http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-35-international-crime-research.html
Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.
To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.
“After another year Lucinda tells me one day out of the blue – that she has been seeing another man, whom she works with, and that she is pregnant. The shock hit me so hard that I simply sat there starring at her. Then the shock mutated into rage as I realized that yet again I was deceived by a woman into giving up my life and getting nothing for it."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the thoughts (backchat) around me ‘having to give up my life’ and ‘not getting anything for it’, as justification for fueling this pattern within me that I have been compounding – where I am allowing myself to become this character of rage.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ‘mutation of shock into rage’ – as my mind produced a backup system of ‘pent up’ emotions/feelings, reactions and backchat towards this one point – so that in the end I ‘mutate’ from initial reaction into rage as I am now fully possessed into and as this character I have been participating in designing for months/years.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by fueling this ‘rage character’ with backchat that was designed to make the other person look bad, and me look good – I was within dishonesty deliberately designing and premeditating my own possession into this ‘rage character’ – as the starting point of myself – in self honesty, was to become malicious and nasty towards the end of this relationship.
“I moved out of our apartment into a small one bedroom apartment on the other side of town – closer to my work. This is where I spent the rest of my time – from work I come home and I surfed the web, playing games until late at night. I used porn sites as I had done before, but now that I was living alone for the first time in years, combined with this seething rage – I started looking for specific porn. Rape porn and sadomasochism – were the only forms of pornography that gave me release. I enjoyed watching woman being abused and eventually only used hardcore porn sites.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately go down the path of revenge towards my partner, by deciding that I will from now on watch porn directed at being harmful towards the individual/woman.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pornography to exist in the first place, due to patterns like these where I as the human refuse to take self responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions and addictions – and through that manifest the consequential outflow within myself of ‘becoming a mind-monster’ and then supporting an industry that provides tools for me within my possessed state to be able to express myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from the original thought-moment of ‘seeing myself having revenge on woman’ to follow the backchat thought conversations with myself of ‘how I could hurt them or how nice it would be to see woman groveling’ to the reaction of rage into the physical reaction of sexual desire – which then directs me to the final decision where I step into the character of ‘surfing for porn’.
I commit myself to stop trusting the Mind as it takes me from a thought which represents my desired outcome in a specific situation – to the backchat patterns that one participates in to fuel ones own opinions, into a physical reaction which takes one into possession where you then lock down into that character and convince oneself you are making the right decision.
I commit myself to show how the outer reality we exist within, with its wars, politics, corruption, famine, pain, suffering and mind possessions –are all the end results or decisions made by people like myself, who followed an original thought and through thinking changed themselves until they physically acted on a history of backchat.
I commit myself to show how the physical reality does not require planning through the mind through pictures, backchat, feelings, emotions, and reactions – into a character that responds based on hidden agendas. The Physical Reality is here for all to Live, if we stop bringing the agenda of ourselves as the Mind into physical Living – which is how we have manifested all the fuck ups and human mind possessions – where we harm the physical while trying to please/protect what happens in the mind.
I commit myself to show that what ‘we’ as the mind wants as we have designed it – exist for all to see – openly in what is happening in the news, on the internet and in people’s lives – and that there is no separation between what we are seeing on the internet/news, the dramas in people’s lives and the reality of ourselves as how we exist in the mind and act out ‘the mind’.
I commit myself to show that what is happening ‘out there’ on the internet, or in other people’s lives – is not really ‘out there’ as ‘that’ individual who made ‘that’ decision to harm, kill, abuse, maim, lie, cheat etc. – is me and you in a character that has fully concluded its cycle – just like all mind patterns have a beginning and an end.
I commit myself to show that there are solutions to these Character Creations that we live as Patterns.
I commit myself to show that it is possible to remove or change the environmental factors involved in why a person makes the decisions he or she makes – but what is required of humanity to change these factors involved in parenting, the education system, the money system etc. – is a commitment and understanding of why and how we are changing, within the principle of what it means to do and Live what is best for all.
For more Awesome Journey to Life Blogs: 7 Year Journey to Life Blogs
I commit myself to stop trusting the Mind as it takes me from a thought which represents my desired outcome in a specific situation – to the backchat patterns that one participates in to fuel ones own opinions, into a physical reaction which takes one into possession where you then lock down into that character and convince oneself you are making the right decision.
I commit myself to show how the outer reality we exist within, with its wars, politics, corruption, famine, pain, suffering and mind possessions –are all the end results or decisions made by people like myself, who followed an original thought and through thinking changed themselves until they physically acted on a history of backchat.
I commit myself to show how the physical reality does not require planning through the mind through pictures, backchat, feelings, emotions, and reactions – into a character that responds based on hidden agendas. The Physical Reality is here for all to Live, if we stop bringing the agenda of ourselves as the Mind into physical Living – which is how we have manifested all the fuck ups and human mind possessions – where we harm the physical while trying to please/protect what happens in the mind.
I commit myself to show that what ‘we’ as the mind wants as we have designed it – exist for all to see – openly in what is happening in the news, on the internet and in people’s lives – and that there is no separation between what we are seeing on the internet/news, the dramas in people’s lives and the reality of ourselves as how we exist in the mind and act out ‘the mind’.
I commit myself to show that what is happening ‘out there’ on the internet, or in other people’s lives – is not really ‘out there’ as ‘that’ individual who made ‘that’ decision to harm, kill, abuse, maim, lie, cheat etc. – is me and you in a character that has fully concluded its cycle – just like all mind patterns have a beginning and an end.
I commit myself to show that there are solutions to these Character Creations that we live as Patterns.
I commit myself to show that it is possible to remove or change the environmental factors involved in why a person makes the decisions he or she makes – but what is required of humanity to change these factors involved in parenting, the education system, the money system etc. – is a commitment and understanding of why and how we are changing, within the principle of what it means to do and Live what is best for all.
The DesteniIProcess Courses are Designed to take apart these Character Designs through various Stages. SRA 1 for example, is a simpler course which focuses on getting familiar with ‘what are characters’, how are they designed, what are feelings, emotions, thoughts and for one to start becoming aware of these ‘components' of the character through the tool of writing. In SRA 2, we focus on Mind Constructs – where we specifically go into the ‘how’ we created our Characters as they are Constructed within the Mind. For more information on SRA 1, SRA 2, SRA 3 and our Agreement course please visit: http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
For more Awesome Journey to Life Blogs: 7 Year Journey to Life Blogs
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