Day 102: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 6

This blog is a continuation from:


Day 101: The Psychology of Crimes against Life: Drug use Part 5

The Fear Dimension of 'the happiness-drug-user' continued.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief to exist withon me that without the drug I am nothing, therefore,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and fear that I am nothing within this world due to the existent belief within me that if I do not match the expectations and ideas by others and through my own ideas of what it means o be 'acceptable' then I am nothing.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conclude within my life that if I have not by a certain age obtained a certain level of social standing, such as a specific career/qualification and/or job - then I am not valid in the eys of those who's opinions I respect,

therefore,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being rejected by others and to fear the insults I perceive others are thinking 'towards me' within their minds, which is actually me thinking that about myself, which generated judgments and belies and reactions about me towards myself - which I then project onto others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being expressive in social situations, because I have already equated in my mind, that for me to accept others they have to dress a certain way, speak a certain way and have a certain life style - just like the celebrities and rich/famous/special people on tv, and therefore in my mind I judge others for not looking like the pictures in magazine and on tv shows, therefore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fallen in my own trap of the ultimate judgment game, where I constantly judge the human - as a picture and idea from pictures and movies, and because it is impossible to live these pictures unless you have sufficient money, I perpetually exists in inner turmoil, self hate and fear of others - because no-one around me and myself included are able to fit into and as these pictures,

therefore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created the self loathing trap, where as the middle and lower class I am always battling with my own self judgements, because the lower and middle class society brackets are always trying to look the part of 'celebrity/beauty/fashion/specialness' even though this standard for those who are unable to afford it, always results in inner turmoil and self loathing - where the entire middle class and lower income brackets are driven into the consumerism market to constantly spend money, and create debt to try and buy ourselves into the pictures.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted this fear of not looking cool or special or like my fiends and therefore even though nobody wants to talk about this shared fear or not being accepted, we all simply hold onto the pictures as our safety net of self acceptance and continue to give it value as we ignore our pain and continue to move towards the pictures and ideas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a mere picture, an idea, a formation of organic matter directed by pictures into an energy experience, which is guided and directed through the corporations to the point where I will live in debt and comparison to try and appease my fears of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept this world as one where we have to compete and try and live ourselves as the pictures we see on tv, even though in common sense I am able to see for myself that the pictures are always photoshopped and the models are always skinny and anorexic, thus showing me that the 'representatives' of 'life' as we 'know it' are misshapen, dysfunctional, ill and a lie to drive the consumer to spending money no matter what.

to be continued...


More reading: The Encryption of Systems (Part One)