This blog is a continuation from:
Day 96: International Crime Research: Drug use Part 1
Day 97: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 2
Day 99: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 3
Day 100: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 4
Day 101: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 5
Day 102: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 6
Day 103: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 7
Day 104: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 8
Day 105: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 9
Day 106: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 10
I commit myself, to when and as I see myself going into my mind as pictures, fears and internal conversations, which are based on me not living here as my physical - but accessing some information network/database about myself - then I stop, I delete all this information and I direct myself here, by immediately looking at how to practically move myself in social situations, without information moving, but me as a living expressive physical being, interacting here in self honesty with others.
I commit myself to delete pictures and ideas of what it means to be human, as I have come to realize that in attempting to live the pictures, words and ideas that we have currently given value to, we indeed only abuse ourselves repeatedly in the name of Ego, to support comparison, jealousy, and internal conflicts within ourselves,
therefore I commit myself to identify what my trigger points are meaning where throughout my life have I given value to an identity base on the value systems of society, whereby I would constantly have to try and fit into a specific picture and idea created by others, and by doing so,
I commit myself to, when and as I realize how I have abdicated living in my flesh to pictures and bubbles of information in my mind, to stop and realise that to free myself from these information shackles I have attached an identity to - is the key to living here fully in my body, free from internal conflicts that could or would come up as a result of me wanting to be something else, something more, something special
and that by stopping these internal emotional ideals of competing with others for specialness, I stop the pattern of self abuse within me, which clearly I see and realize did not serve me and was not the best I am able to be - as an addiction to a chemical bridge showed me for so long,
I commit myself to through the tool of writing adress the thoughts, internal conversations and pictures within my imagination, through which I fuelled this personality design between shy/withdrawn/socially-awkward to the personality on drugs which becomes effective/ communicative and stable - to understand how the separation was created by me, why I allowed it - to the self corrective point of standing as effective/ communicative and stable - to no longer be a slave to a idea that I am problematic and defective.
I commit myself to when I am in social situations where I start doubting how to communicate and express myself to realize that here I am in a situation where I could either get drawn back into my mind where I want to exist as the personality that will 'fit in' with the personalities at this social event - or I stop, breathe and realize that I am able to stand here in effective self living, to no longer participate in conversations that would require me to use drugs to enjoy - to no longer use words to please others and to no longer want to adapt my behaviour to fit into these social situations, if it is not me in self honest practical living, enjoying me here as my physical, moving myself in a directive principle that is best for all.
Therefore I commit myself that when and as I realize I will not become a personality through the use of drugs to fit into how society interact on the levels of the go and energy addictions - to stop the fears that come up around the point of 'what If I no longer belong' and to immediately stand equal and one to myself as life, to support only directive living that is best for all, and to realize that to exist in social situations that support only the mind as the ego - is not me as life, therefore if any fears come up;
I stop I breathe, I stand physically stable and I either continue to participate in effective self expression without competing and wanting to fit in by acting like others - or I make a decision to leave, and I simply look again at the point of what it is that I would like to participate in, what social situations/interactions woud support me and to then focus in the future on expressing myself where I see I would really enjoy myself, and to not fear letting go of the old personality designs I grew up believing I had to belong to.