This blog is a continuation from:
Background info: if ave not been walking the Crimes Journey to Life blogs since the beginning - please read the following blog where I explain the how and why I walk this series as 'Crime's Journey to Life':
The Serial Killer Mind:
The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer
My Self-Forgiveness will be based on the main points taken from the following article:
The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Sexual Serial Homicide from a Neuropsychiatric Developmental Perspective
"As an adolescent he made superficial contact with others but was viewed by his father and his peers as isolative and socially inept. As early as age four or five, JD did not appear interested in participating in activities emanating from his social environment.
By age 15 years, his father described him as a child who had rejected all efforts to develop interests in the world that his father attempted to introduce."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to not see, realize and understand that my children do not want to communicate and participate with other people, based on the same acceptances and value systems as I was trained to believe in.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that within my own childhood my parents trained me to repeat their belief systems, which were all based on Fear of themselves and Fear of the world, and to make it my belief systems, in an attempt to protect the values based on protecting self within the world, which is simplistically always been about protecting the Ego of the individual over the Ego of other individuals.
I commit myself to stop belief systems, and to direct myself here within my physical body, within my physical reality, according to principled living as I realize that the only way to stop this mess we have created, is for each to live what is practically supportive of ourselves within the consideration of the planet and those we share the planet with.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that due to us existing in a world where all communication is based on protecting the individual against other individuals, we are and have created communication and interactions, not based on self-honest self expression, but rather on manipulating and deceiving each other, to make sure that we are seen in a specific light by others usually as something more than what we really are, especially if one compare the inner experience to what we want others to beLIEve about us.
I commit myself to communicate clearly, without hidden innuendoes, desires or fears.
I commit myself to stop hiding behind my fears and desires and indadvertedly projecting my fears into the future and therefore changing how I dress, communicate and behave to try and prevent this future projected fear.
I commit myself to show how we are living to appease the fears of the mind, instead of living, and therefore i commit myself to show that the current world of communication is not clear and based on physical practicalities, but on the hidden realities within the Psyche.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the next generation, even though as a child i cringed at how my parents spoke to me and projected their fears and desires onto me, I still continue the human-legacy of manipulating the children into accepting the world as it is by accepting the way things have always been - as the religions, education systems, value systems and cultures we keep giving permission to, even though mathematically i can see that these institutions have never done what is best for all, but instead contributed towards dysfunctional family units, dysfunctional individuals and then dysfunctional societies.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the current value systems that the individual hold onto are there 'for a good reason' and 'serve a purpose' - without actually looking for myself and being self honest, in realizing that no value system thus far, has resulted in a world that is best for all, and that our current value systems have only resulted in the abuse of each other in the name of protecting the human and 'individuality'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ideology behind which religion, culture and value system exist, to be of such a great mind fuck to me, as I have been manipulated into believing in its greatness, that i continue to force my children to believe in these same ideologies, while seeing a world that is in chaos and a world where people are killing and hurting others simply for survival and for entertainment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the churches, schools and governments to continue brainwashing me - into believing that to prevail against the 'bad that happens in society' we have to 'cling' to the 'good' found within society, family and the entire concept behind the value found in 'living within the system' and accepting the role of humanity as we are -as god fearing people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent/caretaker of the future generations to implement within myself, the same coping mechanisms to life that my parents used and their parents used to try and control, suppress and manipulate human behavior and human thinking, instead of self honesty, self forgiveness and self responsibility of the individual throughout the preprogrammed designs that may come up - so that we become the directive principles - instead of the human being subject to our 'experiences' over which we believe we have no control - which leads to a society where we avoid self responsibility and implement instead values and rules according to which we 'must exist/function/communicate' - which only serve further to control through fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view my child through this filter I have come to accept and to not see, realize and understand that I am asking of my child to simply copy behaviors that not even I understand as I have not understood how the quantum mind of the human designs all of our reactions, and coping mechanisms, which shows me that my responses to my world and other people are automated based on fears and conflicts which if I look at in self honesty - I would be able to see the exact moments that I lied in the presence of another and decided to present what was expected of me, instead of speaking what I really experienced in that moment.
Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the reality, we as humans are aware of - which is that we adjust the way we speak, behave and act - to 'fit into' how society and our parents want us to act - even though most of the time, we know we are only doing so to be accepted - and thus we create the next generation of lies, which we present as truth as human behavior.
I commit myself to share, how we as Desteni have come to understand how the quantum mind functions, based on the real moments where perceptions were programmed into the human psyche and how this becomes the behavior and words we express, which are not based on the reality of how we experience ourselves, which are based on what is really going on in reality - but based on survival.