This is a continuation from:
Self-Forgiveness Part 2:
Bipolar Disorder and ‘Expansiveness’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing situations in which I doubted my ability to expand within myself due to fear and conflict.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and doubt my ability to step beyond my fears and pre-programming from my childhood, because I feared making mistakes and having to face my reactions towards the judgments I believed others had of me – which were actually my judgments of myself – projected onto others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop a fear of expanding within vocabulary, the ability to work with information and a natural ability to work with my physical body, other people and my environment, because I accepted judgment towards myself, through how the schooling system teaches us to judge ourselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid any form of self-development or expansion within self because I developed a low self-esteem, based on my fathers depression – and through his depression believed that I was inadequate as a child.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the schooling and parenting system to program me into an insecure child who became afraid of expanding myself, and therefore accepted and labeled myself as stupid, unequal and unable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the concept and the lie of schooling as a system of self punishment and self reward through which I developed a personality of inferiority and fear and hope – from which I developed myself into adulthood, looking for approval from others and hoping that somehow I will be able to experience change without realizing I had to change myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop secret backchat ideas and thoughts about expansion and for looking for ways to expand myself so that I could be special.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come to believe that in spirituality I will be able to expand myself and find a reason for others to appreciate me, after which I will be able to appreciate myself – creating a cycle of Bipolar Disorder in which I swung from the polarity of happiness, elation and expansion based on how people viewed what I did, to sadness and irritability if I did not meet the criteria of schools, friends, partners and society.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop moods and states of being around which I could experience expansion, such as spirituality in which I ‘felt’ like I was transcending and ascending into higher states of being and into a higher state of me – based around the idea that there is more to me than just me here as a physical being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that we are all supposed to expand into something more, be it through money, sex, beauty, achievements or status, until others respect me after which I can respect myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop Bipolar Disorder in which I manifest myself as the mood of expansiveness, to impress others and to be able to make money in the system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this ‘beingness’ as a way of surviving in the system, instead of realizing that the respect and achievement I was attempting to attain through my perception of the view of others was fake, because everybody was doing the same thing – seeking respect from others to respect and accept ourselves. In doing this – I realized that nothing we do within expansion is real or valid, because nobody is really expanding into anything worth living, because our main focus is on survival and to feel respected, which is an energetic experience based on what you believe others are feeling about you.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this experience of expansion to exist only in relation to my survival in the system, as a woman towards males, within sexuality to appease the male and within the context of competition with other people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and generate Bipolar Disorder within myself – as I programmed myself over many years into the behavior of expanding myself in relation to money and competition and survival, and feeling bad and depressed if I could not fulfill this role – thus not meeting up with my standard and value I had come to believe I should be in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar reactions such as expansiveness, as how I lived my life, fighting for my self-definition and for my survival in the system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the human existence to have become Bipolar in which we have become programs that activate in the presence of certain words, people and environments – where we go into expansiveness in relation to survival and fear of loss – in which we do not live, but simply live as a programmable reaction to our world based on fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to become the future of our children, in which I have set the example of allowing expansion to be systematized based on survival of ourselves as the mind based on competition and greed and to defend our fear of not surviving in the money system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder as expansiveness to exist within the system, in how each human is forced to pretend to want to expand themselves – simply to have to make money – where nobody lives or enjoys what they do, because the system requires specific skills development based on profit.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing children to be programmed into expansion, based on how the parents want them to be based on competition with other families.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansion to exist to appease the ego of the individual and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing situations where I have encouraged people to prove themselves to me, prove what abilities they have and ‘who they are’ according to ‘what they do’ within the system, before I will trust them, trust what they do or accept who they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to force others to act within Bipolar Disorder, to act out expansiveness and elated mood according to what I like and dislike – perpetuating the cycle within them and myself based on wanting to be accepted by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in how I have accepted and allowed the existence of ‘likes and dislikes’ to exist – and through this forcing myself and others to adapt our moods to become elated and joyous to please ourselves and others and the idea we have of what looks good and what is ‘pleasant behavior.’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the development of Bipolar Disorder, due to how I hide some behaviors and personality characteristics and ‘bring to the fore’ other states of being as personality designs - where moment to moment I believe I be acceptable to others, depending on the situation I am in – therefore adapting and switching my moods to be acceptable – therefore going into polarity opposites and therefore programming my minds to ‘switch from one mind state to the other’ – thus creating Bipolar Disorders – that eventually become an automated response – which later in life ran automatically in the background of my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this automated Mind System to become the directive principle of me where it adjusted itself according to my memories and likes and dislikes unit eventually I found myself in conflict between polarities as my mind used my behaviors and patterns to generate energy for the mind – while I struggled to find peace within myself while I realize that my mind was directing me, while I became simply existed in the body being directed by the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this polarity program to exist for my entire life, eventually pushing me into fast moving cycles of Bipolar Disorder, because I was no longer able to live a month or one week without crashing from happy elated moods to depressed or anxious/sad moods.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in how I have accepted and allowed the existence of ‘likes and dislikes’ to exist – and through this forcing myself and others to adapt moods to become ‘expansive’ – and through this proving myself as a good person who works hard and shows an interest in what I am doing or within my job, to ensure my survival within the money system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification of ‘lazy people deserve to be poor because they don’t ‘expand themselves within the system’ – not realizing that I am justifying the system of Capitalism, which forces people into abusive work situations at minimum wages, year after year – no questions asked – simply to feed the pockets of the rich.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that expansion is applicable to survival in the system, while disregarding our ability to expand from this point within which we exist as humanity where we serve only our self interest as greed, while disregarding the world we have created.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of spiritual expansion, in which no common sense expansion is considered to find practical ways to sort out this mess, but instead to expand into the energy of the mind, where we hide from this reality to not have to face what we have created, but instead to have the easy way out by expanding further into the reality of the mind as consciousness – further and further into separation from the REAL reality which we exist in as the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of expansion as knowledge and information and to use this as an excuse to remain in my mind and not to expand myself into practical common sense self movement – to sort out this reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansion to exist as the idea of philosophy, in which we will think and think and think, while the world around us shows us we are not expanding but merely existing in self interest and greed, while projecting and blaming others for the problem – while we as the equal inhabitants of the planet participate in and give permission to the abuse that exists, because we are the one benefiting from the Capitalistic System everyday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ideas of expansiveness to be the justification and excuse used for why we can abuse others and the planet, while abuses the resources and withhold the resources from others, to expand our own self-interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing expansiveness to exist as it does above, from generation to generation, eventually systematizing expansion into what it is now as a mind system within which I exist. This mind system is then called Bipolar Disorder when it manifest in a clinically measurable way – after an individual is found to not be able to function in accordance with the system any longer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to be something we analyze and categorize in Science and Psychology, only once a being is unable to participate in Society effectively (within the context of ‘expansion’ mentioned above) after which such an individual is judged as ‘potentially harmful to themselves and others’ and unable to live effective lives – which basically means such a person is not living out expansion effectively within the context of support the system as humanity.
