Day 36: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 20

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-35-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“After another year Lucinda tells me one day out of the blue – that she has been seeing another man, whom she works with, and that she is pregnant. The shock hit me so hard that I simply sat there starring at her. Then the shock mutated into rage as I realized that yet again I was deceived by a woman into giving up my life and getting nothing for it."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the thoughts (backchat) around me ‘having to give up my life’ and ‘not getting anything for it’, as justification for fueling this pattern within me that I have been compounding – where I am allowing myself to become this character of rage.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ‘mutation of shock into rage’ – as my mind produced a backup system of ‘pent up’ emotions/feelings, reactions and backchat towards this one point – so that in the end I ‘mutate’ from initial reaction into rage as I am now fully possessed into and as this character I have been participating in designing for months/years.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by fueling this ‘rage character’ with backchat that was designed to make the other person look bad, and me look good – I was within dishonesty deliberately designing and premeditating my own possession into this ‘rage character’ – as the starting point of myself – in self honesty, was to become malicious and nasty towards the end of this relationship.

“I moved out of our apartment into a small one bedroom apartment on the other side of town – closer to my work. This is where I spent the rest of my time – from work I come home and I surfed the web, playing games until late at night. I used porn sites as I had done before, but now that I was living alone for the first time in years, combined with this seething rage – I started looking for specific porn. Rape porn and sadomasochism – were the only forms of pornography that gave me release. I enjoyed watching woman being abused and eventually only used hardcore porn sites.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately go down the path of revenge towards my partner, by deciding that I will from now on watch porn directed at being harmful towards the individual/woman.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pornography to exist in the first place, due to patterns like these where I as the human refuse to take self responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions and addictions – and through that manifest the consequential outflow within myself of ‘becoming a mind-monster’ and then supporting an industry that provides tools for me within my possessed state to be able to express myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from the original thought-moment of ‘seeing myself having revenge on woman’ to follow the backchat thought conversations with myself of ‘how I could hurt them or how nice it would be to see woman groveling’ to the reaction of rage into the physical reaction of sexual desire – which then directs me to the final decision where I step into the character of ‘surfing for porn’.



I commit myself to stop trusting the Mind as it takes me from a thought which represents my desired outcome in a specific situation – to the backchat patterns that one participates in to fuel ones own opinions, into a physical reaction which takes one into possession where you then lock down into that character and convince oneself you are making the right decision.



I commit myself to show how the outer reality we exist within, with its wars, politics, corruption, famine, pain, suffering and mind possessions –are all the end results or decisions made by people like myself, who followed an original thought and through thinking changed themselves until they physically acted on a history of backchat.



I commit myself to show how the physical reality does not require planning through the mind through pictures, backchat, feelings, emotions, and reactions – into a character that responds based on hidden agendas. The Physical Reality is here for all to Live, if we stop bringing the agenda of ourselves as the Mind into physical Living – which is how we have manifested all the fuck ups and human mind possessions – where we harm the physical while trying to please/protect what happens in the mind.



I commit myself to show that what ‘we’ as the mind wants as we have designed it – exist for all to see – openly in what is happening in the news, on the internet and in people’s lives – and that there is no separation between what we are seeing on the internet/news, the dramas in people’s lives and the reality of ourselves as how we exist in the mind and act out ‘the mind’.



I commit myself to show that what is happening ‘out there’ on the internet, or in other people’s lives – is not really ‘out there’ as ‘that’ individual who made ‘that’ decision to harm, kill, abuse, maim, lie, cheat etc. – is me and you in a character that has fully concluded its cycle – just like all mind patterns have a beginning and an end.



I commit myself to show that there are solutions to these Character Creations that we live as Patterns.



I commit myself to show that it is possible to remove or change the environmental factors involved in why a person makes the decisions he or she makes – but what is required of humanity to change these factors involved in parenting, the education system, the money system etc. – is a commitment and understanding of why and how we are changing, within the principle of what it means to do and Live what is best for all.

The DesteniIProcess Courses are Designed to take apart these Character Designs through various Stages. SRA 1 for example, is a simpler course which focuses on getting familiar with ‘what are characters’, how are they designed, what are feelings, emotions, thoughts and for one to start becoming aware of these ‘components' of the character through the tool of writing. In SRA 2, we focus on Mind Constructs – where we specifically go into the ‘how’ we created our Characters as they are Constructed within the Mind. For more information on SRA 1, SRA 2, SRA 3 and our Agreement course please visit: http://desteniiprocess.com/courses

For more Awesome Journey to Life Blogs: 7 Year Journey to Life Blogs

Day 35: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 19

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-34-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“When I was offered a job in another city she cried and said that she could not leave her family, whom she was very close to -so we stayed. I became increasingly irritated with her from that point on and started seeing her for what she was – a weak minded girl who was to afraid to be away from her family even though she was now married. My resentment turned into spitefulness – she wanted to try for a baby – and I said ‘ I was not ready’. This went of for two more years as I continued to lie about why we could not yet have a baby – she was suffocating me by restricting my choices in life I would do the same to her. We started fighting about everything – money, family, friends, babies, and careers – eventually we both acted from spitefulness whenever we had a chance. I noticed in our arguments that her family must have been fueling her resentment towards me for not ‘being ready’ to have a baby – as she would let slip ‘well you know my sister thinks that…’ This fueled my resentment as I made a decision one day to just ‘ignore the bitch’.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a relationship, which becomes about conflict, resentment and blame.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self-responsibility for who I had become in relation to my relationship and what I was accepting and allowing to unfold within myself and the relationship.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize my self responsibility on how to walk through these points, what to apply within myself and when to stop the relationship as soon as both beings accepted ourselves as the results of the relationship, instead of remaining directive.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop my participation in blaming, resentment and conflict – where instead of stopping the game this relationship had become – I gave my power away to the entire concept of ‘staying together for the sake of relationships’ – and therefore compounding the anger and resentment into a possession.

