Day 169: The Paranormal Series part 30 - Demons vs. Angels part 17

This blog is a continuation from:

Day 149: The Paranormal Series Part 13 – Demons vs. Angels part 1

Day 152: The Paranormal Series Part 14 – Demons vs. Angels part 2

Day 153: The Paranormal Series part 16 - Demons vs. Angels part 3

Day 156: The Paranormal Series part 17 - Demons vs. Angels part 4

Day 157: The Paranormal Series part 18 - Demons vs. Angels part 5

Day 158: The Paranormal Series part 19 - Demons vs. Angels part 6

Day 159: The Paranormal Series part 20 - Demons vs. Angels part 7

Day 160: The Paranormal Series part 21 - Demons vs. Angels part 8

Day 161: The Paranormal Series part 22 - Demons vs. Angels part 9

Day 162: The Paranormal Series part 23 - Demons vs. Angels part 10

Day 163: The Paranormal Series part 24 - Demons vs. Angels part 11

Day 164: The Paranormal Series part 25 - Demons vs. Angels part 12

Day 165: The Paranormal Series part 26 - Demons vs. Angels part 13

Day 166: The Paranormal Series part 27 - Demons vs. Angels part 14

Day 167: The Paranormal Series part 28 - Demons vs. Angels part 15

Day 168: The Paranormal Series part 29 - Demons vs. Angels part 16

"So, I lived in this little room and spent most of my time talking to spirits and watching television. Obviously the rest of the time I would go out with D either to clubs, or dinner or to a pub for drinks, and obviously was constantly on edge of what would set him off. It was always unknown what would set him off. It was funny, because observing him, I noticed that he really was similar to an interdimensional demon - a being that was consumed with such jealousy and/or rage - that they were completely 'stuck' in that experience where they became completely lost in and as the anger and rage. Therefore, one could say that the being itself was gone and now purely existed in a state that would fluctuate between anxious, agitated and slightly suspicious to full blown attacks all because of the slightest trigger... "

The trigger as I mentioned could be anything. We could be talking about the weather and I would say how I enjoyed cooler days because then I could go walking in nature and he would all of a sudden change in his body posture and facial expression to 'something else' - almost as if he was breathing in a demon - and then he would reply 'yes I bet you love going for walks in nature with your male friends because then you can have the privacy to f*ck them!' and BAM this would then simply escalate into accusations, death threats, insults and physical abuse. His favourite was to threaten to kill myself, my fiends or family. Sometimes he would get on the phone to a friend of his whom he claimed worked as a bouncer in a night club and on the side he worked for money laundering companies who would have people physically beaten up for not paying their debts back. So often, he would in the middle of one of these arguments get on the phone and call this guy and 'ask' him to come and 'take care of a problem for him' and this would then mean hurting one of my fiends or family. Obviously, because I did not know what either him or his 'friend' were really capable of, at first I would try and laugh it off, but the one day he called the guy and after ending the call said 'ok he's on his way' and after a while I started panicking that this could be for real and started pleading with him to stop.

Since that day he knew that this particular threat would work on me and thus used it often. So - as you are able to see I lived in constant anxiety, but the fear of having to go out there and face a job where I would experience the misery of 'slave labour' day in and day out was even harder for me to stomach. This was especially, because of the fact that I had over the years, slowly emerged myself more and more into my spirituality, reading and communicating about my spirituality to my guides and within this found myself withdrawing more and more from people and from the rules and games I found very stressful about 'society'. And considering that my first real relationship or experience of 'love' fell flat on its face - meaning that the bubble got burst for me with regards to my desires of a happy, loving relationship - I let go off the ideal of eventually being happily in love or happily married, and withdrew further and further into my 'spirit world', if you want to call it that.

How I experienced being around even disgruntled demons, which in itself was, especially for a spiritually sensitive person like myself - intense - meaning where I could experience the 'emotions' so to speak of the spirit - this was still easier for me than the emotional and mental games played by and between us humans in society. Mostly, because there I could sit very still on my bed with my ouija board and the 'chaos' so to speak would occur around me, but not to me. You could say I became desensitised to the chaos that the spirit world could bring. I mean, in the beginning J taught me about demons, where after introducing me to guides and spirits connected to wicca on the ouija board, he asked me if I was ready to communicate with demons. This initially was somewhat nerve wrecking as bot of us could actually feel the wind move past our faces as the beings whipped through the air. We could feel them touching our faces with either icy cold or hot sensations. We could hear them whispering in our ears and we could experience, as I mentioned, their emotional states as they moved also from calm one moment to agitated the next. Initially for me (and for J he admitted) this was unsettling, but as J assured me, our 'guides' would not allow the demons to harm us and would make sure after a while, when we were done communicating, that the demons would leave. This was explained to me as something that was not always the case for people who simply used the ouija board, but did not have any 'protection', where once they were done and they asked the demons to leave, the demons would say 'bi-bi' but then still hang around and cause problems later on...

