Thursday, March 19, 2015

Day 205: Writing a Blog part 10


So the last topic that I was discussing in the series on 'writings blogs' was specially around the blog subject of 'world problem and solutions'. The other types of blogs that I said I would discus are 'Self-Support' Blogs.

In this I would say that one is able to approach these types of blogs in the following way. Lets say you have very little to no experience with the Desteni tools, but would like to apply what you know in your daily life, or you are already familiar with quite a few tools and are now simply looking at how to take things from your life and apply the tools outside of the protective structure of our online courses.

If you don’t have the basic self support tools or are not even comfortable simply 'writing', I suggest joining our free online course, where we familiarise people with the basic tools and terminology:

























Once you have the basic tools in place for writing - you are ready to start exploring events and experiences that happen in your day to day living.  As I have mentioned in a previous blog, some people hit a complete resistance when it comes to writing partly due to the belief that their writings will not be good enough or deep enough etc… This is what I like to call mind blabber - where if one allows yourself to go into self judgment about what you believe others are capable of saying or thinking about you - then you will find yourself stuck always in all aspects of self expression. So my suggestion as I shared in the first few blogs, is to shake off the shackles of self judgment.

Now see writing for what it is - a platform through which you support yourself. If you are writing about more serious subjects that involve events that you would not like to publicize, then simply keep your writings on your computer. This is where word, onenote an other text files come in handy (see what text editing tools you have installed on your computer). Remember to back up your writings, on some external hard drive.

If you decide to write publically then the next step is to create a blog - there are many free blogging platforms such as:



Obviously the maintenance and the 'how to' of having a  blog one would have to google - I have found many tutorials on how to overcome basically any blogging question/issue. Of course the blog sites themselves have support/FAQ sections to help you get started.

Here are some tips on how to add sharing tools and like boxes to your blog:


If you don’t want to create a blog, but would like a platform where you are able to write and have the support of other people to assist you in developing self awareness within your writings, please join our forum:

How to get started with your writings: Obviously here I would suggest to do our free online course indicated above. This will show you the basics of using writing as a tool for self support.

Now the question people sometimes have is how to use the various tools available in DIP Lite and DIP pro to their day to day experiences. In each course you are shown different techniques, which allow you to access various dimensions of experiences and of the mind. So here I would like to suggest is to do our online courses as they are structured (going from DIP Lite into DIP pro) to address various mind 'systems' so to speak, from for example the conscious, subconscious to the unconscious.  Depending on how far you have gotten through our courses, I suggest make a list of the tools and techniques you have 'under your belt' and from this you will be able to apply what you have learnt to your daily experiences. Therefore for example you will learn a basic structure of first:

  1. Writing out your experience
  2. Now start assessing for yourself the solution - how are you able to take responsibility for your reactions, your thoughts, your participation in the event/moments, your emotion and feeling reactions etc.  What did you realize was your role in how things played out from a smaller thought/feeling reaction to a greater personality design? How are you able to change yourself and your personality designs to no longer allow these patterns which you see do not support you from playing out
  3. Now if you have the tools of self forgiveness and self corrective statements under your belt - apply this this to the writings.
  4. With or without step 3 - start looking at how you will physically live the changes you have realized by either simply applying common sense and self awareness as discussed in step 2, or through the self corrective statements you wrote in step 3.

Here if you have any further questions about a specific experience and you have applied the tools from the course material - but you are still not sure how to look deeper - 2 suggestions are:

Place your writings on the Desteni Forum or the demonology forum if the writings are of a more sensitive nature where you would like to create an anonymous account. Or work your way up from DIP Lite to DIP pro where you are assigned a buddy who meets with you on chats weekly, to discuss problems you might be facing in your life, how to use the course material to support you and they are there to assist you if you get stuck in the lesson material.