“We started leading separate lives – she spent most of her time with her family and I spent all my time on the Internet surfing gaming sites and utilizing porn as a substitute for my wife. I would use porn extensively to masturbate while Lucinda was visiting her family. Sex obviously became a massive problem – as I knew that she was trying for a baby and I did not want to start a family with this woman. I worked in a dead end job for a basic salary, where as all the jobs I could apply for, I could not, as I knew she would not be willing to move away. Each time we discussed potential job opportunities she would start crying about me not loving her and her sick father needing her and blah, blah, blah…”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately become resentful in my words and actions, due to how I was experiencing myself within the relationship.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of how I hated my partner or how immature I saw her/him, and from this used thoughts to fuel my anger – where I would find ways of acting out against her and the relationship.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to these thoughts through anger, spite, rage, resentment, until I experienced a physical reaction as I started changing me in my behavior, the way I talked, walked and physically carried myself when around the other person and when thinking of the person – therefore locking into my physical body this pattern consisting of the original picture, the backchat thoughts and reactions.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use pornography as a means (after thinking about it) of excluding my wife and being spiteful by masturbating to pictures of other woman.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through the picture I held of blaming my wife to the thoughts around wanting to spite her, to use hard porn as a means of satisfying this new need to hurt others and to derive pleasure from feeling sexually gratified through seeing sexual submission, control and pain.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop this pattern as character of ‘hard porn’ watcher as I accumulated all my backchat and the energy I experienced from this pattern into and as the experience of watching this porn, as it became the only way I could experience revenge towards my partner and woman in general.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch illegal porn due to my belief (during the thought creation phase) that I was in control of what and who I could harm or enjoy in my masturbation fantasies – as a means of striking out at the world and my partner, whom I blamed for my inner experience and character.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch child porn because I gave up within myself and blamed the ‘lack of morality’ of another as to why I will now ‘punish others/the world’ by being ‘immoral’ and acting in ways that I knew would harm others or the morality of others and through this morality game ensure that I become the powerful one by showing all through my secret acts that I am powerful/in control.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind these multiple layers as my reactions to experiences in my life, and through this layering of thoughts, backchat conversations and decisions I made, to make a decision directed by my possession – to find sexual gratification in watching child pornography.



I now see, realize and understand that the decision to watch child pornography had many hidden dimensions to it, all accumulated decisions which fueled further decisions into who I became as child molester – as a character in which I in the end, ultimately used for self-importance, self-gratification, self-empowerment and through many, many dimensions ultimately concocted the belief and idea within myself to achieve sexual gratification as I had labeled it within my Psyche to ‘sex with the young/minors/the innocent/children’.



I commit myself to show tat as we design ourselves as conditions, characters, personalities, offenders – all ways of being as humans – there are solutions to understanding the multidimensional aspects by getting to know oneself and your past.



I commit myself to walk the path of self-forgiveness as I have seen how this has supported me through experiences I ‘thought’ I could never change – and through walking self forgiveness as a solution for what I faced I have proven that it is a solution to for all. Obviously within this we are to take into consideration the entire design of the being, and from there assess how to best support the individual. In an Equal Money System for example, we will not be limited by money to be able to present solutions based on effective clear research. In an Equal Money System, we will effectively get to the bottom of the human and how we have programmed ourselves as there will be no limitation financially or politically to what we can do and that will influence the outcome.


Further Support: Freedom Blogs:

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Freedom Blogs - The Birth of Practivism - Volume 3

Day 34: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 18

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-33-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“By the age of 19 I fell in love with a girl, who after 6 months decided to sleep with one of the guys I worked with. I was furious – as I treated her like a queen and spent all my hard earned cash on her.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘I treated someone well therefore they should not have deceived me’ as an excuse and justification.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become infuriated due to my justification and excuse not working and the other person not doing what I was holding them responsible for.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I was doing things ‘for another’ they would not leave me, thus allowing myself when the person left or acted different to how I wanted them to, to become so emotional, as I reflected this onto myself and allowed myself to experience rage towards self and others.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the end ignore how I had placed value onto pleasing others and how I believed people should behave around me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when the moment arrived where she tells me she had been seeing someone else, to bring up a picture thought of a memory of myself treated her well through money – thus using this memory as a benchmark of the kind of treatment I expected due to the monetary value I had placed into the relationship.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then participate in the backchat of ‘how dare she, I spent all my money on her’ – therefore feeding my anger, which was based on a value system I had held the partner accountable for, which is how I value myself in relation to my partner.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fury when the money value was being disregarded therefore not considering myself or how I participated in creating the relationship construct based on money and attention and appreciation. Therefore when my relationship fell flat, I did not see, realize and understand that I played a part in the design of our experience towards each other as I too was responsible for the terms on which this relationship was built – which were dependent on how I really participated through money as one dominant factor.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then create a physical response of hung shoulders, heaviness, shaking for days afterwards as I continued to think about what happened as I fueled my anger.

“After that relationship I met Lucinda, a girl who worked in the office next to me. We fell in love and got married when I was 23. We were married for 4 years during which time – we fell out of love, as we realized that our interests changed and she was too attached to her family.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one can fall in love with someone, on which one now energetically create beliefs, ideas and dependencies on the other person based on preconceived ideas of relationship.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can also fall out of love with someone which I realize were all simply energetic possessions I allowed myself to become I as it is clear that one does not actually ‘fall’ anywhere, but instead allow pre-programmed experiences to overcome one, which we accept and allow as a statement of enjoying self punishment’ as we create and participate in experiences that are energy based and direct us through taking us over in forms of mind-energy-possession.


I commit myself to show that in order for us to Live and Breathe here in our Physical Bodies, we do not have to accept ourselves as these Mind Consciousness Systems which we have all come to accept through the generations as normal human responses – as we have made ourselves dependent on these emotion/feeling reactions and experiences that control us, where we lose directive principle as we give ourselves up into a system of the Mind.


The rest of the Self-Commitment statements for this blog is found at the end of the next blog.