Day 151: Living by the principle of what is best for all part 4

Please read the previous parts:

Day 147: Living by the principle of what is best for all part 1
Day 148: Living by the principle of what is best for all part 2
Day 150: Living by the principle of what is best for all part 3

“If I truly felt anything towards abuse, towards the problems we faced – I had to start with me and stop yelling to the skies, or blaming the government, or blaming the obvious baddies etc. I mean if one uses a bit of common sense you will realize that even if we ended up like in those end of the word Apocalypse movies, where we get shipped to another planet because we have destroyed this one. What would change? Nothing – due to our inherent nature, we as who we have become would simply start all over again and destroy – in time the new planet; basic common sense. If we don't change, nothing will change. So therefore this principle of ‘doing what is best for all’ became my full understanding as the solution. If we want to stop the madness and have ‘what is best’ – how can we expect to still live the secret aspects of our minds as our fears and justifications for our self interest? How can we respect jesus as an example of a man who did and encourages living what is best – but we continue not living what is best?  Why must somebody else like a guru or deity or religious figure or politicians do what is best for us, but we don't want to live that within ourselves as a principle?”

Therefore ultimately what I realized was that I was not existing in my body  - but in my minds where I lived for energy experiences. Therefore I was blind to the harm caused to others because even when I looked at an image on the news or facebook of a person or animal being abused, I only reacted slightly – but in the end would continue to support the same Mind-Design patterns that resulted in that form of abuse be it within myself or an outflow of what happened to support my individual self interest. To give you an example – we see an image of a collapsed building such as from this blog:  ‘The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Capitalism Part 1: Death in the work place’. We see the suffering and pain caused to the victims and their families all because of the deceptions within the principles of the functioning of Capitalism. We for a moment react and maybe shed a tear – but in the end what happens in the mind – we think ‘well for this to end we have to put an end to many factors behind which Capitalism functions. For example I will have to stand by a principle of changing our money system – because this is one examples of billions of examples of what happens each day in our current money system. For the money system to change I will have to change my desire and hidden dishonesty towards other life forms, where I want to have more money than others and feel better about the class I am in, because I can compare myself within my self worth to others. I would have to stop accepting minimum wages and things like slave labour. I would have to see those people who died there as my equals, worthy of the same life requirements as me.’ There are many dimensions one can look at, when investigating what is behind why we as society accept these points of suffering. But what happens in the mind when faced with that point of change: “NAAAAHHH, Not going to do that, I like things just the way they are.’ And yet if our own families or ‘loves ones’ or fiends or our own lives are harmed, then you see people becoming hysterical and flooding facebook with messages of ‘please send your love and prayers to so and so…’ Where we yell how unfair it was and that the authorities must do something!’ As long as it is not me and my family. That is unfortunately the extent to which love exists in our society – love for me and my own. This is very obvious and I am not going to try and even explain the point further because this is absolutely evident in itself – if everyone loved life equally for and as ALL – then we would have by now changed the world systems that force abuse onto those who cannot protect themselves.

Moving on – I worked with the truth of how I saw myself and every other life form. The truth was that in my mind, in my hidden and not so hidden thoughts about myself and others – I actually didn't care about anybody and that was the truth of why I existed in the exact same mind set of ‘me, mine, what I WANT’. I realised that the world system is not caused by some invisible force of evil. It exists due to me allowing it to be an extension of the truth of who I really am inside. Not the picture I show to people of how ‘good I am’ or even ‘how dark and nonchalant I can be’ – the actual truth.

That means that I walked different forms of abuse that I saw in the world – such as the building collapsing in Bangladesh or a boy being beaten up for being Jewish or a girl being bullied at school for being fat. I looked at where do I in my thoughts justify the beauty industry and the existence of the class system as created within capitalism – for me to justify why it is ok for capitalism to continue to exist as it does, where it justified buildings collapsing on people. I looked at where do I either in my words, or thoughts or deeds bully another for not being like me, being of a different religion, believe or even for just liking different things than me. I looked at the girl being bullied for being fat –and I looked at the times I have gotten possessed over my own appearance and self image – where I insisted on having things my way at the expense of others, or where I would secretly judge a fat girl as I walked past her for being thinner than her. All of these base design thought patterns exist in all of us. The only difference comes into – ones personalised personality – which will utilise different thoughts processes. For example in all humans exist all forms of emotions and feelings – but we utilise them and go into the energy experience of that emotion/feeling differently – for example you might get someone who gets completely possessed with jealousy and the next person only feels a slight movement inside themselves – but the end of the day moving oneself as that emotion – where it directs ones decision – this is still exactly the same thing  all that is different is to what extent we make these decisions based on these emotions and the extent of the consequences to ourselves. It is still ‘the emotion of jealousy’ that directs me and therefore I am the same as every other person who I might have judged for being directed by their emotions. And it is these consequences that we in society have all labelled as either unacceptable because we see the direct consequence as being unacceptable or we label it as acceptable because it only caused some harm or harm we are not able to see directly.

