Saturday, August 4, 2012

Day 38: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 23


This is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-37-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.



This blog continues with the character design perspective of Society and Family in relation to Child Pornography.



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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to teach my child that it is alright to find ways to divert my anger by projecting it into moments of temper tantrums and violence onto objects, things, animals etc



In this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is natural for me as parent to allow a child to accept that one can use your environment to deal with mind possessions and emotional states, which one will develop into its ultimate form into adulthood – and that it is consequently alright then – to project ones anger and frustration onto what is here, which are usually the life forms that cannot defend themselves.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to encourage the development of the ego and emotional states like rage and jealousy and comparison, by encouraging children for example to play sports and to turn that into the massive abuse of the physical that it has become today – where it becomes about the exercising of mind possession and no longer in anyway whatsoever exists as a form of physical expression, equal and one to what the physical is within its own movement and structural design.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my sexual agendas and secret desire far away in my mind, where I can use them within fantasizing and masturbation – while denying that I have these secret desires – therefore manifesting a separate compartment in the mind where secrets are hidden – which through my own guilt of participation – I will judge others who do the same – while not realizing that the mind as I have allowed it exists the same for all – and that if I don’t bother taking responsibility for my thoughts – then a person like a pedophile is not going to bother either.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when I react in shock to what pedophiles do in their mind, to create an energetic charge through the acceptance within myself of ignoring secrets instead of directing them, as I have found I have done within my own mind. This energetic charge I programmed into the physical – to ‘come up’ in moments where I judge others acting out their fantasies – where the charge will bring up the programmed thoughts, backchats, and reactions into physical responses wherein I will deny, judge, condemn, attack etc – all to not have to face my own inner realities but to focus my attention on aligning others to my morality and ideas.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate energy through these secret fantasies within the mind due to the hidden nature of them, through which I react sexually – allowing myself in the end to accept my own sexuality as a manifestation of hidden suppressed desires – but will judge this in another person – not realizing that the sex and masturbation system as it exist within me – where if at any given time I give permission to information movements that trigger sexual reactions – are in fact the same sexual fantasy systems that exist in all abusers.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as society to label these secret sexual fantasies according to acceptance, where in society the characters that abuse sexuality through cheating, hidden desires, pornography, infidelity, nymphomania, promiscuity etc – are accepted because all god fearing people direct their sexuality according to these categories and sub-categories.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to label other sexual preferences as unacceptable in society because if it happens to my child, then it is unacceptable – but if we can create dividing lines between the harm that is really existent in reality for all to see and the secret fantasies most people participate in – then as a society we accept that we will all continue branding some actions/behaviors/fantasies as taboo – while others, even though frowned upon – are actually an acceptable part of society – so much so that wives and woman will become the very sexual symbols in society that fuel the exact system in men that direct them into sexual abuse through acting on fantasies first in the mind and then through action.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept my role within these sexual accepted forms of self abuse, in which I have decided as woman a long time ago that I will rather swim than sink, meaning if I also want to get married and be seen as attractive – whereby I will bag a man that can provide for me and provide stable DNA for my character offspring – then I too even though I can see how harmful it is if I stop for a moment and become self honest – but I will rather adjust myself through pretty things and appearances – to also follow the norm and not upset the applecart – because in the end my mind’s survival is after all also on the line here – and I cannot handle being told I am ugly and never catch a man – thus continuing my character offspring (offspring).



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn people who abuse children or woman sexually – while never considering how society creates condemnation within specific categories, while allowing other deeds or actions such as war, famine, starvation, corruption, discrimination, poverty, minimum wages, withholding of basic human rights as food, water, housing, abuse, etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this categorization of abuse to exist whereby the politicians and governments have already predetermined through religion and morality which human actions/deeds/characteristics are acceptable for the survival of the rich and powerful – while condemning other actions/characteristics –and as society my focus is then led to believing I should accept some forms of abuse while condemning others. Why is it for example that child abuse and child abusers are classified as the ‘lowest of scum’, while politicians and governments who for example made the laws according to capitalism that you cannot eat if you do not have a piece of paper called money – are called heroes and ‘doing the right thing?



Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted by these crimes such as child abuse and the emotional reactions people have to them – so that I do not have to really look at the crimes against life that happen every day, every second that support me to be able to eat and have my basic needs.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the character in this world of emotional reactive to child pornography while not standing up for all life and insisting on a change in leadership which will stop ALL abuse, not just the ones I have been pre-programmed to react to emotionally.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up for ALL LIFE, equally within Oneness and Equality – seeing, realizing and understanding for myself that all abuse is happening at the same time, because we are all allowing characters of the mind to direct who we are and what we become. Therefore I realize that even though there are different dimensions, as I have illustrated above to the child porn issue be it from a religious aspect, family aspect, political aspect or societal aspect = what is clear to me is that if I loose focus on what is going on in the world as the abuse and atrocities that exist so that I may live a comfortable life – while crying over child abuse – then it is not a blessing I am bestowing upon the planet calling myself a caring, companionate, good human being. I am in fact part of the problem, but realize as I have indicated through walking the mind-timelines in all the previous blogs – that the answer is not out there in religion spirituality, philosophy etc – it is and begins with me and within me – me addressing the characters and the beginning of the designing of characters within me, due to the nature of myself as self-interest. Therefore to not address the basic character designs of the human pre-programmed tendencies that exist in ALL humans – means that we will not be able to sort out the more ‘complex’ character designs such as the child abuser.