If you are unable to afford DIP Pro - we have the option of blogging for sponsorship - where by simply practising your blogging you could receive sponsorship to do DIP pro:


Blogging for Sponsorship 

Now all that is left is to simply start practicing - realizing as I mentioned in the first 2 blogs - is that for all of us blogging was something that we had to practice, paragraph by paragraph, incorporating the different techniques a step at a time until there is more of a flow to ones self awareness journey through writing.
Please take a look at some of the blogs on our forum:




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Monday, March 9, 2015

Day 204: Experiencing Trauma Part 4 | Out of Body Experiences


"So,  from there what developed in me was my father's depression - where I basically made the decision to 'take on' my fathers depression in 'honour of him' - yes I know it sounds weird  - it so often does when we look back at the things we do and you're like 'what??' But yes I was pining myself to death in his honour - feeling his sadness from his life and my sadness for losing him. A few months after my father's death I started having strange dreams about him. The one was where I would see his coffin inside the  crematory. The flames would start up and I would be trapped inside this dream watching at first the coffin then his body starting to burn. I remember inside the dream I would feel the trauma within my mind pulsing inside my mind, something which I consciously knew at all times was there but would never speak about. I was also to embarrassed to speak about it because we all tend to know that death is something that happens and it is something that you are supposed to 'get over'. Therefore, I knew that something was 'off' so to speak about the fact that I had never dealt with my fathers death and that this sadness constantly stayed with me. In the dream it would switch from him in the coffin to me - where for a few second I would be lying in the coffin feeling the  heat of the flames increasing around me…"

From here I started experiencing 'out of body type experiences'. At this point in my life I was maybe 16/17 and had no real reference to what out of body experiences were. I remember I would be drifting off to sleep and next thing I would feel myself pulling away from my body and drifting up towards the ceiling. Then I would find myself in a 'tunnel' - floating upwards. Next thing I am sitting in a white room with my father sitting opposite me. This happened to me twice. The first time only my father spoke, telling me about how he was and about my life etc. It was interesting because I remember I could not speak, did not want to speak, simply sat there listening to him. The second time this happened I could speak and asked him many questions. He tried to explain to me that he was fine and that I must let him go and live my life and that he will always be with me (sounds familiar?). This did not really ease my mind and I held onto these fears, doubts and guilt for some years still.

I remember when I was going through my 'demon possession phase' lol - I constantly felt like my dad was with me, especially in my mothers house I could see him and sense him, but mostly these experiences left me frightened and unsure. Probably because I was at times frightened by this ability that was opening in me to see spirits and combined with this fear of my father being this unexplained traumatic element - left me always wanting to see his spirit but feeling anxious about it at the same time. A part of me feared that he may turn into a demon and hurt me, which I realized later as I started working with understanding how my mind processed this trauma, was simply me focussing all my unresolved feelings about his death into this 'dark entity' which his spirit represented. Therefore whether he was there or not and whether he was reaching out to me or not, the emphasis that I am placing here is the fact that I created a darkness in my mind filled with all my fear and trauma and unresolved questions about his death - all into a dark mass which I projected outward into the realm of ghosts and hauntings. Therefore what was haunting me most of my youth now became something tangible, something which one could read about in books and then say 'yes, I am being haunted by something'. Thus as my attention turned more and more onto 'the paranormal' unfortunately I had this one entity that was my own creation towards my father. It was very assisting for me once I started working with Jack my 'guide' because he stabilised me enough when I would go into fear towards an apparition to understand that I was simply uncertain about what I was facing. For example after connecting with Jack I stopped seeing my father in my old house as Jack would simply stabilise me and explain to me where my fears were coming from.

As you can see my childhood trauma took on a specific outlet with me. For different people the experience and the minds ability to process trauma might be different. Some turn to drugs/alcohol/substance abuse, some experience behavioural and personality changes, some withdraw and go into depression, some as the interview speaks of will have random imaginations playing out around the trauma which the person might take on and start making their own. What I realize about looking back at how I 'did not' cope with the trauma of my fathers death is that it is not necessarily easy for parents to always stabilise children around these sorts of events. I mean I was looking at what my parents could have done differently specifically around the point of my father dying. Would it have helped if they rather closed the door and I had not heard that my father will probably die? Should they have educated me better about what death is? What I do realize though is that there are millions and millions of subtle hidden dimensions that go into every moment for a child's development. I mean here you are seeing just one life affected by specific dimensions that affected each other. Each person has their own experience of 'trauma'. What I have realized over the years is that the mind is very sensitive and very specific and its programing is very intensive if you look at pre-programmed designs, combined with life events and how the child and even adult copes with what we experience and how this shapes 'who we are'. I mean in each of those experiences, as you are able to see my imagination played a big role, my thought patterns exacerbated and contributed immensely to how these problems developed and obviously my feelings and emotions were almost the glue that kept all of these experiences together.