(The above self-forgiveness statement contains a classification of ‘abnormal behavior’- Sue, Sue and Sue, 2010).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the labeling of Bipolar Disorder only once a being is no longer supporting themselves as the role they play within the system, in support of humanity as a ‘expansive system’ – instead of scientists identifying how all humans already exist as Bipolar Disorder and not truly living – because life has become about the system of survival. (In this I have realized that humans are products of our memories and programming from childhood – and adapting according to the requirements for us to Survive in the system and as the Mind. Therefore as humans – no one has actually had any real experience, because all are simply exiting as self-regulating and adaptive mind systems based on memories, experiences and pre-programming – from our DNA and parental and societal programming. Therefore to understand how we have ever made decisions – we need to follow the time lines of moments to see how decisions were made and what moments, memories and events influences our decision making.)
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that within the current economic system – ‘expansion’ is only truly possible if you have money – in which case one can buy yourself all your requirements to make it look like you are ‘expanding in material good and wealth’ or to have all your basic needs such as food and shelter covered so that one may focus on the spiritual and philosophical expansion of the mind.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I do not make it possible for other beings to live fully and to meet their basic needs of food and a place to live, then how is it possible for others to experience any expansion at all, because by forcing people to live in fear of survival – we are limiting the human existence to the limitation we have come to accept now according to having or not having pieces of paper called Money –
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that no expansion is possible for me or humanity as a so called ‘expansive’ human, if all are not able to expand and if I through my greed and inability to take all life into consideration force others into situations of ‘not having’ simply by forcing them into economic brackets where I withhold pieces of paper from them, thus withholding resources from them to have their basic requirements met, therefore limiting any change in this world currently of ‘expanding’ in any way.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by withholding resources from others, which limits beings in expanding from situations of survival into having a dignified life equal to myself, I am in fact not expanding as a being but devolving into a ‘de-evolution’ or ‘backwardness’, I have created for myself with no way of expanding into anything more than what I am if I do not change what I am doing to others as myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have equated expansiveness to the value of things that you can buy with money – therefore it is not me that is expanding but a temporary experience that I have thanks to the paper I can give for that experience – and in a moment if I justify withholding that same money as ability to have access to resources from another – than I am admitting that my expansion does not truly exist, but merely exists as an energetic experience in which I am used - by the Elite to participate in capitalism so that they can be truly rich – while fooling me through spirituality, the idea of an afterlife and the media that I am ‘expanding’ myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be brainwashed into religion, culture and spirituality – in which I participate in the belief of an afterlife – where I ‘think’ I will expand into another state of being – without questioning who and where this information came from – who has investigated this information and why I should ignore the direct reality I am creating, while following this unverified belief of myself within an afterlife.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing Bipolar Disorder to exist in all Culture, Spirituality and Religion – where by the action of participating in your mind reality where you are expanded into a higher state of ‘beingness’ – we are in fact proving that humans already exist as Bipolar Disorder – through which we attempt to run away from our physical reality by creating fake realities in which we can compare how expansive we are in this fake unseen realities, which only the believer can verify through the pretty pictures in his/her mind as the illusion that is shared by others who have similar make-believe realties/pictures in their mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself over the generations since the beginning of Mankind to develop and imprint the Disorder of ‘Bipolar’ into the Mind – which surfaces in some humans as more severe conditions which leaves them unable to function effectively, while existing in all humans in varying degrees, while we who are still able to function – program the next generation as our children to become Bipolar either in its subtle functional form within the acceptance of how the system works, or the more severe forms where the person is rejected from the functioning of society – where the person is classified ‘Bipolar’ and submitted to therapies and drugs – to ‘balance’ the symptoms – until the person is better able to continue functioning within accepted, manageable levels within our societal Bipolar Systems.
Abnormal Behavior: Sue D, Sue DW, Sue S (2012). Understanding Abnormal Behavior. Boston. Wadsworth.