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Day 33: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 17

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-32-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

“During my teenage years the girls mostly ignored me and I learnt to accept that I was not handsome or cool enough for the girls I liked. By the age of 17 I dated a girl for a few months but she wanted to wait for sex after marriage so I did not score and therefore felt even more withdrawn from this reality that I felt I was supposed to be in with the other young men, bragging about their girlfriends and whether they scored with them or not. So I distracted myself during breaks to not have to watch and be part of the socialization of the horny teenagers outside, and followed my interest, which was to play on the computers in the library. I developed an interest in computer programming and after graduating I studied to become a computer programmer.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one should be handsome to others, in order for me to accept myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condition and response myself into and as the character of ‘not cool’ and ‘unattractive’ – therefore by accepting myself as these labels, I am creating and fueling my experience as I have now created the platform from which I develop further characters into experiences surrounding ‘not cool’ and ‘unattractive’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this conditioned response to be the true nature of myself as I plan and plot who and what I will now become as I allow my reactions to the responses and moods of other people to become me in living manifestation, while years later I blame others for who I became, not realizing that if I were to look back at my life I would see the time line of decisions made, in which I justified this conditioning because I have already allowed myself to exist as a Mind System that creates behaviors and exists according to pleasing characters.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself each step of the way as I experienced rejection from girls/boys to allow conscious thoughts in relation to what I initially experienced, followed by backchat conversations during which I would talk myself into a ‘realization’ of who I am in response to the information I was placing



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide who I would be in relation to past memories of what I had seen happen to other people who were rejected by the opposite sex. Therefore from there through the backchat conversations, I allowed myself to convince myself of my worth as a final decision based on all the information I had presented to myself about the conclusion within my mind of ‘I am this because of that.’



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to ideas I formed around the meaning of things where I would see, watch and understand something I saw happening to others, not from a realistic common-sensical perspective – but through the mind of judgments, fears, patterns, addictions, energy etc.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that as I made these ‘decisions’ about myself in relation to my experiences, I was not in fact using common sense reality based assessments of myself, but using pre-programmed values existent in society which are placed through the unconscious mind called ‘consciousness’as the rules by which humans exist.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the rules of what it means to be human, according to the thoughts that come up in my mind as I experience reality – not realizing for myself that these harmful, self-abusive thoughts in no way support me here as Life in the Physical, as a Breathing functional, Equal and One being to all others – but instead the information as my thoughts follow a ‘train of thought’ that take me into accepting myself as less than who I am.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become ‘a someone’, a character, due to the accumulation of thoughts based on the rules of what it means to be human, where I now years down the line have become a being I probably would look back at in disbelief if I were to step out of this mind and observe myself in self honesty for a moment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become this ‘somebody’ due to the accumulation of decisions I made throughout my life in minor moments where I would think or react or feel in relation to my experiences and then accept that experience and from there, make decisions based on the memory of information accumulated.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts such as ‘I am not good enough’ or to present pictures to myself of who I should be or why I am not good enough.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat conversations around why I am not good enough and how to avoid the experience of rejection or embarrassment.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing reactions such as sweating, heart palpitations, looking away, anger, irritation etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing physical behaviors to develop such as avoidance, sitting alone, quietness, reclusiveness, spending all my time on the Internet etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make life or career decision such as ‘working with computers’ not as a natural self-expression, but as a coping mechanism originally used to avoid being around certain people or situations.



I commit myself to show how even a pedophile/sex addict exists due to a thought which if you open the thought up – you will find a history of memories that make up the present decision, whether it be a feeling that ‘overcomes the being’ or a specific thought or a physical behavior that kicks in.



I commit myself to show that there is support available for all who are equally in the same boat called the mind and how all patterns, behaviors, characters can be traced to its origin point and that the origin point is not some elusive evil spirit or evil god – but in our history and make-up – all to be found in memories and how we become characters in relation/response to memories (past events).

Day 32: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 16

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-31-international-crime-research.html


Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Person who watches child porn as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.

“By the age of 15, I knew that I was interested in girls and like most boys my age developed masturbation fantasies around girls in my school."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop masturbation fantasies of girls/boys and through this developed a false idea about sex and the physical body, as my reference point became about the energy and not the interaction with and movement of my and the other physical body in natural self-honest self expression.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself through this false image of the body and the sex, to create a vast network from which I can create any picture to masturbate to as I got older, not realizing that I was opening the door to becoming an abuser as I trained myself form young to give permission to my mind to conjure and connect images to sexual gratification and masturbation.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in that moment as the decision I made to create and allow secret fantasies of others in my mind –to establish myself as the character of abuser within this world as I allowed myself within my mind – which is me – to exist as someone who secretly does things to others without them knowing – where in real life I would never admit to the person that I was doing these things to them within myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to within creating these fantasies to also create secret conversations, hopes, dreams and outcomes within my energetic relationships to these images, which did not match the reality of my situation – which further fueled my inner turmoil if I did not get in real life what I was already getting or hoping to get in my energy reality of my mind.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the world is in the state it is with mind possessions escalating, because the inner reality as the Mind is never Equal to what really happens in the physical - therefore people end up going into Mind Possessions because when they cannot have in ‘Real Life’ what they believed/imaged/desired themselves to have in the Mind.



Therefore; I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place so much value in what my Mind reality wants and can have, not considering self honestly that I am the one who created a world of conflict, abuse, war, terrorism, pain, inequality –because eventually we always inflict the desires of the inner reality (mind) onto the Physical Reality, whether it wants it or not. That is why people can watch war abuse, poverty, rape, murder, starvation etc without blinking – because each one already through thinking has forced our mind Realities of ‘I want!’ to such an extend within ourselves that we through backchat always win and always get what we want – therefore when we see this forcing happening ‘for real’ in the physical reality – we do not even blink an eye.



I commit myself to show that as long as we have realities within which we exist in the mind, that we will always end up abusing the physical reality – as we have laced such value on what exists in the individuals mind that nobody is willing to stand up for the abuse we allow in the physical reality and to each other.



I commit myself to show that children are educated in how to exist in the mind, which becomes the starting point of ‘who I am’ through how parents teach them to follow the rules of culture, religion, family and society – with no regard for the outflow of a culture we have created where all get to abuse Life on this planet – as long as the abuse is justified in that it was part of the individuals rights to freedom of expression.



I commit myself to show that the family, religious and cultural systems are ‘protectors’ of the mind – where a young person is shown how to become emotional characters and are trained in how to manipulate others and self to get ‘what I want’ regardless of the effects on the world.