Going back in time and looking at the intricate nature of these experiences which are obviously not unique but still were quite intense for me - I realized over the last few years how our minds are really vast machines that have to process millions and millions of experiences and perception in each moment of each day. We are constantly programming new ideas, responses and characters based on millions of equations. Therefore as 'an adult' I realize the importance for parents to not just treat a child like something they can practise their own beliefs on or something that does not learn directly moment by moment from you as the parent. The child also does not only learn only what you think you are teaching them. They are learning what we are REALLY doing all the time - for example as parents we tend to want to hide and supress our emotional reactions around the child. Sometimes not even very well. So we THINK the child is not noticing that the mother is actually furious with dad over X and dad is frustrated with work and mom is jealous over dad's female work colleagues so she snaps at dad using sarcasm every 2 mins and dad is annoyed with mom because she…… The child is on a quantum mind/quantum physical level picking up on all of these programs - remember the human physical body and mind are programs that read other programs. So obviously a child which especially in its first lets say 7 years are supper fast at quantum programming - will pick up the programs running in its environment and adapt its own personalities around the 'examples' that are being set for it. So for example the 'terrible 2's' are not only a child developing its own little ways of wanting things its way, it is also how the child is mirroring or becoming the underlying emotional reactions and ways of dealing with issues, that the parents are coping with.

At the same time I am not saying that we need to find ways to necessarily protect children from trauma but more the emphasis should be on assisting children and ourselves to not over react to situations. For example if one look at any experience we have had where we felt like it was just to much, where we experience 'trauma'. What one will often find is that most of the time it is because of the emotional reaction we have to the event or person based on the values we attach to what is happening.

To give you an example - what I mean by over reacting in emotions would for example be: somebody says to me hey you have picked up weight. Now depending on the definitions and values I have attached to somebody saying this - will depend on my experience towards what is being said. For example if my self esteem is quite stable and I have not attached much or any value to what it means if someone says this and what it means if I have put one some weight - then I will see this merely as someone pointing out something they have noticed. If however I have all these belief systems about my self worth being attached to what other say about me and about 'fat' or 'weight' then my reactions will be different. I would for example react immediately to what the person says with for example a thought such as 'oh no she noticed', 'oh god this is bad' and a ice cold jolt goes through my stomach and you feel embarrassed and more thoughts come flooding and now you experience self judgment about 'weight' such as 'I don’t look good' and 'she must think I eat a lot' etc etc. From there you experience a spiralling of thoughts, emotions and reactions from a basic comment made by someone irrelevant of their starting point into a self reaction based on what already exist inside of us as 'self-belief'.

So this is an example of where we have made a situation more than what it is simply because of mind-created problems triggered by the words or deeds of another. This is obviously a minor example - but if one go and look at how we handle difficult situations from something small like someone saying 'you have picked up weight' to bigger subjects such as a trauma around someone's death - it helps to support oneself to understand how one is morphing/changing the original event into something more, something that really does not serve us - due to additional mind layers. Mind layers would for example be what I walked in that example - placing ones worth outside of self into 'what other say of me' or giving 'weight/fat' a specific 'bad definition and then taking that personally and becoming that definition. Usually these reactions come from how society views something which we then take on and make our own 'self-belief' systems. Therefore something becomes an emotional-mind trauma as one react to ones own self created belief systems - and we literally get carried away by an emotional experience - which takes one from experiencing something at a more basic level to feeling traumatised or done in or infuriated or insulted etc...


