Showing posts with label wicca. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wicca. Show all posts

Friday, November 14, 2014

Day 173: The Paranormal Series part 34 - Demons vs. Angels part 21

This blog is a continuation from:



"These guides came from various different religions, so for example they explained that they were Wiccan guides who specifically worked with Wiccans who summoned them and asked them for support. Therefore each guide would be placed with a human according to where they were in their spiritual 'path' so to speak or according to their religious choosing. In the end - as they explained it - the guides knew that all of it eventually came together to create one point as Life, but that different religions were created based on how people perceived different aspects of Life and that the guides were there to work with a being according to how they were developing specific aspects of themselves - which would then be based on whichever religion the person chose to work with. For the humans who were more receptive to 'everything' they would obviously draw guides who would assist and support them in expanding their knowledge. But it was not the purpose of the guides to push or influence a human before they were ready because the whole point of 'spiritual development' was that the human was responsible for developing ourselves."



So they explained that with my specific spiritual path, I would from now on be working specifically with Gods, who would be training me to be able to do 'Gods work' on earth, specifically bringing across a message to humanity and working with healing. I was obviously quite shocked and experienced a slight bit of excitement that finally my focus and dedication to my spirituality was taking a direction. They explained that I would be working with 4 Gods each one representing a specific part of 'God' from which I would learn. Now I started feeling nervous - I mean I was about to come face to face with actual Gods -all of these thoughts rushed through my head - what if I was not good enough, what if they did not like me, what if I was to slow or dumb for them etc etc. You know all of the ugly thoughts we have about ourselves where we place ourselves as less than other people. I asked my Wicca guides these questions and raised my 'concerns' and they of course did their best to put 'my mind' at ease by explaining to me that the Gods were already fully standing equal to me in their task - therefore firstly they had no judgment towards me because this was their existence, and secondly because judgment did not exist in them as part of their 'design'.

Now I felt really exited as the guides asked me if I was ready because the Gods had arrived. I could feel the air buzzing and becoming thick. I felt a ball of anxiety develop in my stomach and I would one moment be asking myself all these questions about me versus them and all the what if's and the next moment I would be trying to calm myself down with my assertive tentative voice, reminding myself of what the Wicca guides had said, to not allow self judgment. I had to really calm down my mind, my 'true self' from constantly speaking out these worst thoughts about myself, while at the same time worrying that the Gods would obviously be able to hear me ranting on at myself to myself, which of course did not help things much. Therefore I could feel myself waning between anxiety and confidence all the time; oh how fragile the mind is.

The first God introduced himself and called himself Deos. He explained that he was in essence the leader of the 4 that would be working with me and that he would be mostly working with me as the one that will be training me on most aspects I need to know/understand/be able to do. So each God introduced themselves to me and explained what they would be teaching me. I felt very humble and very small at that point lol.

So again the reason why I share this part of my story is to show the developmental phase of myself as I was trying to turn myself into a worker of god, a doer of good. This exists in all of us, the inherent desire to be able to either live out our angelic self or express our demonic self. So this yearning of mine was obviously quite apparent for me to have walked the path I did in create this right hand of God personality lol. Obviously years later as I started investigating myself and my past - I realized that again, as with all religions this was my way of trying to empower myself. To try and make myself more than my fears and more than my actual life, the reality of my life which was starting me in the face every day...
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Thursday, October 23, 2014

Day 164: The Paranormal Series part 25 - Demons vs. Angels part 12

This blog is a continuation from:



"So, getting back to how J and I started delving more and more into magic: What really got us going the one time, boy oh boy. Ok so J's aunt and cousin were disdained by the fact that he was gay and a wiccan. Where his mom and dad and sister (who all lived together) would be more accepting about his 'ways' - these other family members were not so 'kind'. So, the one day J phones me and says that he had gotten into a huge argument with his aunt and her daughter. He said that they had apparently verbally attacked him about his spirituality and called him a  weirdo and lazy and so forth. That evening I visited him and we decided to 'cast a spell' on them so that the 'harm' they did to him would come back 3 times to them. Two days later they receive a phone call that the aunt and her daughter were driving to town and were in a car accident. So, you can imagine what went through our heads as he shared the news with me. We connected this event to the spell that we had cast, and this confirmed our ability to perform magic…"