“I remember the one day I was sitting in class and I heard the girls sitting at the table behind me, talking about me. Shelly was asking Valerie whom she was going to invite to her birthday party. Shelly would mention people in the class’ names and Valerie would respond with a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or some personal insult to clarify her discontent towards that boy or girls and the reason why they definitely would not be invited to her birthday party. I was following their conversation, because I was intrigued to know whether I would be invited to this party. The only other parties I had been to were that of my guys friends and I had never been invited by a girl to one of their birthday parties. That seemed like something that was reserved for the semi popular/cool or attractive guys. The ‘nerds’ were only invited by other nerds and nobody paid any attention to who was being invited to their parties. This in itself caused a tingle in my belly, as I knew that being invited to Valerie’s party would mean the beginning of this phase where we now start treating each other in different context’s then mere ‘children’. As Shelly whispered my name my stomach tightened and I unconsciously held my breath. From all the nasty comments I heard Valerie make about some of the other boys and girls, I couldn’t help but wish that she would magically see me as someone cool enough to get invited to her shindig. Shelly whispered my name and Valerie’s response was ‘gross’. Shelly spurted out a short giggle and both girls tried to suppress their laughter into their hands before they continued onto the next unsuspecting victim. An ice-cold rod shot up my spine into my neck and face and a cold flash crept its way into my belly – as my worst fear had been realized: I was ugly and the girls hated me.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the game of self-esteem based on what others think of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts around hoping others will approve of me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in that moment to participate in the backchat conversation with myself of ‘hoping they would pick me’ and how I will experience myself if they rejected me – creating the character for myself of who and what I would become if I were to he rejected.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from participating in the backchat to then generate a physical tension in anticipation of how these two individuals are going to decide for me who and what I am – thus inflicting onto my physical the abuse character I was creating in that moment through my thoughts.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a character around what others were apparently thinking and saying of me and through this infusing into the physical a system design based on the moment, as the values, the pictures, my reactions, fears, emotions, feelings – all into and as a system that shot up into my spine and infused itself from my mind consciousness system into my spine and through the physical – thus predesigning my responses for the rest of my life, on how I would experience myself in similar situations.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to preprogram myself from the character of ‘rejected and hurt’ into someone who would then take situations in which I reacted and felt ‘hurt’ to further fuel the system, until I became an abuser of others because I built on this original memory from my youth where I allowed myself to take what was said personally and to systematically design my anger and resentment over time, into a system, which would then later on activate me into responding to my past by hurting others as they represented pictures, images, and symbols I then responded to in light of this system design.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a judgment of people who are not invited to parties by popular people and then living out the character of the ‘rejected one’ according to the judgments I created and participated in.



I commit myself to show how all relationships are created through thoughts and thoughts exists as a means of protecting oneself from others, therefore by the time you have created a relationship with another, you have designed it so as to exist as that which you want to protect about your characters.



I commit myself to show how relationship dynamics, is actually just another way of saying how we support the creation of characters to protect ourselves to not have to be self honest and thus relationship dynamic is how one moves yourself into character to appear as something more than what you are while only responding to the dynamics (character) within another that will compliment the character one is currently primarily existent within –whether this is what is best for humanity or not.

Day 31: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 15

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-30-international-crime-research.html#


Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Person who watches child porn as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.

“When I reached pubescence I developed acne and no matter what creams my mother bought me, I would always have red marks and pimples on my face.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is a picture.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is a picture who is dependent on picture perfect skin, represented by the pictures of beautiful, clean, clear skinned people in the media and in my school and that if I do not match these pictures I am condemned to a life of shame and separation from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in emotional turmoil, creating physical tension within my body, which has the effect of creating physical conditions within my organs and skin which reflect my inner changes and conditions.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the skin condition of acne, to represent fear, emotional conflict and hormonal changes.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exists in fear and anxiety as a young person, as I am made to change myself into a representation of who and what I should be to fit into what my parents want, what society expects from me and how I should adapt my thinking to fit into society’s systems of being and self-acceptance.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mind consciousness systems to exist within me based on conflict and fear, wherein as soon as I am faced with emotional turmoil, another system kicks in and creates physical condition which systematically reflect the mind consciousness designs of who I am in my physical, emotional and mental processes’ thus indicating that the preprogrammed designs all come together to further exacerbates conflict as one is constantly bombarded with designs that challenge one further and further into submission, into the Mind.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the design manifestation of metaphysics, in which inner turmoil was linked to physically manifested conditions such as acne, and that in time these response systems within the physical became a point of profit as we spiritualized these systems and made alternate therapies out of them, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that through alternate therapies turning these systems into profit, we were not only giving permission to these systems, but were designing ways of maintaining the being’s ‘balance’ within these systems, thus as therapists and doctors condemning people further into the mind as systems -as we encouraged people to live according to the rules of the systems.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a self-definition of who I am as Life, based on the experiences and reactions I get from others, which I internalize into a design of character, as I try and become who society wants me to be, even if society rejects certain parts of me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people who have disabilities, conditions or illnesses’, using this as a scapegoat means through which we as individuals can feel better about who we are by bullying others and condemning them to exist in shame and ridicule, so that a state of perfection may be maintained – through which all of humanity constantly believe they are not good enough in mind and body and will do whatever it takes to seek some form of perfection.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing society to create this polarity game between perfection and imperfection, creating the perfect illusion from which capitalism can be designed, as the human will buy anything to try and perfect themselves.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge capitalism for benefiting and profiting from this polarity game of perfection, when it is me as the individual whom participates daily in thoughts around self-acceptance – based around how I perceive my self-worth to be dependent on how others see me, which is based on picture presentations of oneself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience depression, guilt and uselessness as I experience shame when the other people see my acne and I allow myself to think ‘they must think I am gross’ or ‘oh no they see my skin, what do they think of me’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize, see and understand at that stage that each thought that I allowed in response to how people were around me, was me designing the point of abuse around the acne point, as I participated in being the victim, playing the role of what I perceived others were thinking and then becoming the physical behaviors of low-self esteem/withdrawel/quietness/awkwardness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself into the role of depression, sadness, separation from others, as I allowed myself to use thinking to generate the experience for myself into which I allowed myself to become less of myself, based on how I believed I now should punish me from my physical appearance – thus contributing and designing abuse as it exists today.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the thought ‘oh no they see my skin what do they think of me’, into further backchat of ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I am ugly and useless’ and then allowing myself to physical become withdrawn and to generate the physical energetic experience of depression/sadness, until manifesting the character of ‘the outcast’, ‘the unwanted one’, ‘the guy/girl who is unpopular’.