For more information blogs shared on children and development:

Interviews:


Blog:


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Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Day 203: Experiencing Trauma Part 3 | Death

Continuation from:



"Looking back at that whole situation now I again cannot fathom why these people did not send me to a child psychologist. I remember for months I was still traumatised by the 'weather' and I remember I would over the weekends refuse to leave the house if the weather looked unstable. If I was sitting in class towards the end of the school day I would simply stare out the window at the clouds. Just watch the clouds like a monster that was slowly, painfully turning from its dark corner to pounce. I would just sit there 'praying' to the skies, to please not storm on my way home. I was petrified that a storm might break out as I was leaving the school and I had to go 'out there' where I had minimal cover while I waited for my buss. "

Note: in relation to this previous comment where I said ' I again cannot fathom why these people did not send me to a child psychologist' - in a conversation with my mother yesterday -I was telling her that I was writing blogs about these 'childhood traumas' and asked her why they did not send me to a psychologist. She replied that they did send me to a school councilor for a few sessions and that in the end it was the councilor that said 'in time it will sort itself out' and therefore they sent me to school where the incident with the headmaster happened. So this does not instill me with a lot of confidence when it comes to child psychologists/councilors. Any way moving on -

A few weeks before my eleventh birthday I was sitting in my bedroom one afternoon doing homework and my mom walks into my room. She tells me that my father had a heart attack and is in hospital. We were planning on visiting him that evening but I found myself just getting angry instead of feeling upset or sad. By the time we got to the hospital and my sisters and mother were hugging him and crying I was like a fuming demon lol. I refused to give him a hug and I simply stood just inside the door glaring at him. I was pissed.

The next morning at 3 am my sisters wake me up to tell me that our father had died. He had 2 big heart attacks. So from there on out my experience shifted in various ways. The trauma of knowing my father was going to die had obviously taken an immense toll on my young mind. Now after my fathers death I started considering into my teenage years the reason for his death or at least contributing factors. It turned out that my father (who's heart was obviously quite weak) was under a lot of pressure at work because that morning that he had his heart attack the bank that he worked at - a whole bunch of bank employees were going to be retrenched. My father was the bank manager but did not know himself who would be retrenched and whether his own job was secure (his bank was merging with another bank). By the time he was preparing to go to work he was already having the first heart attack. My sister noticed that he was looking very pale and sweaty and asked him what was wrong, to which he replied 'nothing' and that she must please not say anything to my mother or sisters because they would just get worried. By the time he got to the bank he collapsed.

The reason why I shared this whole story with you is because this information created immense guilt within me towards my father. When I found out that he had the heart attack probably from worrying over potentially losing his job I realized that he was probably concerned for his family - to be able to provide for his wife and 4 daughters. From this I created immense guilt for being the reason why he died. Over the years I also considered that if it was not for our existing money system a man (or woman) would not have to die out of fear that they cannot provide for their family.

So, from there what developed in me was my father's depression - where I basically made the decision to 'take on' my fathers depression in 'honour of him' - yes I know it sounds weird - it so often does when we look back at the things we do and you're like 'what??' But yes I was pining myself to death in his honour - feeling his sadness from his life and my sadness for losing him. A few months after my father's death I started having strange dreams about him. The one was where I would see his coffin inside the crematory. The flames would start up and I would be trapped inside this dream watching at first the coffin then his body starting to burn. I remember inside the dream I would feel the trauma within my mind pulsing inside my mind, something which I consciously knew at all times was there but would never speak about. I was also to embarrassed to speak about it because we all tend to know that death is something that happens and it is something that you are supposed to 'get over'. Therefore, I knew that something was 'off' so to speak about the fact that I had never dealt with my fathers death and that this sadness constantly stayed with me. In the dream it would switch from him in the coffin to me - where for a few second I would be lying in the coffin feeling the heat of the flames increasing around me...
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Monday, March 2, 2015

Day 202: Experiencing Trauma Part 2 | Nervous Breakdown

Continuation from:



These blogs are based on the following Interview:



"Eventually my paranoia turned into sleep walking, where after an evening of sleeping over at a friends house, my friend would tell me the next morning that they were woken up in the middle of the night to noises coming from the kitchen. There lol they would find me unpacking their kitchen cupboards mumbling to myself. This sleep walking also happened at home where my mom and dad would often find me wandering up and down the passage way and often when they would go to bed they would find me sitting by their bedroom door. I would of course not remember any of this the next morning…"

