Day 75: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 11: Learning to Kill

My Self-Forgiveness will focus on the following Article:

The Qualitative Report Volume 9 Number 2 June 2004: Sipping Coffee with a Serial Killer: On Conducting Life History Interviews with a Criminal Genius

Author: J. C. Oleson

In each blog I will walk self-forgiveness on different parts of the Article, discussing the developmental aspects of somebody who 'learns to kill'.

This blog is a continuation from the previous blog in this series:

Day 73: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 10: Learning to Kill

"But X’s childhood could not explain him. X sprang neither from slum nor broken home but grew up in the bosom of a nurturing family. His father, a religious man, was a deeply principled civil servant, who had worked hard and raised his son to do so. His mother had worked as a schoolteacher but had retired when X’s sister was born. Their home had been comfortably middle-class, and X’s parents were unusually dedicated to their roles as caregivers. Disapproving of harsh or erratic discipline, they had taken great pains to foster feelings of  competence and worth in their  children." 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a false perception within myself and this world that religion has any bearing on the effect, consequences or decision factors of a being, as if a God is magically reaching down from the sky to 'fix things' or to 'watch over things'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when faced with any questions of how I made the decision I did or to explain the responsibility of another within their actions, to immediately seek the irrational, vague spiritual answer, where one creates a loose sense of hope that ones reality is not completely without some form of control - for example:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within the context of discussing a serial killer or some tragic event that has unfolded by and through the actions of man, to within the mind of the reporter/author/storyteller, to create such inner conflict and fear that I immediately tune my dial into the Godly concepts I was spoon fed as a child - where I tap into this pure sense of right and wrong that humanity can still hold onto which is called 'God', which will 'surely still be there to protect us from ourselves' - therefore;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not taking self responsibility for who i have become, and for what and how the world exists due to my direct and tacit agreements throughout my entire life - and to always look for a scapegoat to ultimately at the end either fix things or take the blame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within my mind when dealing with 'evil ideas/people/events' to want to compare what has happened to apparent 'good-elements' within this world - such as in this case where the author attempted to compare this man's choices to his parents influence which by direct result should have been 'pure and godly'

therefore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not directly see, realize and understand that the actions and events that are happening in my world such as the victims of a serial killer, directly shows me through my own research that there is no god protecting anybody and through my own investigations as criminologist I am able to do the maths and calculate how such a man came to a decision within years and years of designing such a point within his mind - and that no pre or post influence of any god exists, ever.

I commit myself that when and I find myself searching for reasons and ways that I can direct self responsibility onto another, to stop, breathe and realize what self responsibility as Self entails.

I commit myself to stop any and all fantasies based on knowledge and information, represented as real and 'trust-worthy' and within this to realize that the only trust I am able to live and place is myself within self honesty, self forgiveness, self responsibility within living what is best for all.

Day 74: International Crime Research: The Psychology of Crimes Against Life: Heuristics Part 1

This past year, one of my Psychology undergraduate subjects was 'Social Psychology'. As part of this Blog series I will apply self-Forgiveness on all te Personality-Character Designs within 'Social Psychology, which have all been accepted as 'the way we are' and 'human nature' - where not even within Psychology or these Psychology textbooks, is mention ever made, that these accepted Personality-Character designs are actually the foundation of how we Live and become Abusers of life on this planet.

Thus far I have been walking the Series on The Character Design of Serial Killers, where I draw a comparison between the Mind of 'Serial Killers' and the Mechanics of the Mind of your average 'Human'. I decided to walk the two series' parallel to each other, which is actually quite specific, as walking the 'Social Psychology Series' will indeed assist in connecting the dots between the Psychology of a Serial Killer and the same Mind-Mechanics of 'The Human' as Abuser of Life.

"Social Psychology: The Scientific field that seeks to understand the nature and causes of individual behavior and thought in social situations."

Heuristics: 

According to the Social Psychology Textbook Heuristics are "simple rules for making complex decisions or drawing inferences in a rapid manner and seemingly effortless". You get the following types of Heuristics:

1. Representativeness Heuristic: "a strategy for making judgments based on which the extent to which current stimuli or events resemble other stimuli or categories" (Social Psychology 46). An example would be meeting a person for the first time, and noticing that her clothing style is rather conservative, neat and orderly - and through this you connect her clothing style to other people whom you have seen wearing the same thing, and from this you try and assume who this person could be and the profession he/she follows - therefore conservative, neat, orderly could be school teacher, librarian, business manager. The extent to which we take this 'association-program' exists within the confinement of associating values to people and things and accordingly also programming into this association all kinds of judgments as likes and dislikes. Take this one step further and you are looking at the human as an example or an organic robot, where we program all new events and experiences into our Mind according to predetermined values. This is how we categorize our world, not according to how things are, but according to energy system - wherein we assign values to people and things, based on how we experience ourselves in the presence of these predetermined values. For example in the case of 'school teacher, librarian, business manager' - the labeling effect included basing our own judgments into these labels, as mentioned previously according to how we experienced ourselves when around 'school teachers, librarians, business managers'. This would mean that when we are meeting a new person, and make the connection according to his/her way of dressing, speaking or their life style - and we allow this automatic program to 'kick in' and through this automatically react by 'making a decision about the person' we are directly allowing ourselves to not experience life and each other and this physical reality as it is, directly by observing this as they are - but we filter through pre-programmed likes and dislikes.

If one observes the world today - this heuristic is seen everywhere as we judge each other according to what we wear, where we went to school, the economic bracket we live within, the type of car we drive, our choice of lifestyle, our physical characteristics, career etc. In the background we have from young been indoctrinated into believing that who we are is dependent on how we speak, look and appear to others. Therefore the consumerism market plays on the fact that from young, people are projecting their self worth into and onto other 'things', 'concepts' and 'people' such as celebrities and our accomplishments and 'status' in life. Within this nobody questions whether this is truly what is best for man, because everybody who teachers this projection of self through things and people, have come to accept the consumeristic nature of our existence. Even when realizing that Capitalism thrives from this human internal battle, through selling us through whatever means possible, our 'self-worth and 'self-acceptance', we go as far as supplying instant justifications that we are doing so to keep 'the economy supported'.

