The Secret Mind of the Pedophile - continued:
This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-26-international-crime-research.html
In Day 26: Part 10, I walked Self-Forgiveness for the existence and allowance of the Secret Mind. Now I will apply Self-Forgiveness on the Thoughts, Pictures and Memories existent within the Secret and Conscious Mind – of this particular pedophile character (taken from Day 26 – Child pornography Part 10)
“It was a sudden interest in the images that developed due to a response from my body, which was then fueled by my mind through justifications as to why these images are enticing.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see an image of a naked or abused child and to connect to that a physical sensation of pleasure.
I commit myself to stop connecting relationship lines between moments and myself to use later on as characters.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the damaged files of my secret mind where I have stored images and ideas linked to sexual gratification – to now in this moment experience sexual pleasure towards a child while looking at a the images through my secret mind which connects the image to the experience of wickedness, evil, control, purity, pleasure, to overwhelm, to need, to abuse, to inflict, to destroy, innocence lost, punishment, childlike, condemned, obscurity, manipulation, blame, etc.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself once I reacted sexually to the image of a child for the first or second time – due to how my secret mind connected gratification to the act of intimacy or harm to a child – to then become addicted to the energy and release of energy – whereby I then created the character of justification – as the voice that would come up inside – as that part of me that could manipulate me through specific words – to keep doing what I was doing – and that what I was doing were ‘my private moments’ – thus infusing into me my conscious participation as the weakness I had become as I decided to harm life – all for the experience of energy as addiction and the false sense of self-empowerment.
“From there I experienced a combination of initial mistrust towards my own experience, but this did not last long as the energy of shame and guilt towards my own sexual reaction, turned to a new thought which surfaced where I simply knew that I liked it.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use fear and morality, as a basis from which I turn whatever image I see into something that triggers reactions in me, which allows me to access my secret mind where I stored ideas of shame and guilt which we as children are taught by our parents and teachers as they stand as the examples of charging the mind by charging the positive polarities of good and negative polarities of bad – through the system of punishment and reward.
I commit myself to share how the education system teaches a child how to create patterns based on good/bad, right/wrong – where the patterns are fueled through polarities until the child designs themselves into a system – which cannot function unless it is being stimulated through fear, manipulation, pictures, words, hope, survival, etc – where eventually we do not live here in common sense as what is best for all – but instead live as character systems – that all have a trigger point, memories for information and a desired outcome depending on what was taught to the child the outcome should be. Most humans believe that they are following the outcome of comfort, achievement, intellect, family, acceptance, love, enlightenment, safety, god etc – but the outcome is actually dictated and designed by those who impulse human beings – which is greed, desire, comparison, ego, self interest, separation, conflict, fear, suppression, obsession, consumerism, etc – all characteristic of the perfect systems that wake up in the mornings – go participate in the money system and come home to the family where you design, create and educate the next generation of systems to serve as slaves to the world system – while all the while entertaining oneself in what we believe is individuality and human rights/freedom – but are all actions that further keep us trapped in the mind - which keeps us as unstable characters that are dependent on the world systems for our survival – where we will participate in the world systems and consumerism – as we attempt to alleviate our characters as we strive for resolution of that which we have really become.
“Somewhere from within me, from within my mind I became more and more comfortable with seeing images of naked children, having thoughts about their flesh which I would normally have about woman and then empowering my mind through further thoughts which made me feel alive with energy, as I was pulled between morality and sexual pleasure.”
I commit myself to see, realize and understand the relationship between what we input into the mind and who we eventually become. I commit myself to show how the mind is not ‘something out there, harmless and ethereal’ where thoughts happen to us and at the same time have no bearing on our reality –– instead to show that all actions can be shown to follow a line of information from creation point to action.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex as a feeling in the body that happens in reaction to images of naked people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and to fuel my belief through how I have participated in sex, that sex is best experienced when a person finds ways to stimulate oneself and to become horny and then to chase a picture presentation of whatever will give one an orgasm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to observe pornography and how this depicts sexual aggression and disrespect of the human form for profit – and from this to establish my starting point equal and one – in that woman (or men) are there to be fucked and that sex is so important that I must have it and if I don’t get it – that I will charge my mind through memories until I find material on the internet to masturbate to – not realizing that I created this character of masturbator myself, through participating in creating and fueling the value system around sex as it exists in this world currently – instead of taking self responsibility for myself within what I create in this world – of which one point is to realize that to abuse in the name of sexual gratification is not ok by me unless it is really ok by me – which again shows the character that I really exist as – as the real ‘Me’.