS PRESLEY from AFTERLIFE- a DEMON asking QUESTIONS

Afterlife Experiences and Demonology – Anton LaVey

For more context of the experience of Desteni and Demons and the Portal through which the Dimensional beings in the Interview communicate:

The History of Desteni and Demons

More on the History of Demons/ghost and the current Mind creation of Demons:

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Day 80: International Crime Research: The Psychology of Crimes Against Life: Automatic and Controlled Processing

This blog is a continuation from: Day 78: International Crime Research: The Psychology of Crimes Against Life: Heuristics Part 3: Availability Heuristic

Automatic and Controlled Processing:

Within Social Psychology Automatic processing "occurs when after extensive experience with a task or type of information, we reach the stage where we can perform the task or process the information in a seemingly effortless, automatic and non conscious manner.Controlled processing would be ones conscious control over an action. These two kinds of thought do not have to function independently - often when one is unsure of how to proceed within an action/decision - both thought process happen at the same time.

Findings within Social Neuroscience indicate there there are two different neurological systems for processing social information - one that functions in an automatic manner and another that allows for controlled participation.

In the distinction of the locations within the brain where these two thought processes occur from, science has noted evaluations that are for example based on judgments of good or bad towards a person, item or event, which happen either automatically or through conscious consideration. The first taking place near or within the Amygdala while the latter occurs within sections of the prefrontal cortex. What will not be discussed here in detail, but is also important for consideration later is how emotions and feelings influence decision making. I note this here as a further consideration for my next point." (Social psychology, 49)

What the above information allows us to consider is that the human brain is designed to function as an automated system, with various parts of the brain functioning as a pre-determined 'holding place' for various functions - allowing us as the human to act according to decisions made based on calculated processes that have already systematically been predetermined. For example if one consider, the brain is firstly divided into sections that allow for your autonomic nervous system which regulates breathing, heart beat and other controlled functions of the physical body. Then one considers that there are predetermined sections of the brain that control the conscious, subconscious and unconscious thought process, and adaptations in behavior based on the basic survival drives such as fear and desires.

Now without going into to much anatomy and physiology of the brain, we will simply align our understanding that the brain for all humans has been designed within a pre-Design - which filters experiences into and through these human-basic-needs. From there if one considers our base programming to survive within our environment, you are able to add the programmable systems that occur in relation to the other Human Desires, needs and wants (the needs that are not based on life or death but fulfill the alleviation of other wants, needs and desires). There are systems designed to trigger human behavior according to the base needs, such as basic physical functioning, to breathe, eat etc. Then you have survival based systems and thought responses around Fear of survival and if one look deeper into the human psyche - you will find that we are all pre-programmed with the basic human systems of thinking and feeling which are linked to deeper energy related systems, that have nothing to do with the body's survival (breathing, heart beat etc), but have more to do with drives that come from within the Mind's dependence on energy. This energy is dependent on experiences, therefore for energy to be generated through and by Consciousness, it exists as needs, wants, desires that 'drive' us into action. It is around this point for example that one considers how the human lives are lived to achieve personal gratification in the form of for example avoidance of pain and achievement of happiness. So one could basically say that the human brain exists according to functions that go from necessary for the physical to survive all the way to experience orientated centers of the brain, that serve no other purpose than from the starting point of our classification of these experiences as being what makes us human. For example: the human brain consists of centers such as the limbic system which plays a role in our emotions and feelings. This in itself, if one use some common sense shows us that the brain and the Mind exist as a pre-programmed machine, one could say, that acts on our behalf - and through the ages we have come to accept this automated system, regardless of any consideration of whether it is simply a system designed to support itself independent of human responsibility or consideration - or whether it is a machine that is waiting for direction, with effective input equal and one from the participant who may look at the design schematic of this system to see what are the consequences for the physical and the reality within which we exist - if this pre-designed automated system is simply left to its own vices.

For example, consider what was mention above about a machine that operates independently, creating its own energy sources for survival. The Mind as it exists within the physical requires the movement force called energy to move all parts of itself as information and to keep itself 'alive'. Therefore the mind as an automated system as consciousness, functions according to thousands of pre-designed systems that interact through relationships, to generate energy, to keep the mind as consciousness functioning.

So the human currently exists within the mind which exists within the physical, which runs automatically according to pre-programmed, automated systems that generate energy. These energy systems are for example experienced by the human physically - for example, if one has a certain need (not speaking about basic requirement fir the body such as water, food or rest), which if one does not obtain or fulfill (the mental or emotional need of buying that new top to look good) leaves one feeling heavy physically, emotionally distraught or mentally distressed - then you know you are in a mind system that is seeking to fulfill the energy need by obtaining the desired outcome. Only once the human obtains the desire through whatever act it consists of such as going shopping -will the energy be released and the person 'feels better'. This is a basic example of one such energy system. We, as humans have come to call these energy systems 'Life' or what it means to be 'human' and follow these systems 'religiously' believing that we are the systems and we are determined by them to be called human. - However if we take a good look into human behavior - one will note that the directive principle has never come from the human understanding the mind and considering ourselves as self-perfecting beings, but from these pre-designed systems within the Mind consciousness system. Because we are not yet responsible for ourselves as the mind, we are the mind, and therefore will claim at every turn that each experience is real and is by choice. But no human has ever gotten to know really where our inner emotions, thoughts, feelings, reactions and needs come from. Therefore, by our own admission we are not yet standing equal to our own Minds, but have always been subject to the mind - and because we are the mind - we do not question the mind.