I commit myself to show that the inner experience can be changed – so that we no longer accept and allow turmoil and self-abuse to exist.



I commit myself to show that Capitalism profits from the inner experience and could and would not exist if the human was not obsessed with thinking and with living as pictures.



I commit myself to show that thinking is how one creates an experience of yourself, therefore to stop the design of a character, we stop it in the creation phase by identifying the thoughts that takes one into the character and to identify how one manifested the thoughts in its design phase as memory -to identify who self was in the memory when one allowed the first thought.



I commit myself to show how all of what exists today, exists due to how the human thought it into creation, therefore to identify how and why abuse exists we must look into how the human thinks abusive tendencies and practices into existence.



I commit myself to show that no devil or demons are responsible for the evil that exists today – and that if one walks the time line of a character (human) you will always find the creation points of the character until the manifestation and creation of the abuse point.

Day 30: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 14

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-29-international-crime-research.html


Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.


To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Person who watches child pornography as a substitute for male/female sexual companionship.

“ Growing up I had difficulty around woman, I always found myself from about the age of 11 onwards, to be aware that girls are different to boys and from what I had read and been told by my older brother – apparently girls would one day be a very important part of my life. Becoming a teenager, I brought with me the memory of pictures I had seen in porn magazines and ‘adult education’ books – where a man meets a woman, takes her to dinner and bangs her brains out. According to romantic novels he might later on marry her.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the pre-programmed personality design of myself as ‘experiencing a difficult time around the opposite sex’



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my pre-programmed design to consist of the pre-programmed nature and characters of my parents and their parents, as those characteristics they accepted and allowed within themselves, which did not stand as what is best for all – but instead became “conflicted experiences” within the Psyche of the being, through which the mind created more characters to deal with the conflict, which outflows into global problems as we all fight against our characters by fighting with each other.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to align myself from a young age to the thoughts around ‘other young children of the opposite sex being different, strange or making me feel uncomfortably.’



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to influence children into believing that the opposite sex has a special value or is somehow to be treated differently at different stages of my age-development, through which I teach children to develop experiences as character responses towards other children, which in essence is not necessary and simply becomes part of the game adults play around sex and sexuality as they fight their own sexual repression, and obsessions and maintain the separation between man and woman which is tied into the value system around having money and safeguarding ones surviving within the institution of family as the passing down of ones genes – which is the survival of ‘my’ characters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on the conflict my parents experienced in relation to man/woman, as I copied how they were either uncomfortable around the opposite sex, desired the opposite sex or had some hidden agenda towards the opposite sex as they planned and schemed to lure in a partner who would ensure them a safe comfortable life according to the financial status that would be obtained once the partnership/marriage was designed.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, through media, allow myself to imprint into my character of ‘young male or young female’ the discrepancies towards being male or female which would result in obsessions, lies, abuse, suppression, and character formations – insisted upon by the individual as we force each other into ‘sex specific roles’ to please the ego and the pocket – as we decide from young which partner we want depending on how wealthy we want to be, how much sex we want to have, the breeding of specific charactered children and so forth. Thus in designing and living separation and judgment towards ‘the other sex’ and how this is lived through how we develop relationship and marriage – we are programming our children from young to become the next generation of abusers as they too will adopt values, copied from the parents based in inequality and self-interest.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts around the opposite sex and myself in relation to them being more than, less than, special, not special, with or without, hating, loving, needing, rejecting, where in the end I manifest myself as uncomfortable in the presence of the opposite sex, due to my participation in the backchat conversations based on fears and ideas I copied from watching my parents, siblings and the characters in movies.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the opposite sex is somehow different to me, simply because we have different genitalia, due to how my parents treat each other within inequality and how society treats gender as a platform for the allowance of abuse such as in the case of religion, culture, politics and the family system.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use images found within pornography to create an idea about sex and the opposite sex, as if the images portrayed are real and have an actual practical bearing on sex and how it practically functions within the physical.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to teach my child about sex, through allowing pornography and the media to become the number one education tools from which children learn about sex, obscuring the way in which they learn about the body and sex, until all that remains is the child becoming another abuser of the physical to chase the experience of energy and self-glorification as is promoted through pornography and the media.




I commit myself to show how using pictures as a point of comparison, only leads to a world in which we will never be satisfied with the physical reality, because there is always a better picture in the mind of what or how we could/should be.



I commit myself to show that the education, family and religious institutions of this world only exist to develop characters of fear, self-doubt, self-abuse and dependency/slavery and to design the individual in such a way that we will forever remain addicted to characters to try and alleviate the fear that was inserted into us by these institutions through words, images and the example of physical behaviors.



I commit myself to show that if the education, family and religious institutions were really about what is best for all – then the individual would represent what is best for all and not become dysfunctional organic-character robots, driven by symbols and images used through media by the groups that benefit the most from the individuals remaining trapped and dependent on being characters.



I commit myself to show that what we call beauty, love, acceptance, relationship, accomplishment, intellect – are all just mechanisms used by the characters who control others to make the individual believe we are accomplishing something with our lives – while what we are really doing is becoming the characters addicted to consuming and entertain the systems of the mind.



I commit myself to show that what is considered to be a ‘well adjusted human’ – simply indicates societies acceptance of the human as a character – and that for us to accept a child as fearing or obsessing or desiring while being impulsed through the media to participate in Capitalism due to the hidden symbols and pictures – indicates that we are not fit as parents as all we bring into this world are slaves to each other’s financial, emotional and mental agendas (characters).

Further Reading/Viewing in similar Subject matters:

Pornography


2012 God created Vaginoplasty!


The perfect Vagina

Day 29: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 13

This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-28-international-crime-research.html

Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.

