Day 188: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 1)

A few weeks ago I did a vlog about family dynamics and the how through using the Desteni tools I have changed myself within my family dynamics or 'design': Day 177: Transforming Family Dynamics: Sibling Relationships. This morning I watched 2 movies - both them focussed around family dynamics and the usual 'feel good American Drama'. You know the kind of movie where for an hour and a half all you see is chaos, fighting, lying, betrayal and emotional conflict and yet in the last 10 mins of the move they manage to leave the viewer 'feeling' like 'everything will be 'alright' and like everyone in the movie despite their despicable behaviours will be 'ok'. So - these 2 movies were exactly like that, jam packed with intense emotional baggage and the usual family bickering and drama and yet towards the end of both movies the directors after all of that attempted to make me experience warm fuzzy feelings - because together with the 'negative emotions' this is the full package of human emotions  -of what we experience on a day to day basis.

Let me give a basic summary of what each movie was about. The first one was called 'This is where I

leave you (2014).' Basically it is about a family who come together at the dying wishes of the father. The father wants all of the children after his death to stay together for a week and celebrate his death through some Jewish ceremony where from what I understood everyone sits around in a room for a week, eating and sharing stories about the father (don’t quote me I am simply drawing from what I saw lol).  From the beginning as all of the children arrive - you notice one thing. That everyone hates each others guts, have long standing issues with each other over past mistakes and are in conflict with the mother because she is controlling and walks around half the time with her silicone boobs popping out - which obviously the children find 'unsuitable behaviour'. Each of the family members are stuck in their own life drama, which intertwines with the conflict and drama that exist within the family system. So you have layers of information around people's personal lives and the drama that ensures as soon as these family members are in the same room.

So my first question is 'why?'. This was something that I spoke about in the vlog on family dynamics, to discuss and bring to the fore the purpose of why family members come together in the first place. It becomes a 'cesspool' for emotional-mind drama, where obviously very little is resolved and throughout the entire movie most of what happens is that people fight and contribute to each others emotional issues. Obviously towards the end of the move Hollywood uses hope and 'positive' feelings to draw the movie to a conclusion - where as per holywood style the family members find resolution within the problems they are facing - not all of them good. Most of the points that come across are about yet again 'accepting ones life'.

In the vlog as I mentioned I spoke about the cesspool of human behaviour which becomes the family unit. Where we automatically assume and believe that because we were born from the same parents we should al be together and 'do stuff together'. This shows us that belief systems are really not of much value in this physical reality, because by holding onto belief systems we will act in ways and accept behaviours from ourselves and others, which as the movie shows is obviously not 'what is best' for us - and continue to make decisions that flow from the original starting point  - which in this case is the belief that family must spend time together, do things together and 'want to be with each other'.

From my experience this usually results in people venting their emotional reactions towards each other, especially when people's personality-mind designs are similar or specifically in conflict with each other - but through the belief of 'we must want to be together' people stay and are constantly drawn to each other, when clearly it is not a good match.

For example in the vlog I spoke about how we would not walk up to a stranger on the street and say ok 'I must want to be with you in your life and you must be with me' and thereafter that no mater what, you and this stranger will be in each others lives, seeing each other often, getting in each others faces, whether it is actually productive or not. Generally, we don’t do that - because if we do not 'like' or 'get along' with a stranger we simply ignore them and walk away. We become friends and partners with those people whom we have specific connections with and whom we believe we are 'enjoying'. Obviously friendship and relationships also have their own design, which I will not go into in this blog - and as such will focus on 'family dynamics'...