What I have shown for example in all previous blogs, is how one can walk an end result backwards in time – one can identify the major points, write them down, and apply self forgiveness within pecificity until one stop each and every character point which glues together with the other points to in the end create a ‘character’. So, in the global aspect of child abuse, specifically child pornography – realize that I am in no way ‘downplaying’ the reality of child abuse or how lives are affected by it. What I am showing in the basic self forgiveness done within this blog on points that we as society who ‘observe and judge these character manifestations from ‘afar’ – is that our reaction/response to what is happening in the world has not been equal and one to the reality of what is really going on. If this were so – then the billions of beings with voting rights, would by now have realized how we can change the world just by no longer voting for the same bulshit political parties. If we insist on a new economic system that honors all Life instead of how we can prosper within capitalism – and we ALL do this –then things will have to change. If we no longer accept and allow addictions within ourselves for example – and become self-honest, self responsible human beings – then we will see things changing.



So – to sit and watch – while not seeing reality but only reacting emotionally to one or two forms of abuse – is yet again a character design. To continue accepting the same inner realities that are the same in design as that of an abuser – is a character design. To continue supporting the world systems, that are not self honest and are motivated by greed and the empowerment of a few over others – is a character design. To claim one is not doing this while you for yourself are able to use basic math’s to see what all of society is doing – is a character designs. In the end we call this ‘the joys of being human’ – the choice to not see, realize, understand and act in what is best for all – is apparently a right for ones life time as these abuses are ‘not ones fault’ and is ‘someone else’s fault’ and does not exist in you so it is not your responsibility. The purpose of this blog, as I walk self-forgiveness, is as a mentioned, to show how one is able to see the equality and oneness of all humans within how we all design characters – and how characters from sexual addiction to watching child pornography – exists within all as a system design as the Mind equally existent within all.



Another perspective as a character of the ‘judgmental, powerless human’ – is to observe – next time we judge an abuser – lets first see if we can judge a child pornographer for not for example ‘knowing and understanding ‘ that it is ‘wrong’ to abuse children and for not doing ‘everything in his/her power to stop themselves to not abuse… while all the while we as humanity realize the immense suffering done onto Life on this planet, simply so that we can live as the Elite with food in our bellies and a car in the driveway. Why is it that no human says ‘if my comfortability’ and ‘individuality’ means the suffering and acceptance of abuse of millions of other beings – then I do not accept and allow my role as the character within it all. I change ALL abuse – not just the ones I have been programmed to react emotionally to. Therefore all abuse requires our attention. Some you will be directly aware of – as I mentioned due to how we are mind controlled and programmed to respond only to certain abusive situations – while funnily enough, when you talk to people about certain other forms of abuse – they will fight and argue that the abuse is justified or doesn’t really exist or is gods pan for humanity.



LOL.

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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Day 37: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 22


This is a continuation from:


http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-36-international-crime-research.html



Please refer to: Day 24: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 8 for background information, on how and why I will be walking the characters of Criminals/Offenders.



To recap: the following blog is written from the perspective of familiarizing myself one and equal with the mind, character and personality of someone who watches/consumes child pornography. By walking equal to the mind of the user, I am able to draw from it, the contributing factors from the initial thought to the decision that is made to watch child pornography and how the mind is further fueled through backchat and behaviors, until in time, the characteristic is defined and directs the being into action, through an accumulation of memories, thoughts and experiences. What follows is specific self-forgiveness on the characteristics within the write-up.




“From there due to the types of websites I was already using, I found my mind constantly chasing me to find more and more absurd and hardcore porn.”



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself through the nature of my thoughts, to chase myself into and as the habit of seeking and needing more stimulation, more hard core imagery to stimulate my mind into and as anger and rage – therefore designing exactly how and where I would Possess myself into these states of energy – which I will later blame or society, my ex-partner, my parents, god, etc.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give such power to the images and symbols presented in pornography, that I allowed myself to become subject to all the hidden, nasty meanings behind why this pornography exists in the first place.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become one and equal to these images and for proclaiming that I was the victim, that had to use the images to fuel my anger and to support me through this ‘rough experience’.



“I would feel a rush of power as I masturbated to these scenes where woman were being hurt, embarrassed, mutilated. My thoughts when alone at home were always around which new category of porn I could investigate.”



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project guilt, blame and anger onto my ex-partner through participating in my mind as I participated in the images of pornography and what these images fueled within my mind.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take and be self-responsibility, by realizing that instead of changing the relationship construct as I had experienced it – I was now participating in the fucked up nature of what relationships and sex had become in this world.