Pedophile Character: Man who watches child porn as a substitute for women/men

“ Growing up I had difficulty around woman, I always found myself from about the age of 11 onwards, to be aware that girls are different to boys and from what I had read and been told by my older brother – apparently girls would one day be a very important part of my life. Becoming a teenager, I brought with me the memory of pictures I had seen in porn magazines and ‘adult education’ books – where a man meets a woman, takes her to dinner and bangs her brains out. According to romantic novels he might later on marry her.


When I reached pubescence I developed acne and no matter what creams my mother bought me, I would always have red marks and pimples on my face. By the age of 15, I knew that I was interested in girls and like most boys my age developed masturbation fantasies around girls in my school. I remember the one day I was sitting in class and I heard the girls sitting at the table behind me, talking about me. Shelly was asking Valerie whom she was going to invite to her birthday party. Shelly would mention people in the class’ names and Valerie would respond with a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or some personal insult to clarify her discontent towards that boy or girls and the reason why they definitely would not be invited to her birthday party. I was following their conversation, because I was intrigued to know whether I would be invited to this party. The only other parties I had been to were that of my guys friends and I had never been invited by a girl to one of their birthday parties. That seemed like something that was reserved for the semi popular/cool or attractive guys. The nerd were only invited by other nerds and nobody paid any attention to who was being invited to their parties. This in itself caused a tingle in my belly, as I knew that being invited to Valerie’s party would mean the beginning of this phase where we now start treating each other in different context’s then mere ‘children’. As Shelly whispered my name my stomach tightened and I unconsciously held my breath. From all the nasty comments I heard Valerie make about some of the other boys and girls, I couldn’t help but wish that she would magically see me as someone cool enough to get invited to her shindig. Shelly whispered my name and Valerie’s response was ‘gross’. Shelly spurted out a short giggle and both girls tried to suppress their laughter into their hands before they continued onto the next unsuspecting victim. An ice-cold rod shot up my spine into my neck and face and a cold flash crept its way into my belly – as my worst fear had been realized: I was ugly and the girls hated me.


During my teenage years the girls mostly ignored me and I learnt to accept that I was not handsome or cool enough for the girls I liked. By the age of 17 I dated a girl for a few months but she wanted to wait for sex after marriage so I did not score and therefore felt even more withdrawn from this reality that I felt I was supposed to be in with the other young men, bragging about their girlfriends and whether they scored with them or not. So I distracted myself during breaks to not have to watch and be part of the socialization of the horny teenagers outside, and followed my interest, which was to play on the computers in the library. I developed an interest in computer programming and after graduating I studied to become a computer programmer.


By the age of 19 I fell in love with a girl, who after 6 months decided to sleep with one of the guys I worked with. I was furious – as I treated her like a queen and spent all my hard earned cash on her. After that relationship I met Lucinda, a girl who worked in the office next to me. We fell in love and got married when I was 23. We were married for 4 years during which time – we fell out of love, as we realized that our interests changed and she was too attached to her family. When I was offered a job in another city she cried and said that she could not leave her family, whom she was very close to -so we stayed. I became increasingly irritated with her from that point on and started seeing her for what she was – a weak minded girl who was to afraid to be away from her family even though she was now married. My resentment turned into spitefulness – she wanted to try for a baby – and I said ‘ I was not ready’. This went of for two more years as I continued to lie about why we could not yet have a baby – she was suffocating me by restricting my choices in life I would do the same to her. We started fighting about everything – money, family, friends, babies, and careers – eventually we both acted from spitefulness whenever we had a chance. I noticed in our arguments that her family must have been fueling her resentment towards me for not ‘being ready’ to have a baby – as she would let slip ‘well you know my sister thinks that…’ This fueled my resentment as I made a decision one day to just ‘ignore the bitch’.



We started leading separate lives – she spent most of her time with her family and I spent all my time on the Internet surfing gaming sites and utilizing porn as a substitute for my wife. I would use porn extensively to masturbate while Lucinda was visiting her family. Sex obviously became a massive problem – as I knew that she was trying for a baby and I did not want to start a family with this woman. I worked in a dead end job for a basic salary, where as all the jobs I could apply for, I could not, as I knew she would not be willing to move away. Each time we discussed potential job opportunities she would start crying about me not loving her and her sick father needing her and blah, blah, blah.


After another year Lucinda tells me one day out of the blue – that she has been seeing another man, whom she works with, and that she is pregnant. The shock hit me so hard that I simply sat there starring at her. Then the shock mutated into rage as I realized that yet again I was deceived by a woman into giving up my life and getting nothing for it. I moved out of our apartment into a small one bedroom apartment on the other side of town – closer to my work. This is where I spent the rest of my time – from work I come home and I surfed the web, playing games until late at night. I used porn sites as I had done before, but now that I was living alone for the first time in years, combined with this seething rage – I started looking for specific porn. Rape porn and sadomasochism – were the only forms of pornography that gave me release. I enjoyed watching woman being abused and eventually only used hardcore porn sites.


From there due to the types of websites I was already using, I found my mind constantly chasing me to find more and more absurd and hardcore porn. I would feel a rush of power as I masturbated to these scenes where woman were being hurt, embarrassed, mutilated. My thoughts when alone at home were always around which new category of porn I could investigate. I went through various sites and then I came across child pornography. The sensation as I flicked through some of the images were triggered by thoughts linked to sheer vengeance towards my ex wife and the baby that she wanted to have with another man – and how she wanted what she wanted without giving me what I wanted. The child before my eyes as a victim to what I could do – became the new source of hatred I used to feed this frenzy I constantly felt around the desire to masturbate. I watched child porn while I masturbated not because I found the children attractive – but the sense power overwhelmed me. In that my mind developed new thoughts, new sensations in my body as my addiction used my rage to fuel itself. After using child pornography for years – I could no longer tell the difference between a normal sexual attraction to a woman and this link I had created between my anger and the rush I felt from watching child pornography. To me sexual pleasure was derived from my secret reality I could access on the internet.”