Most act according to this Representativeness Heuristic through the belief one grew up within, that self is and has always been dependent on others. That is why religion is shoved down our throats - even if one considers that a child is born not knowing of gods and things like beauty vs. ugly - but soon is indoctrinated into all these beliefs and made to live it, or is reminded that self will not be acceptable to others and that you will 'go nowhere in life' if you dont 'fit in'. I remember from my own childhood experience, my mother tried to support me within her own frame of reference by always reminding me to walk tall, wear nice clothing, do not chew my nails and dont swear so much'...or you wont meet a nice man who will want to marry you. Here we as the parents are copying the 'representativeness heuristic' style of programming that our parents designed us into as young organic robots - and we merely repeat the cycle - not once asking ourselves whether this is really what we want to be - a de-manned version of man, separated always into billions of personalities seeking 'self-value' through the 'experience' (energy) of self through the eyes and words of others.

Next I will walk examples of the components of the 'Representativeness Heuristic' Character/Personality in the Mind, consisting of the dimensions of Fear, Thought, Imagination, Backchat/Internal Conversations, Reactions (emotions/feelings) and also a Behavioural System.

For more information on the Character Dimensions: http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/character-dimensions-introduction-day.html

Thought Dimension: "Here, the Thought will be the ONE point that would activate the Representativeness Heuristic Character. The Thought can be in the form of an image/picture and/or Memory/past experience that would relate to activating the Representativeness Heuristic Character.

Thought as Image: Myself wearing old, frumpy clothes with ugly hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Thought as image/picture to automatically come up within my Conscious-Mind of me wearing old, frumpy clothes with ugly hair, that I in this forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I am in that moment accepting and allowing ONE THOUGHT coming up automatically within my Conscious Mind to determine, define who I am in my relationship to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that i made a decision when I programmed this image into and as myself, whereby I now deliberately set a trap, so to speak for myself as a picture that 'comes up within the mind' whereby I fall into this old trap, in which I go down the same road of emotions, feelings and physical behavioral changes, and within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to therefore, limit myself to a picture that in any given moment may come up and sieze my mind, from which point I allow myself to be taken directly into the other pre-programmed dimensions, whereby I am limiting myself into and as a pre-designed reactive state, all based on value systems I have imprinted into and as this one image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint into this one image the value system of 'ugly, not worthy and should be ignored, which were all value system I allowed myself to think about other people, which means that in that moment as I thought that about another, i gave permission to this value system of judgment, whereby I condemn myself and others to this energy system, which i trap myself into as a slave to this design.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this energy value system i imprinted into and as this 'image' is not real, and only exist as the ugly nature of the human Psyche that exists for energy and therefore,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this energy system to exist within me, even though in self honesty I am able to see, realize and understand that by sheer connotation, this system is abuse to myself and other and I therefore delete it from myself as I realize it does not serve anybody or thing in this physical reality and has always only served the ego, which harms Life for its own embellishment.

I commit myself, that when as as I see this image in my mind as a thought that is already in motion, that is about to trigger me into my pattern, to stop participation in the Thought, by taking a breath, letting go of any energy-physical buildups, and to remain here within my physical body.

I commit myself that when I am faced with an image of myself in a photo or mirror and at any point a thought moves in relation to what I am seeing, to stop, breathe and remain committed to supporting myself within physical practicality, to direct my decision about for example clothing etc, always in relation to what is practical and supports the physical body.



Imagination, Internal Conversations/Backchat/Voices in the Head, Reaction, Behavior and Fear Dimensions to follow...



 Baron R, Branscombe N, Byrne D. Social Psychology. Boston: USA. 2009. Print.

Day 73: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 10: Learning to Kill

My Self-Forgiveness will focus on the following Article:

The Qualitative Report Volume 9 Number 2 June 2004: Sipping Coffee with a Serial Killer: On Conducting Life  History Interviews with a Criminal Genius

Author: J. C. Oleson


In each blog I will walk self-forgiveness on different parts of the Article, discussing the developmental aspects of somebody who 'learns to kill':

"As part of my Ph.D. research on criminal genius, I conducted 44 semistructured interviews. One of the 44 subjects, in particular, stood out. This noteworthy individual claimed that he had killed 15 people. His story was particularly interesting because – unlike most social research involving  serial killers – he claimed that he had never been arrested or convicted for  his homicides. Compelled by his account, I met with this subject on five additional occasions, and gradually compiled his criminal life history.
Ethical and legal considerations limited inquiry into several dimensions of this subject’s life history, but over time, an interesting and richly textured narrative emerged. This article first describes the life experiences of this offender and then describes the methodological choices that shaped the research.
Because criminologists have historically focused their research on vulnerable populations such as juveniles or prison inmates (Barnes & Teeters, 1959), almost nothing is known about the patterns of criminal behavior among gifted  adults with exceptional cognitive abilities (Blackburn, 1993).
Intrigued by this enigmatic topic, I studied the crimes of geniuses – offenses committed by people with IQ scores of 132 or higher (Simonton, 1994). I relied upon the self-report questionnaire (Huizinga & Elliott, 1986; Thornberry & Krohn, 2000) to inventory the offenses of my subjects. The selfreport instrument is one of the only means to effectively study hidden offending (Hood & 193   The Qualitative Report June 2004 Sparks, 1970). Using a newly designed self-report questionnaire, I collected extensive self-report data from 424 subjects in three different groups of geniuses:
1. Members of the International Society  for Philosophical Enquiry [ISPE], an international elite high  IQ society with a 150 IQ  [99.9 percentile] admissions threshold
2. Undergraduate and graduate students  at prestigious American and British universities
3. High IQ inmates incarcerated in American and British correctional facilities.