Then In school I had a nervous breakdown: what happened was that a school bully turned his attentions onto me for months. Eventually my mind tried to cope with this experience and projected it outwards onto something else I could be afraid of. I mean if I look back at it now, a child who was relatively stable probably would have been ok, but my mind was very inverted, very unsure and it was as if my platform within my mind for being able to handle stress was simply not there or simply had no stable foundation. Therefore I started developing an intense fear of thunder storms - yes you heard me thunder storms. I remember one day my mom was late picking me up from school and when she did arrive hours later I was completely alone, no other child or car anywhere to be seen. I was standing on the side walk in front of the school sopping wet afraid that my mother was not going to pick me up. The fear of abandonment, of a parent going away was so fresh in my mind that this moment where my mother was late sent me into a new trauma which obviously my mind could not deal with. My mother finally arrived and off we went. On our way home due to all the rain and flooded roads our car broke down. Some people stopped and gave us a lift to their house where we waiting for my father to fetch us. My father took a very long time to come and fetch us (was probably only an hour but to me it felt very long) and I remember in my mind I was worried that he would not arrive or at least wondering 'why it was taking so long'. This whole dynamic really messed with my young mind - it was slowly unbalancing me.

The next day I wake up and it is cloudy outside. As I get up and prepare for school a weird kind of panic sets into my young mind and body and my mind starts explaining that I cannot go out into the rain. I told my mom but knew that she would not understand so also told her that I was not feeling well. The next day the same thing happened where I woke up and even though it was sunny I was completely paralysed with fear. My mother tried persuading me to go to school but I started crying hysterically mumbling about the weather and storms and that I just could not go out there. My mom and dad let me stay away from school for a few days and then realised they had a problem. Each morning they would try and coax me out of the house and I would literally grip onto the door frame and cry, begging them to not let me go 'out there where it might storm'. Eventually my parents saw a day when it was sunny and they convinced me probably with presents or something to get in the car so that they could take me to the doctor.

The doctor asked me some questions about what was going on in my life, in school and cleverly steered the conversation in the correct way to find out that a boy in my class had been bullying me for a few months. The school was contacted and the boy was removed to another class. Now the next step was to get me to the school 'councillor'. I don’t think this councillor was a councillor. It was simply the headmaster who stood as that role and pretended to know what a child needed. I am sure we all have some stories of people in the education or child care fields who really don’t know what they are doing and try and treat children according to their own frame of reference or some old school psychology method from the 1950's which would be found in the same textbooks as 'How to perform a Lobotomy'.

Anyway after speaking to me for a while and trying to tell me that everything was 'ok' he then said to me ok I am now going to say goodbye to my parents and go to my classroom. Of course complete fear overtook me and I immediately went and clung to my parents. Some how (cannot remember clearly) he gets me away from them and tells them to leave. Now I am in a complete state of panic and feel like my entire mind is collapsing in on itself. My parents start leaving and I remember just thinking of how to get to them, to not let them leave without me. I lie to the headmaster and tell him that I am ok but I just wanted to say bye to my parents properly. He agrees and I dash off crying like a mad thing, clinging like a monkey to my mom's dress. I am begging them not to leave me. At this stage my mother is crying because now she does not know what to do and the headmaster (realising he had been duped by a little kid) pulls me away from my mother picks me up and carries me in the opposite direction. As soon as my parents are out of sight he puts me down and tries to explain to me that I need to go to class. Shit I was completely beside myself. I beg and plead and I think at some stage I even threated him for 'taking him away from my parents' lol like he was some kidnapper. Anyways he was not going to be duped twice so he just said he is taking me to my class and there everything will be ok. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and off we go - me crying and begging and screaming for all the world to hear. We get to just outside the class room and he puts me down.

