This is a continuation from:
Self-Forgiveness part 5
Bipolar Disorder and Substance Abuse
Please refer to: Day9: International Crime research - Bi-Polar Disorder and Violent Crimes Part 2 for background information on Substance Abuse as primary cause for Violent Behavior in people diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use alcohol and drugs as a means of suppressing my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use drugs and alcohol as a means of encouragement – through which I allow myself to express those parts of myself that are usually suppressed and hidden.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse substances due to my fear of taking self responsibility for this world that I have created, and for the consequences of the action that I have taken due to my inability to act responsibility within common sense self expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse substance in an effort to improve my status within society, by appearing to be something other than my usual self, whom I have come to either despise, fear of judge and which I have to hide in the presence of my peers, thus presenting a separate me to please society, family and friends.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse substances, through which I separate myself into two separate beings, the one that comes out while using the substance as the personality I judge as the fun or adventurous one, instead of realizing the contradiction and the schizophrenic nature of my thinking, where most in society willingly participate in this splitting of themselves – while refusing to admit that is indicative of schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this splitting of my mind into multiple personalities and as society accepting and supporting this splitting of the mind into various personalities through the use of substances.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed or regretful of my personalities when I am sober.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have a new life and therefore using substances to give myself an experience within my mind, so that for a few hours I can forget about my life and ‘feel’ like I have a different life or set of rules according to which I function.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge experiences according to good/ bad and valuable/less valuable, through which I create an acceptance of trying to avoid certain experiences in life, causing me through backchat to desire different life experiences, which encourages and creates a society of substance dependent junkies.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that what we are actually doing in society is to allow ourselves and each other to become addicted to the use of substances, while refusing to realize in self honesty that we are in actuality hiding from our true selves as the mind, while proclaiming to be more than what we are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing religion and culture to condone substance use through images of wine and the blood of Christ – to consensually as society together agree to the abuse of substance as a n agreeable method of avoiding this reality and creating image of god realities in our minds where we think we are the greatest thing to ever walk this earth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to encourage children to use substances to further their delusions of what it means to be human, by attaching images like sex. Fame, richness and coolness to the use of substances through the media, while pretending and claiming that I have no say in how children are influenced.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the media to brainwash me into using substance, due to the use of images and symbols linked to substance use such as coolness, sex, influence, power, money, good times, happiness – instead of realizing that this indicates my existence as a chemically induced robot – stuck in my mind of fake realities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing substance abuse to be an acceptable form of socializing, in which I will frown upon anybody who suggests socializing without substance use and victimize the person through peer pressure until they succumb to the same mind illusions I have around socializing and substance use.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use substances, to avoid my life and to avoid this reality, instead of changing this reality to what is best for all so that I do not have to continue abusing the physical and myself through substance use.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing substance use to exist in a reality where we give permission to immense abuse and suffering, while the majority are using substances to avoid the reality we have all give permission to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘act out’ while using a substance and then after I have hurt another I claim that it was the substance that did it and not me – not realizing and taking responsibility for the fact that it was me and that all the substance did was allow me to express that part of me that is usually hidden.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be trapped within my mind, within patterns and behavior such as depression, elated moods and irritability, for which I then use substance to suppress or heighten the experiences – which are already in separation from myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use substance as a justification for wanting to have more fun in life, not realizing that in doing this I am subject to a substance to provide me with self-direction – while at the same time allowing me to lie about how I really experience this world – which in effect allows me to abuse the reality I reject even more, while avoiding the consequences through substance use.