 Sampling from these groups allowed me to tap all three categories of genius described by Towers (1990): the outsider (the gifted individual, who joins a high IQ society to find the mental stimulation that he or she cannot find through professional or social avenues), the conformist (the gifted individual, who finds sufficient mental stimulation through work and peers), and the dropout (the gifted individual, who cannot or will not abide by the norms and laws of society).
 The questionnaire included 17 demographic questions, 72 different offense items (ranging in seriousness from the abuse of work privileges to homicide committed outside wartime), and asked subjects about the books, movies, and famous figures that had shaped their lives.

 I did not want my study to be a dry recitation of crime rates and correlations. Numbers and statistics alone could not capture the social realities of the offenses that I was documenting (Bryman, 1988). To do so, I needed qualitative results. I needed to write my subjects’ stories, to describe their thinking and feeling, and to convey some of the sensual aspects of their crimes.
I settled for conducting semi-structured interviews with 44 subjects (Brenner, Brown, & Canter, 1985). I purposively selected interview subjects (Jupp, 1989), trying to gather qualitative data across the entire spectrum of offending. All 44 of the interviews were fascinating. Still, the interviews that I conducted with the subject I called “Mr. X” stood out from the others, intriguing me.

When I met with the subject I called Mr. X, I was overwhelmed by the sentiment. Mr. X, who was not much older than I was, had been raised in a similar family environment and had been educated in some of the same gifted education programs as me. It  made it frightfully easy to imagine myself in his shoes and to picture myself making the same choices that he had unwittingly made. In trying to understand what had led Mr. X to embrace crime, I was – I believe – simultaneously trying to understand  what had insulated me from it (Patton, 2002, p. 11-12).
 The six interviews that I conducted with Mr. X generated a wealth of qualitative data. Because research access to elite groups (like people with genius-level IQ scores) is often incredibly difficult to negotiate (e.g., Fussell, 1983; Nader, 1972), criminologists know virtually nothing about the crimes of the elite. It is exceptionally rare to find an elite, who will discuss undetected offenses. To find an elite, who is willing to discuss undetected offenses – including murder, – is unprecedented.

 I will first recount the criminal life history of Mr. X. His account is broken into sections set off with evocative epigrams drawn from literature and philosophy that help to set the tone of his story.

 Mr. X 

At 31 years old, he was a young urban professionals, who rose from the ranks of the X Generation (Coupland, 1991) to succeed in the cutthroat job markets of California during the dot-com 1990’s.
 
 He dressed in conservative labels, wore an old Rolex, scuffed, expensive leather shoes, and drove a nondescript luxury sedan. He was exceptionally bright, articulate, and had been educated at a prestigious university.  He had  scored a 162 on a self-administered IQ test, placing him in the 99.995 percentile (Jensen, 1980), catapulting him well beyond the 132 IQ minimum threshold of “genius” (Simonton, 1994).

 We met on six separate occasions. During the second interview, he began to describe his offenses and the antecedents that (he believed) led him to the commission of these crimes. By gradually collecting the details of this man’s life throughout the six interviews, I was able to  assemble his life history (Atkinson, 1998; Sarbin, 1986; Shaw, 1930). It was a remarkable history. Indeed, Mr. X was not entirely the affable genius he seemed to be. X had been shot three times. X also acknowledged smuggling thousands of kilograms of cocaine into the United States.
 
 While “serial killer” is a term typically used to describe individuals compelled to kill for sexualized power-seeking reasons (Egger, 1998; Hickey, 1991; Norris, 1988; Wilson & Seaman, 1990), if X’s claim was true, he qualified as a serial killer within the law enforcement taxonomy proposed by Douglas, Burgess, Burgess, and Ressler, “Serial murder is defined as three or more separate  events in three or more separate locations with an emotional cooling-off period between homicides” (1992, p.21).
 In addition to murder and drug smuggling, X admitted to illegally manipulating bank accounts, forging official documents, fencing stolen goods and automobiles, and perjuring himself under oath.
 
 And he’d gotten away with it.
 

Growing Up Different  

 "Farrington (1994) identified several antecedent risk factors that appear to predispose young people to juvenile delinquency and adult criminality, including low intelligence, socio-economic deprivation, and poor parental supervision. The stereotype of the common criminal (Sarbin, 1969) – the young man calcified by years of deprivation and abuse into a remorseless criminal – appears to be, at least in part, supported by criminological research (e.g., Agnew, 1992; Shaw & McKay, 1972)."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condition the world into believing that people of low intelligence, socio-economic deprivation, and poor parental supervision are more likely to become criminals, instad of looking at how and why we as a society and as the parents and care takers of the human race allow such things as low intelligence, socio-economic deprivation, and poor parental supervision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an economic system that determines the life of all beings on this planet, to the consequential outflow of somebody taking the lives of other beings, simply from a point of suppressed rage, based on a shitty life experience which was caused by things like poverty, separation, unequal education, depravation, greed and abuse within a family system, caused by the parents being under constant pressure due to their own financial worries and emotional pressure experienced from the life experienced they were pressured into.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world where we value sensationalism so much, over that of life that we will value - the energetic experience we get from reading about serial killers more than any form a self honest realization, that our world not only produces beings that suffer under 'low intelligence, socio-economic deprivation, and poor parental supervision' - but that this in many cases results in being lashing out at and into society, where they abuse and harm others, who are essentially also innocent within it all - instead of finding solutions once and for all to stop these generational, societal cycles of abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a society where we pride ourselves in apparently having intelligent people - but at the cost of an education system that divides children into groups, where only specific groups are catered for, and these groups get effective or semi effective educations, while the other groups become dumbed down due to the education system not providing for them - and within this capitalistic system -we realize if we dare to be self honest that if you are not thinking like a machine ready to survive in the world of working and money - then you will not even be able to feed yourself.