For example lets say a ‘serial killer’ (see series: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 1) was moved by the possession of sex and dominating woman through the sex-power experience as learnt through pornography (which is another example of parents seeing pornography as being a harmless developmental phase in their child's life and just giggle and roles their eyes at it instead of REALLY looking at what is pornography designing and influencing within the impressionable youngster). So within most humans we develop, especially of you look at the vast majority of people who watch pornography OR who at least grow up with a skewed view of sexuality – a view and practise on sex that is at best not in alignment with it being a healthy physical self expression point, but which became again a hidden, secretive practise based on a system within the mind body relationship that uses imagery and fear and morality and secretiveness which transpires into desire which generates energy. For most people though  - sex is a very big system, because of the addictive nature of it – and it is due to this that most humans will deny and fight tooth and nail to protect our sexual practices. It is seen as natural and ‘fun’ even to have secret sexual desires towards others and to get aroused by pornography and other graphic sexual images such as rape, bestiality, child pornography. So these are examples of what we really do behind closed doors and in our private spaces, most people do it to some extent and because of this and because the consequences of such addictions are not taught to children and obviously not seen by adults – because ‘I am having fun in my life screw the rest’ – this is the reason why hidden patterns of abuse are justified and participated in my most people. Monkey see monkey do is the principle – I see others doing it so I do it too – because it is acceptable.

So it is wrong for Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer for example to become possessed in a sex-power system and for it to result in the death and harm of people BUT if I tap into the same sex-power system energy through watching porn or the way I participate in sexual practices and masturbation and the way I act in relationships – then it is ok – as long as someone did not get ‘hurt’. But do we ever walk the time lines of the consequences of how we participate to see what have we created inside ourselves and as a societal acceptable practise? Do we look at who gets harmed behind the scenes of what I have allowed? No – if our consequences are not in our faces then we don't bother investigating this reality and how we are a part of. Easier just to say ‘someone else did it’ or ‘he/she is bad’ or to put blinkers on our eyes and not really investigate anything.

(See Ted ‘Bundy’s Final Interview’ where he speaks about the influences such as Pornography, that contributed to who he became.)

I quite enjoy watching crime related tv series like CSI, Criminal Minds and so forth. So as an example you will notice how if a crime happens, the CSI, or Police or behavioural analysists will come along and investigate the time line of events that moulded and shaped the final event/death/murder. However we don't do this for ourselves to see where and how our lives, our choices have consequences for yourselves, our children, the lives of others and this planet. Here is where I started investigating myself and what I do to myself as creator, and also what I do to the world as creator. The painful part at that stage was realising ‘self responsibility’ because on the one hand one wants to believe that this life is ‘so short’ and ‘why can I not have fun’ etc. But after a while as I worked through those reactions I realised that I could no longer ignore the reality of this world. I could not longer sit back and continue to participate in my secret world which had an indirect and direct outflow on my external world. If I truly felt anything towards abuse, towards the problems we faced – I had to start with me and stop yelling to the skies, or blaming the government, or blaming the obvious baddies etc. I mean if one uses a bit of common sense you will realize that even if we ended up like in those end of the word Apocalypse movies, where we get shipped to another planet because we have destroyed this one. What would change? Nothing – due to our inherent nature, we as who we have become would simply start all over again and destroy – in time the new planet; basic common sense. If we don't change, nothing will change. So therefore this principle of ‘doing what is best for all’ became my full understanding as the solution. If we want to stop the madness and have ‘what is best’ – how can we expect to still live the secret aspects of our minds as our fears and justifications for our self interest? How can we respect jesus as an example of a man who did and encourages living what is best – but we continue not living what is best?  Why must somebody else like a guru or deity or religious figure or politicians do what is best for us, but we don't want to live that within ourselves as a principle?

In the next part I will explore an example of Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all.