Here one asks the question - why should we question ourselves as the mind - does it not make us authentic to be ourselves which is to not question who we are but to simply 'be it?'

If one look at who we have become as the human, most will look at the actions of others within the world with judgment and disdain. Then one really take a look into ones own mind - as the way one thinks, feelings and behaves and you will note that most of our self-belief systems and thought/feeling processes cause us discomfort - as we are all plagued by inner experiences that if we were to be self-honest we know are not in our best interest - however when looking at these experiences we only know that 'they simply happened'. For example most people are trapped within cycles of desire, where it takes on for example monetary/material desires, sexual or acceptance based desires - but most are able to admit that these desires leave one unfulfilled and are always driving one for more/better experiences and that the mere existence of the desire is always based on a fear, which exists as a polarity that runs between positives and negatives to motivate the human into action to constantly seek the positive desired outcome, to avoid the opposite polarity connected to a Fear.

This above example is but one aspect of what currently exists in the human as a directive functional, automated system - and we have come to 'prettify' these systems by justifying their existence, because within the Mind, we are after all addicted to the energy that these patterns and habits produce. Therefore for example, addiction is always an indication that the system is attempting to fuel its energy and has nothing to do with obtaining a sense of self-worth or self-fulfillment - these are reasons sold to us through Capitalism, as to why we should create and participate in addictions. Therefore any lingering or consistent experience, that directs one through internal forces to get some form of experience, is an indication that one is within ones addiction to Energy.

Looking at the world around us, to get back to the point discussed above - we are able to see that there are thousands of examples each day in the news and through our observations of others in our lives and our own thought processes -of these systems of consciousness, which do not serve man. Through this we do not create ourselves into beings that are an expression of Life. We have become de-manned and this has been the only evolution that has every occurred for man - the evolution further and further into the Mind-Consciousness-Systems - as the mind evolves its systems in maintaining itself within and as the human.

What we are seeing in the news as people are acting as if they are possessed - are examples of the Mind running through extensive cycles that compound and evolve - only because at no point have we as the human stepped in and taken responsibility for these Mind-Systems, by getting to know how the mind functions and directing it according to what is best. We have always only accepted these automated systems as 'who we are' because obviously when one is in the positive polarity of the cycle where we feel good and feel powerful, we will not question what goes on behind the scenes - because the experience is to gratifying. If one is in the energy - as the Mind - you do not question it - as we only at times question these cycles and feelings and energies that overwhelm us and drive us into action - when we are either at the opposite polarity of fear, loss, sadness, depression, hopelessness etc - where we 'feel so bad,' that we ask 'why do I feel bad?' Yet again being in our self-created cycles, which seek the positive to get away from the negative - by asking the question 'why do I feel bad' - it is within our base programming to then seek the answers/solution that will end the 'negative experience' and the answers currently within our global system is to seek the positive through the value system of Money. So again even if one questions our experiences without considering the 'whole picture' - we will not see beyond the system - but will seek what alleviates the negative within ones existing patterns.

Therefore, automated and controlled thought processes, play a role within this, by simply allowing one to access stored information from ones parents, society, peers and education system - on how to best attain the outcome that will give one the experience that is pleasurable and which allows one to attain ones personal self-interest. Therefore these thought processes are but one way in which the mind allows us to consider the problem, and draw on past information that has worked before or has been used within the same cycles by others - to bring into ones awareness a direction that would be most suitable, considering ones available option such as resources available, ones personality strengths/weaknesses and characters, etc.

Prevention is better than Cure:

Here one asks the question - would it be possible for us to live without these constant internal battles? Is it truly 'being human' to exists as constant worry, desire, fear and competition within the need to survive amongst other humans who are similarly trying to please their polarity cycles, with you playing part of the polarity constructs of good/bad, right/wrong, rich/poor, have/have not etc. If one observes the potential of life on this planet, for all beings, it would be to all have equal opportunity to express ourselves here in our physical body, in this physical reality, equal and one to all others - where what we do and what we expres is not based on harming ourselves or another within a cycles - where the driving force behind what one does to attain an experience works according to variables that are unseen, from within an unseen automated system. If we are self-honest we will be able to see these variables as it exists within us as our thoughts, emotions, feelings, belief, values, secret thoughts and memories that determine how we should act now to prevent discomfort or attain self-gratification. If we within ourselves stop creating belief systems around who we are as humans and how we function accordingly, and align ourselves to live and express what is Best for All - then we change and direct the Mind into and as what is Best for All, which will directly affect our lives Equal and One. Therefore, the prevention to human suffering is to change what we accept and allow as the human existence. To change this we look at what we value within ourselves as these Consciousness-Systems - to really, for ourselves see that even though we grew up accepting what happens within us and the driving force behind how we behave - we are able to realize that suffering and pain to ourselves and others is not required to live and express ourselves. Only energy systems require polarities to move between and only by existing as an energy system does one remain an energy system. Therefore we realize that nothing is lost, but out addiction to and acceptance that suffering is part of what it means to be human. Therefore, it is to realize that we do not have to automatically go along with our internal and external struggles - but to realize at the same time, that we truly are the creators of these battles, as all that exists within us is by our own design and acceptance and therefore out outer reality exists as an outflow and living expression of who we really are.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Thursday, July 3, 2014

More on the History of Demons/ghost and the current Mind creation of Demons:

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Automatic and Controlled Processing:

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