Day 75: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 11: Learning to Kill

My Self-Forgiveness will focus on the following Article:

The Qualitative Report Volume 9 Number 2 June 2004: Sipping Coffee with a Serial Killer: On Conducting Life History Interviews with a Criminal Genius

Author: J. C. Oleson

In each blog I will walk self-forgiveness on different parts of the Article, discussing the developmental aspects of somebody who 'learns to kill'.

This blog is a continuation from the previous blog in this series:

Day 73: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 10: Learning to Kill

"But X’s childhood could not explain him. X sprang neither from slum nor broken home but grew up in the bosom of a nurturing family. His father, a religious man, was a deeply principled civil servant, who had worked hard and raised his son to do so. His mother had worked as a schoolteacher but had retired when X’s sister was born. Their home had been comfortably middle-class, and X’s parents were unusually dedicated to their roles as caregivers. Disapproving of harsh or erratic discipline, they had taken great pains to foster feelings of  competence and worth in their  children." 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a false perception within myself and this world that religion has any bearing on the effect, consequences or decision factors of a being, as if a God is magically reaching down from the sky to 'fix things' or to 'watch over things'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when faced with any questions of how I made the decision I did or to explain the responsibility of another within their actions, to immediately seek the irrational, vague spiritual answer, where one creates a loose sense of hope that ones reality is not completely without some form of control - for example:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within the context of discussing a serial killer or some tragic event that has unfolded by and through the actions of man, to within the mind of the reporter/author/storyteller, to create such inner conflict and fear that I immediately tune my dial into the Godly concepts I was spoon fed as a child - where I tap into this pure sense of right and wrong that humanity can still hold onto which is called 'God', which will 'surely still be there to protect us from ourselves' - therefore;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not taking self responsibility for who i have become, and for what and how the world exists due to my direct and tacit agreements throughout my entire life - and to always look for a scapegoat to ultimately at the end either fix things or take the blame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within my mind when dealing with 'evil ideas/people/events' to want to compare what has happened to apparent 'good-elements' within this world - such as in this case where the author attempted to compare this man's choices to his parents influence which by direct result should have been 'pure and godly'

therefore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not directly see, realize and understand that the actions and events that are happening in my world such as the victims of a serial killer, directly shows me through my own research that there is no god protecting anybody and through my own investigations as criminologist I am able to do the maths and calculate how such a man came to a decision within years and years of designing such a point within his mind - and that no pre or post influence of any god exists, ever.

I commit myself that when and I find myself searching for reasons and ways that I can direct self responsibility onto another, to stop, breathe and realize what self responsibility as Self entails.

I commit myself to stop any and all fantasies based on knowledge and information, represented as real and 'trust-worthy' and within this to realize that the only trust I am able to live and place is myself within self honesty, self forgiveness, self responsibility within living what is best for all.

Day 66: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 3

This blog is a continuation from:

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-64-international-crime-research.html#

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-65-international-crime-research.html

Background info: if you have not been walking the Crime's Journey to Life blogs since the beginning - please read the following blog where I explain the how and why I walk this series and why I apply Self-Forgiveness as myself for all the character components found within 'Crime' - which includes understanding 'Crimes against Life'.

http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-international-crime-research-bi.html

The Serial Killer Mind

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer

My Self-Forgiveness will be based on the main points taken from the following article:

The Case of Jeffrey Dahmer: Sexual Serial Homicide from a Neuropsychiatric Developmental Perspective

From the article I will be compiling the main developmental/experiences within Jeffrey Dahmer - contributing to him becoming a 'Serial Killer'

"It is well known that JD was the product of a pregnancy complicated by the fact that his mother suffered from disabling protracted nausea, anxiety, and dysphoria coupled with his mother’s use of prescribed tranquilizers"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my past to influence myself through memory to such an extend that physically I am eventually overcome with states of 'protracted nausea, anxiety, and dysphoria'.

I commit myself to stop the past from repeating itself as cycles of abuse in my present, by clearing each moment as it happens, walking the moment in self honesty, self responsibility and consideration that my words and actions are molding me as well as the future generations as the words and actions we speak and live.

I forgive myself for storing the past as abusive or fearful experiences in my cells as DNA, which activates me into the living hell of 'protracted nausea, anxiety, and dysphoria'

I commit myself to show how allowing any form of abuse, does not not just 'go away' - but in fact in our world, is currently shown as being the key ingredient in the abuse that is recreated into and as the new generations - where no one considers that if we do not stop the layers of abuse and self sabotage - we will never change what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the dimension of Fear, which causes anxiety, nausea and eventually influences the mind of the being into altered states, where the mind shifts itself off into protection mechanisms and mechanical dysfunctions - such as 'dysphoria'.

Dysphoria (difficult to bear) (semantically opposite of euphoria) is a medically recognized mental and emotional condition in which a person experiences intense feelings of depression, discontent, and in some cases indifference to the world around them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself due to my internal self sabotage conversations and life circumstances, in which I manifest the experience od self-depression.