As you are able to see from the experienced described above, was that as a young person, I had trouble finding my way, finding my strength and something I could call mine, me, what and how I belong in life. Therefore what J and I did with delving deeper and deeper into magic, was to create for ourselves a sense of self-empowerment. Even if this was merely based on pre-programmed designs connected to my 'life path', which means that certain events were programmed into the unified consciousness field to play out and connect to the life design of people like J and I - meaning witches, wiccans etc. When I say witches and wiccans I am not saying special events programmed in relation to such people only, I am referring to pre-programming as it relates to each and every human and event that has been designed thus far.

Therefore in itself the point that I am making about what I realized about these events, much later on - was that it was not J an I who had actual control over our lives and over this reality, as all people who belong to some religion would have themselves believe. All events that would play out which coincided with our magic spells, were pre-designed to do so. If one doubts what I am saying, all you need to do is ask yourself the question, if each one of has real access to these mysterious forces or religious deities, would we not then be able to change reality as we see fit? Why is it that sometimes things work our way and then the rest of the time they do not?

This was a question that I remember bringing to the attention of these Wiccan 'deities' or gods and goddesses as we called them -especially at a later stage when specific events played out in my life, but the answers, as they always are were very mysterious and deep. It was always explained to me by either J or the so called 'Gods/Godesses that a Wiccan's life is not just about 'getting what you want' and solving all your problems with magic, it is about learning about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses as well as learning to understand and possibly change the problems that exist in the world. Therefore at times they would assist, but if they saw that it was necessary as a 'life lesson' for a wiccan to go through a specific experience or to have to attain something for him/herself - then they would stand back and rather be supportive in strengthening the character and resolve of the particular wiccan, so that they would become crafty at hand and not just by magic. Right…. I am able to see that the response to what I have written here will be 'well then you were not a real wiccan' etc. It is very difficult for people to question their own belief systems, because we have been taught that to make our lives better and to be more and to reach our full potential we have to go out there and find what will allow us to do so. That merely existing in our physical bodies is not enough.


 This is something passed down by our parents and I will refer to it as the celebrity syndrome, where we believe that who we are as the physical body we were born into is surely not enough. Yes, for the mind, it is not enough, because for the mind we need to experience ourselves through energy and this only happens if one accept the energy systems of the mind consciousness system - as 'who we are' - and from there generate more and more mind systems, according to which ones entire identity become dependent on as one 'experiences' oneself through energy experiences such as 'feeling powerful', 'feeling loved', 'feeling spiritual' etc. Each 'feeling that comes up inside us, is an addictive energy experience, just like the feeling that comes with any other addiction such as watching pornography or shopping or talking/gossiping with friends, or how it feels to 'fall in love', or the feeling one gets from having money, how one feels when you win a conversation/debate etc..
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Sunday, October 12, 2014

Day 163: The Paranormal Series part 24 - Demons vs. Angels part 11

This blog is a continuation from:



"So with all religion one is able to see how and why one walks this religion and wears it like a cloak. What does it do for you? Why do we create this 'cloak' which protects us, hides us, changes us and gives us rules to live by? Why do we externalise ourselves into Religion instead of us being the directive principle? Is it because without religions man would fall apart? Does religion first show us the diversity of the human mind fucks, where as I mentioned previously religion allows the human our self interest, where we create self interest of 'WHAT I WANT' and our religion allows us to explore and justify 'WHAT I WANT' because no one can argue with me if I say that my god wants this or god gave it to me, or 'but the bible tells us so.' I mean golly gosh who is going to argue with a god? So this is our way of justifying how we want to live life and then we throw religion in the face of any person who argues against us. You cant pick a fight with god now can you? (not saying I believe god exists, merely drawing a parallel between the idea of a god exiting in ones mind and what this means in totality for human behaviour). For me it was also a matter of 'feeling loved' through 'belonging' and through the words that came through either in books or on the ouija board.' All of the above where some of my reasons for the religion/belief systems I chose…"


