Day 189: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 2)

Continuing from:

Day 188: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 1)

So basically this move starts out with estranged, pissed off, resentful family members coming together because of a dying fathers wish` and then for the 7 days that they 'mourn together' these family members bicker and fight and at times physical climb into each other. So my first question was why sit in a room with people you dislike (they even admit that they do not like each other) all for a man who is dead? Here obviously the belief exists that a dead person is now siting in some afterlife holding you accountable for whether you follow through on his wishes or not. Does this change the fact that while he was alive the family were distant and angry with each other? No of course not - it does not change the circumstances before the man died and certainly did not change the way that the person died (usually from some disease like Cancer). So again a belief directed people instead of us directing ourselves.

Ok so now one would argue that the family were driven to communicate and try and sort out their issues because of the circumstances around the fathers death. Yes but why must we as human beings apparently wait until we emotionally manipulate ourselves into changing - because that is what we are doing if a persons approaching death is the reason for us to do something.

Therefore this story shows us how self absorbed we are as human beings and how we are driven by guilt and fear and resentment and tradition - which shows that this is what we are as the essence of ourselves.

Ok so now the family are together and they are in the room for 10 mins and the fighting starts. Is this how we 'honour' the memory of a dead person - with our emotional turmoil that takes precedence -again showing the layers of self interest that exist as the human. I mean why do we then do these types of ceremonies if all we are there to do is take center stage with our emotion al turmoil?

Now as the story unfolds - you see that each person is trapped in some form of a drama - there is cheating and lying and money grabbing etc etc. Again I sit there and I have to ask myself the question. I know that I don’t participate that much in the system with people, but boy oh boy how much of what is depicted in these movies really happens to and by people and why do we find this entertaining? So 2 questions came up in me - how much of this is based on real life stories? I mean towards the end of the movie every one of the family members was having an affair. I was like WHAT?? Ok so if this is slight dramatization - lets say of even 40 percent of it was true,  - then that is seriously messed up. Yikes. Next question was why do we find this entertaining - the nastiest of human behaviour? I mean for me as someone who studies and wants to understand the human mind and human behaviour it was, as this blog indicates a lesson about human behaviour and also about the human mind and entertainment. I did not enjoy the movie in the least because as I have now summarized it was about decrepit human behaviour, which is encapsulated in the family system into acceptable dramatic behaviour - which sorry to say is not only Hollywood 'dramatization'. This is what happens in many family environments - an outlet for emotional and reactive mind patterns, in an environment where you get away with it because of a belief that family must take each others 'stuff' and allow each other an acceptable platform for being 'who they are'. Ouchy.

Day 188: Family Dynamics - the drama continues! (part 1)

A few weeks ago I did a vlog about family dynamics and the how through using the Desteni tools I have changed myself within my family dynamics or 'design': Day 177: Transforming Family Dynamics: Sibling Relationships. This morning I watched 2 movies - both them focussed around family dynamics and the usual 'feel good American Drama'. You know the kind of movie where for an hour and a half all you see is chaos, fighting, lying, betrayal and emotional conflict and yet in the last 10 mins of the move they manage to leave the viewer 'feeling' like 'everything will be 'alright' and like everyone in the movie despite their despicable behaviours will be 'ok'. So - these 2 movies were exactly like that, jam packed with intense emotional baggage and the usual family bickering and drama and yet towards the end of both movies the directors after all of that attempted to make me experience warm fuzzy feelings - because together with the 'negative emotions' this is the full package of human emotions  -of what we experience on a day to day basis.

Let me give a basic summary of what each movie was about. The first one was called 'This is where I

leave you (2014).' Basically it is about a family who come together at the dying wishes of the father. The father wants all of the children after his death to stay together for a week and celebrate his death through some Jewish ceremony where from what I understood everyone sits around in a room for a week, eating and sharing stories about the father (don’t quote me I am simply drawing from what I saw lol).  From the beginning as all of the children arrive - you notice one thing. That everyone hates each others guts, have long standing issues with each other over past mistakes and are in conflict with the mother because she is controlling and walks around half the time with her silicone boobs popping out - which obviously the children find 'unsuitable behaviour'. Each of the family members are stuck in their own life drama, which intertwines with the conflict and drama that exist within the family system. So you have layers of information around people's personal lives and the drama that ensures as soon as these family members are in the same room.

So my first question is 'why?'. This was something that I spoke about in the vlog on family dynamics, to discuss and bring to the fore the purpose of why family members come together in the first place. It becomes a 'cesspool' for emotional-mind drama, where obviously very little is resolved and throughout the entire movie most of what happens is that people fight and contribute to each others emotional issues. Obviously towards the end of the move Hollywood uses hope and 'positive' feelings to draw the movie to a conclusion - where as per holywood style the family members find resolution within the problems they are facing - not all of them good. Most of the points that come across are about yet again 'accepting ones life'.

In the vlog as I mentioned I spoke about the cesspool of human behaviour which becomes the family unit. Where we automatically assume and believe that because we were born from the same parents we should al be together and 'do stuff together'. This shows us that belief systems are really not of much value in this physical reality, because by holding onto belief systems we will act in ways and accept behaviours from ourselves and others, which as the movie shows is obviously not 'what is best' for us - and continue to make decisions that flow from the original starting point  - which in this case is the belief that family must spend time together, do things together and 'want to be with each other'.

From my experience this usually results in people venting their emotional reactions towards each other, especially when people's personality-mind designs are similar or specifically in conflict with each other - but through the belief of 'we must want to be together' people stay and are constantly drawn to each other, when clearly it is not a good match.

For example in the vlog I spoke about how we would not walk up to a stranger on the street and say ok 'I must want to be with you in your life and you must be with me' and thereafter that no mater what, you and this stranger will be in each others lives, seeing each other often, getting in each others faces, whether it is actually productive or not. Generally, we don’t do that - because if we do not 'like' or 'get along' with a stranger we simply ignore them and walk away. We become friends and partners with those people whom we have specific connections with and whom we believe we are 'enjoying'. Obviously friendship and relationships also have their own design, which I will not go into in this blog - and as such will focus on 'family dynamics'...

Day 177: Transforming Family Dynamics: Sibling Relationships

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