I forgive myself for creating intellectualized titles and categories for people that are of 'low intelligence, socio-economic deprivation, and poor parental supervision', instead of calling this a crime against life, and as criminologist, writing and communicating firstly about these crimes, before blabbering in self importance about these beings as if I am somehow superior to them in that God bestowed me with some special, 'ability' to watch as these beings are subjected to abuse and harm, so that I may write papers about how pathetic these beings are as they exist as characters in a story.

I commit myself to make self-education available to all, where the emphasis is the purification of the individual into Life that all can Live to the fullest and I commit myself to make it possible for each to walk this journey to life, no matter where you come from as long as you have the willpower to write yourself to freedom.

I commit myself to propose a change to the current economic system, into one that will stop all these cycles of abuse and re-form how humanity has functioned thus far as the starting point of ourselves as simplistic self interest and greed.

Day 72: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 9: the Jeffrey Dahmer Character continued

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-71-international-crime-research.html#

Background info: if you have not been walking the Crimes Journey to Life blogs since the beginning - please read the following blog where I explain the how and why I walk this series as 'Crime's Journey to Life':

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-international-crime-research-bi.html

The Serial Killer Mind:

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Agressive Behavior

My Self-Forgiveness will be based on the main points taken from the following article:

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Sexual Serial Homicide from a Neuropsychiatric Developmental

Perspective

http://library-resources.cqu.edu.au/JFS/PDF/vol_47/iss_6/JFS2002051_476.pdf

Throughout the article, they refer to Jeffrey Dahmer as having 'Asperger’s Disorder'.

Definition of Asperger’s Disorder:

"Asperger's syndrome is a developmental disorder that affects a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others. Children with Asperger's syndrome typically exhibit social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.
Doctors group Asperger's syndrome with other conditions that are called autistic spectrum disorders or pervasive developmental disorders. These disorders all involve problems with social skills and communication. Asperger's syndrome is generally thought to be at the milder end of this spectrum."

Jeffrey Dahmer and Aggressive Behavior Associated with Asperger’s Disorder

"Several psychiatric and developmental factors may be related to the origin of aggression in JD’s case, of which AD may arguably be the most important. Across the life span, significant violent be-havior has not been frequently observed among those with AD.
However, an association between aggression and AD does not appear to be uncommon during childhood. Often, aggression appears to be due to the frustration associated with low tolerance in AD children for environmental change, but has also been observed in affected individuals who have impairments in their ability to interpret nonverbal cues. Wolff also conducted a study whose profiles conform closely to AD and found that girls but not boys were more likely than controls to engage in antisocial behaviors including various forms of aggression. 

Beyond whether AD in general is statistically significantly associated with violent behavior, it is possible that specific subtypes of AD may have an increased risk for violence. Therefore, an analysis of AD cases available in the psychiatric literature may provide a clue regarding a possible association between AD and violence.
Baron-Cohen described the case of a 21-year-old man with AD who had been involved in numerous physical attacks toward others. The patient’s father had noted that the patient tended to become aggressive while concerned with the shape of his jaw, which objectively appeared normal. He also was at risk of violence as a result of social contacts and changes of routine. He tended to violently break inanimate objects. He was aggressive toward his brothers and once had to be forcibly removed from his brother because he had attempted to strangle him. Apparently this occurred due to the patient’s frustration and inability to correctly place batteries in a tape recorder. The patient was also hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital following 20 physical attacks toward his girlfriend in the preceding day. He had been hitting her about two to three times daily on a regular basis. He stated that he would slap her face because he was preoccupied and bitter about his jaw and because she was vulnerable and weak and it made him feel powerful. He was described as having little understanding of other people’s emotions.

Some cases of AD may be associated not only with non-sexualized aggression but also with formal sexual psychopathology, such as compulsive masturbation, fetishistic sexuality potentially resulting in illicit sexual behavior (66,108–110). Fetishistic sexuality may be the outgrowth of the tendency for AD individuals to engage in repetitive, ritualized, restricted, and intense interests, tension reducing in nature and established after the onset of puberty during adolescence. Mawson and his colleagues reported the case of a 44- year-old male with AD, who physically attacked women, girls, and infants. He was also reported to have sexually idiosyncratic thoughts. Cooper and colleagues described the case of a 38- year-old male heterosexual transvestite with AD and a history of having been “charged with assaulting the daughter of a neighbor, which was followed in 1988 with two charges of assault and one charge of indecent assault on women”. He had also been engaged in episodes with women unfamiliar to him that he had encountered in the street during which he touched their breasts or buttocks (108, 1993). Kohn and his colleagues reported the case of a 16-year-old male who had physically assaulted others on several occasions. At age 14, he had been involved in three sexual assaults. During one of the assaults, he had grabbed, attempted to undress, and touched the breasts and genitals of a girl (109). Cases of autistic-spectrum disorders involving sexual psychopathology without violent behavior have also been described.  

The origins of sexual psychopathology in autistic spectrum disorders may be due to a dearth of opportunity to learn socially adaptive sexuality available to affected individuals. It may also be that specific autistic characteristics directly lead to the development of less socialized, more pathologically aggressive forms of sexual behavior. In the case of JD, both pathways were synergistically involved in the development of his malignant sexual psychopathology."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within separate personality mind frames, in which I am allowing myself to exist as 'addictions' to energy, which take on different forms, of which all of them have been accepted by most members of society, and if you participate in any or all of these addictions in the form of habits/hobbies/entertainment it is fine - because addictions are acceptable as long as it supports Capitalism and 'free choice/individuality'