Therefore getting back to the point of people asking the questions about what I say and me using this opportunity to answer those questions. The question I am answering here is continuing from above, where people say 'well you cannot use a Ouija board and be a wiccan.' Really? If one removes your filtering system and the limitations you have set up inside yourself as J and I did - and you change your starting point inside yourself of what you accept and what you don’t - then is that not just the formation of yet again another religion of spiritual practise? I mean J decided when he started playing on the Ouija board and his guides came through to protect him while talking to spirits, that this is a great way of communicating not only with the dead but also with his guides. And as he explained it - his guides saw it as a great method too. Therefore he decided he was not limited by 'how others practise' - and will expand himself within his 'religion' to include that which he sees is useful and fun. Obviously this for him was a matter of trusting his guides and that that they could protect him and he trusted what they told him. This would obviously be different from person to person, where one does not veer away from 'normal practises' if one fears 'what is out here' or you do not trust yourself or your religion enough to step outside the barriers as set by others before you. Therefore, I am showing that all religion and spirituality is simply 'made us stuff' - and sometimes one would get it right and sometimes one would face problems - but is this not how everything we have in our world came into existence - because somebody went out there looking for it, exploring, asking the questions and testing?"


The next type of question that has come up before, is whether I am supporting Wiccanism over other religions? What perhaps did not come through clearly in my previous videos and/or writings, is that the whole reason why I am sharing my past, is to show how I walked a path of self realization. This does not mean that I realized myself in some religion, spiritual context. I realized ME. This means that as I worked more and more with my own mind and 'how the human mind functions' and it was shown to me how I have made the decisions I have made thus far - I realized that religion and belief systems specifically only exist in the mind and even though aspects of it are based on reality, still the fact remains that religion and spirituality are constructs that support the mind of the individual, meaning the thoughts that move in your head only - that little bubble on the top of our necks where the brain is - that is where thinking happens - and that is where belief systems and religion are created and participated in.



Therefore what we believe exists out there as reality, are merely in fact only in the bubble of our minds. And the mere fact that one 'believes in something' indicates that there is no physical actual basis to what one is saying, and that one admittedly is saying I believe in information that is found in books and in the minds of others and in my mind and because I don’t know how things work physically and I have no control over the physical - I have to exist in my mind as 'beliefs'. For example I am able to hold a coffee cup in my hand therefore I did not have to believe in coffee cups. Religion takes a few physical events and actualities and combines it with belief, which is information made up in the mind about how things are and how things work. And this is of course where things get very dangerous and very delusional - because we fight wars, hurt each other, our children, ourselves and the animal/nature kingdom because of beliefs. Ouchie.

So, getting back to how J and I started delving more and more into magic: What really got us going the one time, boy oh boy. Ok so J's aunt and cousin were disdained by the fact that he was gay and a wiccan. Where his mom and dad and sister (who all lived together) would be more accepting about his 'ways' - these other family members were not so 'kind'. So, the one day J phones me and says that he had gotten into a huge argument with his aunt and her daughter. He said that they had apparently verbally attacked him about his spirituality and called him a weirdo and lazy and so forth. That evening I visited him and we decided to 'cast a spell' on them so that the 'harm' they did to him would come back 3 times to them. Two days later they receive a phone call that the aunt and her daughter were driving to town and were in a car accident. So, you can imagine what went through our heads as he shared the news with me. We connected this event to the spell that we had cast, and this confirmed our ability to perform magic...
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Thursday, October 9, 2014

Day 162: The Paranormal Series part 23 - Demons vs. Angels part 10

This blog is a continuation from:



"So both J and myself would confide in each other when we had arguments with family and from there our magic started developing from 'white magic' which as I explained above as the 'innocent' type of spell casting, to 'grey magic' where we would cast spells to 'bounce' what people did, back to them. LOL. Anyways so basically this meant that if somebody was mean to us or would try and hurt us etc, we would cast a spell so that whatever they did to us would go back to them 3 TIMES!! As I said, looking back now I can giggle about these things, because seriously it shows me, how religion shows firstly how effective the human imagination is in created our own self interest, but to also be able to live out and express all the nasty, thoughts and emotions that we have towards each other and ourselves, while supressing our fears of each other, but under the guise of 'spirituality, or 'religion'. Makes it all sound so plausible and innocent when you are getting away with all kinds of shit in your mind towards yourself and others…"