If you read the story above – you will notice how the abuser's mind works in layering of information over time – in which the person has an initial experience or thought and from there uses backchat as thinking to fuel further development into the point. So looking at memories – we see here that each time we experience something we store the experience in the mind as memory. Then at a later point one uses the memory in ones current experiences to compare how one will now face the current experience one is in. Therefore for an abuser for example – one is looking at a character that is created from layers and layers of memories – each one fueling the current experience – until the current experience is then existent as memories with the latest information of how the person experiences themselves. The original personality design of the person, as one can observe in the story, creates the initial foundation point from which the person starts building their experiences. A person, who is for example pre-designed as the personality construct of sexually addictive, will develop and build more specific sexual addictions around the experiences they have had. Add to that the tendency as personality to distance oneself from responsibilities or problems one is facing, together with the personality of ‘blame’ – and one has a specific character design that comes together as seen in the example above. Add to that all the likes, dislikes, fears, behaviors and other patterns already existent from childhood – and you have the makings of a character – whom to the next person might appear absurd or even strange -but look for yourself; each design element – one could call it of the character of pedophile, is a combination of thousands of minor factors, that once glued together as the ACCEPTANCE and ALOWANCE of the individual, becomes them in their totality and appears to the individual to be normal as ‘who they are’.



 in the example above, if one starts walking the time line of how he designed himself, one can see that as a young man he was faced with desire for recognition based on the value system he was taught from his parents, the media, his peers and siblings on what it means to be a man or a woman and at what stage one should start showing an interest in girls. Here the person stepped into a pre-designed role which was designed through society – into what is the acceptable human experience and that if he is to be a ‘normal’ young man’ he would follow the character of being accepted by the opposite sex. As humans, for example we are trained from young to fit into these sexual identities or characters and are also taught that to accept oneself you have to be accepted within the role that is predetermined for you by society. This is the first step into character – as we believe we should become what others have hinted or directly told us to become through ways of education. We are also taught, that if we do not manage to become the character set out for us, then there is something wrong with us, and then we are also through the education given to us by our parents, educated on how to react emotionally and behaviorally if we are unsatisfied with our experience. What a dichotomy we have created – we create rules according to what it means to be human , and then we create emotional dis-stress if we cannot fulfill those roles -through which we furthermore fuck ourselves into the role of victim to our own victimization. All humans complain about how uncomfortably it is to be depressed, sad, angry, secluded, worried etc as an experience of ourselves if we do not meet the standards of society – and yet nobody is willing to change those standard -fascinating how the human is a sucker for punishment.


This young man was faced as we all have - with the multidimensional nature of himself within who he believed he should be. This was then contradicted by how the girls responded to him – based on the characters they had come to accept themselves as, within the world and societal systems. His reactions to how he was treated was programmed by him as the memories together with the feelings, emotions and thoughts he had in that moment – into and as himself as a dimension of himself. He then throughout his life added experiences to this character until it became his personality – where in the end the pedophile is acting from these dimensions in which he has programmed the layers of information about his life experiences.


So – even though I have only walked the characters of two pedophiles –realize – as you can see from yourself if you were to place yourself in the ‘shoes’ or ‘character’ of a pedophile – that thousand of different pedophile characters exist in this world –as each person develops him/herself differently according to different memories. Each one’s life experiences and pre-programming is different, which results in each character being slightly different. The key here however – is to see, realize and understand the complexity of how the mind created the ‘here’ of who I am – based on the accumulation of moments as memories and by storing the information into and as the mind – where we have become the living manifestation of memories – which are our characters as we try and live out the past experiences. This is how the mind as the conscious, subconscious and unconscious functions – it is a machine that uses memories to imprint who and what the mind should be based on the value system we give the memory in the moment. And the minute we go into the mind and participate in the ‘here’ moment which is simplistically me here in my body, breathing and participating in my world – and I shift into the mind and participate in reality through my mind – by seeing a and experiencing ‘here’ as any value system laden with information – then I am programming me into and as a memory. Now my next moment will be the same – where I am constantly shifting from one mind dimension to the next as I move through the layers of information that were implanted into me as my childhood memories where my parents and teachers started brainwashing my moments by giving them information values – where I now constantly move through dimensions in the mind to access the characters of me I want or need to me here – based on all the layers of information I had already programmed before. So my character now becomes a memory regurgitator as I attempt to live out the good memories or avoid the bad memories.



As you can see from the example of the pedophiles -and this is applicable to ALL of us – not just the ‘criminal/offender’ - is that his experience became that of trying to either run away from bad memories – by aligning his characters to new choices that would allow him to avoid pain/humiliation – or he made his character choices based on the memories of what he had come to believe to be ‘good/happy times’ – and so he moved into the character of seeking happiness and fulfillment. What eventually happens is we create many characters as combination of the two polarities –because we are constantly trying to adjust our characters to avoid pain and experience happiness. Each time we shift into a new character, we compiled from all the memories that we were satisfied contained ‘positive experiences’ – either from our own past or from what we saw others having – we are running into new variables as obviously our environment and other people and such factors will not go according to our plan – but will again force us to shift into new characters by either attempting to change our character to avoid that point or by forcing change in our environment/others.


So what can we tell about the pedophile as the character he has become? As you can see the individual is not really sexually attracted to a child – as a practical physical, sexual expression point with another consenting individual with whom you are sexually fairly compatible with. No - The individual is sexually ‘attracted’ – because his character in that moment is loaded with information based on past events that have now symbolically come together to play out as the pedophile. This individual believes he is attracted to the child – because he believes the end result of the character – however as observers we can see that there are multi dimension and layers to who this individual is as ‘pedophile’. His/her character exists as a layer of information starting with how he was programmed as a young man – and from there be designed himself as character in reaction to what he experienced in his world. The mind in that way is ‘simplistic by nature’ in that it takes moments and imprints it into itself and the symbolic value given to that memory. Due to how the mind functions as a character in relation to the other characters – we can see that the mind function to continuously adapt and change the character to be able to survive between all the other characters we have all come to accept.


So this manifestation of the pedophile for example, merely shows us the multidimensional nature of ourselves and how we really are the creators of ourselves. Therefore to truly understand the mind of for example ‘the pedophile’ – it is necessary for one to walk the time line of this being’s design -how his character was created. Only then can one delete the character – as one takes self responsibility for the parts of the character – by looking into the dimension into which he/she shifted when he/she experienced the information – and by deleting the dimension by bringing it here and applying self forgiveness on the dimension.