Day 92: International Crime Research: Mass Murderers Part 6: Mass Murderers for Fame and Self-Interest Continued

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-91-international-crime-research.html#

Taken from Wikipedia: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_murder)

"A notable motivation for mass murder is revenge, but many other motivations are possible, including the need for attention or fame..."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture to exist within me of a perfect life, a perfect world, without considering how this 'perfect world' is to be created.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this picture as imagination to exist within me, where I will blissfully ignore how this physical reality functions and how the money system works for me to be able to live what I believe to be my idealised Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a monetary system, which provides 'an idealised or comfortable life' - which functions according to exploitation of resources and life on this planet, to provide 'idealised lives' for those who have money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is justified for me to continue existing within a system that Abuses Life, for me to have my comfortable Life, as long as the expense is not experienced by myself or my family/friends.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this system to continue existing even though at times I do experience the negative consequences of hardship within capitalism, indicating that I am use to a life on this planet of abuse and hardship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that for happiness to exist, it is alright for suffering to exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow fame and specialness of the individual, while ignoring the consequences - whereby we create a world of conflict and internal struggles as we allow ourselves to abuse each other through harsh words and abusive deeds/concepts/ideas  -as we abuse ourselves to fit into idealised concepts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to chase fame and specialness so much that I will follow the energy of specialness to such an extent that I will watch as another's life is harmed/destroyed, while having a choice whether I am willing to stop this, but never doing so because the reward of the happiness energy wins every time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this energy of wanting to be famous and special in the eyes of others, to be so overwhelming that even if in the media I read/hear about the consequences of how our choice of living and our value systems has on the planet and life thereon, I will always use the backchat/internal conversation of 'it is ok' to justify why I should continue following the energy experience that 'serves me' as 'individuals freedom' over the wellbeing of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only allow myself to experience the images of abuse through emotions and feelings, which is a temporary energetic reaction, that dissipates/stops ater a while, leaving me numb to the reality of what beings go through in the world systems,

for example:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing such things as minimum wages and slave labour, where people have to submit to living stressful, painful lives as they are forced into having to work for minimum or no wages, in a Capitalistic System that provides entertainment/lifestyles for the rest of us, at the expense of these individuals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the abuse of animals, in the entertainment industry, clothing industry, cosmetic and food industries - all so that I may wear items and participate in 'concepts' - that have no practical consideration to the being suffering - as long as it makes me feel good and provides me with the energy experience of 'happiness'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the porn industry where woman and children are forced into these abusive life styles either against their will (drugs/kidnapping/extorsion) or for minimum wages (in a capitalistic system where if you dont have money you starve) - while not changing or standing for the changing of such a system at all, because that would mean stopping corruption and changing the money system and the system of sex addiction - which I am not willing to do, as that would mean not living out the exact point of greed/addiction and personal-interest depicted through the reasons why we allow such atrocities.

I forgive myself within this, for 'separating' myself from these industries by saying 'nobody makes them do it' when in fact I am making them do it  - as the consumer of the products that are made in accordance with these systems that uses the lives of the innocent to provide a service in exchange for wealth - therefore the point of greed exists to create abundance no matter at what expense.

therefore as a mass murderer - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tacitly agree to abuse and suffering and the killing of beings on this planet, due to all the world systems, that at any given time function to bring me personal self-interest and happiness - while not once standing up to speak up or act in accordance with changing these systems, to not longer accept and allow such abuse.

because

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in looking at why I have always and will always justify any form of abuse in order for me to live on this planet and have my happiness and personal-self-interest - I am no more than the things I accept and allow - therefore I have become a mass murderer and abuser of life, lying and deceiving to continue protecting the same systems that have always provided me with the addictions and needs I proclaim are my right to Life/freedom of choice.

I commit myself to show that if one really stand up for and 'against' any form of abuse - you will not settle just for emotional pictures and reactions to the abuse, but will always question why the problems have not been solved.

I commit myself to write out any and all forms of justification, to its origin- as to why abuse in my name still exists and why I believe that profiting and personal gain is in any form accepted and allowed by me, to write out what the excuse is and what this really shows about the person/individual group who writes/speaks it.

I commit myself to show that there is always a choice to be made about what we accept and allow, and that it might not 'seem' an easy choice to give up and change the world systems, due to our addictive nature, however the only choice if one says you do not support abuse, is the choice of changing it - and this always comes down to sustainable solutions as what is best for all - it has no 'grey area' to allow still for some to get away with self-interest/freedom of choice over the lives of other.

therefore I commit myself to show how if one claim to stand up 'against abuse' but in any form shortcut the steps or processes of how abuse is to be ended once and for all - that the self honesty within that is always still the choice for abuse to continue so that one has a comfortable life within ones true value systems,

I commit myself therefore to question my own value systems  and the value systems we as society have given to the world system such as money, to identify directly what are the real value systems, and how to change them to 'what is best for all'  - which will have the outcome of stopping abuse.

Please join us in our research into identifying how to change the value systems of Capitalism to that which supports Life:

Part 1 of the Equal Money Capitalism System: HARMONY AND EQUILIBRIUM WITHIN EQUAL MONEY CAPITALISM