Artwork: https://www.facebook.com/marlen.delrazo
In the past I received many emails and comments on the videos I did about my Wiccan and Demon Possession experiences - where people misunderstood many of the things I explained. So perhaps I will address those questions here, because I see how sometimes speaking directly about my past and what I have come to realize about it - from a 'direct' translation' perspective creates confusion in some people - where for example due to again the 'filtering system' of the mind, where a person will directly equate what one says to their own point of reference - people will misinterpret what I am saying based on their point of reference. So now after writing about my experiences both in the book that I did (part 1) and doing the videos - I will explore new dimensions of those experiences in this blog - using the opportunity to slow down more and to consider the questions people have had about why I say what I say.



Artwork: https://www.facebook.com/marlen.delrazo

For example people responded to my video series where I explained that I was a wican AND used the Ouija Board to communicate with my guides and spirits, by saying that this could not be 'true wiccanism' if I used a Ouija Board. So I will use this opportunity to refer us back to the 'filtering system' that I wrote about back in a previous blog - where to make an assessment and comparison between one person's beliefs and practices to ones own practices -only happens if one has set in stone how you believe reality works and that your way of doing it is the correct way. This will be where we again just like our parents and grandparents, who insisted that their ways and religions and governments are 'the law' - are creating belief systems within ourselves of 'how things work' - whereby we filter what others do through our belief systems and will either respond 'yes that is acceptance or correct' or 'no you are wrong!'.

What I have realized over the years is that none of us really understands how reality works - is that not so? I mean for a moment consider how each one of us came to accept the religions that we did. For example for most, religion is either something that was passed down or 'forced' down by your parents and family or your religion became something you found on your own terms, by comparing what 'feels right' to you about yourself and life, and thus as the example that I gave about Wiccanism, it is something that 'resonated' with me. What this means is that ones pre-programmed personality designs are resonating with those aspects within the religion which would be amplified or supressed by the religion of choice. Thus indicating that firstly religion is not really a choice, because it is something that is mostly 'passed down', and if one note back to the creation of religion, you will see how and why at the time religion as control systems were implemented. Secondly if one is 'choosing' a religion according to what 'resonated with you' this as I found merely indicated to me what was suited to my personality. And within this what I realized about myself through the religion that I chose was invaluable.

Therefore, one is able to learn a lot about where one is not fully taking responsibility for oneself, by the religion that we 'choose'. For example in religion what I found is that it gave me something outside of myself to live for - instead of living for myself and sorting out my own mind and my own life. Religion gave me strength in the belief that deities and energies and cosmic forces were 'looking out for me' and 'changing my life' instead of me being my own strength, my own guide and changing myself so that I could life a productive life. Religion gave me morality rules and concepts to follow - which were mostly based on make believe, but again this gives the mind something to focus on, where I 'felt good' about the life I was living and about my 'standing' - instead of realizing that I was attaching 'who I am' and 'what I do' and 'how I live' to a feeling, instead of just living here in this physical body, in this physical reality. Another example is that religion gave me a scape goat - if I did something wrong I could explain it away to some dark energy or a plan that coincided with some god or a cosmic journey, while on the other side of the coin, asking forgiveness from some god or a cosmic force - without realising that in 'asking for forgiveness'; to another or even some invisible made up being, I was abdicating self responsibility, and therefore not changing my behaviour and being the responsible factor that is actually doing 'the living'.