So the solution for example is not to say ‘stop being a pedophile’ as remember in the background you could say – running on automatic is the individuals mind creating characters automatically – I mean if this was not the case – we would not be seeing any person–which when dissected has a time line of information placement points which then equates to an end result. These end results we have come to call human and human personalities. For us to stop the world characters of abuse in all it millions of forms we have to go to who is implementing and doing the abuse – the human. Therefore we have identified that the human is the character that is applying abuse on this planet. Now to understand how we all abuse and allow abuse -we go into the character one has become as the abuser – to understand how the character was created – and by doing this we delete the memories that hold the vast networks of information which all come together to create ‘my current character’.


Please realize that even thought I basically write out an entire life story for this individual – I am still only touching on maybe 10 to 20 memories that made up the character of the offender. This is merely an example I am walking for each offender. Realize that there are millions upon millions of moments from birth that are imprinted into the mind as memory – which later became the present day character of the individual. Therefore in my example I bring across the childhood memories, the feelings, emotions, thoughts, behaviorisms, the DNA, the environmental influences, the cultural programing etc. This is not even touching on the Soul Construct Design of the individual according to how the Soul Construct use to work – as who they being was designed to be this life time before they were even placed into their human life. This in itself is a vast topic and does not require of us to go into to understand our characters now – because all we need to understand and see -is how we designed our characters from childhood – and in that we have sufficient data on the character we are now.


In my next Blog I will apply Self-Forgiveness and Self-Commitment Statements on the Character above.


(Please note that in my blog I use fictional characters, stories and names)

Further Reading:

Stepping out of Character

Stepping out of Character with 'Loves Ones'

Creating Character

The only real Character

The Reincarnation Character

Character Charting to Discover the Real Me

Lightworker Chart and Charter

And God created Slaves

Matter of Opinion

It is my Opinion...

The Secret Mind

Day 28: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 12

The Secret Mind of the Pedophile continued:

This is a continuation from: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-27-international-crime-research.html 

In Day 26: Part 10, Self-Forgiveness was applied on the existence and allowance of the Secret Mind. Now I will apply Self-Forgiveness on the Thoughts, pictures and Memories existent within the secret and conscious mind – of this particular pedophile character (taken from Day 26 – Child pornography Part 10)

“I identified within myself – that a part of me was seeing the child’s body symbolically – as if seeing the shape of their bodies and the innocence they represented, triggered an interest within me, which was channeled by me into sexual pleasure.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate the picture of a child with innocence and youth.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access the memory of myself as a child being happy, carefree and innocent – from which I connect these reactions I experience in response to the activation of the memory – to connect to how I experience myself now – whereby I look for ways in my mind to reconnect to happier times in my life to experience myself differently now.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define happiness as moments of free will in which one gets to do what you want, when you want – just like I remember myself being as a child.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect joyfulness to the image of a child – in which I sit sometimes and allow thoughts to surface from my childhood when I still experienced joy – whereby I pull myself into the dimension of that memory and its experiences as for a moment I allow myself to ‘zone out’ of this reality into the mind reality of my memory – and allow myself to ‘feel joy’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access all sorts of memories from my childhood in which I imprinted in those memories all the feelings and emotions and behaviors – for me to access ‘later’ in my life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to daydream, in which I allow myself to go to ‘better times’ whereby I attempt to avoid my current life situation and experience of myself



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use memories to shift myself out of one character or dimension into another dimension, so that I do not have to take self responsibility for the fact that I am generating experiences for myself in my reality which do not serve me and are not what is best for all.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use childhood memories as a safety net, into which I fall almost like a cloud of haziness where I will change myself into a softer gentler person seeking pleasure from innocence and from joyful beings around me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use dark, depressive memories from my childhood to invoke fear – through which I often will access these memories as a feedback loop back into my mind where I will generate energy of ‘the negative kind’ – after which I will cringe at my own depressive mood I have accessed – after which I will access habits and patterns which allow me to feel better.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as pedophile to use pleasant memories around my childhood as a reference point from which I touch myself and experience the joy of orgasm linked to the memories of my childhood – which in fact exists as me participating in the molestation of children – whereby I am not seeing that the reason behind my actions and decisions are systematic programmed moments I allow now due to the value I have given memories.



If the memory connections are based in Fear-based childhood moments:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw upon my childhood disappointments and fears in which I polarize myself into pain and fear after which I will seek pleasure and joy through various methods which hold the key to entertainment such as ‘risk factors’ and ‘being in control of society’ – such as in the case of the backchat of the pedophile who will draw upon risk and fear and cycle it back into reward – and the reward system being activated through sex and masturbation as the value we as society as the human have placed upon the power and exaltation felt during orgasm.



I commit myself to live here in every moment as if time stands still and I experience every moment afresh – thus not accepting and allowing myself to draw upon memories –which is how we draw upon the value systems given to moments linked into the secret mind of the character reality of self – which functions according to energy and becoming more powerful as the Mind for the being to overcome others and the environment within which one exists.



I commit myself to show how memories are in fact not ‘special’ and that memories are the foundation from which all abuse to life happens – because memories contain all previous moments as imprinted information, which together creates a dimension – where one accesses the ‘information’ and responds to ones present moment as a duplicate of the past moments. Therefore Abuse if only possible if we want something to be more like something else because we cannot Live unconditionally here In the physical according to self honesty and common sense practical living –and have come to use memories to define who we have to be in every moment based on survival of the fittest.



And due to the fact that we have already created so much abuse in the world, we now grow up learning to fear others and to fear the world, without any practical solutions on how to stop the inner battles through which we repeat the abuse, due to the fear of being abused.



Therefore I commit myself to show – how it is possible for all to stop living in Fear, by establishing and showing that there are ways to let go of the design of the human as a survivor – and to show that it is possible for us all to live together equally in harmony with the physical – as the living manifestation of what is best for all. To do this though we have to change what and who we have become as the layers of information we have manifested ourselves as, as our DNA and living selves – and to then clear out the world systems that supported survival of the fittest – to give to each an opportunity to live and breathe without it being about fear and gain and risk.



Artwork by: Andrew Gable

http://www.facebook.com/andrewgableartist