for example:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use sport as an outlet for my suppressed agression, where humans allow themselves to watch or participate in sport from the starting point of addiction to the energy of agression, competitiveness and the manifestation of survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify the existence of sport - which no longer exists as a physical expression for the individual, but exists for the human to express ourselves within the addiction to competition and 'beating others' which is linked to self value through 'winning.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a human to exist within the idea/concept that we are here to better ourselves, improve ourselves and evolve and therefore I use sport as an excuse and opportunity to evolve within my mind, which is the only place where evolution can truly exist where we are always finding ways of evolving consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create rules, about what it means to be acceptable forms of agression and addiction to the energy of competing, where all human have agreed to not take self responsibility for the design of the energy addiction, but to rather find ways of expressing these energy addictions and to then call it hobbies, sports, religions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to integrate all my suppressed human emotions, feelings and energy addictions into acceptable forms of self expression - where as long as it is given a name, title or cause as to why we can express ourselves this way - all of society accepts each others titles for our addictions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design hobbies, sports and religions around amplifying the suppressed 'human tendencies' instead of self honestly looking into the design of these energy addictions and whether participating in these addictions through accepted forms of hobbies, sports and religions is truly supportive of us in the physical or whether it supports the addiction to energy - which then allows us to not take responsibility but instead label the addiction according to something aceptable - like 'sports, hobbies and religions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to join a religion where I may judge, hate, fear and condem as the addiction to these energies, without considering what I have done in blatantly allowing myself to express myself within these addiction to these emotions and feelings - without consideration of the actual direct implications of what I participate in.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as I judged what I read about sexual sadist and serial killers - I did not bother to look inside myself to see that all of those words, actions, deeds, and desires already exist within me, except that I have categorized my addictions/patterns/habits into acceptable forms of expression - whereby all of society have already agreed to these forms of expression - so that everybody can get to do what the serial killer does, but in a way that is seen as acceptable and 'under control'

for example

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk past a woman on the street and in my mind ripping her clothes of and having sex with her/groping her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then go onto the internet and find porn sites- which most humans have already agreed is acceptable as the brainwashing we have accepted through the starting point of capitalism - whereby we will justify the abuse of the physical - so that I may watch others rip of people's clothing and rape/abuse - which triggers and accesses my addiction to that image, which allows me in the safety of my home to masturbate to these fantasies - without reprise from society - because most in society are also doing this through the media forms available.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the serial killer who goes out and combines sexual addiction with aggression - while all the time I have split this same addiction into 'acceptable forms of expression' by watching sport from the starting point of competition and the expression/outlet of my anger/competition/envy towards others, while also having sexual desires of all kinds of particular ways that I then masturbate to as I surf the internet - where my addictions are justified through what we accept and allow on the internet.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the serial killer who abuses, abuses and kills people, while all the while humanity gets to split these actions/desires and real internal conversations/reactions into mind created energy realities in the form of television, movies, porn, websites, sports etc, where a long time ago it was agreed upon by humanity for us to find ways to express these 'urges' instead of taking responsibility for them - and the only time we will project blame for our own design patterns onto another as 'scapegoat' is in the form of a serial killer/criminal - whom we can say abused and murdered in a physical way - instead of keeping it just in an energy form as we do - and now we can condem this person to imprisonment or death - while the rest of humanity continue doing what the serial killer does, but under acceptable ways of expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as I read the above statements to think - 'but it is not the same thing' - while not really first slowing down all the moments I decided to participate in the above mentioned actions - to really look at the moments I made the decisions to act on my addictions to these energies, where i 'decided' to go with the desires, and where I found acceptable ways of expressing my desires - where i now refuse to look back at the moment I made that decision and what the decision was based on.

Therefore if these scientists who write these papers on serial killers were to also use the same method of looking back and into the serial killer's mind at the moment he/she made the decision to act on an addiction/desire/driving force form within - and they were to slow down humanities patterns/addictions/habits and also look at the decision-factor - you would find the exact same thought process and energy addictive mind patterns - at the starting point of 'abusive behaviour'.

Day 71: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 8: the Jeffrey Dahmer Character continued

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-70-international-crime-research.html

Background info: if you have not been walking the Crimes Journey to Life blogs since the beginning - please read the following blog where I explain the how and why I walk this series as 'Crime's Journey to Life':

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-international-crime-research-bi.html

The Serial Killer Mind:

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: 'Mind-blindness'

My Self-Forgiveness will be based on the main points taken from the following article:

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Sexual Serial Homicide from a Neuropsychiatric Developmental Perspective

http://library-resources.cqu.edu.au/JFS/PDF/vol_47/iss_6/JFS2002051_476.pdf

Throughout the article, they refer to Jeffrey Dahmer as having 'Asperger’s Disorder'.

Definition of Asperger’s Disorder:

"Asperger's syndrome is a developmental disorder that affects a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others. Children with Asperger's syndrome typically exhibit social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.

Doctors group Asperger's syndrome with other conditions that are called autistic spectrum disorders or pervasive developmental disorders. These disorders all involve problems with social skills and communication. Asperger's syndrome is generally thought to be at the milder end of this spectrum."

Jeffrey Dahmer and Asperger’s Disorder:

"Theory of Mind Deficits in Asperger’s Disorder:

In 1978, primatologists Premack and Woodruff introduced the term “theory of mind” to refer to the ability to realistically assess the mental states of conspecifics as well as other species. The idea that human beings must successfully negotiate a realistic understanding of the intentions of their conspecifics as well as other creatures, is consistent with evolutionary theory, because sexually successful individuals must be able to assess the thoughts, intentions, and emotions not only of themselves, but also of potential mates and predators in order to maximize the chances of their genomic propagation. Since the publication of Premack and Woodruff’s seminal article, various researchers have uncovered substantial evidence indicating that the ability to estimate other people’s mental states or “mind reading”, as it has come to be known, is a universal human capacity. Mind reading can be more accurately viewed as the ability to estimate the mental life of others given previous experience and present social ecological contexts. Theory of Mind (ToM) capacities are likely to be under strict ontogenic control, and they become evident in young children by four years of age. Furthermore, Baron-Cohen and his colleagues as well as many other investigators have studied mind reading abilities in autistic children and discovered that many of them suffer from various types and degrees of ToM deficits. This abnormality has come to be known as “mindblindness”. ToM deficits appear to be present in schizophrenia and other forms of psychosis, although the degree of disability appears to be less than that encountered in severe autism.