So with all religion one is able to see how and why one walks this religion and wears it like a cloak. What does it do for you? Why do we create this 'cloak' which protects us, hides us, changes us and gives us rules to live by? Why do we externalise ourselves into Religion instead of us being the directive principle? Is it because without religions man would fall apart? Does religion first show us the diversity of the human mind fucks, where as I mentioned previously religion allows the human our self interest, where we create self interest of 'WHAT I WANT' and our religion allows us to explore and justify 'WHAT I WANT' because no one can argue with me if I say that my god wants this or god gave it to me, or 'but the bible tells us so.' I mean golly gosh who is going to argue with a god? So this is our way of justifying how we want to live life and then we throw religion in the face of any person who argues against us. You cant pick a fight with god now can you? (not saying I believe god exists, merely drawing a parallel between the idea of a god exiting in ones mind and what this means in totality for human behaviour). For me it was also a matter of 'feeling loved' through 'belonging' and through the words that came through either in books or on the ouija board.' All of the above where some of my reasons for the religion/belief systems I chose...
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Day 161: The Paranormal Series part 22 - Demons vs. Angels part 9


This blog is a continuation from:


"Therefore when I received this welcoming from J's guides - I decided to follow this positive energy experience. J and I started spending more and more time together and the more I spent time with him, obviously the more irritated my already prone to irritation lol mother became and the more I wanted to avoid her. Obviously this caused me to both stay away more from home and also to focus all of my minds attention on my new found spirituality, to not have to admit that I actually felt afraid, humiliated and 'done in'."

From there J started introducing me more and more to magic and spell casting. We started out with the more innocent types of spell casting (white magic), where for example one would cast spells for good fortune, love, money, protection etc. But as time went by lol, we progressed more and more into 'the dark side' Ok it was not that serious - get the picture of dead cats and sacrificed babies out of your head. Basically how it all started was as follows: both J and I were living with our parents. He was diagnosed years before with depression due to a chemical imbalance and was medically excused from having to work in the system. He had spent a month or so in a psychiatric hospital when this chemical imbalance was detected, and was then released as an 'out patient', where the condition was that he would come back every 2 weeks to see a psychologist and stay on his medication. His parents initially were ok with this, but as time went by they obviously started resenting the fact that he slouched around the house al day, doing minimal work and blatantly would brag at any opportunity he could get, especially to any Christian visitor how he was a wiccan and had guides etc etc.

So being a Christian family - they firstly tried to accommodate his religion, but obviously there were certain points where the 2 belief systems would clash and J would meet them head on with a 'don’t you speak to me like that' attitude and then the parents would get angry and so forth. So what I picked up from the word go was that his parents had a tolerance level which J would at times step over deliberately, in an attempt as he would explain it to me, to show Christians that Wiccans also deserve the same respect and opportunities to express themselves, which Christians had been give unconditionally, due to Christianity becoming the standardised religion in many parts of the world and especially South Africa since 'back in the day'. To top that off J was gay and not just gay, he would flaaaunt it. He had long blond hair and was quite feminine, sooo if you add that to the fact that he would push any christian's buttons with his 'I am a witch' talk - and obviously you would end up from time to time, with friction developing in their house.

So both J and myself would confide in each other when we had arguments with family and from there our magic started developing from 'white magic' which as I explained above as the 'innocent'
type of spell casting, to 'grey magic' where we would cast spells to 'bounce' what people did, back to them. LOL. Anyways so basically this meant that if somebody was mean to us or would try and hurt us etc, we would cast a spell so that whatever they did to us would go back to them 3 TIMES!! As I said, looking back now I can giggle about these things, because seriously it shows me, how religion shows firstly how effective the human imagination is in created our own self interest, but to also be able to live out and express all the nasty, thoughts and emotions that we have towards each other and ourselves, while supressing our fears of each other, but under the guise of 'spirituality, or 'religion'. Makes it all sound so plausible and innocent when you are getting away with all kinds of shit in your mind towards yourself and others...
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Friday, October 3, 2014

Day 159: The Paranormal Series part 20 - Demons vs. Angels part 7

This blog is a continuation from:



"At the same time 'the boyfriend' made it possible for me to study Kinesiology. This was another factor that caused me to not leave him. I simply kept reminding myself that if I left him, I would have to give up my studies. Therefore - as I mentioned in my previous 2 blogs -I developed a 'new age' light worker type of personality, focusing on helping others, as I more and more related to a life of misery, suppression and compromise. On the other hand I developed a 'darker side (Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering - Yoda) - a coping mechanism to not really have to collapse in a heap, where I could vent and be angry and hate."