“I went through various sites and then I came across child pornography. The sensation as I flicked through some of the images were triggered by thoughts linked to sheer vengeance towards my ex wife and the baby that she wanted to have with another man – and how she wanted what she wanted without giving me what I wanted. The child before my eyes as a victim to what I could do – became the new source of hatred I used to feed this frenzy I constantly felt around the desire to masturbate. I watched child porn while I masturbated not because I found the children attractive – but the sense power overwhelmed me. In that my mind developed new thoughts, new sensations in my body as my addiction used my rage to fuel itself. After using child pornography for years – I could no longer tell the difference between a normal sexual attraction to a woman and this link I had created between my anger and the rush I felt from watching child pornography. To me sexual pleasure was derived from my secret reality I could access on the internet.”



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the internet to provide me as my mind as who I had become with all the ammunition I required to fully experience a form of vengeance towards my ex-partner – not realizing that what I was in fact doing was repeating the cycle of abuse as the past which contributed to the decisions that both myself and my partner made, which contributed to the way in which we acted, which were abusive in nature.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as I turned to child pornography I had become my own memories – whereby the past moments where I experienced myself being abused by my partner, was in fact now here as a perpetual loop, through which I cycled back into abuse, being the very abuse, as I became ‘the abuser.’



Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when the moment came for me to stop what I was doing and to stop the cycles of abuse, as I so claimed were ‘damaging to me and ‘not benefiting me’ – but instead of stopping I turned to further Abuse of others – thus indicating that it was never about me stopping the Abuse, but instead living out my design as an abuser –because I would not even change myself in the face of ‘being abused’ but in fact became an even worse abuser, than what was done to me – therefore the essence of who I really was and am – has now been revealed to me.



Therefore - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and exist as the very nature of myself all forms of abuse that has ever existed, as what has been shown to me by me, within my very actions – is that I became the worst of all -  because I experience a form of discomfort and abuse – and therefore have no excuse but to realize in oneness and equality that I stand here naked before myself as ‘abuse’ – and from here can walk myself through self-forgiveness out of this point through absolute forgiveness of self.



Therefore:



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that self-forgiveness is possible as me, as a living statement of who I am as I take full self responsibility for my past, present and who I will become as my future – as I realize that all creation points as character as myself are in fact here for me to see, realize and understand and self forgive – as no one did it to me – but it was me all along as I exist as part of the abuse that is currently being accepted and allowed by all. Therefore –



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to amalgamate all points here as myself as I see, realize and understand that it is not about blaming another for their ‘abuse points’, as I realize my part in the ‘greater design of abuse’ as it happens within each due to the participation in thoughts, backchat, reactions, and physical behavioral acceptances – therefore I take self responsibility for myself here as the pattern of abusive-character as I formed part of it then and now – where my memories in fact show me how I designed the character as myself.



I commit myself to make it possible for people to write out any character without fear of judgment.



I commit myself to support any person who is willing to support themselves through any character design.



I commit myself to show how the therapies that exist currently, all support the Mind as Characters - where the being is taken through steps to amalgamate themselves into a more functional character that is still dependent on polarities of good/bad, right/wrong, healthy/sick – all the words that are living expressions that lock the being into Mind Systems, where one will continue to live your life serving a polarity design of oneself instead of living here as the Physical. These Designs, perpetually reinforced through Psychology etc. exist purely to support humanity as we have become, as the characters that support the world systems. So ask yourself the question – does Science and the current Health Modalities really understand the Human Mind, or do they Support the Human as we currently exist as our fucked-upness? If Psychology and co. did anything worth while to change humanity – then firstly scientists would go hungry because no-one would sponsor and support them, because the scientists no longer create addicted, dependent, thinking, feelings humans – designed as machines that can be manipulated through the media. Secondly you would see a change in humanity – and not the mass problem we are facing called ‘The Human’ as the entirety of the ‘Human-experience’ as we exist now as a Mind that consists of Thoughts, backchat, reactions, energy, feelings, emotions, pictures, and physical behaviors – all centered around the addiction to energy and the need to please self-interest. So – we know now that current heath care professionals do in fact not change anything, but contribute to the problems in the way that they support the very mind design that consequentially has the effect of becoming the same characters that we see in billions, each day abusing Life in all forms from the obvious child pornographer – to the family man who brainwashes his child into becoming Fear due to the parents fear of death within the system, while calling this ‘Love.’



· Please realize, as I indicated at the beginning of this Child Pornography Blog, that I am here only walking two examples of Child-Pornographer-Characters. The Self-Forgiveness has also been mostly a general overview and examples based on thoughts, backchat, reactions, physical behaviors and ‘decisions’ – which make up the character point. Therefore for each who decides to walk self-forgiveness in de-constructing a specific character, self-forgiveness would be walked in detail – specific to your experiences until the self-forgiveness is done and one becomes the self-correction and change.



I suggest for those who would like to walk self-forgiveness on characters to either join us on the Demonology Forum or Desteni Forum. If you are dealing with a ‘sensitive subject’ such as child pornography and would like to write anonymously, please register on the Demonology Forum, where we allow people to register with fake names, specifically for this reason.



The next blog will be written from the character design perspective of Society and Family in relation to Child Pornography.


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