Both clinical specialists and researchers in AD as well as family members of AD persons and AD individuals themselves consistently report that those with AD have noteworthy difficulties in assessing the mental states of others and understanding the social world around them. These deficits appear to be closely associated with intrinsic limitations in assessing the cognitive and the affective states of others as well as with an associated dearth (scarcity or lack of) of empathy. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become blind to the experience of others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to grow up believing that the world and experience of others, is separate from me, and even though as I become older I see, realize and understand that the suffering of others is directly connected to my life here on earth, I make the conscious decision to continue ignoring these facts, because it has become something that we simply do in society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the backchat, inner conversations of 'well somebody has to do the hard work' and 'well if everybody has the same stuff, then we wont all get the chance to be really happy' to be my reason, as everybody else's reason, for continuing to allow the world systems to exist as they are, where I will turn a blind eye to suffering of my fellow earthly inhabitants, in favor of the possibility of a minority becoming rich and through this experiencing apparent 'happiness' at having a comfortable life, over the fear of not having.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give permission to the fear existent within this polarity manifested game, whereby i have chosen for myself and by myself without much convincing from others - that I too like playing this 'game with my life and the lives of others' of survival of the fittest - while completely not realizing that if I was in the position of being exploited and abused where I had no ability to speak up and choose differently - I would not be able to even have this philosophical inner conversation with myself

therefore;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have this inner conversation with myself where I debate whether I am willing to be the one walking in the shoes of the other people in the world systems who are being abused/exploited/deprives of a dignified life as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dishonor life, by turning this question of whether abuse is justified, into a inner moral debate, where I as the Elite who live a comfortable life - actually give myself the opportunity to debate these questions - simply because I can do so - and have at no point considered that there are people and beings in the world who do not even have the luxury of asking themselves 'would I be willing to walk in the shoes of another' - because they are fighting for survival, getting through from day to day in lives of pain, discomfort and fear - therefore they only focus on surviving and do not give themselves the luxury of inner debates over humnan morality.

therefore

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the minute I allowed myself to become spiritualized or philosophized in how I approach Life - that was the day that I separated myself from the consequences that my existence on earth has on the lives of others and completely turned suffering into a game or right and wrong that I play in my mind - where I keep myself trapped in accepting the system as it is because I take the time to play the morality game in my mind going from 'feeling bad' about the abuse I see, and then justifying its existence, until i get to continue with my life through 'mindblindness'.

I commit myself, when as as I see myself turning a blind eye to the existence of this reality as it is, to stop, breathe, bring myself back here in my physical body, which is existing equal and one to this physical reality - where i remain self honest about what is really going on and how the problems are created.

I commit myself that if at any point a justification comes up within me to make me blind to the world around me, that i will always use the basic maths of 1+1 = 2, to get to the answers of how something was created, how to stop the existence of the problem and how I will have to change myself to no longer accept and allow the problem to exist, as myself, equal within the responsibility of how the problem was created.

therefore I commit myself to no longer accept and allow suffering and abuse, not just as an idea that exists as some humanitarian, philosopher or religious concept, but an actual living self movement, where I stop and change the suffering/consequences according to what is best for all, as the living changes that will have to take place for suffering to no longer exist.

First step in stopping the Economic abuse, that forces all beings on this planet into compromised lives:

http://equalmoney.org/

Day 70: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 7

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-64-international-crime-research.html#
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-65-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-66-international-crime-research.html#
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-67-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-68-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-69-international-crime-research.html


Background info: if you have not been walking the Crimes Journey to Life blogs since the beginning - please read the following blog where I explain the how and why I walk this series as 'Crime's Journey to Life':

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-international-crime-research-bi.html

The Serial Killer Mind:
The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer

My Self-Forgiveness will be based on the main points taken from the following article:


The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Sexual Serial Homicide from a Neuropsychiatric Developmental Perspective
http://library-resources.cqu.edu.au/JFS/PDF/vol_47/iss_6/JFS2002051_476.pdf


In the following Blogs, I walk self-forgiveness on Sex, Porn, Child Pornography and Masturbation.

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-18-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-19-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-20-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-21-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-22-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-23-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/this-is-continuation-from.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-25-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-26-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-27-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-28-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-29-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-30-international-crime-research.html#
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-31-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-32-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-33-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-34-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-35-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-36-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-37-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-38-international-crime-research.html

Now more on:

Sexual Serial Killer

"The identification of AD as a decisive factor in the genesis of sexual serial homicide in the JD case may well represent a psychiatrically, criminologically, and biologically relevant paradigm of substantial heuristic and practical value because it may provide a unifying explanation of sexual serial killing behaviors that integrate neuropsychiatric, behavioral, and developmental levels of organization for at least a subset of sexual serial killers. Arguably, the foremost advantage of the proposed pervasive developmental disorder paradigm for serial sexual killing behavior is that it may provide a central insight into the specific psychological causes for serial killing in association with specific underlying neurobiological events.

In contrast, most typologies for the causation of serial killing behavior strongly rely on sexual motives as well as a need by the perpetrator to control the victims. Egger addresses this issue when he states, “It may simply be (as the author is beginning to believe) that the serial killer’s search to gain control over his or her own life by violence and sex and to control and dominate others is the central and causal factor in the development of the serial killer”."