At the same time what had started developing in me was an increased fascination with 'the dead'. As I mentioned in the video series and book that I did on my 'demon possession experience' this all started around the age of 19. I went to a friends house for his birthday party. There I met another friend of his, whom was a Wiccan. I found this very interesting of course, due to the fact that I was always reading about the paranormal and alternative types of beliefs and happening in the world. So, I spent quite a while asking him questions about how his belief worked and of course when he mentioned that he was into communicating with his guides and other spirits on the Ouija board, that really peaked my interest. He invited me to come round to his house sometime and visit him, so that I could see how he plays on the Ouija Board and then he could also explain more to me about his spirituality. We didn’t want to continue talking to much about it, as we could see some people around the table looked a bit uncomfortable.

I decided to take him up on his offer and I contacted him a few days later. At this stage of my life I was unemployed, frustrated and did not know what I would do with my life. I had studied horsemanship after school, but could not find a job working with horses that I would enjoy and as I mentioned in my previous blog I could not find a permanent 'system' job due to affirmative action. Therefore only occasionally would I find a temping job that would last a week to a month, but generally I sat at home and entertained myself with my books. Therefore meeting this interesting character, with his interesting ways, gave me something new to focus on and to divert my attention from my own life.

The first day I visited him he showed me how he used the Ouija board. Looking back now and knowing what I know now about demons and what use to be 'ghosts' I have to giggle - but we will get to 'why' later on. When we got onto the Ouija board he introduced me to his 'spirit guides' - Isis, Thor, Diana etc, whom were all Wiccan guides/deities, as he explained it to me. Lol they explained to me that I was to a 'natural witch' and that it was no coincidence that I met this new friend of mine. This was very exiting for both J (we shall call him) and myself. I felt wanted and appreciated. They told me more about magic and about themselves and a part of me was slightly anxious, because reading about 'ghosts' is one thing but actually communicating with them was completely new to me - therefore I did not really fully know what to make of this new experience. But, I would definitely say that I was leaning towards a bit of excitement at this new prospect of this entire new realm that I was now being given insight into.

The next day J phoned me and asked me if I enjoyed my visit. I told him that I did and that I have been thinking about everything that he had told me about his spirituality and the guides and that I really enjoyed 'how it all sounded' - one could say that it 'resonated' with me. I explained that the principles of Wicca made sense to me. He told me that after he dropped me at home he went back onto the Ouija board and asked the spirit guides what they thought of me and so forth, and they told him that if I wanted to join him and them, that they would be my guides as well. After he explained this to me I felt this particular energy rise up into my chest - which one could in a nut shell call 'belonging', fulfilment, 'acceptance' and dare I say 'empowerment'. Probably here for the first time in my life I was not afraid, I was not subject to a persons anger, or their sadness such as I grew up with around my father whom had adult depression.

I felt like I belonged and that I was being given an opportunity to be someone and to empower myself. This is after all what all human beings strive for - self empowerment, self acceptance and to do and be that which one enjoys. So of course I was very much drawn to this new possibility and of course it also meant that I could escape my life as it was at that stage. You have to understand, and I am sure you are able to relate if you look back at your 'teens' - all of us grow up thinking, hoping and believing that we will 'go' somewhere in life, make something of ourselves, maybe even marry 'the love of our lives' and maybe just maybe end up having enough money to live comfortable lives of joy and bliss! I wanted this as much as any other young person who had just left school - therefore, having spent the last year walking the streets looking for a job, being humiliated, worrying about my future and having a relationship with my mother (with whom I lived) which was deteriorating day by day as she pushed more for me to find a work and me becoming more and more withdrawn and agitated - this obviously, as you can imagine did not paint a very pretty picture. I was being faced with a life that was obviously heading very much into the opposite direction of what everyone hopes and believes they will attain once they leave school and enter into 'adulthood'...
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