I commit myself to stand up from within this energetic experience of 'depression', into and through breathing - where I release myself from the idea that I give up on myself - as I realize that this giving up was merely based on my rejecting myself, who I have become and the world before me - where I have never considered changing myself or the world I live in to no longer allow any abuse and harm, wherein I am taking direct responsibility for the allowance of depression within me by taking responsibility for the reasons why such self annihilation occurs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use depression as a means of escape - wherein I have submitted myself in my living flesh to a point of discomfort and avoidance, instead of facing who and what I am within how the world functions - but instead abdicating self responsibility of myself into a withdrawal and physical punishment.

I forgive myself for reminding myself daily through internal conversations that my life is to much to bear, instead of realizing the compounding effect it will eventually have on my mind and physical, as I program myself into and as the experience of depression.

I commit myself to stop any and all polarities within myself, where I create life and self worth expectations, which are based on positives and negative outcomes, which force me into a continuous struggle as I attempt to correct the polarities I perceive as I program myself into systems of the mind charged by feelings I programmed as either positive or negative.

Day 46: International Crime Research: Education Fraud Part 8 – the Recession and the Consumer Part 4

 This Blog is a Continuation on: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-45-international-crime-research.html

Please see the previous Blogs on the Education Fraud, to understand the Context of ‘The Recession and Consumer’ Blogs: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-39-international-crime-research.html

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts to exist in my mind, that allow me to see the direct consequences of my participation in Capitalism and the consequences Capitalism has on the world, other people, the resources, the planet an nature – and to think it al better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in a Devil, Satan, Lucifer as a being that deceives through existing as a dark intention and dark thoughts with the sole purpose of evil and destruction – while not realizing that my own mind exists within the same principles I have condemned this ‘dark force to’ – wherein I see and understand that I exist daily in thoughts that allow me to continue participating in a world system that abuses life – while cleverly using my thoughts to deceive myself into being ok with the destruction I cause as a human.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in a way I am even worse that the ‘devil’ I create and then so easily judge, because I am the devil that pretends to not be the devil and have convinced myself that I am not the devil, while destroying my world according to my own principles of what it means to be a devil, while like a schizophrenic devil loosing the ability to know that I and my fellow humans are the only ones here doing this. The trap we as humans have set for ourselves is to ignorantly continue making excuses for ourselves.

Therefore by looking at this one simple example of how the human avoids self responsibility – we can look at how the human uses any form of justification and excuse to avoid direct responsibility for our creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when I see images and news reports of the consequences of Capitalism on the world, the resources, nature and other people – to within my mind immediately use thoughts and backchat around ‘I am surely not responsible’ and ‘but were we not created to enjoy our lives’ or ‘but a god will take care of this’ or ‘those people unfortunately have to serve the rest of us’ – whereby I have deliberately created an entire filing system of justification, pictures, excuses, beliefs, fears and ideas – that I will use and access in any given moment should I be faced with the reality of what the human as myself have become.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this filing system of deliberate deception, to excuse away my role in the abuse of this world and to always convenient have a name of a group available within my mind that are really responsible for the abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the other group to blame the consumer – using the excuse of ‘humans needs’ and happiness’ and survival of the fittest’ and if we don’t, someone else will’ to manipulate the psyche of the schizophrenic devil consumer into accessing all sorts of inner battled with energies – knowingly -  because I have researched the consumer Mind for a long time and am thus steps ahead of the human. Therefore realizing this we can see that even when the human becomes aware of our own enslavement and we start seeing rebellion, uprisings and ‘occupying wall streets’ – those who control money have already for the last generation manipulated the consumer into more debt and financial responsibilities –to ensure that the pockets of those with money will always flow over, while the conspiracy theorist and ‘enlightened’ humans will be trapped either way – because those with money have already ensured that no matter what, in this system the human cannot move, eat, sleep or be without having to pay for it. So even if we rebel and yell and make websites about how corrupt the governments are and how screwed up the system is – if we do not see, realize and understand that we are currently at all times, in anyway a consumer within this world and that everything we do costs money or enslaves another group further into debt – so that even the rebellious ones can chant on street corners –as long as we do not see the balancing act within the system and the control we are all under together, collectively as the human – where we change ourselves the consumer controlled through the Mind – we will never stop the level of abuse that is existent today – no matter how many religious groups, philosophers, new agers, conspiracy theorists there are – as long as we accept the old system of Capitalism to continue existing with the starting point of the human that got us here in the first place – nothing changes. This has been proven throughout history – do your research and see that no charity, no religion, no organization, or culture has made any difference to what is happening in this world.

Join us on the forum to discuss Self-Perfection as the Human within Self-Responsibility, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty and Common Sense that Supports Life for All:

http://forum.desteni.org/

If you find yourself possessed as a consumer join us on the Demonology Forum:

http://demons.desteni.org/

I commit myself to show each humans, that of we stand together within what is Best for All, we can and will change what is here.

