http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-30-international-crime-research.html#
Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.
To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.
Pedophile Character: Person who watches child porn as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.
“When I reached pubescence I developed acne and no matter what creams my mother bought me, I would always have red marks and pimples on my face.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is a picture.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is a picture who is dependent on picture perfect skin, represented by the pictures of beautiful, clean, clear skinned people in the media and in my school and that if I do not match these pictures I am condemned to a life of shame and separation from others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the skin condition of acne, to represent fear, emotional conflict and hormonal changes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exists in fear and anxiety as a young person, as I am made to change myself into a representation of who and what I should be to fit into what my parents want, what society expects from me and how I should adapt my thinking to fit into society’s systems of being and self-acceptance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mind consciousness systems to exist within me based on conflict and fear, wherein as soon as I am faced with emotional turmoil, another system kicks in and creates physical condition which systematically reflect the mind consciousness designs of who I am in my physical, emotional and mental processes’ thus indicating that the preprogrammed designs all come together to further exacerbates conflict as one is constantly bombarded with designs that challenge one further and further into submission, into the Mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the design manifestation of metaphysics, in which inner turmoil was linked to physically manifested conditions such as acne, and that in time these response systems within the physical became a point of profit as we spiritualized these systems and made alternate therapies out of them, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that through alternate therapies turning these systems into profit, we were not only giving permission to these systems, but were designing ways of maintaining the being’s ‘balance’ within these systems, thus as therapists and doctors condemning people further into the mind as systems -as we encouraged people to live according to the rules of the systems.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a self-definition of who I am as Life, based on the experiences and reactions I get from others, which I internalize into a design of character, as I try and become who society wants me to be, even if society rejects certain parts of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people who have disabilities, conditions or illnesses’, using this as a scapegoat means through which we as individuals can feel better about who we are by bullying others and condemning them to exist in shame and ridicule, so that a state of perfection may be maintained – through which all of humanity constantly believe they are not good enough in mind and body and will do whatever it takes to seek some form of perfection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing society to create this polarity game between perfection and imperfection, creating the perfect illusion from which capitalism can be designed, as the human will buy anything to try and perfect themselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge capitalism for benefiting and profiting from this polarity game of perfection, when it is me as the individual whom participates daily in thoughts around self-acceptance – based around how I perceive my self-worth to be dependent on how others see me, which is based on picture presentations of oneself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience depression, guilt and uselessness as I experience shame when the other people see my acne and I allow myself to think ‘they must think I am gross’ or ‘oh no they see my skin, what do they think of me’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize, see and understand at that stage that each thought that I allowed in response to how people were around me, was me designing the point of abuse around the acne point, as I participated in being the victim, playing the role of what I perceived others were thinking and then becoming the physical behaviors of low-self esteem/withdrawel/quietness/awkwardness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself into the role of depression, sadness, separation from others, as I allowed myself to use thinking to generate the experience for myself into which I allowed myself to become less of myself, based on how I believed I now should punish me from my physical appearance – thus contributing and designing abuse as it exists today.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the thought ‘oh no they see my skin what do they think of me’, into further backchat of ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I am ugly and useless’ and then allowing myself to physical become withdrawn and to generate the physical energetic experience of depression/sadness, until manifesting the character of ‘the outcast’, ‘the unwanted one’, ‘the guy/girl who is unpopular’.
I commit myself to show that the inner experience can be changed – so that we no longer accept and allow turmoil and self-abuse to exist.
I commit myself to show that Capitalism profits from the inner experience and could and would not exist if the human was not obsessed with thinking and with living as pictures.
I commit myself to show that thinking is how one creates an experience of yourself, therefore to stop the design of a character, we stop it in the creation phase by identifying the thoughts that takes one into the character and to identify how one manifested the thoughts in its design phase as memory -to identify who self was in the memory when one allowed the first thought.
I commit myself to show how all of what exists today, exists due to how the human thought it into creation, therefore to identify how and why abuse exists we must look into how the human thinks abusive tendencies and practices into existence.
I commit myself to show that no devil or demons are responsible for the evil that exists today – and that if one walks the time line of a character (human) you will always find the creation points of the character until the manifestation and creation of the abuse point.
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