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing sexual motives to exist within me, instead of a physical sexual self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this motive to exist within me, through which I use the media as pictures, gestures and empty promises, to lure me through my Mind's energy addictions - into actions that are not one and equal to the physical's sexual expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the indoctrination of my mind with images of sexual acts, combines with sexual energies triggered through backchats (inner conversations) that were created by me to specifically generate massive amounts of sexual energy - as I see these images, whereby I become possessed by my permission, through my own design.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when I become aroused through this sexually charged mind system, to blame advertisements, movies, porn stars and the media -whilst still holding onto this system design within me, within the recesses of my secret mind - where I refuse to let go of 'my precious design' while all the time proclaiming to not really be responsible for these desire that I act out, while possessed by and through my own design.

I commit myself to stop the addiction patterns, that form once I attach an energetic value to a word, picture or gestures.

I commit myself to remain stable here as breathing, one and equal to my physical reality, as I see, realize and understand that it is not the physical that is causing me discomfort and pain - as it is my minds relationship to the physical, through which I have imposed a system design which triggers in time with how I programed it to be, while injecting my energy systems onto the physical body.

I commit myself to realize that nothing is gained by forcing this physical body I have to become subject to my mind-relationships, and therefore I commit myself to learn about how my physical body in fact functions within sexual self expression and from there to walk as the physical in realigning myself here as my cells as they interact within oneness and equality to all aspects of the physical.


Demonology Forum Perspective: Sex Addiction

Pornography

Why am I addicted to Sex?

Day 69: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 6

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-64-international-crime-research.html#

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-65-international-crime-research.html

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-66-international-crime-research.html#

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-67-international-crime-research.html

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-68-international-crime-research.html

Background info: if ave not been walking the Crimes Journey to Life blogs since the beginning - please read the following blog where I explain the how and why I walk this series as 'Crime's Journey to Life':

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-international-crime-research-bi.html

The Serial Killer Mind:
The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer

My Self-Forgiveness will be based on the main points taken from the following article:

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Sexual Serial Homicide from a Neuropsychiatric Developmental Perspective

Fantasies and Imagination

"The role of sexualized fantasies appears to be important in JD’s development as a serial killer because from an early age he was already internally preoccupied with bodies and body parts and later with their sexual nature, a finding that is consistent with previous investigators who think that pervasive fantasy formation has a decisive role with sexual crimes by both adult and adolescent perpetrators. The advantage of the AD (Asperger’s disorder) paradigm lies in that it provides a better explanation regarding the origin of sexual fantasy as an antecedent in serial killing behavior, namely that intrinsically AD tends to promote isolation, resulting in a relative inability to test fantasy formation against the backdrop of the surrounding social world.This pervasive mental isolation may place some AD adolescents at significant risk for developing idiosyncratic and violent fantasies that, unchecked by external social controls, can lead to homicidal ideas and actions. The violent behaviors and other antisocial activities displayed by children with features of AD appear to be more closely related to their fantasy life than to adverse environmental circumstances.

The identification of AD as a decisive factor in the genesis of sexual serial homicide in the JD case may well represent a psychiatrically, criminologically, and biologically relevant paradigm of substantial heuristic and practical value because it may provide a unifying explanation of sexual serial killing behaviors that integrate neuropsychiatric, behavioral, and developmental levels of organization for at least a subset of sexual serial killers. Arguably, the foremost advantage of the proposed pervasive developmental disorder paradigm for serial sexual killing behavior is that it may provide a central insight into the specific psychological causes for serial killing in association with specific underlying neurobiological events.  

In contrast, most typologies for the causation of serial killing behavior strongly rely on sexual motives as well as a need by the perpetrator to control the victims. Egger addresses this issue when he states, “It may simply be (as the author is beginning to believe) that the serial killer’s search to gain control over his or her own life by violence and sex and to control and dominate others is the central and causal factor in the development of the serial killer”."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a sexual-fantasy world, where what I participate in, with regards to sexual-interactions has nothing to do with reality, but merely exists as moments in time as pictures, programmed into my imagination, for my own personal use.

I commit myself to stop using fantasies, which take me away from my physical body and this physical existence, where 'I' am responsible for myself, as my words and deeds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse that 'my imagination is harmless' or 'my imagination exists within me therefore it cannot be wrong' - without ever stopping to consider that all parts of the external world already exists within me as my mind-reality - and this I am able to prove by noting down all thoughts I have had throughout my life and asking others to do the same, therefore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be 'ok' with the external imagination reality, where we manifest into physical actions that which happens firstly within the mind of each human - where we have until now not realized and considered how the external happens because we as the human make it happen through speaking and acting out what happens firstly - 'in the mind'

Therefore I realize and forgive myself for accepting and allowing a fantasy reality to exist within me, where I get to live out the rapist, the abuser, the harmer, the angry one, the jealous one, the vengeful one etc - but judge others who take these same thoughts we as humanity have all given permission to, and live it into physical action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a world where I judge others who physically act out or speak out their fantasies, where I would rather have such a person cling onto immense self control by being like me - where I contain the fantasies in my mind without acting on it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create this inner demonic reality, where i know that in my thoughts I have told myself and 'spoken to others' about controlling our human urges and not acting on them - whereas I realize that this is deception, because it indicates that we are still the abusers, but do so through imagining the acts, which still allow us to experience the energetic release of 'performing the acts in our mind'

therefore,

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that whether I am physically acting out the fantasies or whether I am doing it in my mind -it is all about the energy that is generated as the act is fulfilled, where I feel that rush of energy move through my body, leaving me feeling 'satisfied.'

therefore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny all this time, that I had been abusing others in my mind and for not even seeing that I was doing this, yet judging all along, those who get the energetic experience from doing it physically.

I commit myself to show how energy is the reason why we act physically and participate in thoughts and deeds - and that the starting point of participating in the internal conversations is and has always been about the experience of energy - therefore

I commit myself to show how the inner working of the mind merely exist as one aspect of this physically manifested reality - and is most certainly not separate from this physical reality - because all abuse that happens externally, in the world happens inside first - as a person first makes a decision before acting - therefore

I commit myself to show how the person who acts out their decisions are no different than the person who role plays the scenario in their mind - to in the end follow the scenario through to conclusion which is the energetic release or experience of the energy.

