This blog is a continuation from:
Day 87: International Crime Research: Mass Murderers Part 1
Taken from Wikipedia:
Mass murderers may fall into any of a number of categories, including killers of family, of coworkers, of students, and of random strangers. Their motives for murder vary. A notable motivation for mass murder is revenge, but many other motivations are possible, including the need for attention or fame.Examples of mass murderers include James Eagan Holmes, Adam Lanza, William Unek, Campo Elías Delgado, Jeff Weise, Woo Bum-kon, Martin Bryant, Ahmed Ibragimov, Baruch Goldstein, Robert Bales, Omar Thornton, Nidal Malik Hasan and Charles Whitman.
Revenge: Thought (picture)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a picture of what I believe is the wrong doing of another, to me or something I value,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing when and after holding onto this picture as a memory of what I perceive was done to me by another, to use the picture as a way of feeding existing fears, angers and resentments I have developed throughout my life, in relation to similar points.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this picture as an animated thought to 'pop' into my mind from time to time, after which I will start negotiating inner reactions towards this memory as picture - whereby I am now slowly starting to create an energetic charge in relation to this picture
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge this picture energetically (negatively) due to pre-programmed likes and dislikes, which are now creating conflict within me as I battle between my ego, which wants me to win, to succeed, to be right over others and therefore this internal battle is created from the vantage point of how do I win in the future over others using the past, as memories from which I will plot my next step.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to now start having internal conversations with myself based on this picture that pops into my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the picture, to now create scenarios based on the what ifs, the ways I should have or could have dealt with the past, which is basically me not looking at the fear reaction I experiences in relation to the past memory, but instead now conjuring up ways of fighting in the future to be the winner - therefore becoming the one that harms others in self-interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to CONvince myself in my mind that others are at fault, not allowing myself to realize that the actual experience within me is one of an emotion reaction of doubt, fear, annoyance, embarrassment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use inner conversations to plan how to in the future act in a way that will allow me to win over the other person, instead of realizing that my emotional reaction is fear based, the fear of losing face, of looking bad and of losing out in life - wherein I am not willing to realize that the war/fight/stance I plan in my head to be spiteful or get back at another - is actually only as a result of my fear towards what I perceive others are doing or are able to do 'to' me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this inner dialogue to become 'the how' I deal with people and situations, not realising that I am now more and more distancing myself from this actual reality, from the conversations required between myself and others to practically find solutions, instead of rash, final actions and harsh words where I 'deal the final blow' as reaction - to 'be the winner'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to now create internal conversations around the idea of getting revenge on another, in my beLIEve that this will correct the past and allow me to 'feel better about what happened, without me considering the practical implications of such an act, in that it only serves to exacerbate the emotion/feeling energy systems, and has no practical purpose for this reality - as it only creates further cycles of anger and revenge.