I commit myself to show that the system we have in place now, even though is it trusted by humans through fear of loss, is not the best solution and that this is clearly seen of one watches exactly what happens in the world daily in peoples lives as the consequences of what we create compounds into worse and worst situations.

I commit myself to show that there was no God that created us to Live the way we do and that to proclaim a God directs what happens here – indicates not only that your God is Evil, but that you Evil for wanting to subject the future generations to the Lie hidden behind an evil god – and that we will knowingly do this to our children and their children to come – where we lie and deceive to hold onto the pleasures of having control over money now – no matter what the actual real time consequences will be for our children.

I commit myself to show that there is Life beyond being consumed as a consumer, and that we are all able to Life here on this planet within self expression – without having to directly cause immense suffering to the planet, nature, beings – whereby we seek only personal happiness over the lives of many.

Day 45: International Crime Research: Education Fraud Part 7 – the Recession and the Consumer Part 3

 This Blog is a Continuation on: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-44-consumer-fraud-part-6.html

Please see the previous Blogs on the Education Fraud, to understand the Context of ‘The Recession and Consumer’ Blogs - beginning with: http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-39-international-crime-research.html

Please see the following Blog for Self-Forgiveness on Consumerism:

http://economistjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-21-consumerism-exploit-thy.html#.UFYEf6T26Fc

 Now Self-Forgiveness on the Mind of the Consumer:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to grow up in the family system, believing that happiness is an experience dependent on ones reactions towards other people as well as ones environment, objects, events and that which one participates with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within the above idea, to then go to school and allow myself to be brainwashed into further believing that numbers and learning about our reality and economy forms part of growing up into a human adult – whose life purpose is to exist in the world system and to function the same as everyone else – within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to firstly start believing from the example set by my parents and other influential adults that the human existence is about pain vs. enjoyment, love vs. hate and joy vs. sadness etc.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing these polarities to exist within me – where through listening to adults communicate their life experiences I allowed myself to copy the psyche’ and ‘mind-set’ of the adult around what it means to be human, which is based on trying to find experiences of happiness, love and fulfillment in a word where one is faced often with the opposite polarities of pain, fear and loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept this human condition and to accept the schooling system’s way of preparing me to become a fully functional organic robot that will live for the positive experiences, while trying too void the negative experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see how the negative polarities and experiences happen to many thousands of people daily and through the acceptance of fear, I design myself into a functional thinking, feeling, believing organic robot which calculates specifically how to avoid the painful experience that others go through and how to lie, cheat and steal to get the experiences that will bring me happiness and joy.

Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the capitalistic system as its core value system of deceiving, lying and manipulating to gain happiness and personal gain and to avoid pain and loss, at the expense of as many people as possible – where the fear of pain and loss and death is the driving force within my mind as my secret thoughts – where I will always justify my own survival over the needs and survival of others.

Realize that the reaching of the goal of personal gain for each human at the rate it is sought (greed) would not be possible if it was not for the existence of exploitation – because if man was to Equally, fairly and in equality work daily towards satisfying basic needs and comforts, while sharing this experience equally amongst all humans – then we would not be able to exist in greed – and as we have seen – greed is what the human has chosen for this life time – for me and my family and friends to in the shortest possible time make the best money the fastest way possible and as far as possible to pay as little for goods to make my money go further.

So now that we have established that the human reached a precipice with regards to personal development and personal happiness – where at the rise of Capitalism – we were all faced with a choice – to walk the time line of the actual physical process of what happens if one wants a product – and what would be required to practically, effective with as little harm as possible create this and to make this available for all….

or

To create according to personal greed – the inner drive to appease the ultimate desire for happiness and personal fulfillment – which is obtained only through the energetic high experienced through getting the most for your life, in this life to its ultimate degree…

Next blog continues with the Decision that was and is made by all of humanity to choose the highest form of personal happiness/gain over the practical walking of the physical reality to create a life for self that is not only effective and abundant within considering all that is here and to not create abuse within the planet – but to also have a system in place that will Equally allow all humans to be able to have a life of abundance where all of our needs are met – and where we all share the resources. together.

So once the decision was made we saw the development of the consumer markets and the manipulation of the consumer to the degree that we see now – where greed drove the producers of goods to sell as much at the highest profit to the consumer that already decided to consume as much as possible to attain the ultimate energetic experience of happiness possible – therefore always agreeing to the principles of capitalism and participating in it in its foulest forms throughout ones life. Once this decision was made – we saw as mentioned the era of manipulating/developing the consumer and the boom in production of goods – which is now extensively done at the expense of the planet and the worker. This downward spiral is seen and understood by most – however because we have accepted this cycle already as the system that we live in and that we actually ‘secretly enjoy being able to participate in – nobody is willing to change the system – because that would imply as basic common sense  - changing self according to what is best for all. So we grow up accepting the system, which is the manifestation of what was accepted in the past, and continue to accept the system because of the extensive belief in the idea of human happiness as the right of the individual above all other rights.

The Psyche of the Consumer will continue in the next blog….