Now my hysteria has subsided to at least just a cry, because now I know my class mates are just inside and can hear me plus I am getting very tired. He opens the door slightly and asks for the teacher to come out and he explains to her what has happened and that she must please take me in and help me get settled. Shame I tried to explain to her my dilemma and that she please needs to let me go to my parents but she did not fall for it lol. Anyways she leads me into the classroom and even though I was still crying and felt completely constricted with panic - all that was stopping me now from complete hysteria was all of these faces starring at me. The teacher tactfully explains that I was not feeling well and that they must all please be nice to me and make me feel welcome. She explained that they were actually in the middle of a test, but that she would help me. So she sat next to me and would ask me the question and whether I would get them right or wrong she would fill in the correct answers and made sure I passed the test.

Looking back at that whole situation now I again cannot fathom why these people did not send me to a child psychologist. I remember for months I was still traumatised by the 'weather' and I remember I would over the weekends refuse to leave the house if the weather looked unstable. If I was sitting in class towards the end of the school day I would simply stare out the window at the clouds. Just watch the clouds like a monster that was slowly, painfully turning from its dark corner to pounce. I would just sit there 'praying' to the skies, to please not storm on my way home. I was petrified that a storm might break out as I was leaving the school and I had to go 'out there' where I had minimal cover while I waited for my buss.
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Day 201: Experiencing Trauma Part 1 | The Sleepwalker

The other day I was sitting in on an Eqafe Interview and I could completely relate to what was being discussed.

Releasing Trauma - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 54



During the Interview I was looking back at my own experiences around childhood traumas, specifically around the years surrounding my fathers death. I had experiences great difficulty dealing with my fathers death for 2 reasons:

Firstly the fact that I knew he was going to die years before he died - let me explain. My father was a chain smoker. He developed a heart problem which was exacerbated by smoking. After my father had his first heart attack I remember the one day I went with when my father had a doctors appointment. I cannot remember how old I was then, but basically I was asked to sit outside the doctors room and wait while they talked. They left the door slightly ajar probably so that I would still be able to see my parents, not realizing that I could hear their conversation. So basically I heard the doctor tell my father that if he carried on smoking that eventually he would die from another heart attack - his heart was that weak. So as you can 'imagine' what shock this is for a young child to hear.

This became a burden which I carried with me for many many years probably up until the ager of about 28/29 when I was able to work with the information effectively to let it go. So for years I remembered what the doctor said and this settled itself into my mind and body as a perpetual fear that my father could die any day. Of course my father who also had depression, did not seem to concern himself with the doctors warnings and continued to chain smoke, which of course confirmed to me that any minute he was going to die. I don’t know why my father carried on chain smoking the way he did, whether it was because the addiction was to strong or because he did not care. I suspect that it was a combination of both points - meaning he had depression and from my own experience as I am sure other people are able to relate once in a 'depressive mind state' you pretty much become numb to what is happening around you and thus don’t 'care' about your life or even your health. Combine that with an additive personality or an addictive substance such as what most of us have experiences at some point or another and you are bound to end up with creating physical consequences due to the abuse of some form of substance or reckless behaviour.

Over the years my fear of my father dying turned into paranoia. If for example my father would not arrive back from work at a certain time, I would start fearing the worst and imagining (paranoia) all kinds of situations and that any minute we would get a phone call from the hospital. I would spend those evenings sitting near the windows to watch and see when his car would turn into the drive way, and when it did I would obviously feel immense relief. At least he was safe and with me - at least until tomorrow. This went on for years and eventually I started to develop a paranoid personality, where I would fear things like sleeping over at my sisters apartment or going for sleep overs at a friends house. I remember whenever a friend would invite me to a sleep over, I would be struck with anxiety and would try and first make excuses to get out of it. Therefore I rarely slept over and when I did I would often start becoming to paranoid (without understanding what was happening) that I would wait until my friend would fall asleep and then I would go and sit by the window and hope that some how my mom and dad knew that I was frightened and would come and fetch me.

Eventually my paranoia turned into sleep walking, where after an evening of sleeping over at a friends house, my friend would tell me the next morning that they were woken up in the middle of the night to noises coming from the kitchen. There lol they would find me unpacking their kitchen cupboards mumbling to myself. This sleep walking also happened at home where my mom and dad would often find me wandering up and down the passage way and often when they would go to bed they would find me sitting by their bedroom door. I would of course not remember any of this the next morning...
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