Therefore I commit myself to show that as a being who exists within a physical body within a mind - we are all, always subject to firstly thinking about what we want to do, which involves various 'dimensions' such as pictures, memories, internal conversations and motivations such as fear - then for those who are confident enough or find themselves 'pushed to the edge' within the mind where they becomes possessed within the energy build up - will find themselves acting on the above mentioned mind-aspects.

Therefore I commit myself to share how each are able to stop the abusive nature that the human has become, by clearing out the mind-clutter as systems of thinking that we have developed that grasp moments and turn them into full on battalions of mental action, where we survive against others and situation within the mind - based always on fears and desires - which is self-interest.

I commit myself, when as as I find myself building this scenario in my mind called thinking or back-chatting - to stop, breathe and realize I am now creating myself into and as an abuser and that the solution is always to look clearly at common sense, practical, self honest solutions to situations - that can be used by all, equally as it serves always what is best for all.

Day 68: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 5

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-64-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-65-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-66-international-crime-research.html
http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-67-international-crime-research.html



Background info: if ave not been walking the Crimes Journey to Life blogs since the beginning - please read the following blog where I explain the how and why I walk this series as 'Crime's Journey to Life':

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-international-crime-research-bi.html

The Serial Killer Mind:
The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer

My Self-Forgiveness will be based on the main points taken from the following article:


The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Sexual Serial Homicide from a Neuropsychiatric Developmental Perspective
http://libraryresources.cqu.edu.au/JFS/PDF/vol_47/iss_6/JFS2002051_476.pdf

"As an adolescent he made superficial contact with others but was viewed by his father and his peers as isolative and socially inept. As early as age four or five, JD did not appear interested in participating in activities emanating from his social environment.
By age 15 years, his father described him as a child who had rejected all efforts to develop interests in the world that his father attempted to introduce."


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to not see, realize and understand that my children do not want to communicate and participate with other people, based on the same acceptances and value systems as I was trained to believe in.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that within my own childhood my parents trained me to repeat their belief systems, which were all based on Fear of themselves and Fear of the world, and to make it my belief systems, in an attempt to protect the values based on protecting self within the world, which is simplistically always been about protecting the Ego of the individual over the Ego of other individuals.

I commit myself to stop belief systems, and to direct myself here within my physical body, within my physical reality, according to principled living as I realize that the only way to stop this mess we have created, is for each to live what is practically supportive of ourselves within the consideration of the planet and those we share the planet with.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that due to us existing in a world where all communication is based on protecting the individual against other individuals, we are and have created communication and interactions, not based on self-honest self expression, but rather on manipulating and deceiving each other, to make sure that we are seen in a specific light by others usually as something more than what we really are, especially if one compare the inner experience to what we want others to beLIEve about us.

I commit myself to communicate clearly, without hidden innuendoes, desires or fears.
I commit myself to stop hiding behind my fears and desires and indadvertedly projecting my fears into the future and therefore changing how I dress, communicate and behave to try and prevent this future projected fear.
I commit myself to show how we are living to appease the fears of the mind, instead of living, and therefore i commit myself to show that the current world of communication is not clear and based on physical practicalities, but on the hidden realities within the Psyche.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the next generation, even though as a child i cringed at how my parents spoke to me and projected their fears and desires onto me, I still continue the human-legacy of manipulating the children into accepting the world as it is by accepting the way things have always been - as the religions, education systems, value systems and cultures we keep giving permission to, even though mathematically i can see that these institutions have never done what is best for all, but instead contributed towards dysfunctional family units, dysfunctional individuals and then dysfunctional societies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the current value systems that the individual hold onto are there 'for a good reason' and 'serve a purpose' - without actually looking for myself and being self honest, in realizing that no value system thus far, has resulted in a world that is best for all, and that our current value systems have only resulted in the abuse of each other in the name of protecting the human and 'individuality'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ideology behind which religion, culture and value system exist, to be of such a great mind fuck to me, as I have been manipulated into believing in its greatness, that i continue to force my children to believe in these same ideologies, while seeing a world that is in chaos and a world where people are killing and hurting others simply for survival and for entertainment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the churches, schools and governments to continue brainwashing me - into believing that to prevail against the 'bad that happens in society' we have to 'cling' to the 'good' found within society, family and the entire concept behind the value found in 'living within the system' and accepting the role of humanity as we are -as god fearing people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent/caretaker of the future generations to implement within myself, the same coping mechanisms to life that my parents used and their parents used to try and control, suppress and manipulate human behavior and human thinking, instead of self honesty, self forgiveness and self responsibility of the individual throughout the preprogrammed designs that may come up - so that we become the directive principles - instead of the human being subject to our 'experiences' over which we believe we have no control - which leads to a society where we avoid self responsibility and implement instead values and rules according to which we 'must exist/function/communicate' - which only serve further to control through fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view my child through this filter I have come to accept and to not see, realize and understand that I am asking of my child to simply copy behaviors that not even I understand as I have not understood how the quantum mind of the human designs all of our reactions, and coping mechanisms, which shows me that my responses to my world and other people are automated based on fears and conflicts which if I look at in self honesty - I would be able to see the exact moments that I lied in the presence of another and decided to present what was expected of me, instead of speaking what I really experienced in that moment.

Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the reality, we as humans are aware of - which is that we adjust the way we speak, behave and act - to 'fit into' how society and our parents want us to act - even though most of the time, we know we are only doing so to be accepted - and thus we create the next generation of lies, which we present as truth as human behavior.

I commit myself to share, how we as Desteni have come to understand how the quantum mind functions, based on the real moments where perceptions were programmed into the human psyche and how this becomes the behavior and words we express, which are not based on the reality of how we experience ourselves, which are based on what is really going on in reality - but based on survival.